


Sol In Prime, Sweet Summertime

by OnyxAcheron



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alpha Ben Solo, Alpha Kylo Ren, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anakin and Padme are good grandparents, Ben loves Rey's breasts, Ben/Kylo are good until they're not, Child abuse but not too graphic, Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Dry Humping, F/M, First Kiss, Flirting, Good Boy Ben Solo, Good parents Han and Leia, Jealous Ben Solo, Jealous Rey (Star Wars), Kylo's a good boy, Learning how to communicate, Masturbation, Medium smut has arrived, Mental intimacy with physical benefits, Protective Ben Solo, Protective Kylo Ren, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey is kind of a mess at the beginning, Shifters, Smut lite?, Soft Ben Solo, Strangers to Friends, Strong and determined Rey, Swearing, They love each other, brief mention of torture, they're idiots your honor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:21:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 36
Words: 124,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24166534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnyxAcheron/pseuds/OnyxAcheron
Summary: The day after I graduated high school I ran away from Unkar Plutt, the junkyard and the hell known as Niima, Jakku. I had no family, no friends and enough money to begin my life somewhere new (and preferably green). What I didn't know then was that within three years I'd have almost everything I've ever wanted. But having almost everything I want comes with a few surprises.This is a ABO/fantasy/star wars story. If you are new to it, please read the tags at the top of every chapter. And, with certain chapters, I will add addition tags. I don't like giving away every surprise and spoiler. If I feel a tag is deserved to be an all over tag, it'll be at the top. If it's just a chapter tag, it'll be written at the top of that specific chapter.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 458
Kudos: 372
Collections: Ijustfellintothissendhelp





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've decided to name every chapter with this one, folks. Music has always been a large part of my life, so every chapter name will either be a song title or part of lyrics. I will, of course, list the artist and song at the beginning of each chapter. It may help you to understand where my head was at while I wrote. 
> 
> No copyright intended. Credit is giving to where it is due.

**Song: To the Stage (Bare remix)**

**Artist: Asking Alexandria**

**Album: Stepped Up and Scratched**

The morning after I recieved my high school diploma, I ran. I snuck up from my room in the basement, if a cot and a broken dresser set up in the corner furthest away from the stairs and laundry machines could be considered a room. Creeping up the stairs and through the new morning sun that just began to rise, I knew this was my only chance. Thirteen years ago, I'd been placed here by the Jakku foster care system when I was orphaned. My parents had left me outside of a medical clinic and told me they'd be right back. That night, when the clinic was closing, a nurse found me on a bench, just waiting. She called 911 and an ambulance came and took me to the hospital. I'd been abandoned, they'd decided. Why else would anyone leave their five year old alone for twelve hours at a clinic? Without much ceremony I was thrown into the foster care system and a few days later I was placed with a man named Unkar Plutt. If you could even call him a man...he was a monster. I hated him upon first sight. And he was none too thrilled with me. When he was told he'd be taking in a kid named Rey, he thought I was a boy. Plutt owned the only junkyard in town. The junkyard was huge, filled with everything people wanted to get rid of...vehicles, furniture, household appliances. Plutt's house was small, almost a twisted joke in comparison.

As soon as my caseworker left, Plutt grabbed me by the arm and pulled me into the house where he proceeded to beat the shit out of me. He didn't break any bones, but he hit me hard enough that I couldn't move for two days. When he woke me up forty-eight hours later, he sat me at the tiny kitchen table and explained how my life would be from now on. "You're a nothin' girl in a nowhere town. I don't give a shit about you. The only reason you're here is because of the money. You'll work, girl. I ain't got no room for slackers. Bein' its summer, you'll work from sun up to sundown in the junkyard. You bring me back somethin' useful, I'll feed you. Ya don't, you go hungry. If that stupid bitch comes back, you tell 'er I take good care of ya. If you try to leave, I'll find ya and make ya wish you were dead."

I snuck through the house, careful not to step on any of the various creaky floorboards, avoiding any empty beer cans that laid where Plutt had dropped them. All I had was my raggedy backpack, two changes of clothes, a small tool kit, my toothbrush and toothpaste, a comb, antiperspirant, my high school diploma and an old wallet I'd found a year ago that held my student I.D. and Social Security cards. I just needed to make one stop before climbing the security gate to freedom. At the age of fifteen, I'd managed to get a job at the only restaurant in town. I'd told Plutt that I was a dishwasher when in fact I was hired as a waitress. I had to give Plutt my paychecks, but I'd been able to hide my tip money. I saved as much as I could, constantly moving my stash every few days to cars that were little more than skeletons, but digging a hole beneath them in the dry dirt where no one would ever find it. Since I was a foster kid, I recieved free breakfasts and lunches at school. But on holidays and weekends, Plutt rarely fed me. Even if I found useful parts. My waitressing job came with a free meal if I worked an eight hour shift. But there were times where both school and the restaurant were closed and I'd take some money and walk to the gas station two miles away and buy some stuff. I'd had to eat it on the way back, but it was what is was.

My money stash was currently under an old Dodge, yet another relic in this graveyard of unwanted and forgotten things. Sneaking through the kitchen, I noticed that the fat fuck Plutt was asleep in his chair, T.V. on, a beer can in his nasty hand as he snored away and drooled. God, what a disgusting person. Creeping to the front door, heart banging painfully in my chest, I knew this was it. Either I escape or he'll kill me. At this point either choice is preferable as opposed to this life. My hand shakes as I reach out and turn the door knob. The door opens silently for the first time ever. Passing over the threshold I close the door quietly behind me and ghost down the stairs from the porch to the ground. Adrenaline running through my veins I run to the car, my worn out sneakers skidding across the gravel causing me to fall and scrape my knees. I find my hidey-hole and dig like the possessed girl I am, my fingers finally homing in on the coffee can I'd found when I was nine. Tearing my backpack from my shoulders, I unzip it and stuff the can inside, not willing to waste a second. I stand, knees bloodied and slip my arms through the straps as I make a break for the security fence. It was a ten foot tall chain link, with a camera trained on the entrance. But the camera hadn't worked since before I'd been placed here. Climbing that fence like a goddamn spider monkey I threw myself over the top, barely hanging on as I slid down the other side. As soon as my feet hit dirt, I ran.

It's what I do. Run. Run from the junkyard to school. From school to the restaurant. From the restaurant to the junkyard. I ran from Plutt when he decided to beat me. Sometimes I got away. I ran from Teedo a year ago when he'd decided that I was old enough to rape. But a crowbar to the head had stopped him. Then I ran. I know how to fight. And how to hide. But now I was running _toward_ something. Specifically, the bus station. I was leaving Plutt, Teedo, the junkyard, the dry, scalding sun of Niima, Jakku. I was going somewhere. I didn't care if I died while trying. At least I'd die free.

I made it to the bus station in a little over ninety minutes. I've stayed off the highway that runs through the center of town, instead running/walking through what little wild landscape there is. My sneakers are full of sand, I'm sweaty and badly in need of water. I walk into the women's bathroom and untie my shoes, emptying out the sand into the garbage. Then I lock myself in a stall and remove the coffee can and wallet from my backpack. I've managed to save about two thousand dollars. I split up the bills. Some go into the bottom of my sneakers, some into the front pockets of my jeans and some into my wallet which goes into my back right jeans pocket. Hell, I even stuff some into my bra cups. The rest goes into the small zipper compartment on the inside of my backpack. This way, if anyone steals my wallet or backpack, they won't get all of my money.

Back outside, I look at the destinations board. Mos Eisley, Tattooine. Aldera, Alderaan. Galactic City, Coruscant. Theed, Naboo...so many places. I don't really care where I go, as long as it's away from here. The first bus leaves in fifteen minutes. It's heading east. I buy a ticket and pray that nothing goes wrong. I go over to the vending machines and buy two bottles of water and some snacks. This is more expensive than I thought it would be. But I have no choice. At 6:25A.M. I board the bus for Galactic City, Coruscant. It's on the other side of the country, as far as you can get from Jakku without crossing an ocean. It suits me just fine. I take a window seat in the half full bus and watch as we slowly pull away from the station. The sun is up and the sky is blue, cloudless. With tears in my eyes we cross the border out of Niima and I realize that Plutt can't touch me now. That fat fuck is still probably passed out in his recliner. I'm no longer his. I got away. From here on out, everything is up to me. As the bus pulls onto the interstate amongst the early morning traffic, I've never been so excited or as terrified.

_I'm dreaming again. I'm on the island. The foamy froth of the ocean slides up and down against the vertical rocks. It's cooler here, quiet. All around me are colors I've never seen before in real life. Hell, I've never laid eyes on an ocean, let alone a lake. It's tranquil and I have such a deep feeling of belonging that I never want to leave. Dark, rich soil clings to my shoes as I walk around, admiring the grass and moss and flowers my eyes land upon. Working my way through a grove of trees, my gaze meets the eldest inhabitant here. It seems dead on the outside, but somehow I know it's a lie. There's a natural doorway into this living giant, its walls protecting and warming me as I enter. This is a special place, holy in its own way. There are what I can only assume are words carved on the inside and they are sacred, even though they're blurry and I can't read them. But that doesn't matter because I'm warm and safe here. No one can find me. Because no one is looking for me. I'm alone in this haven. **"You're not alone,"** a velvety low voice whispers behind me. I turn, instinctively ready to fight only to find no one is there. _I wake up harshly, my left temple banging against the window of the bus.

* * *

I wake up an hour before my alarm goes off. 4 A.M. every day without fail. I wonder why I even bother to set the damn thing in the first place. It's an ordinary Saturday morning in Theed, Naboo. My bedroom window is open, allowing the cool early morning breeze to float into my apartment. Feels about fifty degrees out. Rolling over onto my back I stare up at the darkened ceiling, attempting to relax. I've had the dream again. I'm on Ahch-To, in the tree of my pack, the most sacred place I've ever known. It's usually peaceful, the island, whether in dreams or in reality. But this time it was different. I'd felt someone with me, ahead of me, a light brighter than the dawn that was just beginning to break. All of my instincts told me to follow it, so I did. Being the hunter that I am, I followed the light silently until it entered the tree. It was a blurry thing, half there, half not, like dust motes gliding through the air. This _thing_ had a consciousness, its mind feeling finally at peace and yet it felt utterly alone. Or was it my own emotions taking shape in this stranger? So I did the only thing I could think of...I spoke to it. "You're not alone." The figure became more solid as it turned to me and then it was gone. Leaving me alone. Once again.

I feel like there's something coming my way. I'll talk to dad about it when I get to work. Walking through the apartment I begin my day as I always do, turn on the kitchen light and start the coffee. Grabbing a glass of water I go to the living room and turn on the T.V. to watch the local news. God, why do I even watch this shit? All it ever is is disaster! followed by political bullshit! Then it's the weather and a fluff! piece. Rinse and repeat for two hours. Fuck it's depressing. I begin my morning workout routine, concentrating on the weights instead of the overly perky anchor people. Thirty minutes later I have a cup of coffee and check my phone. Mom texted me at 2A.M. Wish I was shocked by that. The annual Theed pack summer get together is in a little over two weeks. She's asked me what I'm planning to make. I have no fucking clue.

Once I've finished my coffee I change into my running gear. Locking my door behind me I head outside. The air is still brisk and I take a huge lungfull. Nothing smells out of place and yet anxiety crawls up my spine. I break into a jog, making my way down the familiar sidewalks I'd grown up with. Running helps to calm the physical anxiety but Kylo starts lurking around, wanting to be let out. As an alpha, we feel protective of everything; our pack, our territory, even the humans that live within the town. It's instinct. I know he wants to mark everything with our own scent, warning any outsiders that we're here. _Later,_ I tell him. He growls his displeasure. I mentally flip him the bird. I finish my run and head back home. I shower and shave quickly, deciding to go to Maz's before going to work. Maybe they'll have heard something. Dressing in a white T-shirt, jeans and a red and black flannel shirt, I once again am grateful that I'm a territory cop. We don't wear uniforms. The town isn't very large even though it's the capitol of Naboo. Our population is a little over 30,000 and _officially_ we can't afford uniforms _and_ squad cars. In truth, its cheaper to tear our own clothing apart if we need to shift suddenly. I dare anyone to try to explain to the human citizens why the police officers keep needing new uniforms. Getting into my truck, I feel it again.

**Something's coming.**

I know.

* * *

I've never spent this much time in a vehicle. At least, not that I'm aware of. The hours pass like days and boredom has kicked in. There's nothing for me to do except gaze out the window and watch as the scenery rushes by. The next time we stop somewhere I'm going to buy something to read, I don't care if it's housewife porn. I also need to refill my water bottles and get something to eat. The sun is beginning to set and I'm finally starting to feel calm. I wish I could get up and walk around. My ass has fallen asleep.

At our next stop (where the hell are we?) we're told that we have one hour before the bus leaves. Most of the passengers look happy about this but a wave of fear hits me. Even though I know we've put at least five hundred miles between here and Niima, I'm still scared. We all proceed in a somewhat orderly line off the bus, the evening spring air feeling so fresh and cool that I can't help the smile that comes. There's a gas station and a small restaurant on our side of the street and on the other is a retail store. I run across the pavement, hoping to save some money (and get more for every dollar). Once inside, I go to the grocery section, looking for anything that's cheap and won't rot. I pick up a bag of off brand trail mix, a box of cheese flavored crackers and a ten count of juice boxes. Over in the entertainment section I find a bin full of books that are discounted in price. Grabbing the first one my eyes land on, I make my way to the checkout. I end up spending around $20 and on my way out I go to the bathroom to pee, fill my water bottles and pull out the only sweater I own.

Once I'm done, I walk back over to where the bus is parked. I still have thirty minutes left to wait so I content myself with opening my bag of snacks, shoving handfuls of crackers in my mouth while I open the container of juice boxes, leaving one out as I put the rest into my backpack. The bag of trail mix goes in next followed by the book. It looks like I may end up hating my reading material, but right now I'd rather memorize it than look out the fucking window another minute. Piercing the juice box with the attached straw, I spend the next however bloody long stuffing my face with crackers and juice. I don't want people knowing that I have food and drink when I'm on the bus. They may ask me if they can have some. Or worse, they could just take my backpack.

While I eat I do some math. I've already gone through a lot of my money...more than I'm comfortable with. I still have no idea where I'm going except for the voice in my head that says, _East._ I've learned to listen to that voice. It's almost like someone else shares my headspace, but not in the crazy way. She's the one who always tells me when Plutt is on the rampage before I even see him. She tells me when to hide, when to fight. She's me but...not. And it was she that told me to stash my tip money, to move it, whispered that one day I'd be able to leave if I was careful and patient. _Keep going...almost there,_ she says now. Must be a sixth sense or something. So I listen. And when the driver opens the doors, I climb the steps onto the bus with a renewed feeling of freedom.

I read what little I can while there's still light. Night is coming and I start to feel unsure about some of the other passengers. No one has tried to talk to me, a couple I've accidently made eye contact with. But the nighttime hours have always brought a sense of anxiety with them. It's when I'd go to Plutt with my daily finds, hoping they'd be enough to earn some food. He'd usually be a few beers in by this time, and I'd walk on eggshells until I knew what kind of mood he was in. Plutt was never a happy or generous drunk. At best I'd call him lenient. Sometimes I'd get a frozen T.V. dinner if he was this way. Other times though, I would get nothing except a beating. I got the latter a few days ago. He was always careful not to hit my face (he didn't want the people from Child Services to take me away...or more truthfully, the steady money he gets from fostering me). I've grown used to my arms and legs having bruises, from my back constantly hurting because he's whipped me with a belt. My hands scream of long hours prying parts out of vehicles and appliances. My nails are short with grit and grease under them. So many calluses and cuts. So many physical reminders of a life I've left behind. Fuck Plutt. Fuck his stupid junkyard. Fuck his beer breath and his wheezy breathing and fat ass stuffed into a dirty wife beater and nasty ass belly that hangs out because neither the shirt or his grungy jeans can cover it.

As the bus presses us forward into the night, I allow myself to fantasize a little. One day, I'll have a job. Maybe not a great job, but a good one. A job where my boss won't beat me if I do something wrong. One day, I'll have my own place. Maybe one of those studio apartments I've heard about. I'll save every penny I make. I'll go to an actual grocery store and buy good, healthy food. Like, fruit and shit. Hell, maybe one day I'll even go to a mall! I'll have some money and a roof over my head that's my own and food. It'll all be mine and I'll never have to worry about being found. The swaying of the bus rocks me gently into sleep and I dream of the ocean again. Of the island. It rains here. Its damp and so, so _green._ This feels like the home I've always wanted. Something lush and alive. The woods are thick with sounds of animals singing and roaming about. I love it here. But I know this is just a dream.


	2. Take Me To The Hospital

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kudos and for reading this!

**Artist: The Faint**

**Song: Take Me To The Hospital**

**Album: Capsule : 1999-2016**

I've felt off all day. Stopping at Maz's I spoke to her and Chewie, inquiring if they've heard of anything. Auntie Maz, the tiny woman that she is just closed her eyes and smiled. "No, my dear boy, we've heard of nothing. But that doesnt mean something won't happen." She's always been that way. Seeming to know things others don't. It's like the universe tells her things, but she never speaks its secrets. Uncle Chewie just shook his head and promised that if something came up, they'd call.

Going to work didn't help. The first person I saw was Gwen Phasma, another alpha. Her nostrils flared when she asked me what was wrong. Great, my anxiety would be picked up by every shifter. When I explained that I feel like something's coming our way, she picked up her phone and sent out a text to the Knights of Ren, asking if anyone had noticed anything. For the next hour I juggled between talking to my dad, Han Solo, Chief of Police about what I knew (nothing, really) and where we were patrolling today. Snap Wexley and my cousin Jannah Calrissian texted back and I'd ordered them to go out and look for anything (or anyone) new. The day passed by slowly, nothing to occupy my time except feeling Kylo pacing like the caged wolf he is.

By the time I made it home, my skin was crawling and Kylo's incessant _**Let me out!**_ had finally been enough for me to snap. Parking my truck I looked around and got out. No one was around or looking out their windows so I ran to the woods near my building, making sure to be deep enough in that no one could witness what was about to occur. I dug a hole in the ground deep enough to fit my clothes and boots and then stripped naked. My entire frame was already shaking from Kylo battering at the wall that held him back. I'd only just covered my clothes with dirt when the first pain hit, white hot with cracking and snapping of bones as I shifted.

_Really?_

**Must find. Must find.**

Kylo's instincts propelled us forward, our huge paws digging deep into the earth as we ran. Everything became more focused, and we tuned in to the world around us. For hours we ran, but nothing had changed. We ran into Phasma and she'd also found nothing. When we spoke to Hux later, it was the same. Apparently I'd worried my dad so much that he'd called as many of our pack as he could and everyone was out looking for...whatever this was. By 2A.M. I turned back and drove to my parent's house. They're both awake and waiting for me. This isn't the first time I've felt this way. Mom has an emergency bag packed and I already know what it's filled with. Water bottles, protein bars, some medical supplies and two blankets. Mom's in the kitchen, sipping tea and on the phone. I know she's speaking to either Grandpa or Grandma, and I'd roll my eyes except I know she's give me _that look._ Dad sits across the table from her, his mouth turned down at the corners as he cleans his rifle.

Taking a seat I put my head in my hands. The feeling is only getting stronger. Handing the phone to me my mom says, "He wants to talk to you."

My hand is shaking, making it hard to press the phone to my ear. "Hi, Grandpa."

"Ben." I can hear the relief in his voice. "Tell me what's wrong."

A desperate growl escapes me. "I don't know."

His own voice changes, a king worried about his pack; a grandfather scared for his only grandchild. The most powerful alpha I've ever known speaks: "We're coming over." Behind the words is an order; _go nowhere._ The line goes dead and I put the phone down.

I look to my parent's and suddenly my twenty-three year old self disappears and I feel like a little kid again. "They're coming over."

Dad smiles sadly at me. "I'll start a pot of coffee."

Mom reaches over and scents me in hopes of calming me down. "You need a shower. By the time you get out, they'll be here." I can only nod. "Are you hungry?" I shrug. No, I'm not but I know I need to eat. Just in case. "I'll make you something."

"Thanks." I stand and walk to my bedroom that I still have here. Since this is pack headquarters, it's only natural that as the leader's son, I'd have a room here even though I have my own apartment. Two homes for the two sides of myself. After tossing my clothes into the hamper I take a shower, trying to let the warm water relax me. My anxiety flares again and I break down, sitting in the bathtub and cry. Kylo mentally leans against me, showing support.

**It's okay. We'll get through this.**

I'm not sure I believe him this time.

* * *

When I wake up next it's early in the morning. The sun is just coming over the horizon and the sky is painted in pinks and blues. Stretching as much as I can I look around the bus. Most of the passengers are still asleep, leaving me to rummage through my bag. I pull out my box of crackers and a juice box, trying to quietly maneuver the crinkly plastic and eat quickly. When we stop next I may need to buy something with a little more substance to it. Maybe a hot dog or a cheeseburger. My stomach rumbles at the thought. I finish my meager breakfast and pick my book up again, trying to get into the story. It's terrible...no wonder I found it in the bargain bin. Jesus, who the fuck decided this was worthy of being published? The story is dry and boring, the characters are predictable and I can't help but roll my eyes at the dialogue. I soldier on though, promising myself meat and hopefully better reading material in the near future.

Our next stop is in Theed, Naboo. My neck and back hurt and I'm almost numb from the ass down. Everyone gets off the bus with a collective sigh. Fresh air, a chance to stretch our legs and the promise of food brings excitement to the group. I head into the gas station, I have an urgent need to pee and I need to throw away my empty juice boxes. Once out of the bathroom I nuke two cheeseburgers (on sale 2 for $3) and find Life Magazine. I pay for my items and sit outside under a tree on the side of the gas station. It must be around 8A.M., traffic is still a little heavy even on this off ramp. The cool June air brushes against me, creating goosebumps. I eat my burgers and drink a bottle of water, soaking up the sunshine while I can. This is only a thirty minute stop this time around. Getting up I walk over to the trash can, throwing the wrappers away. It's nice here. Kinda quiet. Green. A smallish city with what looks like a lot of mom and pop stores. The kind of place where kids could play in the streets and no one worries.

A strange inner pull happens at the same time that the other voice says, _"Don't get on the bus."_ I freeze, one foot on the sidewalk, one on the pavement of the parking lot. Taking a quick but careful look around I see no signs of danger. No one's near me. My breath stutters for a moment when a picture flashes in my mind. It's a road sign that reads **County Road 5.** It's green, faded, looking like it doesn't quite belong. I look for the sign, shuffling around the gas station before I actually see it. It's _real._ Chewing on my bottom lip I feel unsure. The bus will be leaving in a few minutes. _"Forget the bus, follow the road."_ The pull becomes a yank and my feet leave the ground momentarily. I've always listened to that voice. I don't ignore it, ever. So I begin to walk, not knowing where I'm going or when I'll get there. Some things never change.

Some time later, I don't know how long, I'm still walking. My feet ache, my backpack is starting to feel heavy and I'm sweating. I tell my inner voice that I need to stop, I need a break. So I sit in the grass on the side of the road and pull off my sneakers. My feet are hot. I hate that. I plop my backpack next to me and dig out the trail mix and a juice box. As I eat my snack I berate myself aloud. "Fucking idiot. You should've stayed with the bus. What were you thinking?!" Stabbing my juice with the straw I yell, "Now you've stranded yourself in a town, on a _road_ that probably leads to nowhere!"

_"Keep walking."_ The inner voice says.

"Oh yes! Fat load of good listening to you has done me." Rolling my eyes I cram more trail mix into my mouth. "Never should of listened to you."

_"Keep walking."_ She repeats.

Throwing my hands up in defeat I answer, "Fine. In a minute. I'm not feeling well." I cough. Damn, it kinda hurts. Eating another handful I put my shoes back on. I grab my backpack, put my snack back inside and stand up. Carrying it by the straps I start walking again, hoping to hell I'll get somewhere soon. Although, I do have to admit, it is pretty here. There's tall, solid trees surrounding the road, full of green leaves and needles that create a gentle kind of music as the breeze passes through them. The gravel under my feet is hard and noisy compared to the softness of the grass a few inches away. The sun is warm, not scorching like it was in Niima and delicate buds of flowers are beginning to open to its warmth. The air is still a little crisp but I breathe it in deeply, in awe of its purity. It doesn't smell of gas or grease or hot metal slowly baking. I cough again, hard enough that it brings something up from my lungs and I spit it out. I feel hot. I'm starting to feel unwell. I must be tired, that's all. After all, I've had a pretty eventful few days, what with the beating and graduation and then running away. I laugh at my dark humor which kicks off another coughing fit that I can barely breathe through. Dropping my backpack I bend forward and grab my upper thighs as the coughing threatens to make me vomit. I'm vaguely aware that a vehicle passes by me before black spots invade my vision. I fall to my knees, trying to breathe because I know what this is: I'm going to faint. I've done it before from lack of food or exhaustion. I crawl over onto the grass, the last thought that runs through my mind is _not here, not now_ before I faceplant into the warm soil.

* * *

I'm driving my squad car around the northeast side of town when the call comes in from dispatch. "Any units in the vicinity of County Road 5 and Evergreen Way...we've got a Caucasian female, approximately fifteen years old...found unconscious on the side of the road heading east. Witnesses on the scene. Ambulance in route, five minutes, ETA." 

My dad's voice comes over next. "This is Chief. I'm three minutes out."

I reach for my own two-way radio. "This is Solo. ETA seven minutes." I flip on the lights and siren and race toward the scene. Kylo's ears have perked up and he's beginning to pant. **Must go faster, must go faster!** My squad's engine revs as I floor the accelerator, jumping from 45mph to 90 in a few seconds. There's hardly any traffic as I race to the scene, the wailing of the siren deepening my sense of urgency. Turning left onto Evergreen Way my enhanced sight expands and narrows, allowing me to see with sharp focus the cross street, County Road 5. Just to the right I see my dad's squad, lights still running. Nearing the end of the road more lights fall into my vision as does the paramedic rig and a navy blue four door that's well known to me. I stop my vehicle and jump out, my entire body shaking with adrenaline. I see my dad talking to Uncle Chewie. My dad's mouth is moving but I can't hear his voice over the roar of blood in my ears. Jyn Erso and Paige Tico, two of the best paramedics are kneeling in the grass, Jyn placing a neck brace on the patient as Paige reaches for the backboard. Maz is standing somewhere near the girl, wringing her hands. When our eyes meet she runs over, half out of breath. "We didn't hit her. We were just driving by, and she just..." Her brown eyes, always so large behind her thick glasses, fill with tears.

"It's okay, Auntie," I do my best to be a supportive alpha. "Jyn and Paige won't let anything happen. She'll be alright."

"I know, I know." Maz nods but she isn't looking at me, but at the girl. We watch as Jyn and Paige slide the backboard under the patient, moving her onto her back. The breeze catches wisps of chocolate brown hair mixed with caramel overtones out of a strange three bun hairstyle. She's tiny, delicate bone structure under tanned skin. Her clothes are ratty, stained and torn in places. There's dried blood on the torn knees of her jeans and scabs on the exposed skin. Kylo growls in anger. I chew my inner cheek. They put her on the stretcher, walking it toward the ambulance when suddenly the girl comes to with a violent thrash.

"Whoa, whoa, sweetie you need to calm down!" Paige coos at her. The girl releases a croaky yell as she tries to sit up. 

"You've had a bad fall and we're here to help you." Jyn tells the girl. "We're paramedics. Can you tell us your name?"

"R...rrr..." The girl manages to get out before erupting into a coughing fit. Her breathing is labored, everyone can hear it. Her eyelids open wide, revealing vibrant hazel orbs as they flash around quickly, not really taking anything in. Taking a breath that crackles, she falls back into unconsciousness. 

Jyn and Paige lift her into the rig. Jyn heads to the driver's seat as Paige is about to close the doors. "Wait!" Maz runs to her, "I'm coming with you."

Paige looks to Han who shrugs. "We'll clear the way for you." Kylo whines in the back of my mind. **Must stay close.** Maz climbs into the ambulance and I want to go, too. "C'mon son, let's get going." My dad's gruff voice clears my mind. I turn to see him telling Chewie to follow us as he picks up a yellow backpack from the ground. We all get into our vehicles and dad pulls out first, lights and sirens going followed by the ambulance, myself and Chewie. 

We speed our way to Lakeview Hospital, the only hospital in Theed. I'm grateful mom is already at work. She's Chief of Emergency Services and every patient's chart has to go through her. Kylo huffs in my head. He isn't happy about any of this. And that's when I suddenly realize...the anxiety that's been plaguing me isn't gone but it's become more focused. It's the girl. Why would I react that way to someone, to a child I've never met? Perhaps it's just my alpha instincts. My rut is about a month out, and I'm not looking forward to it. I _never_ look forward to it. The very idea of being so horny I lose myself for days does very little to make me enjoy it. Kylo is mainly in control then. We stay in wolf form as much as possible. He tends to hunt mostly during our ruts. Then in human form I'm the one left to deal with the...other messy part. I've never had an omega, though there are plenty of them within the pack. I know some of them want to bed me, but I just can't. I've known most of them since we were pups, and it just doesn't sit well with me. That and the fact that I find none of them desirable. Sure, some of them are pretty and curvy. But they're all also needy, greedy things. They don't see me, they only see the fact of who my family is. _That's_ what they want. Power. It makes me sick. I've never taken a woman into my bed. Hell, I've never even kissed a girl. There's just such a sense of wrongness about it all. For a while I wondered if I was gay, and I would have been fine with that. But I'm not. I'm just...not interested. So when I'm in rut, I hide in my cabin; alone and miserable. Masturbating to some unknown perfect person I've made up. It's pathetic, really.

We pull into the ambulance bay, the squads parking outside as the rig parks in the interior of the hospital. The ambulance doors fly open and Maz jumps out, making room for Paige and Jyn to pull out the gurney. The girl is still unconscious. Dad, Maz, Chewie and I follow the gurney into the interior doors of the bay where we are met by my mom and two nurses, Poe Dameron and Rose Tico, Paige's younger sister. 

"Give me the bullet." My mom orders in her commanding voice, walking next to the gurney as they rush down the hallway. "We're going to Exam Room One."

"Caucasian female, approximately fifteen years old, found on County Road 5. First LOC lasted around ten minutes. She woke up briefly then was out again at the scene. BP 90/60. Pulse 95. Temp 100. No signs of physical trauma. Patient has minor lacerations on hands and knees, possibly from fainting."

The doors to the room close behind them. Kylo whimpers quietly. Maz sighs, fiddling with her wedding ring. "Poor child. Why was she alone?"

Uncle Chewie rubs her shoulders. "We should probably go to the waiting room. I'll call Finn and ask him to cover for me. C'mon little one," he wraps his arm around her, "I'll buy you some coffee." Looking at my dad he asks, "You'll let us know?"

Nodding, my dad reassures his best friend. "As soon as we know anything, I'll tell you." My aunt and uncle walk toward the waiting room, Maz trying to hide her worry.

One of the sliding doors open and I hear my mom giving orders as Paige and Jyn walk out with the now unoccupied gurney. "I want a CBC, CHEM-7, dip a urine and a drug screen. Do a type and cross, too. Call X-Ray I want a look at her chest, her lungs sound like crap." Mom walks out of the exam room with a serious look on her face. "So, what happened?"

"Chewie and Maz found her, called it in. She gonna be okay?" My dad answers.

Mom nods to the empty exam room across the hall. Once we have privacy, her facade of command slips a little. "Her blood pressure is a little low, but that's not surprising since she's lost consciousness twice. What little of her skin is showing is bruised, looks like fingerprints in places. We had to use a pediatric blood pressure cuff, she's so thin. Her pupils are equal, round and reactive so I don't think there's been any head trauma. Her lungs sound shitty so I'm guessing she has an upper respiratory infection, if not pneumonia. Her clothes are dirty and too big for her. I'm guessing malnutrition. She could be a runaway."

"Who the hell runs away to Theed?" I ask.

"I don't know, Ben." My mom shrugs. "But she isn't one of ours. She doesn't even smell of a pack. She's human. But I'll check her blood for any markers, just in case."

"This was found at the scene." Dad holds up the backpack. "We should take a look. Someone may be looking for her." Unzipping the bag he carefully begins to remove its contents. A magazine, a book and trail mix are the first things out and he places them on the bed. Next he pulls out juice boxes, a box of crackers and some clothes that look just as bad as the ones she's wearing. Her items are spread out and they tell us...nothing. "Shit. Of course there wouldn't be any...what's this?" The bag makes a rattling noise and he digs deep into it, pulling out a rectangular box and what looks to be a book, red and yellow in color. He places the box on the bed and just as I'm about to reach out for it, I hear him open the book. It gives a slight cracking noise, apparently the only new thing she owns. To my shock, money falls out in various bills. I bend down to retrieve it, automatically counting it. $400. How does a kid have this much money? I hear my dad take in a sharp breath before he whispers, "Leia." When I look up he's handing her what I now realize is a diploma cover. She reads it, her eyes growing wide before she looks at me.

Her scent changes. It's filled with happiness and oddly, fear. "Oh my god." Her voice is quiet, unsure.

The hair on the back of my neck raises and Kylo stands at attention. "Mom? What is it?"

The door is thrown open and Rose is there, her beautiful olive complexion now gray with worry. "Dr. Organa, there's something you need to see." We follow her across the hallway as she explains, "We were cutting off her clothes to get her into a gown and we found this." There's her clothes in a pile near the door and on top must be at least $200. "We found that in the cups of her bra. There's a wallet, too. It was in her jeans. We went to roll her, to get the gown on and..." She moves away so that we can see Poe holding the girl on her right side, the hospital gown covering her modesty only. But it wouldn't matter if she was completely naked because what my gaze falls to leaves me seeing red. Kylo roars within me and I can't contain all of it. Not when I see the bruises that run from just above her elbows up to her shoulders. The way they pepper her entire legs. But her back, _fucking Christ her back!_ is the worst of all. Bruises of various colors and welts **_fucking welts!_** mark the skin. Closing my eyes I try to steady my breathing as my wolf pounds and claws at the barrier between us. He wants blood and I agree. But it wouldn't do anyone any good for me to shift here and tear apart the emergency department. When I open my eyes I see the pile of what's left of her clothes. I missed it the first time but now I see the wallet Rose had spoken of. Picking it up, I open it carefully like it might bite me. There, staring back at me is a small picture of the girl two feet away from me. Her hair is in the same three bun style but isn't messy, her skin tan and freckled along her nose and upper cheeks. Bright, intelligent eyes stare back at me and a small, secretive smile plays on her lips. It's a student I.D. card. From Niima High School. When I read her name my heart nearly stops. Reyna Ellen Johnson. I blink...a lot. Johnson? Niima is in Jakku, right? But that's...Stumbling slightly I move closer to the bed. It can't be...It's been thirteen years but...leaning closer to her I take a huge lungfull of air, hoping against hope that I'm right. And there it is, buried deep under the scents of oil and gas and hot metal and sand and sweat. Just a hint of it, but it's there. Night Blossoms. No one else has ever smelled of them.

_**Mate.** _


	3. The Memory Remains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is all from Ben's POV. We'll hear from Rey next chapter.

**Chapter 3: The Memory Remains**

**Artist: Metallica**

**Song: The Memory Remains**

**Album: Reload**

**Eighteen Years Ago...**

It was the first week of Kindergarten. I hated it. Everything was new and smelled funny. I wanted to go home. I missed Mama and Dad, Nana and Papa. I hate school. I hate my classroom. The other kids are so noisy. I just want to be left alone. I wanna go home. My family has told me that I have to be careful at school. I'm not allowed to call kids _pups_ and I can't bring up the fact that I'm part of a pack. Half of the class is like me, born a shifter. One day when we're old enough our inner wolf will come out and then we'll be able to run around like the adults do. Until then, I'm just going to have to wait. I draw a picture of my mama and dad. She's small and pretty with brown hair and eyes. My dad is tall and strong. They're both alphas. Just like my Papa. Mama is a doctor. She helps people that get ouchies. Dad is a policeman...he says it's his job to make sure people are safe. Papa is the leader of our pack along with Nana. Nana's an omega. I'm not sure what any of that means. Guess I'm too small to understand.

We finally get to go home. I like riding the school bus. It's big and yellow and kinda sounds like Papa when he purrs. I like going home. My bus stop is the last one because we live on the edge of town in a really big house. Lots of people live there. Some stay for a few days. Others until they can get their own home. Mama says I have to be nice to them. It's easier just to hide in my room. I like my room. Only my family is allowed in it. I've got crayons and paper. I like writing. Dad thinks it's kinda weird. I don't know why. He and I play with my Lego's. We build stuff. Nana reads me bedtime stories. I can't wait to get home. Nana promised to make me chocolate chip cookies if I was a good boy this week at school. I didn't get into trouble. I was good. Nana never breaks a promise.

But Nana isn't at the bus stop, Auntie Maz is. "Hello Ben, how was school today?" She takes my bookbag from me and runs her hand through my hair.

"I don't like it." Well, I don't. "Where's Nana?"

Maz laughs. "They're in the throne room. Astrid had her pup and today she and Leo must present it to your grandparents."

"Oh." They were the ones that came here after Christmas. They're okay. Astrid has green eyes...the same color as some of Nana and Mama's jewelry. Leo has dimples, big ones. They're nice to me when I see them. But everyone's nice to me. It's because of my family.

As we enter the house Auntie rushes me to the nearest bathroom. "We need to clean you up a little before we go in. Let's wash your face and hands."

"But Nana promised me cookies!" I whine as Maz pulls up my sleeves.

"And you'll get those cookies after this." She says as she turns on the water. Helping me wash my hands and face she adds, "There's a time and place for everything. It'll only be a few minutes."

"Fine." Maz pats my hands and face with a soft towel.

"Such a handsome boy." She coos and smiles. I give her a hug. People make fun of my big ears. I hate them.

We walk to the throne room and I remember the rules. No running around. No yelling. No fart noises. Maz opens the doors and I enter ahead of her, as is my station. Whatever that means. Papa and Nana are sitting in their big chairs, facing me. Mama and Dad are standing next to Papa and Uncle Luke is standing next to Nana. Kneeling before them are Astrid and Leo and in her arms is a small yellow blanket that's moving slightly. I move to stand by my parents.

"Benjamin, you remember Astrid and Leo?" Nana asks.

"Yes. Hello." Am I done now?

"Let's have a look, shall we?" My Papa says kindly.

Astrid lays the blanket on the floor, unwrapping it. The baby is small. So small. It's pink and has brown hair. Suddenly it starts crying and my heart hurts. I want to cry, too.

"Have you named her yet?" Nana asks.

"Not yet, my Queen." Leo answers. The baby cries louder.

"Got a good set of lungs on 'er." Dad jokes. Mama pokes him in the ribs.

Nana stands as does Papa. She walks down the three steps until she's close to the baby. Lifting the baby gently from the floor, Nana calls to me, "Ben, come see the baby." My feet move without me thinking towards them. Nana sits on the bottom step, cooing at the tiny, screaming thing as she looks at the fingers and toes. I sit beside her, tears in my own eyes. "So small and yet so strong. You're going to be a handful, precious." She lays her wrist against the baby's head and smooths it across the skin. "Ben, would you like to hold her?"

Yes, I do. But I'll never let her go. No, I don't. I may hurt her. "Okay." I nod and hold out my arms like Nana is. Papa comes and sits on my other side.

Nana places the baby in my arms, whispering directions to me. "Use this arm to support the neck. Tuck the other arm like so...perfect!" Once she's in my arms completely, the baby stops crying. Her brown eyelashes open and she's _looking_ at me. _Through me._ Her eyes are green and brown and gold. I feel warm as we stare at each other.

For some reason, I smell her hair. It smells like flowers. It smells like home...but a home I didn't know of until now. She's like...like..."A little ray of sunshine." I whisper. Something inside me reaches out to her.

"You must promise to always protect her." My Papa's voice rumbles next to me. "You must take care of her. Be anything and everything she needs."

"I promise." The baby coos.

"With your agreement, she will be named Reyna." Nana says to Astrid and Leo. I don't look at them, all I can see is Reyna now. So I don't notice anyone's expressions. Reyna means _queen._

"We'd like her middle name to be Ellen, after my mother." Astrid says. "It means _shining light._ "

"Then so shall it be." My Papa says with power in his voice. He rubs his own wrist against the baby's hair. "Welcome to the Theed pack, Reyna Ellen."

I kiss her forehead gently. A little voice rises up from a new place inside me. _You are ours now. Now and forever._

* * *

Rey is alive. My sweetheart. How is it possible? After all these years. Her parents had gone to Jakku? Why? Everyone knows that's human territory. It's a fucking desert. Where are Astrid and Leo? Why does she look so bad? Her parents loved her more than anything. That's why they ran thirteen years ago. There were rumors years later that Leo's father had found them. That he had them killed. I'd just graduated from the police academy. My heart in shreds, I'd gone to my family and together we formed a plan. I brought death and destruction to the ones responsible for killing my future mate. But eventually I heard other rumors, that Palpatine never did find them. That Snoke killing them was just a lie. They were just...gone. They may have left the country, putting as much distance from those monsters, and us, as possible.

Mom had sent dad and I to the waiting area to sit with Maz and Chewie. After dad explained that the girl is Rey, he called the station, telling Phasma to come to the hospital. It's obvious that Rey's been beaten and pictures need to be taken in case she wants to press charges when she wakes up. All we can do now is wait. Tests are being ran. Chewie got me a cup of coffee which is long gone. The only reason I drank it is because I was trying not to throw up. Anger, fear and anxiety each take their turns, coursing through my mind and body. Kylo isn't fairing much better. Half of him wants to find who's responsible and tear them to shreds while the other half wants to lay next to her, **keep her warm, keep her safe.**

When Phasma shows up, she's nothing but serious. Some believe that female alphas can't be as commanding as their male counterparts, but that's bullshit. I wouldn't want to fight against Gwen. She's as tall as I am and sturdy. She's a beautiful woman but will kill you with her pinky. When I'd joined Snoke's pack, she was there. There were only a few shifters there that treated her with respect. So when I finally confided to her why I was really there, she told me she'd help...as long as she could join the Theed pack afterwards. That was three years ago. Her long strides bring her to us quickly and her blue eyes lock with mine. I stand and Gwen pulls me into a hug. "You sure it's her?" She almost whispers in awe. When I nod so does she. "Okay, I'll be back soon." Before I know it she's at the security doors being let into the ER. I can only watch helplessly. There are humans in there and if I see more than I already have, I may lose my shit and shift.

The waiting area is practically empty. Dad and Chewie are talking about little things as Maz thumbs through a magazine, not really reading it. I've torn my paper coffee cup up, letting the pieces fall to the floor. All I can think about is Rey. My mind bounces between memories of her...some wonderful, some sad. I try to steer away from the day she left. It's just too painful. I remember the day I first held her, how only at the age of five I imprinted on her. And of the five beautiful years we had together. How I was one of the people who taught her how to walk. Her little chubby legs would move haphazardly as I held her hands, I'd walk backward for every successful step she took. But I never let go of her hands, not once. How every morning Nana or Astrid would carry Rey as we walked to my bus stop, how her little hands would wave bye-bye as I left. And every day when I returned she'd reach for me, her hazel eyes shining with words she couldn't yet say.

The security doors open and Gwen and my mom step out, both looking livid. I've only seen my mom wearing that expression a few times. This is _not good._ Gwen only nods at us in passing, her eyes icy blue and her scent screaming _seriously pissed off alpha._ I swallow the bile that rises in my throat. Mom waves us over, holding the doors open. "We've got some results back." She says before the doors close behind us. "Lets go in here." We walk to a family room within the department, used specifically for privacy...and usually bad news. Dad, Maz, Chewie and I all take seats as mom closes the door. "Okay, good news first." Mom takes a seat where she can face us all. "She's negative for drugs, alcohol, hell, there's not even caffeine in her system. She has pneumonia and I've put her on antibiotics." Running a hand over the braid in her hair she sighs. "Her bloodwork came back. It's definitely Rey but..."

"But what?" I ask.

"Every pup born within the pack has blood drawn. We keep the results on record. When Rey was born, she had definate genetic shifter markers. But now they've gone dormant."

"That's not possible." My dad shakes his head. "Is it?"

Mom's eyes narrow. "It shouldn't be. But with all the rumors over the years...maybe he did find her. We all know how that monster loved to experiment."

"I hate to be the asshole here but," Chewie grumbled, "Why not just kill her? If he thought she'd be a threat one day, why keep her alive?"

"Perhaps as leverage." Auntie Maz spoke up. "Think about it. He could have used her any way he wanted. As a human, she could be a spy. But if he found a way to cover her shifter markers, as an alpha, she could take out another pack leader. Or as an omega, she could unite two packs and serve them to him on a platter. And no one would know until it's too late."

"Well, if he did find her, he must have released her or she ran away." Mom answered. "But it doesn't make any sense...she's anemic, quite severely. She's malnourished and has obviously been beaten. If he did let her go, wouldn't he at least make sure she didn't die? If she's human? But if she's already presented and he found a way to cover it, her wolf wouldn't have allowed that kind of torture to continue."

"Children only know what they're taught." Dad mutters.

My mom swallows loudly. "I think..." her voice trails off, cut with pain and anger. "I need to do a rape exam." My head snaps up at that. "We need to cover all the bases, son." She whispers. "I've called Mom and Dad. They're on their way here. I've also informed Social Services. When she wakes up they'll send someone over."

"I'll get Hux on the horn and have him do some digging. See if there's any info about her." My dad offers.

Kylo, in a blind fury is tearing at the wall between us. _**Someone raped our mate?! Someone hurt her! They will die! Horribly! Not our little one! Not our Sweetheart! Kill! Kill!**_ My chair is vibrating as he begins to claw his way out.

I barely notice the door flying open before I'm thrown to the floor, a weight not unlike my own holding me down to the linoleum as a command is barked, **"Kylo, stop it!"** As an alpha, there are very few voices that can order me. Even now in a fit of rage Kylo and I tear at the words, fighting against them. "Ben! Rey is alive! She needs you! Stand down!" My heart trips at the sound of her name and it's only then that I realize my dad, uncle and oddly enough, my grandfather have me pinned to the floor, the latter sitting on my chest. His blue eyes bore into mine, trying to seal the command as firmly as possible. I whimper, torn between obeying my king, my _grandfather,_ and the bloodlust that rises within me. "I known Benny. I know." He scents me to calm my wolf, tears in his own eyes. "Reyna needs you to be strong now. She's found her way home. We'll protect her."

The alphas ease off me, placing me back in my seat. I draw in unsteady breaths, fighting the urge to vomit, to run. My grandma sits down beside me, the smell of vanilla helping to center me. It's true? It's Rey? Where are Astrid and Leo?" Everyone begins talking around me, but I don't care. I need to see her. Every fibre of my being screams to be near Rey. I have to be close. What if she wakes up alone? She'll be afraid. She hated waking up alone. Hated falling asleep alone. That's when the monsters came for her. They came for me, too. But together we weren't afraid. As long as we're together... _"Ben, I'm scared."_ Her little voice would whisper.

_"Me too."_

"I demand to see her." My voice weighs with authority.

Mom sighs, looking tired. "Okay. Come on."

* * *

They've moved her to a different room. Now that the tests have been completed, she's no longer in need of a trauma room. So she's down the hall, in Exam Room 12. Instead of swinging doors, this room has a sliding glass one with a curtain on the inside for privacy. But the curtain is open and I stare through the glass at the girl who used to be my everything. Her hair has been taken out of the three buns, looking dirty and tangled. Someone's removed the collar from her neck, a good sign that there's nothing wrong there. She's in a hospital gown, it's gray with a blue pattern of squares on it. They've put an oxygen mask on her, the pneumonia making it a little difficult for her to breathe. An I.V. is in her right arm, giving her saline solution and antibiotics. Her left arm has a blood pressure cuff, which automatically takes a reading every ten minutes. A crappy thin tan hospital blanket covers her from the ribs down.

"I've admitted her...at least for twenty-four hours." My mom explains to the group. "We're still waiting on some other results."

"Can I go in?" I ask.

"Normally I'd say yes, but..."

"But what?"

"Ben." Mom takes my hand. "We don't know what she's been through. If she wakes up and you're there, a stranger, a man, she might react negatively. We want her to be calm. We need to earn her trust."

What she doesn't say is clear: _You're a huge alpha and in your current emotional state, you'll scare her._

**Maybe if we stay on our knees the whole time...**

_Not helpful right now._

I accept what mom says. I hate it, but I do. Reyna is home and I don't want to lose her again. "Okay. But she shouldn't be alone. I don't want her waking up in a strange place _and_ alone."

"I'll sit with her." Maz volunteers. I nod.

"I should get to the diner. Call me with any new information?" Chewie kisses his mate. "You guys want some lunch?"

Dad shakes his head. "No thanks, buddy. I'm going back to the station, see if I can't do some digging of my own." When he looks at me he frowns. "Kid, take the rest of the day off. You look like shit."

"Let's get you home." My grandma says to me. "You need to rest."

"I'll call with any updates." Mom smiles and hugs me. Maz opens the door to the room and slips inside. I desperately want to follow her. But everyone's right. I should keep my distance, for now.

Dad, Chewie, my grandparents and I leave the emergency room and go our separate ways. I climb back into my squad car and drive to the station to pick up my truck. Dad and I arrive at the same time and we walk in comfortable silence. We're barely inside when Armitage Hux approaches us, excitement and concern written on his face. "I found her. She was in the system."

"That was fast." My dad raises an eyebrow. "Kid's got a record?"

"Yeah. Just not a criminal one." Hux answers.

Dad leads the way to his office and ushers us inside, closing the door. "What did you find?"

Hux and I sit in the chairs at the front of the desk. He places a folder on it, sighing. It's thin. "Truthfully, not much." My dad sits in his chair, waiting for the report.

Armitage opens the folder, pulling out the top sheet. "Reyna Ellen Johnson. Age eighteen. DOB September 8th, 2001. Place of birth: unknown. Back in 2006, a clinic nurse found her sitting on a bench outside of her work, in Olivia, Jakku. The nurse called 911. Apparently the girl told the cops that her parents said they'd come back for her. That was in October. Reyna was brought to the hospital. She was healthy, but tired. According to the police and hospital records, she didn't have a last name."

My brows furrow at this. "Of course she had a last name." Looking at my dad I ask, "Didn't grandpa give them aliases?" 

"He did. It was Rivers. Not easy to forget."

"Well, either the girl forgot or..." Hux's voice trailed off.

"She never knew." I answered.

Taking out a second sheet of paper Hux continues, "The police asked her if she could remember what kind of vehicle she was in, what her parents looked like, where she lived. She described the car as brown. Gave a vague description of her parents. Said they didn't have a home. The ER doc called a social worker and Rey was released into the foster care system the following day." Biting his lip, he removed another paper. "Three days later, a car was found on Route 12, just outside of Northern Sands, Jakku. Two bodies were recovered along with their I.D.'s. Leo Martin Rivers and Astrid Summer Rivers. The police report states they think it was a hit and run." Swallowing, he hands me the last piece of paper. "Two days later Reyna was given the last name of Johnson and placed with a foster parent, Unkar Plutt. Lives in Niima, Jakku."

There's a picture of Rey, looking almost exactly as I remember her at the age of five. Only her eyes are wide with fear and she's not smiling. Next to it is a picture of a tub of lard, vaguely resembling a human. He looks like an asshole. He looks greedy. Every atom of me knows this is the fucker that hurt her. **We'll kill him.** Kylo snarls. I agree.

"Anything else?" I ask.

Hux dips his head. "No."

My eyes snap up from the paper. "What do you mean, no? Where are the social worker reports? How often did they check on her? _Did_ they ever check on her?!"

"Ben," he croaks, "Jakku is not just human territory, but it's the poorest of the territories. And Niima is worse. It's a desert, a wasteland. They don't have any resources. They never did a check on her, not that I can find. I couldn't find any medical records, save from when she was first found. No dental records. This is all the history we have one her after they left the pack."

"Leo and Astrid ran. But they left her behind. Why?" I'm starting to lose it. "They loved her yet abandoned her? That doesn't make any sense."

"Maybe Snoke did find them." My dad considered out loud. "He could have found them before they entered human territory. Leo and Astrid may have left her, hoping she would get lost in the system. As far as we know, we're the only ones that ever knew of Rey's birth. Or maybe Palpatine did find out, and this was the only way they could hide her." My dad picked up one of the papers and frowned. "We'll just have to wait until she wakes up. Then we can ask her."

I'm getting a headache. Kylo is pacing. I'm tired. "Yeah, okay. I'm gonna go home. Call me if anything comes up." I'm halfway out of dad's office when he calls out to me.

"She's home, son. We'll protect her."

"Right. Because we did such a great job of it last time."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and interest! I'm stunned. I mean it, truly. We're all taking this journey together. I'm not even sure where this is heading but I have an idea. Honestly, every character is just kinda writing themselves.


	4. Black Hole Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm just curious...is anyone listening to the music I add at the beginning of every chapter? I use it as inspiration and as a way to let you know how the characters (and myself) are feeling at the time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap 850+ hits! Thank you so much! I hope you're enjoying this story as much as I enjoy writing it. All comments are welcome, but some I may not respond to because I don't want to give away where the story is heading. 🤣

**Song: Black Hole Sun**

**Artist: Soundgarden**

**Album: Superunknown**

Back at my family's house it's a flurry of activity. Grandpa has called in the Council, and I want to throw up. It's noisy and the scents of so many shifters near makes my head hurt worse. I sneak to my room and lock myself in. It's quiet here. Dark and warm. I take a shower then climb into bed, willing myself to sleep.

_I'm seven years old and Rey is two. Autumn has hit and leaves are changing color. I'm in second grade now and I like school a little more, but I hate that it takes me away from her. We're sitting outside in the garden, watching as the season changes everything around us. Rey is talking more with every passing day. She has a favorite word:_ dat. _She means_ that. _It's a game she plays with everyone. She's very curious. Wants to know what everything is. She's smart, for a baby. When she turned one it was decided that, once she was old enough and if we were both willing, we'll get married. I don't really know what that means, but Nana told me that when we're older, Rey and I will be just like Nana and Papa. I can't ever think about kissing Rey like Mama and Dad kiss, but I know I don't want to leave her side. Dad says that one day that will all change, the kissing part. For now I'm just happy to play_ dat _with Rey._

_Her tiny hands reach out to the sky._ "Dat!"

"The blue sky."

_She grabs a flower._ "Dat!"

"A purple flower."

_Slapping the ground,_ "Dat!"

_I can't help but laugh._ "The brown ground."

_Rey laughs too and points to me._ "Dat!"

"Ben. You know that."

_Her face becomes very serious for a toddler. Like she's concentrating. Oh, I hope she isn't pooping!_ "No!" _She yells._

"No? I'm not Ben?" _I ask her. She shakes her head._ "Then who am I?"

_Crawling onto my lap she places her hands on either side of my face._ "Mine!"

_I'm shocked. It's the first time she's used that word. And she's used it at me. She smiles then and looking me deep in the eyes she whispers,_ "Ben mine."

"Yes Sweetheart. I'm yours." _I whisper back._

_She stands up and grabs my hand, demanding that I follow her._ "Dat!" _Rey points at a bird._

"Red bird."

"Dat!"

"Green grass."

"Dat!"

I wake up with tears on my cheeks. Does love have to be romantic to bind two people together? No. But I now know that with every beat of her heart, I'm becoming more and more hers. My mate has returned. Human or not, I don't care. I will protect her. I will treasure her. I'll love her until the end of time. I'll be everything she needs.

* * *

The first thing I feel is that my chest hurts. Maybe I coughed so hard I cracked some ribs. That would be about my luck. I'm tired, my throat is dry and air is kinda being pushed into my nose and mouth. Opening my eyes I look around and realize I'm in a hospital room. It's small and sparce, only the bed I'm in, a chair and a standing desk. There's a flat screen T.V. on the wall that's on, the volume low. How in the fuckity fuck did I get here? Last thing I remember is walking. I pull the mask off my face and look at myself. I've got a needle in my arm. _Super._ I'm in a hospital gown. _Wonderful._ My shoes are gone and my socks have been replaced with bright red ones that have weird, almost sticky stuff on the bottom. _What. The. Fuck._ As reality hits me I realize that not only are my clothes gone but my underthings as well. My money! _Shitshitshit!_ Panic rears its ugly head as I try to sit up, intent on hunting down my property.

The door opens and a tiny woman with huge glasses and a bag almost as large as she is comes into the room. She stops when she sees my flailing about and drops her bag. "Child, no! You'll only hurt yourself!"

I'm clawing at the mask, trying to get it off when the elastic snaps me on the back of the neck. Shitbits that smarts! The needle in my arm is tugging not only me, but the I.V. bag it's connected to, causing the stand to roll closer to me. I manage to scrabble out of bed, mask askew, blood pressure cuff pulling me one way as cold metal hits my naked ass. The tiny woman has thrown open the door, calling for help and I shimmy into a corner, pulling off the cuff. I pick up the I.V. stand, intent on using it as a weapon. All I can think of is massive orderlies in white uniforms coming in with tranquilizers made for elephants and straps to hold me to the bed. So it's quite a shock when another small woman comes through the door. She's wearing one of those doctor coats and looks intimidating. Her brown eyes lock on mine. I freeze. I'm cowering in the corner, afraid that someone will hurt me. "Reyna, my name is Doctor Leia Organa." Her voice is soft yet commanding. "You're in the emergency room of Lakeview Hospital in Theed, Naboo." Okay, I remember the bus stopping in Theed. Story checks out so far. "You were found by Maz," the doctor indicates the other woman, "and her husband Chewie. They called 911. You're okay. You're safe."

"How..." my voice croaks, "How long have I been here?"

"About eight hours." The doctor informs me. "We have your things stored in the bag under your bed." She points and sure as shit, there's my backpack peeking out of a white plastic bag.

"How..." I cough, hard. "Ow."

The doctor slowly approaches me. "You have pneumonia. You're on antibiotics for it now." She kneels down on the floor about two feet away from me. "I know you're scared. No one here will hurt you. Will you let us help you?"

_Trust her._ I take a deep breath and nod.

She smiles prettily at me and removes the I.V. stand from my death grip. Helping me to stand I realize I'm a bit wobbly. _Fanfuckingtastic._ My stomach grumbles loudly and I blush. "Now that you're awake, we'll get you some food."

"I'll call Chewie, have him bring something over." The other woman, Maz, says. "Tell me child, what would you like?" I only shrug. And I need to pee. Oh, God!

"Um...I have to, um..." I look pointedly at my abdomen.

"The bathroom is across the hall." Dr. Organa opens a drawer and pulls out green scrub pants. "Put these on and I'll have Rose come help you." Both women leave the room, pulling the curtain and door closed behind them.

"Great," I mutter to myself. "You've done it now. Half naked, stuck in a hospital room that you can't pay for, a full bladder and an empty stomach. This doesn't bode well for the future." I wriggle into the pants and tie them.

**At least we're free.**

Someone knocks at the door and opens it. The curtain flutters revealing a cute Asian woman. "Hi, I'm Rose. I heard that you need to use the bathroom?" When I nod she approaches me and grabs the I.V. stand. "I'm just here to help. Don't want you falling."

We make our way to the bathroom across the hall. "Here's the stand. I'll wait for you out here. Give a holler if you need help."

After I pee I wash my hands and look at my reflection. Oh good, I look as bad as I feel. _Perfect!_ I wash my face and try to detangle my hair with my fingers. I need a shower. I need to brush my teeth. I feel so gross. When I open the door Rose is waiting for me. "Dr. Organa said that you may like to walk around a little. Feel up to it?"

"Can..." My voice is hoarse. "Can I have a shower?"

"I'll have to ask. Maybe after you eat. I heard Chewie is making you something." She takes my arm gently and we start walking. "You'll love his food. Everyone does. He and Maz own a diner. Their burgers are to die for. But so is all of their food.." My stomach twists. I haven't eaten anything in a while. Rose keeps talking as we walk around the ER slowly. "Do you like Belgium waffles?" I just shrug. I don't know what it's like to dislike food. I'll eat anything. But I don't tell her that.

As we wind our way back to my room Rose decides to switch topics. "You ever been to Theed before?" I shake my head. "Oh, you'll love it here!" Her face brightens. "Its kind of a small town but most people are _really_ nice." She smiles at me. "The climate is temperate, we get some snow but it doesn't last for half a year like other places." Is she a nurse or a travel agent? "There's tons of stuff to do here, if you like being outdoors. Although, we've got some really nice shops and restaurants, too." We turn the corner and almost collide into a group of people. "Oh, hey Chief! Hi Ben." There's two men standing with Dr. Organa outside of my room. One of them is tall with brown hair that's just beginning to gray, a bit of stubble on his face. The other is taller, broader and dark. Black hair, black eyes, black clothes. He's really rather striking.

_Oh._

"Hey Rose." The older man acknowledges her. "We were at the diner and figured we'd bring the food ourselves." He looks at me and gives a smile. "How ya feeling, kid?" I shrug.

"Reyna, this is my husband, Han Solo. He's the Chief of Police. And this is our son, Ben." Leia introduces us.

Great. Cops. Here we go. I nod and take the stand from Rose. I walk past them into the room and climb onto the bed. I'm not surprised when they follow me in.

The giant, Ben, places a paper bag on the foot of the bed. "This is for you." His voice is deep, quiet. It's nice. I nod and grab the bag, my mouth watering at the thought of actual food. Pulling out a plastic covered container I can already smell the eggs and potatoes, the sausage. _Real fucking food._ I tear open the container with one hand and find the plastic fork and knife with the other. My first mouthful is of fluffy, cheesy scrambled eggs and I'm in nirvana. It's hot and good and I'm starving. Rose has found a small plastic cup and pitcher and pours me some water. I nod my thanks as I stuff hash browns in my mouth, chewing like my life depends on it. I swallow and drink the water, it's coolness bringing relief to my throat. I glance up and see the four of them looking at me with various expressions. Sorrow, pity, maybe even horror. But the big one looks almost...happy? Weird. I keep eating, trying to ignore them when Dr. Organa places a paper cup on the table next to the water.

"You need to take this. You’re anemic and malnourished. Anemia is when..."

"It's a low iron count in your blood." I answer around a mouthful of sausage. "I know what malnourished means, too."

Giving a small smile she answers, "Good. You need to take it. It's a vitamin. One every day. It'll help."

I snort. "I don't need to do anything." I shovel more food into my mouth. I'm getting tense, like a weight is on me. "How much for the food?"

"It's free." The Chief says.

Licking my lips I glare at him. "Nothing is free." Maintaining eye contact I ask again, "How much?"

"Just take the food, kid." He grumbles.

I roll my eyes as I take another bite. "I don't need your pity."

"Good." Ben answers. "Because we're not giving it to you. With tax it comes to $14.30." His dark eyes bore into mine and he's...smirking? Is this a game to him?! I set aside the container and go into the plastic bag under my bed. Opening my backpack I dig around for my money, finding a 10 and a 5. "Keep the change." I hand it to him. His smirk turns into a smile. This guy is _weird._ I hop back onto the bed and resume eating. "Why don't we give her some space? She needs to eat and I'm sure we're making her feel uncomfortable." Ben suggests. The four of them leave the room but Ben pokes his head back in. "Oh, Reyna?" When I look at him the smile is gone and is replaced with concern. "Please take the damn pill." The door closes softly behind him. It's a few minutes before I pluck the pill from the cup and swallow it. After all, he did say please.

* * *

My parents are waiting for me at the nurse's station. They look worried. As I get close to them I hear my mom whisper, "She's so different."

"Its been thirteen years, Princess. She's not the little girl we knew." Dad runs a hand through his already disheveled hair. "God only knows what she's been through."

"Rey's obviously weary around authority figures." I point out. "Maybe I should do this."

"You're emotionally involved." Mom answers.

"And you're not?" I snap back. "Look, almost every cop is going to be emotionally involved. We're mostly alphas. Shouldn't it at least be someone she can trust?"

"What makes you think she trusts you?" Dad asks.

"Because thus far I've been the only one to treat her as a person, not a victim." I roll my eyes. "Rey was very independent as a child. If she grew up the way we think she did, we can't label her as weak or a victim, but as a survivor." Shoving my hands into my pockets I add, "We can't treat her as some kind of doll...she needs to know that we understand how strong she is. It may be the only way she opens up." My fingers curl around the money she gave me. "Give me thirty minutes. I'll be back."

"Where are you going?" Mom's voice carries down the hall behind me.

"To test a theory."

Within a few minutes I'm at the local store. I don't bother with a cart. I need to be quick. If I'm right about this, then I have my way in. I go to the women's department and begin looking around. I need something comfortable. Something soft. Kylo's ears are perked up in interest. He knows where I'm going with this. After what feels like forever I end up at the sale rack, quickly looking at and discarding the available options. Then I find it. It's a sweat suit with one of those hoodies that zip up. On sale for $10. It's gray and soft. It'll keep her warm. I find another rack where the T-shirts are also discounted. There's one that's forest green in what I'm guessing is her size. Smiling to myself I grab it and make my way to the cashier. Kylo's happy because we're providing for Rey. I'm happy because I know she'll see the logic in this. I hope.

By the time I'm back at her room it's almost 5P.M. I have a plan...I just need to see where her mind is at. I knock on the door, wait for a few seconds, then enter. The T.V. has been turned off and she's reading the magazine from her backpack. She eyes me warily, putting down the reading material. The food has brought back some color to her cheeks. But there's a tiredness to her eyes, to her face that's hard to ignore. "Are you feeling better?" When her eyes narrow I know I'm on thin ice. I hold the plastic bag in front of me as I slowly approach her bed. Setting it next to her feet, I try again. "You look better." She raises an eyebrow and I want to laugh. Still stubborn. "I won't bother you anymore today. However, tomorrow we need to talk. I'll be here at 10A.M." Turning to leave I comment over my shoulder, "I recommend the chicken for dinner."

"You're a cop?" Rey's musical voice fills the room.

"Five years now."

"You don't look like a cop." She toes the bag. "What's this?"

"Open it and find out."

The bag rustles as she picks it up and places it in her lap. To her credit, she doesn't yell or throw it at me when she looks inside. "Clothes."

"The hospital gets cold at night." I explain rather weakly.

"You...bought me clothes."

Here it comes. "Technically, _you_ bought them. I just ran the errand. Receipt's in the bag."

Rey digs it out and looks it over carefully. Her mouth opens and closes like she wants to argue. "I still owe you $15 for the food, then."

Shaking my head I chuckle. "Maz and Chewie will never accept your money. Not because they pity you," I add quickly, "but because they didn't want you to be put through the hell that is hospital food."

"That doesn't bode well for my dinner. Luckily, I'm not a picky eater." She smiles ruefully.

"Good to know. Good night, Miss. Johnson."

"Just call me Rey." Her eyes roll. "And, thank you, Officer Solo."

I smile and leave her to her evening.

**We shouldn't leave our mate.**

_She's not our mate._

**Not yet.**

_We need to take it slow. She obviously doesn't remember us._

**She should. We are bound.**

_We_ were _bound. And we were just children then._

**We imprinted on her. She is ours. We belong to her.**

_I know. But she didn't imprint on us. The decision is hers._

**She cared for us once. She will again.**

_Her eyes haven't changed. She's still stubborn._

**Yes. Our little one is a fighter. I am pleased. Still so feisty.**

_Yeah._

**We must be whatever she needs. We must prove ourselves worthy of her.**

_I know. Where do we start?_

**_At the beginning._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is healthy and staying safe out there. Much love to you all.


	5. Oh Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is kind of short, but it's needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap everyone! I'm genuinely shocked by all of the love this story is getting. Thank you so much! I need to thank my mom and editor, a truly amazing woman. And my sister Cari, who always lifts me up when I'm down.

**Chapter 5 : Oh Me**

**Song: Oh Me**

**Artist: Nirvana**

**Album: Live on MTV Unplugged, 1993**

A few minutes after Officer Solo leaves, a nurse comes in and pulls my I.V. Dr. Organa gave orders to let me shower, and doing so without a needle in my arm will make it easier. I bring the bag Officer Solo gave me and my backpack as the nurse shows me to a bathroom on the other side of the ER that has a shower in it. I lock the door behind me and strip quickly. The shower itself is just a shower head that comes out of the wall, with a drain on the floor. There's a towel rack on the opposite wall where two towels are hung. I turn on the water, giving it time to warm up as I pull my underwear and bra from my backpack then tear the tags from the clothes he's bought for me, placing everything back into the plastic bag to make sure they stay dry. The hot water hits my sore muscles and I almost cry in relief. Someone's left bottles of shampoo, conditioner and body soap. I scrub my hair and skin until they squeak with cleanliness. I don't know when I'll have this luxury again, so I stand under the warm spray for an extra few minutes. I pick at my nails, trying to get the crap out from under them.

Finally I turn the water off and wrap one towel around my head and quickly dry myself with the other, now that I'm without the warm water I'm starting to feel cold. I pull the clothes out of the bag, hurriedly stepping into my underwear and hooking my bra. They're like all my clothes, old, stretched and faded. But the new clothes are just so...well, _new._ Not stained or stretched. They don't smell of oil or sweat. I can't remember the last time or, more to the point, if there was ever a time I had new clothes. It's nice. The T-shirt is a little big, as are the sweats but it'll help to trap in what little body heat I have. The sweater even has a hoodie! I dry my hair as much as I can before unearthing my comb, toothbrush and toothpaste from my backpack. I yank the comb through my hair, desperate to get out the knots. I brush my teeth furiously. For the first time in a while I feel clean...comfortable. And sleepy. Picking up my things I unlock the door and walk back to my room. I stow my stuff under the bed and bury myself under the covers. I feel so warm and safe that I fall asleep...and miss dinner.

When I wake up it's because I can hear what seems to be people quietly arguing outside my room. I roll over onto my back and stretch. Then I remember...I'm not in Jakku. I'm in a hospital. I made it! Plutt didn't find me. _Will_ never find me. Smiling I sit up and my bladder protests. Getting out of bed I dig out my toothbrush and toothpaste and make my way to the door only for the voices to grow louder.

"She's still sleeping. Leia said not to wake her." A male voice hisses.

"I'm not going to wake her, just drop this off." A woman's voice answers. It sounds familiar.

"Its 6A.M, Maz. And you know that the hospital has food here, right? Back me up, man." The first voice argues.

"I learned a long time ago not to get in her way." A rich, deep voice answers. It's Officer Solo.

"They're food-like substances. Bland, tasteless and furthermore, disgusting. She needs more than powdered eggs and a piece of toast. The girl need real, stick to your bones food!" Maz spits back.

"You're a chicken shit. You'd back me up if she wasn't here." The man counters.

"She's right, Poe. The food here is shit."

I cover my mouth to hide a laugh. My bladder sends a message to my brain that it's about to explode. I throw the curtain open, surprising the three people on the other side. They jump slightly, expressions of embarrassment slapped on their faces. "Morning." I croak as I move past them into the bathroom. I close and lock the door and empty my bladder for what feels like five minutes. How many bags of saline did they give me yesterday? I wash my hands and brush my teeth then exit the bathroom to find the three of them still standing there. I quickly decide I need to do something about them. Looking at the man who's wearing dark blue scrubs I say, "No one woke me." To Maz I say, "Thank you for the food." When I see the nurse about to protest I hold up a hand to stop him. "You can just consider me a Hobbit today, okay?" I take the paper bag from Maz and give a half-assed glare at the cop. "Don't you have a home?"

He gives me what can only be described as a wolfish grin. "I do."

"Let's just get this over with." I nod to my room. Once I'm back in bed the nurse approaches me first.

"I just need to listen to your lungs quick." He pulls the stethoscope from his shoulders. "Take a few deep breaths." As I do, I notice Officer Solo's eyes narrow slightly. "They sound the same as yesterday."

"Is that bad?" I ask.

"Nah." He smiles at me. "You have pneumonia, and nothing gets cured over night." He wraps the blood pressure cuff around my arm again. "I'm Poe Dameron, by the way."

"I'm Rey." 

"I know."

Officer Solo clears his throat. He and Poe exchange looks and Poe turns to leave the room. "I'll get your antibiotic and vitamin. Be back in a few."

"I'll let you eat in peace. I'll come back at 10."

"Its fine." I open the bag and dig out two boxes and plastic utensils. This is a lot of food. My stomach grumbles. "If it's all the same to you, I'd rather just get it over with." I open the first box and find two fried eggs, two strips of bacon and breakfast potatoes. I dig in immediately.

"May I sit down?" Officer Solo asks.

I nod as I shove more food into my mouth. I watch as he curls himself into the only chair, his large frame making the piece of furniture creak slightly. He's dressed differently today, a light blue jean jacket and jeans, a black shirt and brown hiking boots. He looks, more tame somehow. His long, dark hair is wavy, artfully swept away from his face. Reaching into the inside pocket of his jacket he removes a small notebook and pen. When he looks at me his eyes are the color of caramel, warm and sweet. I swallow my food and ask, "What do you want to know?"

"Whatever you want to tell me." He answers gently.

I take another bite of food and look out the window. It's funny...how I didn't notice it until now. Back at Plutt's, I knew seven different ways to escape the house. Out in the junkyard, I knew at least a dozen places to hide. At the high school, there were eight from the ground floor, not including windows. The restaurant? Two. But here, now? I haven't even looked for available exits. I don't know why, and that bothers me. I could refuse to talk. I could just get up and leave. Never look back. But that doesn't feel right.

Where do I begin? How much does he want to know? I could lie, say I'm just traveling. Kids do that after graduating from school, right? Go backpacking and shit. Or do they only do that in Europe? Fuck if I know. But I'm pretty sure that at least Dr. Organa has seen the bruises and stuff. Did she share that information with the police? Probably. I don't want to look weak. Will they contact Plutt? _Fuck._ No, I'm eighteen. They can't, can they? _Shit._ I'm starting to panic. I will never go back.

Poe comes back in with a little paper cup. "Here we go, hon. Take these while you eat, they'll be easier to digest." He lifts the pitcher of water and shakes it a little. It sounds full. "If you need anything, just use the call button." He points to a button on the side of the bed that reads 'Nurse'. Giving me a friendly smile he leaves and closes the door behind him.

I continue to eat, uncomfortable with the silence in the room. I keep glancing at the window. Eventually, Officer Solo breaks the silence. "How about this? I'll tell you what we know and you can fill in the blanks." I can only nod. I'm not so hungry anymore.

He opens the notebook and begins to read aloud. "Your name is Reyna Ellen Johnson. Date of birth: September 8th, 2001. On October 27th, 2006 you were found outside of a medical clinic in Olivia, Jakku. The nurse that found you called 911." His voice isn't harsh or clinical. He's stating facts, albeit painful ones, but there's a gentleness to his tone. Like I haven't lived through any of it and he's worried I'll get scared. "At the hospital you were questioned about what happened. You were able to give a vague description of your parents. You said that the vehicle was brown and that your family didn't have a home. The following day you were taken in by the foster care system." He runs his hand through his hair like he doesn't enjoy what he has to say next. "Three days later a car was found on Route 12, both occupants deceased. They..."

"Were my parents." I finish for him. "I know." I open the second box to find toast and a container of fruit. Picking up the toast I slowly tear it apart. "The police came. Told me they died. The next day I was placed with Plutt." 

He closes his eyes. He didn't want to give me bad news, I realize. "I'm so sorry, Rey."

"I don't remember them, not really." I shrug. "They must not have been the best of parents if they just abandoned me."

He shakes his head as if to clear it. "You attended Niima Elementary, Middle and High Schools. Graduated two days ago." Tilting his head he continues, "You worked at a place called Roadside for almost three years." I put a piece of toast in my mouth and chew. "That's all we know. Until yesterday when you showed up here."

Pouring myself a glass of water I swallow the pills Poe left. "That about sums it up." I try for lightheartedness. 

He doesn't buy it. "Aside from your placement with Unkar Plutt, there are no other records of you in the foster care system. Why is that, Rey?"

"Take a wild guess."

His eyebrows raise slightly. "Okay. I'm guessing you fell through the cracks...got lost in the paperwork, whatever you want to call it. No one came back. There was no follow up."

I snort. "That's putting it mildly."

"So why don't you tell me what happened?"

"Are you going to contact him? Send me back?"

His eyes narrow. "You're eighteen. Legally we can't send you back. However, if you'd like, we could contact him..."

"No!" I shout. "I want nothing to do with him!" I jump out of bed and reach for my backpack. "You can't keep me here and I'm not going back there."

"Whoa, whoa, Rey stop." He urges as he stands up, physically putting himself between the door and I. "If you don't want any contact with him, we'll respect your wishes." His eyes are wide and he looks anxious. "Just, please, don't leave. You're sick."

He's right. I know he's right. I'm just...so _tired._ Tired of it all. The running. The fighting for everything. The hiding. My body begins to shake. Oh no. Not here. Not in front of a stranger. My eyes begin to sting. I'm such an idiot. Tears start to slide down my cheeks. I try to wipe them away but they're quickly replaced.

"Let's get you back to bed." Officer Solo encourages me. We walk back and he gently pries my bag from my hand, placing it under the bed. I cover my face with my hands, trying to hide my tears as I sit. I'm full on crying now, sobs wracking my body. God, I'm pathetic.

**It's okay. Let it out.**

I cry harder. All the pain that I've felt comes out through my tears. He's moving around, his heavy footsteps almost a soothing sound. Large, warm hands pull mine from my face and a tissue is lightly dabbled at my cheeks and nose. "You should never be ashamed of crying. The strongest people are the ones who can face their emotions."

When I open my eyes he's kneeling on the floor in front of me, wearing a soft expression. He dabs at my nose again, ridding it of snot. "That's gross." I sob.

"I'm a cop. Believe me, I've seen every type of fluid the body holds. This is nothing." He tosses the tissue away and takes a new one.

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Because you're letting me." He sighs quietly.

**You can trust him. He's good.**

"Officer Solo?" I swallow. "Does everything have to be on the record?"

"You can call me Ben." His caramel eyes meet mine. "And no, it doesn't." He wipes under my eyes again. "Off the record...Did Unkar Plutt do that to your back?" Biting my lower lip I nod. He mirrors the action. "More than once?" I nod again. So does he. "Can you tell me what he did to you, Rey?" His voice is so soft, so smooth. He loosely wraps his hands around my ankles and I can feel their warmth through the hospital socks. It's like he's grounding me, tethering me to this place, this time, keeping me steady.

The weight of all I've been through collapses the pillars that once held me up, the dam I've built around my emotions breaks. "He...he starved me and beat me. Whipped me with a belt when I couldn't get away fast enough. I tried! I tried to run, to hide but sometimes I just wasn't fast enough." I'm blubbering. Everything I've gone through, from the pulling of parts to Teedo almost raping me, the nights I'd hide and sleep in the junkyard, how I hid my tip money, how the voice helped me all those years, the trip here... _everything_ comes rushing out. He probably can't understand most of what I say, but to his credit he stays silent, letting me release the mental and emotional toxins I've kept locked inside of me. I don't know how long it goes on for. He just stays still, a silent sentinel. Eventually the tears stop. I'm exhausted. Officer Solo pushes me gently back onto the bed, removing the food boxes and tucks me in.

"You are strong and brave. You made it out. And you never have to go back." His deep voice whispers. "You're safe here." His words feel like promises. My eyes are closed and I'm drifting off to sleep. I must be in that strange place between sleep and awake because I could swear I feel a soft kiss on my forehead before a voice murmurs, "No one will ever take you away again."

* * *

I watch over Rey as she sleeps. She curls up into the fetal position, even in unconsciousness protecting herself from danger. My mate was taken from me when I was at school. She was abandoned, orphaned, starved and beaten. Made to work for food as a child. Rey was always smart, always strong. I don't know how she survived the years of abuse. I'm just grateful she did. Kylo roars for blood, snapping his jaw in fury. He wants to find Plutt, to kill him slowly, painfully. I don't disagree. I want to break every bone in his body, to beat him with the belt he used to dole out his punishments on Rey. But first things first. I cannot allow Rey to come to harm again. I need to figure out a way to talk her into staying. I'll need help. I lightly run my wrist over her hair, scenting her. It may not do anything for her, but it helps to calm Kylo and I. Bringing my wrist to my nose I'm pleased to find a soft undercurrent of Night Blossoms mixed with my own scent. I leave her room silently. I need to find Dameron.

I find him coming out of a patient's room. "How is she?" He asks.

"Okay. She's sleeping now." I tell him. "I need to speak with my grandparents. Can you watch over her while I'm gone?"

"Yeah, of course." Poe answers. That reassures me. He's a good alpha, as evident by how happy Finn is. We walk toward the security doors. "It's really her, isn't it?" He asks with hope.

"Yes."

He gives a low whistle. "Does she..." He looks around to ensure no one is listening. "Does she remember us?"

Pain lances through my heart. "No, I don't think so."

"Fuck." He mourns.

"Come to headquarters when you're off work. The Knights need to have a meeting. You got any vacation time saved?"

"A few days. Why?"

"We may go on a trip."

"Where to?"

I stop just outside the exterior doors. "To meet the monster that left his mark on her."

Poe's wolf smiles darkly. "Sounds like fun."

Kylo smiles back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With all the pain in the world, I know it's hard. I started putting stuff out as a way to not go crazy being trapped in my house due to COVID-19. I'm just trying to (hopefully) take you away from the real world for a few minutes a week. Hopefully you'll laugh, maybe you'll smile. Be good to each other. 
> 
> Imagine all the people living life in peace.  
> -John Lennon


	6. Serenity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to meet some shifters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am absolutely blown away by all your love. I never thought even 100 people would read this. Now I've got over 1400 hits. Thank you, thank you! You all give me the courage to keep this going. Much love!

**Chapter 6 : Serenity**

**Song: Serenity**

**Artist: Godsmack**

**Album: Faceless**

I drive back to my family's house in a daze. There's a lot I need to do but I must speak to my family first. Honestly though, as far as my plans for Plutt are concerned, I may not bring them up. As long as I'm careful, it won't effect the pack. This is personal. I just need some time to think.

Entering the throne room, I see my grandparents in their usual spots while the council members are standing in a loose line before them. People are talking amongst themselves which means they haven't begun yet. Taking a deep breath I move around some of the people to acknowledge our leaders. A side door opens and my parents enter. Our pack is different from others in various ways. For one, in another pack their leader is an alpha and usually male. His mate would be just that, his mate. He wouldn't share any power or responsibility with her. Her job, omega or not, would be to give him pups. Most alpha leaders tried to find and omega mate. It was pure biology. An omega female can take an alpha male's knot, making breeding easier. However, it's not impossible for couples to have children if one or both aren't alphas or omegas. I myself was born from an alpha/alpha couple. The old wives tale that only alpha/omega pairings result in children is bullshit. In our pack, it's considered an old way of thinking.

_When my grandparents met, Papa was only nine and Nana was fourteen. He'd fallen in love with her immediately and set out to prove himself worthy of her heart. For ten years he did everything he could for her and earned not only her trust, but her love. When she presented as an omega he was only ten, but he didn't care. To him, she was simply Padme, the queen of his heart. When he presented as an alpha, he kept his distance from her, worried that if he got too close she'd view him the same as other alphas: a threat. When Papa was eighteen there was a rumor that the pack leader, Sheev Palpatine was intent on taking Nana as his mate. Palpatine had already gone through three omegas, all of them dying from his desperate attempts to have an heir. My grandfather couldn't stand the idea of his beloved being a broodmare to the old, crazy alpha. So, in typical Skywalker fashion, he challenged Palpatine for leadership of the pack. Upon his victory over the old leader, Papa banished Sheev from the pack, ordering him to never make contact again._

_When I was seven, Papa told me the story of how he and Nana came to be the leaders of the Naboo pack. But there was a story within their story. One from a long time ago, before there even were separate packs. "All shifters originated from the same place called Ahch-To. Things were different then. Alphas took whatever they wanted. Betas and Omegas were made to submit. It was a time of great sorrow and violence." He's sitting on his throne and I'm on his knee. "But it is said that there was an omega who was unlike all the others. She was a warrior, as fierce as a tsunami. As the story goes, several alphas tried to get her to submit and she killed all of them. Until one day, an alpha named Revan came to her. But instead of trying to subdue her, he treated her as an equal. He spoke to her, confided in her. For years he did little things to make her life easier."_

_"Like what, Papa?"_

_"Well," he chuckled, "whenever he hunted, he gave her half of the kill. He helped her repair her hut. In return, it's said that she shared her vegetables with him and mended his clothes. They became partners, you see."_

_"Then what happened?"_

_"Its said that he swore to her that he would never command her. That she, in fact, ruled over him. Soon after they were together."_

_"Does Nana rule over you?"_

_"From the moment we met." Papa's eyes filled with tears. "I have always belonged to her. Her and no other. Everything that I am, every happiness I have is because of her."_

My grandfather saw the folly of the old ways of the packs. Respecting and loving my grandmother, the day he became leader, he asked her to rule with him. He gave her enormous power _before_ he mated her. Alphas are typically large in stature, dominant and hot tempered. And notorious for their outbursts. Papa knew that Nana could provide to the pack what he couldn't: patience, kindness and an ability to listen even when angry. Two sides of the same coin. As loving and caring as my grandmother is however, I've witnessed her take on an alpha twice her size...and win. My grandparents also believe that everyone should be allowed to voice their opinion, not just blindly follow their leaders. However, it may not impact their decisions. The council acts as a sounding board, and brings pack problems to my grandparents. But once Nana and Papa make a decision, that's it. Their word is pack law. Much to the displeasure of some.

"Thank you everyone, for getting here as fast as you have." My grandfather, Anakin Skywalker, began. "We've had news of one who we thought was lost, yet has returned." At this he looked at me and smiled. "My grandson's intended is alive and in Theed."

"I thought she died years ago." Obi-Wan Kenobi responded.

"We all did. But it seems the rumors were false." Grandfather addressed the council. "Nine of us have seen her firsthand."

"How is she? Where has she been?" Brendol Hux asked.

My mother stepped forward. "Reyna is currently in the hospital, in observation. She was found yesterday by Maz and Chewie on County Road 5. Reyna was dehydrated and has pneumonia, both of which are being treated. She should be well enough to be released tomorrow."

"Where are her parents?" Mon Mothma inquired.

"Dead." My dad responded. "They were killed in a car accident a couple of weeks after they left. Seems they made it to Jakku."

"How did Reyna survive the accident?" Uncle Luke asked.

"She wasn't in the car." Dad shrugged. "Astrid and Leo left her at a clinic."

"They left Her? Why?" Chewie chimed in. "I don't believe it." Shaking his head in doubt he continued, "She was their world. They wouldn't leave her behind, alone."

"We all heard the rumors. Perhaps some of them were true." Obi-Wan interjected. "Maybe he did find them. And if he did, he may have found out about her birth."

"Rey doesn't remember much about her parents besides their names, they left her and they're dead." I announce, nearing my grandparents. "I've spoken with her...She told me what happened." Turning to the council I add, "All she remembers is Jakku."

"That settles it, then." Amilyn Holdo nods. "She should rejoin us."

"Which leads to our next problem." Mom sighs. "When Rey was born, she had shifter markers. She still does, but they apper to be dormant. I'd say she's human."

"Then this isn't a pack problem." Zeke Netal growls. "I say let her go her own way. We have more important things to worry about."

Fire ignites in my blood. "Who the hell..."

My grandfather raises his hand to silence everyone. He and Nana exchange glances and she nods. "This is a pack problem," he begins. "Ben imprinted on her when he was five. A year later they were bound by our laws."

"That was thirteen years ago. A binding only refers to shifters." Zeke's face turns red with anger. Glaring at my mom he spits, "You said it yourself, she's human. If Ben is to become the future leader of this pack, he'll need a woman that can provide him with an heir." He glances around at everyone and continues, "She doesn't even know pack politics!"

"Who says that Rey is incapable of bearing children? And she can learn the ways of the pack." Luke answers. 

"Rey was a bright child. It's within the realm of reason that she would grow to be an intelligent woman." Obi-Wan speaks and my grandfather nods.

"So the future leader will be some...what? Half breed?!" Zeke roars. "Any alpha could come in here and kill that abomination."

"Tread carefully, Netal. That's my future grandkid you're talking about." My father snarls.

"You should not allow this." Zeke tells my grandparents. "Eventually the day will come when Ben will need a woman more...experienced and capable in these matters." I hate the way he purrs the last part.

"Like your daughter?" Brendol sneers.

Zeke shrugs. "She _is_ an omega. Very compliant."

My grandmother's eyes narrow. "Yes, so the rumors say." At least Zeke has the intelligence to look embarrassed. Everyone knows Bazine has fucked half the pack.

Gial Akbar hums quietly. "Whether or not Rey is a shifter isn't the point. Binding law says nothing about both parties needing to be shifters. It is only assumed. More importantly, she's alone in the world." Looking at my grandma he adds, "Years ago her family was welcomed into the pack. Now she has returned. We should at least give her the option of staying in Theed."

"But she'll be released from the hospital tomorrow. What can we do to convince her to stay in such a short amount of time?" Mon Mothma asks.

"She's still sick. She'll need to be on antibiotics for another twelve days. We could invite her to stay here..." Mom suggests.

"And how will you explain all of the people, all of the _wolves_ that come and go?" Zeke asks, a sly smile on his face. Damn him.

"Maz and I will take her." Chewie blurts out. When everyone turns their gazes to him he stands a little taller. "Astrid and Maz were friends. We don't have any pups and we've got room for her." He approaches my grandparents with determination in his eyes. " If she chooses to stay with us, we'll take good care of her."

"Its decided, then." My grandma announces. "If Rey chooses."

"The council is adjourned." Grandfather stands. Everyone leaves the throne room except for my family. "Now, tell us everything."

He's speaking to me. I begin to pace, wondering where I should start. "The man she was left with...He starved and beat her. Rey refuses to go back. She almost ran when I asked her if she wanted us to contact him." I run my hands over my face. "She's distrustful of everyone. Doesn't want pity. She's smart and strong. When she got the job at Roadside, she lied to Plutt and told him she was a dishwasher when she was actually a waitress. She hid her tip money and that's what financed her escape. Rey did tell me something...I didn't want to bring it up in front of the council."

Nana stands and reaches out her hand to me. "What is it, Ben?"

I take her hand and immediately feel better. "She smells the same. Night Blossoms." Tears fills my eyes. "When she was telling me about how she came here, about her past, she mentioned a voice in her head. She said it was like a sixth sense. Could it be her wolf?"

"If it is, then this is something we haven't seen before." Uncle Luke offers. "There have been cases of late presentations, but never to this degree."

"We may be in uncharted territory, here." My mom responds. "There's never been a case that I know of where shifters gave up their pup, and of that child maturing amongst humans."

"But with the way she grew up, starved and beaten, surrounded by humans..." Luke and Mom drew close together.

"The markers _are_ there, just dormant." My mom adds. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Mind sharing with the class?" My dad's irritated voice snaps them from their conversation.

"Rey was born with active shifter markers.." Luke begins. "For five years she was well fed, nurtured, safe and loved. But then that all changed. Suddenly she's without her pack, her family, even her intended." He smiles sadly at me. "She's a shifter thrown into the world of humans but even as a child, she _would_ have known that. Add in the way she grew up, it's no wonder she never presented. However," his blue eyes flashed with excitement, "What if her wolf took a different form? It adapted to its new environment with her. Our wolves work in tandem with us. We know they're there. But for Rey, she might perceive her wolf as a sixth sense, especially if it only speaks to her about survival. Did she tell you what the voice said to her?"

I thought back to what she told me. "A little. She said it would warn her to run and hide. It told her when to fight. To move her money around so Plutt wouldn't find it." I chew on my cheek until it dawns on me. "She said that the voice told her not to get back on the bus when they stopped here! Do you think her wolf may have scented someone from the pack?"

"Its possible." Mom offered. "But it may be something more simple than that. If her wolf is only interested in surviving, it may have felt that Theed is safe. Or, more likely, it might have known she was sick and decided to stop here. We can't know for sure either way."

Uncle Luke strokes his beard. "Have you spoken to her about her menstrual cycle?"

"Haven't gotten that far." Mom shakes her head.

"What are you saying?" Papa asks.

"All of the statistics we have on shifters are based off of the same criteria: pups born and raised around other shifters and a healthy lifestyle. But this isn't the case with Rey. It's possible that her upbringing may have directly resulted in the fact that she hasn't presented yet, and that she views her wolf as a sixth sense."

"Are you saying that she still has a chance at presenting?" My Nana asks hopefully.

Luke sighs deeply. "Maybe. Her wolf speaks to her so that's a good sign. Given the chance to have healthy food and a life that's not so stressful, she may yet present."

"Either way, I don't care." I offer. "I swore myself to her. Shifter or not, I belong to her. I'll have no other."

"Ben," Dad whispers, "If she doesn't..."

"I don't care!" I roar. "My soul promised hers. I will be anything and everything she needs me to be. Whatever form she takes. Come what may." I breathe quickly. "She's my sunshine." Tears spill down my cheeks.

Papa hugs me tightly. "You've grown well." He whispers in my ear. "You've become a good man, an alpha. I'm proud of you, Ben." I hold him back, allowing his love to surround and encourage me. The future won't be easy. But Rey is worth any sacrifice. 

* * *

**Almost Three Years Later...**

Ben has been my best friend for two and a half years. Although Maz and Chewie were the ones that found me. A few hours before I was to be released from the hospital, Maz had come to visit me, unbeknownst then; a woman on a mission. I had twelve days of antibiotics left and was still pretty sick. Maz and Chewie offered to let me stay with them for those days so I could get better...but I had planned on leaving after I was well again. But in that short time I'd found some of what my life had been missing: belonging. It began with Ben. At the hospital he didn't treat me like some victimized child, but as a person that survived. He's never looked at me with pity. Maz and Chewie opened their home and hearts to me. The first few days were admittedly awkward and strained, a lot of minor questions. They tried to get to know me without prying. Charles Bacca, Chewie, is the tallest person I've ever seen at about seven feet tall. His long, gray streaked brown hair and beard just add to his intimidating height. But after a few days with them I realized what a soft heart he has...especially toward his wife.

Where Chewie is all height and hair, Maz is the exact opposite. She doesn't even clear five feet and always wears scarves and bandanas around her head. Late one night, a few months into my living with them, she'd gotten drunk and confessed to me that she was a cancer survivor. "A long time ago the doctors told me that they could save my life, but in return, I'd have to give up my dream of having a child." When I told her how sorry I was, she took my hand and with tear filled eyes behind thick glasses had urgently whispered, "There's a reason for everything. If we'd had a child, we may not have had room for you." She'd removed her glasses then, her eyes small and all knowing. "We'd never dream of trying to replace those you've lost but...child, I see your eyes. The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead. You are here for a reason."

I'd spent so long running, fighting and hiding. But here...in this house with the garden in the backyard, with the hairy giant with a soft heart and the tiny woman who always knew the right thing to say, I felt like I could rest for a little while.

So over the course of time, I did.

Finn Storm is the first friend I ever made. My first day working at the diner I met him and we hit it off immediately. He's a cook, and a damn good one at that. He's so full of energy that he reminds me of an excited puppy. I swear to God, if he had a tail, it would be constantly wagging. He always greets me with a warm smile and a hug. Like he's genuinely happy that I'm around. Finn and Poe Dameron, one of the nurses I had when I was in the hospital are a couple. They're fucking adorable. It almost makes me want to puke at their sweetness.

But Ben is my best friend. Benjamin Charles Organa-Solo. For some reason he only goes by Ben Solo. Once, when I asked him why he'd dropped the 'Organa', he'd made a joke about how both last names wouldn't fit on his badge. Badges don't have names on them, only numbers. Even though I knew there was a reason behind it, I let the matter drop. I didn't want to pry. Ben's the type of man every guy wants to be, and every woman wants to be with. The man is a redwood, standing at 6'3 and has the most luscious wavy black hair I've ever seen. Seriously, the guy could make millions doing hair commercials. He's built like an ivory mountain, all hard plains and long, thick limbs and don't even get me started on the size of his hands and feet. A scattering of moles and freckles adorns his face like stars in a night's sky, only adding to the physical beauty that is uniquely _him._ He has a strong, aqualine nose, high cheekbones and a rounded chin. His lips are plump like two soft pillows and just this side of too pink, giving them an almost feminine quality. But the thing that gets me the most are his eyes. Depending upon his emotions or how the light hits them they can be the warmest of amber, like melted honey all soft and smooth when he looks at you. I love how when he smiles or laughs, the skin wrinkles around his eyes slightly. His smirk. His endearing smile with white, slightly crooked teeth. Then there are other times when his eyes are black, a deep ebony velvet that lures me into their depths when we're in serious conversation. Even then, light seems to radiate from the dark chocolate orbs, like they hold constellations in them. Seriously, if being a cop doesn't pan out for him, he could be a model. Because Ben is, quite simply, _gorgeous._

His voice is deep and smooth, warm and refreshing with the way he pronounces some vowels and constanants. There's a certain rhythm to the way he speaks, like there's a song in his head that he follows the beat to. Listening to his voice is like slipping into a hot bath after a long day; it puts me at ease, warms me, surrounds me and makes me feel like he's only addressing me even if there are dozens of people around. He's usually quiet, preferring the pleasure of a good book over benign conversation. He has a dry, sarcastic sense of humor that makes me giggle like a kid and his laugh is his very own. At times it's more of a humming chuckle, low and quiet so you have to be close to hear it. Others, it's a great booming laugh that I swear could shake the walls.

He's a kind man. A genuinely good person. Ever since the first time I met him, something deep inside me said that he was different. He's a gentleman. Every time he comes into the diner, even if he only gets a cup of coffee which he doesn't pay for (that's the rule: anyone in the medical field or law enforcement gets free coffee) he always leaves me a more than generous tip. How much _do_ cops make, anyway?! He's the kind of guy that holds doors open for people, throws away trash he finds on the ground and will even go out of his way to put a stray shopping cart into the corral. He's even taken to lending me books when he's finished them. At first I tried to say no, telling him that I was only a waitress and didn't need such things. Sure, I'd graduated from high school in Niima, but it wasn't the best education, even though I was a good student. Ben had become very quiet, his brows furrowing in that way he has before pushing the book across the counter in my direction. "You're a _person._ Being a waitress is your job." That was three months after I met him.

To his credit, he gave me a week before finally sitting at the counter one day, looking at me expectantly like a teacher waiting for his student to give an oral report. I couldn't help it. Handing him his cup of coffee I rolled my eyes and admitted, "I liked it."

He gave me the patented Solo smirk, (bloody Solos) took a sip of the black coffee and then asked me which parts I liked, if there were any parts I hated and what I thought of the characters. That was the first time he asked me if I would be willing to eat lunch with him on my break. For half an hour we discussed the book as I shoveled food into my mouth. If I'd grossed him out with my lack of table manners, he never said a word. I'm guessing Leia, as tiny as she is would beat the shit out of her son if he had. As I cleaned my plate I awaited the look of slightly amused horror that almost everyone else would give me when they saw me eat. But Ben, like that first meal in the hospital looked happy. Pleased...almost proud. I almost keeled over when he asked me if I'd like dessert, his treat. That's when I knew. I had officially developed my first crush. I was a nobody waitress from a nowhere town, nineteen and thin as a rail. Ben was twenty-four, the son of a doctor and the chief of police, a cop in his own right. He was funny, intelligent and devastatingly handsome. I had no right to feel this way about him. But then he leaned slightly over the table, his amber eyes holding mine and whispered those three little words; "Dutch Apple pie?" Like it was a secret. Just between us. That cemented it for me. I had a four alarm crush on Ben Solo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Cackles* Did I do that? Yes, yes I did.


	7. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another time jump, but it's needed. This was always the plan. Rey and Ben will have a lot of memories in this story, and they're all important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this may not be exactly what you were hoping for in this chapter, but these characters need to grow and change, just like the real world. Rey came to Theed slightly broken, afraid and always ready to fight. She needs to grow. Give her a chance.

**Song: Home**

**Artist: Phillip Phillips**

**Album: The World From The Side Of The Moon**

The original plan was for me to stay with Maz and Chewie for twelve days. Just until I was finished with the antibiotics and got a check-up from Dr. Organa. I was going to leave as soon as I was given the medical all clear. But in those twelve days, a small group of people had somehow wormed their way past the emotional walls I'd built. Chewie and Maz had brought me home from the hospital. The first time I walked into their house my idea of what a home should be was suddenly realized. Resting on half an acre of land, the house sported a front porch with a swing built for two. Upon entering, the scent of cooking spices, wood polish and fresh air greeted me. Although they'd told me the place was small, it had three bedrooms on the second floor along with a master bath and another bathroom. They showed me my room (my room!) and said that the bathroom next to it was mine as well. The bedroom was clean and warm, but it also screamed of not being used. After all, what good is a room if there is no one to fill it? It had one window, facing east and my mind immediately ran to thoughts of waking up to the morning sun on the comfortable looking twin bed.

The ground floor consisted of another bathroom, living and dining rooms, kitchen and laundry room. But what they seemed most proud of was the giant pantry. Inside were various foods that they canned themselves, dry rubs that Chewie created himself, along with various cookbooks. It was a country home, everything comfortable and bright, slightly off the beaten path of town, right down to the large garden in the backyard that boasted of new crops of tomatoes, onions, carrots, potatoes and even a raspberry bush.

One week into my stay with them, Maz told me that Chief Solo, Dr. Organa and Ben would be joining us for dinner. "Chewie and Han grew up together...thick as thieves and closer than brothers those two." For the next few hours I cleaned the house (at my insistence) trying to burn off the anxious energy of seeing them again. Part of me was terrified that Chief and Dr. Organa would ask me questions I wasn't ready to answer while the other, more secretive part of myself was excited to see Ben again. Would he still be as nice as he was in the hospital? After cleaning I took a long shower, brushed my teeth and put on the outfit he bought me. I did my hair in its usual three bun style and took a good look at myself in the mirror. Why was I even trying? For the next ninety minutes I hid in my bedroom closet, letting the enclosed space and dark comfort me. Until I heard Maz yell up the stairs that our company had arrived.

Chewie had made (to me) a huge dinner of chicken, mashed potatoes with gravy, corn on the cob and biscuits. Ben brought a blueberry pie and vanilla ice cream for dessert. As we sat at the dining room table, Maz and Chewie at the heads, Chief and Dr. Organa on one side and Ben and I on the other, anxiety began to sink in again. I wasn't embarrassed to eat in front of people, it was just...hard. Sometimes, when I was a kid, Plutt would give me food when I brought in something useful. And some of those times, he'd get so shitfaced that two minutes later he'd forget I'd earned the food. Those times he'd usually tear the food away from me. So, I'd learned to eat quickly or to leave the house and eat where he couldn't find me. Maz and Chewie had already gotten used to how I ate. But every meal would come with a gentle reminder: "You can slow down, no one will take your food away from you".

As the serving dishes and bowls were passed around, a new fear struck me. What if I was being a burden to them from how much I ate? They always asked me if I'd like some more, or offered dessert. The food was already _there_ but what if they'd been planning on using the leftovers for lunch the next day or something? Waves of guilt washed over me as Chewie asked what piece of chicken I would like. I wanted a breast but asked for a wing instead. When the potatoes were passed to me I only took a spoonful. One cob of corn. One biscuit. I told myself that there would be pie and ice cream later. I ate slowly, trying desperately not to look like a pig. The five of them talked easily, speaking of people I didn't know and places I've never been. I just stared at my food and ate, internally yelling at myself for not getting more food, who the hell was I to ask for more, I want to hide in my closet, no, I want out of the house...

"Rey child, what do you think?" Maz asks, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"About the three of us going shopping tomorrow." Leia answered. "Get you out of the house, have a look around town."

"Umm...okay." I squeak and immediately turn red. I try to cover my embarrassment by standing up and offering to clear the table. I grab Dr. Organa's plate and utensils as well as my own, she'd been done for a little while. I push open the swinging door into the kitchen and set everything down. Turning to the sink, I start the water and put the plug in. The least I can do is the dishes. Adding soap to the water I gather the utensils first and plop them into the hot, soapy water. When I reach for the plates I notice it. My plate is clean save for the chicken bones and the cob. Dr. Organa's is the same with the exception of half of a biscuit. My stomach rumbles in hunger. It takes me about two seconds to decide. Snatching the half eaten biscuit from the plate I take a large bite just as Ben enters, his arms laden with dishes. His gaze meets my wide, horror filled eyes. I'm busted. I'm eating scraps of food and I've never felt so humiliated...or scared. What little I've gained in the last week I'm now going to lose all because of my stupid stomach. I swallow without chewing, the bite tearing its way down my throat. I can only do what springs to mind. I beg. "Please don't tell." I whisper.

Ben sets the plates on the counter and rolls up his sleeves. He begins washing dishes, ignoring me. Now I feel worse. I'm about to go back out to the dining room to get the rest when he calls after me. "Rey, you don't need to do this." I'm frozen in place, waiting for him to lecture me. "I know what you're doing. You're worried that if you eat too much, they'll send you away. You think they're doing you a favor." His chocolate eyes meet mine. "They aren't. As a matter of fact, you're actually the one doing the favor." Okay, now I'm really confused. Leaning against the counter he explains, "All I can tell you is that Maz and Chewie weren't able to have kids. You staying here, even for a few days fills a void for them. When you let them feed you, care for you, they feel whole. You're bringing them happiness by simply existing. So please, from now on, eat as much as you want and don't be worried or embarrassed about it. It's good for you and for them."

He left the kitchen and a few moments later came back with the leftovers. Setting them on a different counter he went to the cupboard where the plates are kept, taking a new one out. Moving to the food he made me another plate and put it in the microwave. As my food was warming, he found the Tupperware and began putting away whatever remained. When the timer went off, he retrieved the plate and brought it and clean utensils to me. Placing it in front of me he gave me a devilish smile. "Now, you'll eat as much of this as you want. But if I think for a moment that you're trying to pull something like that a second time, I'll handcuff you to the oven door until you finish everything."

"You wouldn't dare!"

Pulling cuffs from his back pocket he twirled them with his pointer finger. "Try me." He was teasing me and yet I knew he was also serious. Needless to say, I cleaned my plate.

For the first time in my life I felt accepted. Ten days into my stay, Maz and Chewie sat me down and offered me a chance at a life. I could live with them, if I wanted to. I thanked them but refused to live off of their generosity. They understood, but came up with a counter offer. Since summer was here, the diner would be more busy than usual. Even though they had enough wait staff, they did need a dishwasher. If I took the job, which was nights and weekends, and if I helped around the house, that would pay for my room and board plus leave me with spending money. They had stressed the fact that even once the pneumonia was gone, I still suffered from malnutrition. If I stayed, not only would I be helping them, but they could help me as well. In living with them, I could better prepare for the future...whatever it may be. A different job. College. Or moving out of town. They were giving me gifts that you can't buy...security, love, a feeling of home and most importantly, _time._

I took a day to think about it. I had about $800 left. I could make it to Galactic City, but then I'd be broke. With three outfits to my name, no job and nowhere to live when I got there. I could stay here, even if it was for a few months. I could save money. Where before I knew I had to get away from Plutt and the junkyard, from the heat and the desert, from the fear and the pain, here I could just rest and build _toward something._ Maz and Chewie were good people. With them I felt cared for and protected. So I took a long walk, weighing the pros and cons of staying and leaving. I must have been gone a while because when I got back, they were in the living room but so were Ben and his parents. I've never had anyone worry about me before. I was embarrassed by the way they all seemed to hold their breath until I finally said, "Okay, I'll stay."

Two days later Maz and I drove to the local store. I had money to spend and I was finally ready to do so. I needed clothes, bathroom products and shoes. Grabbing a cart, Maz hauled me over to the women's petite section, immediately looking through the racks of clothes. It took a while, but we eventually left the store with several bags.

Back home (home!) in my room (my room!) I sat on the floor surrounded by my purchases. Five pairs of jeans, seven T-shirts, three long sleeved button up shirts, underwear, bras, socks, a lightweight jacket and two pairs of shoes. Maz helped me pick out shampoo, conditioner and body soap. Deodorant, razors and shaving cream. I bought a new hair brush and comb along with hair binders. Got a new toothbrush, too. To the average person it may not seem like a lot, but to me it was everything. Luck seemed to be with me that day, as most of the stuff we found was on sale. My wallet definitely took a hit, but it could have been much worse.

After removing all of the tags I washed everything. It was strange to suddenly have so much stuff that it wouldn't all fit into my backpack. But maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't need my backpack anymore. Perhaps, if even in a small way, I'd found my place in the world.

* * *

Dr. Leia Organa has an office outside of the hospital. The day after I finished my antibiotic, Maz took me to see her. She not only gave me a full work-up, but also suggested I see a dentist and an OB-GYN. Since I've never been to them before because...yeah. Dr. Organa asked me about my menstrual cycle as I sat in an uncomfortable chair, gnawing on my bottom lip.

"Rey, have you ever had your period?" Her expression, like her voice was soft.

I'm blushing furiously, I know I am. The embarrassment is almost overwhelming. "Yeah." I finally manage to say.

"Okay." She smiles, looking relieved. "Do you remember the last time you had it?"

"Uhh..." I had to really think about this. "It was during spring vacation. So, March? I think?" I remember waking up to it, having to wash the clothes I'd been wearing after stuffing toilet paper into the crotch of my underwear and walking to the gas station for pads. Plutt never asked me how I got them, the pads. He probably assumed I stole them. Whatever.

"And do you remember when you had one before spring break?" Dr. Organa asked as she typed on her computer.

"Why does any of this matter?" I _hated_ my periods. They were extremely painful and a nuisance. 

"Because having an irregular cycle can mean that there's something wrong physically. Now, in your case, an irregular cycle can be the result of malnutrition." Sitting back in her chair, she smiled softly. "With good food and vitamins, your cycle may be able to correct itself. If that isn't the case, then we can look at other possible problems. I'd like you to start keeping a medical diary. I want you to write down everything that you eat and drink and how much. You also need to add things like headaches, breast tenderness, mood swings and when you menstruate, if you do. I'd like to see you every month. We can review your diary together. From there, we can make any adjustments if needed."

"Every month?" My stomach twisted. "I can't afford that. I'll only be working part time. I won't make enough..."

"Don't worry about that." She waved my concern away. "The hospital is allowed pro-bono cases a few times a year. As are medical staff. This will all be free of charge until you're back on your feet and have insurance." I gazed at her skeptically. _Everyone wants something._ But what could she possibly get out of this? Dr. Organa sighed through her nose before stating, "Believe it or not Rey, but there are people in the world that genuinely care about the well being of others. As a doctor, it's my job, my _duty_ to care about people. When you were brought into the hospital and I saw..." she looked away, anger and pain playing on her face, "well, I already knew you'd been through more than enough for one lifetime. This is a new beginning for you. I'd be honored if you'd allow me to insure that you get the proper medical treatment."

I blew out a large breath. "It was before Christmas, but definitely in December, the period before my last one." She nodded at me as she typed on the computer. "Dr. Organa?" When she looked at me it was with a tenderness I felt down to my bones. "Could...could you do the OB thing? No one's ever...I mean, I had to be careful in Niima and, see, I've never..."

"How about next month?" She asked kindly.

"Okay."

On the way home Maz and I stopped and bought some notebooks and pencils. Once we got home I ran up to my room and immediately took out a pencil and notebook and began my medical journal.

Monday, June 22, 2020

Breakfast:

Two fried eggs

Hash browns

Two sausage patties

One piece of toast: white 

One orange

One glass of milk, 2%

There. It's started. I just hope I can remember everything that I eat in a day. As if on cue, my stomach growls. Well, it has been three hours since I fed it. I skip downstairs and enter the kitchen where Maz is on the phone. "Yes honey, we got home a few minutes ago. No, she's fine. No, only the vitamins. I told you you worry too much." She rolls her eyes at me and I know Chewie is bombarding her with questions. I stifle a giggle as I grab an apple, taking a huge bite. "No, nothing about a special diet. We just need to feed her. Yes, I know you have no problem with that. Yes, we're still coming up for dinner. I think Rey's excited about starting work tomorrow." She smiles at me and I nod enthusiastically. "We're not exactly the most entertaining of people." I snort loudly as I throw the apple core and open the fridge to find something else to eat. "We'll be there at five. Love you, too." She hangs up and sighs. "I swear, that man is going to worry himself into an early grave."

I've unearthed the grape jelly. Peanut butter and jelly on toast sounds really good right now. "Its...kinda weird." I begin, placing a piece of bread in the toaster and pressing the button. Moving around I grab a plate, two knives, a glass and the peanut butter, avoiding eye contact with Maz. "No one's ever really cared about me before. But since coming here, people are so nice and...I feel like, I don't know."

My toast pops up and I start spreading it with peanut butter. Maz comes to stand next to me laying a gentle hand on my shoulder. "You feel that people truly care about you and you're having a hard time with it." I nod as I add the grape jelly. "You'll get used to the feeling of being loved soon enough."

That stops me. Loved? I'm unlovable. A nobody with nothing. Swallowing thickly I admit, "I don't think anyone could ever love me."

"Dear child," Maz whispers, forcing me to listen more carefully, "the seeds of love have already been planted and are taking root. Soon enough, the buds shall appear and blossom." With that she left the kitchen, leaving me to ponder on her words. I fill a glass with water and eat my snack. She and Chewie have been so nice to me. A part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop. But a small, secretive part of me wonders: would it be so bad to accept their love? To return it? Does family only count when it's blood or through paperwork? Could I look at them, love them, as the parents I never had? And would they be okay with that?

I remember Ben's words to me the night he and his parents came over for dinner. "All I can tell you is that Maz and Chewie weren't able to have kids. You staying here, even for a few days fills a void for them. When you let them feed you, care for you, they feel whole. You're bringing them happiness by simply existing."

Something in my heart, way, way deep and hidden begins to stir. Perhaps it's a root.

* * *

The diner is almost exactly as I envisioned it: average size, clean and radiating warmth. Like a home away from home. The dining room is amazing; white linoleum with blue stripes is slightly worn from obvious foot traffic. Comfortable booths line the walls, their cherry red color giving a beautiful pop of color compared to the tables of white. Each booth can seat about four, maybe five people depending upon their size. There are regular tables in the middle of the room, each able to seat four but are made to be put together for larger groups. The cushions on the chairs match the booths. They have a sit down counter, able to hold ten, probably meant for those who just want a cup of coffee or a piece of pie. To the left of the front door are the bathrooms. To the right is the host's stand with a POS. Behind the counter are the coffee makers, a shake machine, a display of various pies and two more POS's. There's also the serving window and I catch a glance of people working in the kitchen. Directly to the right of the counter is the door to the back of the house. The kitchen sits on the left while a salad bar with seven different kinds of salad dressings sits on the right. Past that, at the middle of the large room is the dish room on the left and across the way is the break room. The office, bathrooms and a small locker room make up the back.

Chewie and Maz give me the grand tour, pointing out little things here and there. Nothing looks too complicated. I know I'm going to like it here. The three of us sit in a booth and I peruse the menu. They offer things like meatloaf and veggies, Chicken Kiev with long grain and wild rice, burgers of various kinds, fish and chips, sandwiches...my stomach rumbles. I remember Rose, the nurse, telling me about how good the burgers are. My decision is made. When our waiter comes over, Maz introduces us. His name is Chad and he's home for the summer from college. He's blonde, blue eyed, the 'All American' type. He's cute enough that I'm sure his fake smile earns him nice tips. Truth be told, I'm sure everyone within a five mile radius would fall for him but he's no...

"Ben." I say under my breath when he enters the door. As if he heard me, his gaze snaps to mine and he gives me a small yet warm smile. I smile back as I notice he's carrying a motorcycle helmet. Something about him makes my stomach flip. And not in a bad way.

"Ben Solo!" Maz yells next to me, making me jump a little. Ben shakes his head slightly, smile growing as his cheeks pinken. He strides through the dining room to our booth and I'm caught in his eyes. His long, ebony hair just brushes his shoulders that are covered by the leather jacket he wears.

"Hey Auntie." He breaks his gaze to look at Maz. "Hey Uncle." He nods at Chewie.

"Ya eat yet?" Chewie asks. When Ben shakes his head, Chewie nods. "Have a seat." Ben shoots a glance at me, almost like he's asking _me_ for permission and I scoot closer to Maz, making room for the second largest man I've ever laid eyes on.

As Maz and Chewie give Chad their orders, Ben sits, whispering, "Hi."

I feel myself blush a little. "Hi." I whisper back.

"And for you, miss?" Chad asks.

I'm halfway lost in the scent of leather and something spicy coming from Ben that it takes me a moment to realize that Chad's speaking to me. "Oh! Um...A cheeseburger, with Pepper Jack. Medium. Fries. And a chocolate shake, please."

"God's, that sounds amazing." Ben murmurs. I can't help but notice that Chad hasn't really acknowledged him. As a matter of fact, Chad's expression is one of thinly veiled...dislike? "I'll have the same, but with onion rings." Ben leans in my direction and utters, "I'll share my rings if you share your fries?" When I nod he smiles large enough for me to see a sign of dimples.

"I like your hairstyle." He comments as he slips out of his jacket.

I run a hand over my half-ponytail. "You have a motorcycle?" I ask, pointing to his helmet. He nods.

That night, dinner goes so much differently than the one over a week ago. It's easier for me to talk, I feel safer. Ben and I playfully fight over the fries and onion rings. I finish all of my food, but more slowly. Maz pats my hand every now and then. As predicted, Chewie asks me if I want anything else to eat. That's when I realize it. The gnawing, ever present hunger is gone. And not just the physical kind. I feel...satisfied.

Something inside me breathes a sigh of relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it, that it gave you at least a little something to be happy about. The next chapter...yeah. I can't wait to put it out.


	8. Help Me Lose My Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A taste of things to come. Please note new tag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shorter than the rest, but I think this is the beginning of what some of you have been waiting for.

**Song: Help Me Lose My Mind**

**Artist: Disclosure (Mazde Remix)**

My peaceful sleep is shattered by the sound of the alarm going off. A slight movement behind me silences it. I refuse to open my eyes. I just want this for a little while longer. The pillow top mattress, the sheets that smell of leather and spice, the warmth. An arm, long and muscular winds around the front of me, holding me close to its owner. A solid, powerfully built frame rests behind me, his breathing regular but slowly speeding up. I equally love and hate this part. I love it because I'm once again waking up beside Ben, in his arms, in his bed. I'm warm and safe and cared for. I hate it because within an hour we'll part and I'll feel that separation like a knife in my chest.

His nose ruffles through my hair as he mumbles, "Morning," his deep voice laden with sleep.

"Say it isn't so." I grudgenly answer.

He chuckles softly. "Wanna play hooky? We could stay in bed all day. No one has to be the wiser."

God, what a tempting offer. There's nothing more I'd love to do. But I can't. "You know how good my tips are on the weekends. I need the money."

Ben whimpers, actually fucking _whimpers_ before rolling me onto my back and disappears under the covers. He lays his head on my flat stomach and a muffled, "But I'm comfortable!" makes me giggle. This is what I inwardly call his child side. When we're like this, alone and cuddling, the walking, talking mountain of a man who's my best friend kind of regresses into a child. One that wants to be held and to hold in return.

We've been sleeping together for almost two years now. But that's all we do: sleep. And cuddle. It began as an accident. I'd been living with Maz and Chewie for a year when Ben came over for our weekly movie night. He'd brought two large pizzas and the movie _Amadeus._ We stuffed ourselves and I was in awe of the film. We didn't make it to the end. The following morning we awoke to the smell of coffee and breakfast cooking, finding a blanket had been laid over us some time in the evening. We found ourselves a tangle of limbs, holding each other, my nose buried in his neck and his chin resting on my crown. It was the best night's sleep I'd ever had. The nightmare didn't find me. Ben was solid and warm, caging me into him and where I should have felt trapped or panicked, I only felt security.

I was worried that Ben would be horrified or disgusted but as his eyes fluttered open, he simply ran his fingers through my hair and kissed my forehead. "Morning, Sunshine." His sleepy voice rumbled. And then he smiled. Chewie and Maz didn't seem to have a problem with it, either. I found that a little odd. Over breakfast our conversation was light, as if Ben and I did nothing wrong. Which, I mean, we _didn't._ We just slept. When he left he kissed me on the forehead again and said that he'd come to the diner that evening. Once he was gone I ran to my room, grabbed a pillow from my bed and hid in my closet.

For the next year and a half our 'slumber parties' as he calls them became a more regular occurrence. It started as once a month and always at Maz and Chewie's. Ben probably didn't want them thinking he was taking advantage of me. As if he ever would. We never slept in my room or even the guest room that has a queen size bed. Always in the living room. Eventually we gave up on the couch and I brought down my blankets and pillows and made what I jokingly called a nest. His look of shock sent me into a fit of giggles and an immediate explanation. As he moved the coffee table to make more room I smoothed out a blanket on the floor. "Niima is a desert...well, all of Jakku is. The days were blistering hot, sometimes reaching 120° or higher." Laying another directly on top of the first I continued, " The nights however, could get fucking frigid. So I did this." I placed two pillows at the head of the nest then took two more blankets and twisted them so they would create a kind of wall around us. Unfolding the last blanket I stepped into the nest spreading it out so it would cover us both. "I know it's weird. But this is how I kept myself warm."

Ben stepped into the nest and sat beside me. "Did you only do this in Niima?"

"No. Sometimes I do it here. When I'm cold. Or have nightmares." I answered honestly.

Pulling the blanket over himself he reached out for me, dragging me over to him. As his arms surrounded me he praised, "It's a beautiful nest, Rey. Such a clever girl." Something in me stirred in satisfaction and we fell asleep almost immediately.

In the predawn hours the following morning he confessed to me in the warm darkness. "I've had nightmares since I was a kid. I've never really slept well. Until that first time we fell asleep together. That was my first uninterrupted sleep since I was ten."

Over time once a month became once every three weeks. Then every other week. Then once a week. But three months ago I'd finally moved out of Maz and Chewie's. So much has changed in not even three years. But one of the best things is Ben. We have the same group of friends so we're always around each other. But our sleeping arrangements are a secret. I think he doesn't want people to know because they might get the wrong idea. I could only wish _he_ got the wrong idea.

"Do you want the first shower?" His muffled voice spreads warm air over my stomach.

"Nah. You go ahead. I'll start the coffee." I lift the blanket up to him him staring at me with a goofy grin.

He slips out of bed, hair askew in the most adorable and panty melting way. Kissing me on the temple he rumbles, "You take such good care of me." Once the bathroom door closes I get out of bed and enter his kitchen. Everything is neat, clean and modern. Unlike my kitchen. I get the coffee started and turn on the T.V. It's already 5:15 A.M. Damn. I won't have time to shower before I leave. Working the weekends means great money but very little social life.

I grab my overnight bag and claim the guest bathroom. I brush my teeth, wash my face and get dressed in my diner T-shirt and jeans. I've let my hair grow out so it's halfway down my back. I brush it until there isn't a knot left and put a hairbinder around my wrist. For some reason Ben likes to braid it. I'll ask him to if there's time. By the time I make it out of the bathroom it's already 5:30. Shit. I have ten minutes before I have to leave. I pour myself a cup of coffee and throw on my spring jacket.

Ben enters the kitchen as I'm sipping my coffee. "Where's your sweater?" His hair is wet and wavy, dripping slightly onto his flannel. He's not wearing socks. Why is that so sexy?

"Forgot to pack it." I grumble as he passes me to get his own coffee.

"No breakfast?"

"Don't have time."

"So I'm to send you off with an empty stomach and to freeze at work?" He shakes his head and opens the refrigerator digging around. "I didn't even get to braid your hair."

I hide my smile as I put on my sneakers. He sets an apple on the table in front of me then begins to unbutton his flannel. "Take this."

"I'll be fine!"

His lips form a straight line and his eyes hold mine. We argue in silence. I take the shirt, grab my purse and overnight bag and stuff the apple into my mouth. That earns me a goofy grin. "I'll swing by for lunch." He tells me as he unlocks the front door. His lips find my forehead as the door opens. "Drive safely." I nod and scamper down the hall, out into the parking lot and into my seven year old Jeep. Throwing my bag into the backseat I climb in the front and start the engine.

**You could have stayed. You _should_ have stayed.**

_Shut. Up._

**I'm only stating the obvious.**

_Exactly. Which is why you don't need to say anything._

Taking a bite of the apple I throw the Jeep into gear and drive to work.

Yep. A lot has changed since I decided to stay in Theed. The strangers that found me became my family. I've made a small but wonderful group of friends. I'm a waitress at the diner. I have my own place. My best friend has grown into so much more to me. And the voice, my sixth sense now speaks to me on a regular basis. She not only warns me of danger but feels the need to add her two cents into almost everything that happens. I wish she'd just go away.

**I can't.**

* * *

It's an average Saturday morning in Theed. Spring has come to Naboo. What little snow we've had is gone and now everything is beginning to bud. The temperature has been in the mid sixties all week and I love it. I park in the back parking lot for staff only. Entering through the rear I stop off at the locker room to put my purse away, hang my jacket up, grab an apron and tie my hair into a ponytail. Maz's Diner is almost always busy, but on the weekends it borders on insanity. I began waitressing three months after starting here, seeing as how half of the staff went back to school. Most of the customers tip at least 20%, if not more. They're used to the staff saving up for college or a car, so as long as you don't seriously fuck up, you're guaranteed good money. I typically work weekends, at least twelve hour shifts, 6 A.M. to 6P.M. The job is hard physically, constantly running around, carrying heavy trays laden with food, but the staff is nice and I know a lot of the customers by name. Especially the elderly.

Walking past the office Maz calls out, "I see you forgot a sweater again."

I smile and head into the office, tossing my apron onto the empty chair and slip into Ben's shirt, rolling the sleeves up. "Yeah. I've been doing that a lot lately. Must be due to old age."

Maz snorts. "At least that boy knows how to be a gentleman."

Tying my apron on I nod. "I better get out there."

"Oh, child. I hate to ask but, Nate has a family reunion and he can't make it in until seven or eight tonight..."

"No problem." I smile at her before making my way to the front of the house, smiling and waving at Eddie the dishwasher, Chewie and Finn who are busy setting up the line. 

Behind the counter I start the coffee and count the money in each POS, leaving a note in each stating how much money was in them with my initials. I check the bathrooms to make sure they're clean and have toilet paper. I turn on the sound system which plays music of every kind from the forties to today. I love how eclectic it is. At exactly 6 A.M. I turn on the outside sign and unlock the front door.

For the next few minutes I stand in the dining room, staring out the window into the brightening sky. The Beach Boys play overhead singing about good vibrations and I can't help but smile. I woke up in Ben's arms just over an hour ago and I'm going to make about four hundred dollars on this shift. It's going to be a fantastic day.

* * *

I love it when she wears my clothes. The way my scent slightly mixes with hers. Rey looks so adorable, so...fuckable when she's in my shirt. She smells of the pack now, though we've had to be careful. Rey now easily accepts hugs from some people, Maz and Chewie, my parents, Finn and Poe, Rose. But with others she's more standoffish. Armie Hux, Kaydel Ko Connix, Paige Tico. With the exception of some, most of the pack has accepted her. But Rey, it's like a wall comes up when she sees certain members. It's been two and a half years and still no other can smell her. Only me. I've often wondered if it's psychological, my desire for her so strong that I'm 'wishful scenting'. Maybe I've lost my mind. I watch as she pulls out of the parking lot from my balcony window. She's come so far in such a small amount of time. I cannot deny the truth, though. I want her to be mine. Even if she remains human.

I finish my coffee and go back to bed. Shoving my face into the pillow she used I breathe deeply: Night Blossoms. The scent drives me insane. I want to cry because she was here and now she's gone. I grow hard, replaying the morning in my mind. Her messy hair. Her sleepy smile. So warm and so sweet in my bed. My cock throbs. _Fuck._ She's going to be the death of me. I rarely take myself in hand outside of my ruts. The guilt of what I think about while in rut washes over me. I always imagine Rey, sweet and begging beneath me as I worship her. Her voice in my ear. Her hand in mine. Our scents mixing together in the nest she's made and holy fuck what perfect nests she makes! My hand goes to the button of my jeans, I'm too far gone. Tugging my jeans and boxers down enough to let my cock spring free I take myself in hand, slowly working from the tip to the shaft and giving a gentle squeeze. I imagine her warm and wet and pliant and I can almost hear her moan of _Ben_ as I thrust into my hand and oh god, "Rey!" I growl aloud before bringing my nose deeper into the pillow, greedy and desperate for more of everything, more of her, my hand moving faster, my breathing little more than grasps and moans and I'm on the edge, fuck, I'm gonna come gonna fill her, take my seed, I'll give you everything, I love you Rey, I love you, Sweetheart, and then the scent hits me like a bullet train; the smell of the air right before a rainstorm, fresh and clean and pure, the promise of growth and life. "Fuck!" I roar as my spend covers the sheet beneath me, my knot inflated but there's nothing I can do about that.

I fling myself onto my back, my breath rapid and short. My bed is messy with my come and so is my hand. I need to take another shower and change the sheets. "Shit." I strip and throw my clothes into the hamper. I'm halfway to the bathroom before it dawns on me. I move back to the bed and pick up Rey's pillow. I sniff at it. Night Blossoms. Shoving my nose into the fabric I draw a deep breath and there it is. The shock sends me to my knees. The beginnings of a rainstorm. Her scent has changed. It's sweet and clean. Alphas don't smell sweet. Betas smell of soap. That means...My heart skips several beats before it thumps back to life, hot and solid with new purpose. "Rey..."

**Omega!**

* * *

The first two hours of my shift are fine. Better than fine, actually. They're really good. We're busy so that means I have little time to think about anything other than doing my job. I start to feel a little warm but with as crowded as the diner is and running around in Ben's flannel, it's no wonder. I'm behind the counter, plating a piece of cherry pie when I see it...no, not it. _Them._ There's a few light pink lines on the inside of both my wrists. I lightly touch one and feel how it's slightly raised from the rest of my skin. Weird. I deliver the pie, smiling at the customer. She reeks of soap. Must have gone to the bathroom when I wasn't looking.

My wrists itch. I take a quick look. More lines. They're not huge but not tiny, either. I scratch at them lightly. They're tender. Am I having an allergic reaction to something? What would I even be allergic to? I scratch the lines again but it only makes them itch more. What. The. Fuck. I'm starting to sweat a little. My stomach cramps. What's going on?!

"Hey sweetie!" I turn to find Rose sitting at the counter, her warm smile drawing one from me.

"Hey lady." I pour her a cup of coffee and place it before her. "Just caffeine or are we eating as well?"

"I'm not all that hungry." She says as she pours a packet of sugar into her cup. I watch, entranced as time seems to slow down as the individual grains plunk into the black coffee and melt.

Her voice pulls me back. "I'm sorry, what?" I ask.

"I asked if you're feeling okay. You don't look so good, hon." Her brown eyes look concerned.

"I..." No. I don't feel well. Taking a deep breath through my nose, the smell hits me. Peaches. Rose smells of peaches. "Did you change your perfume?"

"I don't wear perfume." She states. My wrists itch and I fumble slightly as I lift the sleeves up, scratching at the marks again. "Rey..."

"Someone reeks of peaches." I mumble.

Her eyes widen and she slowly turns to look at the other customers. Two men and one woman are looking back at her. No, that's wrong. They're staring at _me._ What fresh hell is this?!

**Danger! Walk into the back, slowly.**

_Why?_

**No time to explain. Do as I say.**

But I can't move. Everything feels off kilter. One of the men stands...he's a regular. Don? He's always been nice to me. He's about thirty. Comes in with a friend or two once a week. Good tipper. But at this moment, he doesn't look so nice. He looks...hungry.

**Go into the back, _now!_**

_I'm trying!_

My feet won't move. I'm caught in his blue eyes...it's a trap. My hands are fisting and relaxing out of my control. I force myself to blink. I've seen that look from men before, just not in this magnitude. I know _exactly_ what he wants. Rose stands up as Don takes a step toward me. My hand shoots out and I grab a serving tray. It's not a crowbar, but I refuse to go down without a fight.

The kitchen door bangs open at the same time the front door does. Chewie is by my side in a moment looking angry and oddly enough, smelling of sandalwood. When the fuck did everyone start wearing perfume and cologne? Then the scents I'm already accustomed to hit me. Leather and spice. My head whips around to find Ben standing in the middle of the dining room looking menacing and huge-as-fuck. Armie Hux is with him and he looks _pissed._ But they're not looking at me. Ben's looking at Don. No, _glaring_ at Don. Like he's trying to tear the man apart just from his stare alone. Don's head dips slightly and he pulls out his wallet, placing a few bills on the table. Ben's hands clench into fists and Don scurries away, out the front door.

The itching at my wrists becomes unbearable and I whimper, dropping the tray back on the counter so I can scratch them. Ben's black orbs snap to the motion and he licks his lips. But the expression on his face is more compassionate, weary. I can feel as a bead of sweat rolls down the nape of my neck. I haven't been sick, not so much as a sniffle since I first came to Theed. Looks like those days are over. But even then, it was my chest. This is all over. Warmth floods through me, my heart pumping a tad harder. Fear hits me just as the kitchen door swings open again, revealing Maz. She takes one look at me and I know it's bad. "Dear child," she says gently as she reaches for me.

Something inside my mind cracks, small shards falling away like glass. "Mommy?" My voice breaks at the word. The floor seems to give out beneath me and I'm falling, falling into the black.

"I've got you, pup." Chewie's voice seems so far away even as I feel his arms catch me.

"Its okay, Sweetheart." Ben's voice and scent surround me.

The itching works its way to the back of my neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all are incredible. Every time I get a comment, a kudos, a hit, I smile. Keep them coming, please! I love hearing what you think about this story! Much love!


	9. Silent Lucidity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We delve into Rey's mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably my favorite chapter thus far. Tell me what you think! 😉

**Chapter 9**

**Song: Silent Lucidity**

**Artist: Queensryche**

**Album: Empire**

I'm not asleep. Nor am I awake. I'm stuck in the in between place. I can feel my body being manipulated, carried. The scents of lilies, sandalwood, peaches, leather and spice and peppermint. There are soft, gentle hands on my body, examining my wrists, my neck. A cool hand on my forehead. I try to ask what's going on, but the words can't pass my lips. Voices carry, all familiar, quickly and slow. Nothing makes sense. I've got a bad feeling about this.

But it's not the main problem. Something is holding my memories, like a deck of playing cards in their hand. Each is important. Every one vital. The two of us are sitting at a table, one I know well. We're in Maz and Chewie's dining room. The world is shifting, tilting and although I can see the other person, I can't make out any features. They shuffle the deck with reverence, humming a tune that's familiar but one I've never heard. I can hear the voices of my friends and family but they're muffled...they're in the kitchen.

**Where to begin when the truth lies within?**

_What's happening? Where am I?_

**Where you belong.**

I know this voice. But it's different somehow. Louder. More clear.

**Pick a card, any card!**

I refuse to play games. So instead I try to stand, wanting to get back. I need to go to the kitchen.

**Fine, be that way. I'll pick for the both of us.**

They place a card in my hand and the memory plays before my eyes...

_I've been in Theed for fourteen months. It's August and the County Fair has begun. I've never been to a fair before. Ben and I are in his truck, driving to the grounds. I pepper him with questions the whole way and he's smiling, refusing to answer with anything besides,_ "Patience. I want it to be a surprise."

_We park in a large field, dozens of vehicles are already there. As we make our way to the entrance, I notice how large the crowd is. I'm still uncomfortable with large groups of people, but it's getting better. Out of nowhere, Ben takes my hand in his, the warmth of it calming me. This is the first time he's held my hand. It feels...right. He pays for both of us at the gate, which I try to argue. He tells me I can buy the first round of food. That makes me feel better. He knows how I like being as independent as possible._

_The first place he takes me is to see the baby animals. The building smells heavily of shit and hay. I wrinkle my nose and he laughs. There's chicks and kittens and puppies, calves and kids, foals and lambs. Piglets and rabbits. Cassian Andor is there with three calves and their mothers. He lets me feed one with a bottle. He and Ben watch, the latter grinning widely._

_It's about 9:30A.M. and we decide to have our first snack of the day. I buy us a bag of mini donuts each and two bottles of water. I like eating with Ben. He never laughs or gags at how much food I can consume in one sitting. He eats just as much as I do but what else would you expect from the guy built like a fridge?_

_When we finish up, Ben takes my hand again. We go on a couple of rides, the tilt-a-whirl, the scrambler. My world is spinning and I'm happy about it. We walk around, ducking into various buildings, checking out local vendors and their fares. It's all so magical that I never want to leave._

_We have a deep fried lunch which I'm sure Leia will give me shit over at my next appointment. We stroll into a gaming alley, the workers yelling out things like,_ "Five dollars for three balls!", _which makes me blush but I'm not sure why._

_One man calls out,_ "Hey man! Win your girlfriend a stuffed animal! Only ten bucks!"

_Ben stops suddenly and I realize the guy was talking to him. I try to correct the worker,_ "Oh, I..." _But Ben interrupts me._

"Sure!" _Then his amber eyes meet mine and he smiles._ "Why not?" _He pulls me over to a shooting gallery. Pulling out a ten he asks,_ "How many do I need to hit?"

_The man explains,_ "You have thirty seconds. Hit five and she gets one of these." _He points to a pile of tiny stuffed animals._ "Hit ten, one of those." _He points to a pile of medium sized stuffed animals._

"What if I hit more than ten?" _Ben asks._

_The guy laughs._ "If you hit more than ten..." _He looks up to the ceiling where stuffed animals are hung, each of them at least two feet tall._

"Okay." _Ben lifts the pellet gun, placing the butt against his shoulder. I glance at the rows of targets. There's only three but they're different sizes and stationary._ "Whenever you're ready."

_The guy pushes a button and the targets begin moving. Each row moves at different speeds. Clink. One. Clink. Two. Clink. Three. The shots come faster clinkclinkclink. I pull my eyes away from the targets, up to Ben. He isn't blinking, barely moving. A buzzer finally sounds and I turn back to the targets and they're all laying flat. He's hit every single on of them! But_ of course _he has. I'm starting to believe that there isn't anything he can't do._

"What do you want?" _The man asks me. A small breeze flirts over us and the scent of...a campfire? rolls over me. I look up to Ben who's put down the pellet gun and is looking back at me, his brows raised slightly._

_There's something...else. Ben quirks a smile when I stand there speechless._ "How about the teddy bear?" _He tells the man._

"No!" _I counter. My eyes roam for a few seconds before I see it._ "May I have the wolf, please?"

_It's huge and black and so plush that I can't help but run the tips of my fingers over it._ "Thank you."

_We walk around for a while, my left arm holding my prize and Ben holding my right hand. It all feels so...new, yet_ normal. _Like this is how life is supposed to be. How it should have always been. This is the highlight of my life. It's kinda pathetic. That what everyone else takes for granted makes me so happy. Ben's thumb lightly strokes the back of my hand. I'm nursing a serious crush on him. I know that the only reason he's holding my hand is because of my dislike for crowds. He's only doing it to help keep me calm. But in this moment, I pretend. I pretend he likes me more than a friend. That I'm his and he's mine. I usually don't lie to myself like this. But a few minutes won't hurt._

_I see someone selling chocolate covered strawberries. When I ask Ben if he wants some he nods and offers to come with me. I tell him it's okay, I can go by myself. We agree to meet back at the group of tables a few feet away. Our hands let go and I feel a sense of loss. He looks...concerned, sad. I walk away only to turn back to see him still standing there, watching me. And it's just so fucking unfair. He's so damn beautiful, clad in plaid and denim, his long raven hair and amber eyes. The urge to scream_ mine _and throw myself at him is terrible. So I smile instead. He smiles back. I turn again and make my way over to the vendor._

_The line isn't too long and I dig my money from my front pocket as I wait for my turn. I should get us something to drink, too._

_**He makes you happy.** _

The voice is like a reverse echo, growing from quiet and far to loud and near. I glance around. I could swear someone is standing next to me, trying to have a conversation. The woman behind me is bouncing a baby on her hip, looking tired. But she didn't speak to me. I lick my lips, looking around, waiting for my sixth sense to warn me of danger.

_**It's okay to be happy.** _

_Who are you?_

I take a step forward in line.

_**You know who I am.** _

_I really don't._

_**You like him.** _

_Nice segue._

_**You more than like him.** _

I huff.

_Can you blame me? Look at him._

_**I know. Sex on legs, that one.** _

I choke on my spit. Coughing loudly, the man in front of me turns around to look at me. I can only smile.

_I can't believe I just thought that._

_**You didn't. I did.** _

_Great. I have a split personality._

_**No. I'm the part of you that's always been there but had to hide in the shadows.** _

_The fuck does that mean?!_

_**Stay close to Ben. He's good.** _

_I shouldn't lean on him so much. I don't deserve him._

_**Has he ever complained? And don't you think you should let him decide for himself what he wants?** _

_The line is gone and so is the voice. I purchase a six piece of chocolate covered strawberries and two bottles of water. I walk back to the tables and find Ben sitting at one, staring at me with his head tilted slightly. His eyes roam over my body like he's checking me for injuries. Why does he do that? Sitting next to him I put our snack between us._ "I got water, too." _I say lamely._

"Thank you, Rey." _He opens a bottle and takes a drink._

_The way his bottom lip comes back wet is so sexy. His mouth is sexy. Everything about him is just...fuck. His hand is so large it can completely wrap around the bottle...and then some. I can't help but stare at his Adam's apple as it bobs up and down as he swallows. Sweet Christ on a cracker. He's just so...so..._

"You got a variety?"

"What?" _His voice snaps me out of my thoughts. Looking at the pack I shrug._ "Oh. Yeah. I just figured, you know...it might be good." _Shut up, Rey. Right now!_

"Hmm. Where should we start?"

"Um. I don't know. What...what do you like?"

_His amber eyes lock with mine. He licks his lips. Time seems to slow as he reaches for the treats, taking one and holding it to my mouth._ "Open." _My lips separate for him. The chocolate dipped berry is placed into my mouth halfway and he rests it on my tongue._ "Bite." _His voice is deeper, richer and a wave of warmth washes over me. I do as he says, the bitterness of the chocolate and the sweetness of the strawberry a new combination that zaps my tastebuds. Ben's eyes darken to almost black, the pupils enlarge and the scent of a campfire with spice and leather hits my nose. He's so close we must be breathing the same air. His eyes rake down to my mouth as I chew._ "Good?" _I nod. Popping the rest into his mouth he chews slowly, not breaking eye contact._ "Very good. Nice and sweet." _There's something about the way he says it that gets to me. Under my skin. In my blood._ "More?" _I swallow and nod, opening my mouth eagerly. He smirks and feeds me another. My eyes close, I can't hold his gaze anymore._ "Good girl."

_He feeds me by hand. Brings a bottle of water to my lips. I feel cared for. No, taken care of. Protected. Cherished. I know time is passing but it doesn't matter. All I care about is the here and now. And right now, it's just Ben and I. The rest of the world has vanished. Something shifts inside of me, like my body is making room for something else...someone else._

"I bought something." _I open my eyes and there's a small box on the table._

"Ben..."

"Now, don't get angry, Sunshine. They're for both of us."

_Opening the cardboard box I find two bracelets. One is made of white beads with a charm of a black wolf. The other, the exact opposite. They're handmade, delicate yet strong. And so very beautiful._ "Which one is mine?" _He smiles in relief and takes out the one with the black wolf on it. Securing it onto my left wrist he kisses the skin._

_I grab the other and put it on his right wrist. Before I know it, the words slip from my mouth._ "What a good boy."

_The shock on his face is mortifying._ "I..." _I'm scrabbling. Half of me is trying to throw up a barrier between he and I, screaming_ idiot, moron! _There's a scratching, a tearing at the next wall, something trying to get out._

_**Out! Let me out!** _

_I've blown it. Ruined everything. Maybe it's better this way. He'd realize it eventually. I'm not good enough. I'm going to lose him. Grief and panic lock around my heart. This is where I lose him. But Ben leans in, wrapping his arms around me and hauls me right against him. Like how we sleep._ _Oh. But we're in public. And he's not much of a hugger, not that I've noticed, but he's hugging_ me _and his mouth finds my cheek and he kisses me._ Oh. _I bury my face in the crook of his neck and breathe. Oh no. Oh shit. I didn't mean to. But it happened. Son of a bitch. I fell in love with Ben. Forgive me. And that small voice from when I was little comes back, that tiny alone girl who cried_ please don't leave me! _But there's a response this time, different but young as well, just as broken,_ Come back! _I hug Ben back which only makes him tighten his hold._

_That night, when Ben dropped me off at home, I gave him my first kiss. On the mouth. Like most things in my life, I didn't plan on it. I just did it. It was fast. Probably a little too hard. And how was I supposed to know that noses got in the way? But all the same it was nice. His lips were soft and firm. And who better to give my first kiss to than Ben? I knew he'd take care of it. Cherish it. I couldn't think of anything to say, so I ran. Into the house, slamming the front door behind me, up the stairs into my room, slamming that door as well, and made a beeline for my closet. My nest was already set up, waiting for me. I didn't make it out of fear or for warmth this time. It was made for comfort. I didn't know why at the time. I fell into it gratefully, closing the door._

**But the night didn't end there.**

_No._

**Well, go on then.**

_If you know what happened, then why do you ask?_

**Because you need to face it. Don't be afraid.**

_I'm not afraid._

**Embarrassed, then. It's only natural.**

_I know that!_

**Then what are you waiting for?**

* * *

_I wake up in my nest. I'm warm and safe. Alone. The house is quiet. Maz and Chewie must still be at work. Opening the closet door, light spills into my eyes. I feel restless. I already miss Ben. My senses are heightened and there's butterflies in my stomach. I swallow. I want to try, but I've never done it before. I didn't dare when I lived with Plutt. Nor did I care to. But now, I'm alone and...I want to. I just don't know how. How do people actually go about doing such a thing?_

_Closing my eyes I try to relax. I think of the times I've woken in Ben's arms. The security. The warmth. His body spooning mine. Rolling over onto my side I breathe. My imagination sets the scene. It's just a normal sleep over, like the others. Only we're in my nest, cuddling, the soft blankets surrounding us. I wonder if he'd like my nest if I ever decide to show it to him. His fingers drawing soothing patterns on my stomach. Oh, I like that. My breathing slightly quickness. How fingers move lower, lifting my shirt to just below my bra. Ben's touching my skin now. Barely there whispering of skin on skin. It's light, a teasing gesture, designed to make me ask, to provide comfort. I wiggle and feel more than hear his huff of laughter. His hand moves to the top of my leggings, just below my belly button and it's_ so warm, _just like the rest of him. Fingertips skim beneath the material, teasing, testing. My hips jerk slightly._

_He delves further down, under my panties, his short nails raking through the hair. I whine. The butterflies in my belly flutter with excitement. His massive hand cups my sex and stills. That's when I feel it. The wetness. He hums contentedly behind me. I sigh. Two fingers tentatively begin to stroke, gathering the fluid and spreading it up to my clit. He circles it, and it feels good but it's not enough. He repeats the pattern, gathering, spreading, circling, again and again. I'm biting my bottom lip, trying to stay quiet. With gentle, languid caresses he moves to my clit, brushing against it and I moan. I'm squirming from his ministrations, trying to get closer or further away I'm not sure. All I know is how good it feels, how my abdomen is clenching as he speeds up a little. A tad more pressure. And bloody hell, it's_ exactly _what I needed. My hips are moving, trying to find more friction. It's so bright and warm and wet and_ holy fuck...

Good girl. "Shit." _I'm panting. There's not enough air but that's of little concern because I'm dying anyway. My heart beats a furious tattoo against my ribs. Something's gonna happen. I'm so close I can practically taste it._ "Ben." _Leather and spice fills my nose, encouraging me to find what I'm seeking. It's a pin point, drawing ever closer as I reach out for it, for him. One short but powerful wave. Two. Three._ Come. _Nothing for a moment. The time in between breaths. Then I'm a supernova, exploding with energy and pleasure and I'm panting screams,_ "BenBenBen!" **Stay close to Ben. He's good.** Good girl.

_I'm still lightheaded when I leave my room, having opened the window. The air smells like me...like what I've done. I close my door, praying that the scent won't work its way anywhere else. I wash my hands, removing all evidence of my...session. I need to take a shower. But once again, my stomach rumbles and I must feed the beast._

_There's leftover fried chicken in the fridge. Grabbing a plate I pop it in the microwave and get a glass of juice. I take my dinner out onto the back patio. I love it out here. Between the woods and the garden it feels like paradise. The sun is glinting through the trees, causing everything to look ethereal. Mystical. I sit at the patio table, nibbling away at my chicken. I need to shower and go to bed soon. I open tomorrow and it's gonna be a long day. I've been saving up for the last year. I need a car. Maz and Chewie let me use one of theirs, but that means more running around for them. They've helped me get my driver's license. I've got a bank account. I don't really check the balance. I just keep stuffing money into it. I pay for everything with cash. I have two jars in my room. I split my tips, 25% goes into one jar, 75% into the other. Once a week I take the second jar into the bank and deposit the money. Working usually Wednesdays to Sundays, I earn a lot. My paychecks aren't too bad, either. On Monday, I'll go to the bank and see how much I've squirreled away._

_A twig snaps and I look up to find a wolf just beyond the garden. It's big. Larger than wolves should be. It's just...staring at me. Probably smells the chicken. Am I supposed to run? To scream? Shit, I can't remember. So I do the only thing I can think of._

"Hello."

_It takes a few steps closer to me. Slowly. It's beautiful. Black from ears to tail. I look around, waiting for others. They travel in groups, right? Think I heard that somewhere. But this one is alone. I don't know how I know it, I just do. It sits down, a good thirty feet from me._ "Where's your family?" _It tilts its head._

_I stand and grab the chicken breast I haven't eaten yet._ "Are you hungry?" _I slowly move toward it, ready to run or scream at any moment._ "You're talking to a wolf, Rey. You've finally snapped your cap." _I get about twenty feet from it._ "You can't eat Maz's veggies, but you can have this." _I wave the chicken at it._ "Just please don't eat me as well." _I swear I hear it huff. Like a laugh. I toss the chicken near it and it doesn't even bother to sniff it. Just starts eating._

_I watch it while it eats. Its fur really is quite beautiful._ "I know someone who has hair as pretty as yours." _It crunches through the bones._ "Where's your um...family? Group? Shit, that's not right." _I run a hand over my eyes._ "Pack! Where's your pack?"

_The wolf stills and looks at me._ "Are you alone? No pack?" _Its head tilts to the side. Almost like it understands me. But that's ridiculous._ "I don't have a pack...obviously because I'm human." _I sigh._ "You should go home. There's no other wolves here. Just a desert rat."

_It huffs and I swear it rolls its eyes._ "Go on, now. Go home." _I wave to the woods. It lays down instead._ "No. Not lay down! Go home!" _I urge. It rests its head on its front paws._ "Ugh. Fuck it." _I kneel down in the grass._ "If you're gonna hang around, you need a name." _I've never had a pet, never needed to name anything before._ "How about Wolfie?" _It just raises its brows._ "Yeah, not very creative, I know. But that's what Constanza called Wolfgang in the movie. He called he Stanzie." _It just looks at me._ "Would you prefer Fido or Spot?" _It huffs again. Ah ha! Victory!_ "Then Wolfie it is. I'm Rey."

_Wolfie slinks forward a foot before its head lifts. It sniffs the air. It stands suddenly, looking around, then back to me._ "D-do you smell something?" _I stutter, my heart rate kicking up a notch. It growls. Shit._ "Go home, Wolfie." _I stand and make my way back to the porch. It watches me the entire way. Taking my plate I go into the house. When I look out the window, Wolfie is gone._

_I shower, scrubbing every inch of my body. I pretend what happened in my closet was a dream. I wash the blankets. The weird thing is, no matter how many times I've washed them, I can still smell Ben's cologne._

* * *

_Ben doesn't come to the diner the next day. Leia and Han do. They ask if I had a good time at the fair. I tell them it was fun. Leia comments on my bracelet. I explain that Ben bought it. She smiles and knowingly nudges her husband with an elbow. It's a normal Sunday. Busy. I make about $400 in tips. During my lunch break I check the cell phone Maz and Chewie gave me for Christmas. They wanted me to have one, so they could always get a hold of me. No missed calls or texts. I check it again when I clock out. Nothing. It's not unusual to not hear from or see Ben for a day or two but...after yesterday, I'm worried. Maybe he hates me. Maybe he doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I make a nest again when I get home. But it doesn't comfort me. I cry myself to sleep._

_Monday morning I borrow Chewie's car and go to the bank. I deposit most of my tips. I check the balance and almost faint. I've always been careful with my money. I just didn't realize I'd been_ that _careful. I have almost twenty thousand dollars saved! I thought I was frugal but I'm a goddamn penny pincher. Maz and Chewie pay all of the bills, and I buy most of whatever I need when it's on sale. Or from clearance racks. Ben and I go out, but we always go Dutch. And either the places are cheap or I have a coupon. It's the same when Finn and Rose and I go out. She's paying off a student loan and he's saving for college, which he's starting in January. I have enough for a car! And insurance. Holy shit!_

_When I get home I call Ben. His phone goes straight to voicemail. I don't leave a message. I don't know what to say. Instead I pull weeds from the garden and clean the house. That night I crawl back into my nest and hug the wolf Ben won me tightly as I cry myself to sleep again._

_Tuesday I go shopping for the house. Maz and Chewie always make the best lists. They write down what's needed according to the layout of the store, so I never have to retrace my steps. But instead of using the money they gave me, I use my bank card. Part of it is guilt. But mostly because I'm proud of myself. I've worked hard, I've earned the money. I can help contribute to the household. I make spaghetti and cheesy garlic bread for dinner. They're surprised. As we eat I hand them back the shopping money and tell them about my bank balance. I'm financially ready to buy a vehicle. We plan on a week from now to go looking. I don't hear from Ben at all. I blew it._

_Wednesday morning I feel like shit. I've barely slept the night before. I only work from 6A.M. to noon, and I'm glad for it. I'm tired, my stomach hurts and all I want to do is cry. My period may be coming. Joy. I have a dull headache that I try to cure with coffee and Tylenol. It doesn't work. Maz and I drive to the diner together. She's unusually quiet. I don't have the energy to talk anyway._

_Han is there when we open. He sips at his coffee as I make another pot for his thermos. After ten minutes I can't take it anymore._ "Is Ben okay?"

"What? Oh, yeah he's...he's okay."

"I haven't heard from him since the fair." _I try for nonchalance as I wipe down menus._

"Oh. He uh...he had to go to Stillwater." _He scratches his chin._ "They needed some help. Special assignment." _Sipping his coffee he smiles._ "Don't worry, kid. He'll come back soon."

"That's what they said." _I place his thermos on the counter._

"What?"

"Nothing." _I grab a tub of silverware._ "I need to get back to work. Yell if you need anything."

_The rest of the day is shit. Four hours into my shift, Chewie hands me his car keys and tells me to go home. I do. I don't even bother with my nest. Or with my stuffed wolf. I crawl into bed but I'm so tired I can't sleep. So I just listen to the birds sing._

I need to let him go.

_The voice doesn't answer. I'm alone._

**_YOU MUST FORGET!_ **

_I wake up screaming, throwing myself onto the floor. My entire body is soaked in sweat, my clothes clinging to me. I'm crawling under my bed, trying to hide when my door is kicked in, straight off the hinges and Chewie looks angry and panicked. Maz is hot on his heels, trying to coax me out of my hiding place as he checks out the window, looks in my closet._

_I must have blacked out or fainted because the next thing I'm aware of is Maz and I being in my bathroom and I'm in the bathtub, the shower running. She's speaking gently, helping me out of my soaking clothes. I'm shaking, freezing on the inside, tears running down my face. Maz washes my hair, her fingers firm and gentle, helping to relax me. I don't even care that I'm naked. The voice...that voice did so much worse. Even over the noise of the shower I can hear Chewie moving around, probably stripping the bed. I may have pissed myself. I'm just, so fucking tired._

_From far away a voice sings,_ "My bonnie lies over the ocean, my bonnie lies over the sea, my bonnie lies over the ocean, oh bring back my bonnie to me..." _I'm grounded. Safe._

_When I wake up Maz is sitting in a chair next to my bed, holding my hand. She's asleep. Chewie is standing in front of the window. He turns to me, and his soothing voice washes over the room._ "Back to sleep." _I close my eyes. The voice doesn't find me again that night._

_In the morning the three of us have a talk. I tell them about the voice from my dream. I explain that I don't know who said it, I've never heard the voice before. At least, I don't think I have. What was I supposed to forget? Maybe it was my mind's way of telling me to forget Ben. I don't tell them that last part. Chewie gets up to take a shower. When he passes me he kisses the top of my head._ "Love ya, kid." _It's the first time he's ever said it. I'd cry if I had any tears left._

_Maz and I arrive at the diner at 5:45A.M. I feel like I've been hit by a truck. My stomach hurts. I want to sleep for a year but fat fucking chance of that happening. I only work six hours today. I hope it's at least busier than it was yesterday. I need to get my mind off of Ben. Need to clear my head. By 11A.M. we've only had a few customers. I'm seriously starting to wonder if my negative attitude is keeping people away._

_And why in the fuck is it that every song that plays is a love song?! Like I'm not having a hard enough time? Now the radio has to start fucking with me?! I want to stab myself with a plastic spork. I'm so busy looking for a new station that when the door opens, I don't even bother looking up._ "Be right with you." _Ahhh, shitbiscuits I can't find anything else but country or talk radio. I give up._

_When I turn Ben is standing there. He looks...good. In a rumpled, exhausted, just got out of the shower kind of way. His eyes are red rimmed, like he's been crying. My first thought is to run to him, but I stay put. I'm relieved he's okay. Worried because he looks kinda terrible. This is it. He's come to tell me he doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I take a deep breath, building the wall around my heart, hoping it will protect me._

_He shoves his hands into his pockets._ "Hey Sunshine." _I cross my arms over my chest. Narrow my eyes. I am steel. I am titanium. Nothing he says will hurt me. I am immovable. Ben sighs._ "I'm sorry. I should have called or texted you. But I was incommunicado..."

"Special assignment. Yeah, Han told me."

_He nods. Fiddles with his bracelet. Wait...he's still wearing it? I drop my arms. His eyes focus on my left wrist. I'm wearing mine, too._ "So, on a scale of one to ten...how angry are you with me?"

_I come out from behind the counter._ "Does it matter?"

"No." _He's biting his cheek._ "I'll take whatever you give me."

_Fucknuggets. My resolve crumbles and I throw myself into his arms. Everything slips back into place. We hold each other tightly as he kisses the top of my head._ "Rey," _he whispers, he's trembling._ "Will...will you come over when you're off work?"

"Yes." _I answer without thinking._ "I'll be over in about forty-five minutes."

"Okay. I'll be waiting." _Ben releases me and leaves._

_I run back to Maz's office to ask if I can use her car._ "I think Ben's sick." _I explain. I plop in the chair._ "Maybe I should call Leia. Have her check on him."

_Maz just chuckles._ "He's a smart boy. If he's sick, he knows what to do."

_I chew my thumbnail._ "Uh...he asked me if I could come over. May I borrow the car?"

_She digs in her purse, fishing out the keys._ "Should we be expecting you home tonight?"

"Of course!" _I take the keys from her. I've never spent the night at someone else's place. Why would she assume..._ "I'm just going to go over for a little while. I'll be home in a couple of hours."

"Sure you will, kiddo. Dinner will be in the fridge."

_I go back out front and start doing my end of shift chores. I count down the POS's, start some coffee, fold silverware. At noon I've already clocked out. I take my tip money, stuffing it into my purse while I hang up my apron. I don't even bother to change out of my uniform shirt. I run out the back door, toss myself into the car and drive to Ben's apartment._

_What if he_ is _sick? What if he's been injured? It can't be that bad or he'd be in the hospital, right? I'm doing ten over the speed limit but I couldn't care less. Everything in me is screaming Ben Ben Ben! I pull into the parking lot and find an empty spot. I'm out of the car, running up the sidewalk and burst into the entryway. I'm shaking so hard that I have a difficult time hitting his buzzer. The door unlocks and I'm booking it up the stairs, my body remembering how it feels to run in a panic. Second floor. Third floor. I burst through the stairwell door, charging down the hallway, skidding to a stop in front of his door. I'm only able to knock twice before the door is thrown open, Ben standing there looking surprised and relieved._ "You came."

"I," _pant,_ "told you," _pant,_ "I would."

_He reaches out, firmly yet gently taking my wrist and hauls me inside, closing the door behind me. I'm wrapped in his arms again, his body solid and warm against mine._ "Stay with me." _His voice mumbles into my hair._ "Please."

"Okay."

_Letting me go for a moment he slips my purse from my shoulder and locks the door. His massive hands skim up and down my back._

"Are you hungry? I can make you something to eat."

"No." _He answers, bends down and I'm in his arms, being carried bridal style._

"Ben!" _I instinctively wrap my arms around his neck._ "What- where are we going?"

"Bedroom."

_Oh God. My stomach flutters. I've been here a few times. He's given me the tour. But I've only been in his bedroom once. I could say no, but I don't want to._

_His room is clean, lined with books that don't have a place in the living room. His bed is huge, and it has to be to fit his frame. The scents of leather and spice are everywhere. He sits me at the foot of the bed and kneels on the floor. He looks so tired. Deft fingers untie my sneakers, letting them fall where they may._ "I haven't really slept in days." _He mumbles, his hands caress my ankles._ "I need to sleep." _Chocolate eyes find mine._

_Oh. Something in me is a little sad by this. But on the other hand, it's a good thing. It means we're okay._ "I don't have pajamas with me."

_He stands and moves to the dresser, opening a drawer. He pulls out a black T-shirt and hands it to me. He's already in a white one like it and pajama pants. I take the offering and go to the master bathroom._ "I'll be right back." _I close the door and lean against it._

_I take off my uniform shirt and replace it with Ben's. My leggings are another matter. Keep them on? Take them off? There's a stain on them from where sausage gravy spilled on them two hours ago. His shirt is like a dress on me, covering to my mid-thigh. I end up taking off the leggings in the end. I wash my face and pee._

_When I open the door he's already in bed, staring at me. Tossing back the covers he pats the spot next to him. We've never slept in a bed together. It feels more intimate somehow. I crawl onto the mattress and lay down as he covers me with the sheet and blanket. Holding me close he whispers,_ "I missed you."

"I thought you hated me." _I admit._

"Why would you think that?" _He props himself up on an elbow so he can look at me._ "Rey, why would you think that?"

"Because of Saturday." _I can't look at him._ "Because of after the fair."

"Oh." _His voice is a breath._ "Because we kissed?"

_I can only nod._

"We kiss all the time."

"Not like that." _I argue gently._

_His hand cups my cheek, turning my face so I have to look at him._ "I wasn't angry. Shocked, yeah. But you could never do anything to make me angry." _His thumb caresses just under my bottom lip._ "I liked it. But..." _He moves a little closer,_ "I think we can do better."

"That was my first kiss."

_Ben smiles shyly._ "Then I think we definitely should try again." _He kisses my forehead._ "And...I think, it's okay for us to do it once in a while. It won't hurt anything." _The tip of his nose runs down the length of mine._ "Rey...may I kiss you?"

"Yes."

_He smiles and tilts his head and his lips meet mine. It's soft and sweet, just like Ben. My eyes close and I'm surrounded by all things_ him _. His arms, his body, his scent and now his lips. It's over far too quickly in my opinion but perfect nonetheless. Laying back down he holds me close, and as I drift off to sleep he whispers,_ "I missed you so much, Sweetheart."


	10. After the Flesh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> * Trigger warning for violence and torture. It's not too bad, but I just wanted to warn you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're all having a good week.

**Chapter 10**

**Song: After the Flesh**

**Artist: My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult**

**Album: The Crow Soundtrack**

July 17, 2021

I've taken a train to Olivia, Jakku. The alpha in me could bear it no longer. I need to see for myself. Where Astrid and Leo left her. The monster the foster care system gave her to. He will pay for the hell he put her through. I won't kill him...just make him long for death. Kylo and I have a plethora of ideas. It's been long enough that no one will connect the torture I have planned for him with what he did to Rey. Her name won't even come up.

"How do you think Rey will react when she learns of what you've done?" My Nana had asked. "Will you ever tell her?"

"She is mine to protect." I'd answered simply.

"Do you think she'd want you to do this?"

"Its my right as her mate. What he did to her..." I bite my lip. "He deserves punishment."

"Are you willing to live with the consequences of your actions?" Papa had asked.

"I won't kill him. Just an eye for an eye. And only for one night. I think that's pretty fucking lenient. I should bring his head back to her."

"What excuse have you given to Rey?" Papa asked, a curious smile on his face.

"Fishing trip. Dad and Chewie are coming." I shrug. "They'll catch the fish and once I get back, we'll get our story straight."

"Leave no evidence. Do what you must. Return home quickly and safely."

"Yes, Grandfather."

Before leaving Nana had called out, "Benjamin." I turned to find anger darkening her beautiful face. "He hurt our girl. Make us proud." I learned a long time ago that the anger of an alpha is scary. But the wrath of an omega is truly terrifying. 

Olivia Medical Clinic isn't much to look at. It's old, rundown, like the very structure itself is tired. Exhausted by time and heat and holding the sick and injured. The building doesn't have an alarm...not even cameras. Is it even still open? Or like with everything else around here, has time and the desert sucked the marrow from its bones? I sit on the bench where she was found, its cold, jagged metal digging into my clothes. I don't even have to imagine how Rey had felt while she sat here. Alone. Abandoned. Waiting. A handful of clouded memories and the clothes she was wearing her only possessions. Waiting for those who would never return. For those she still can't remember.

I make my way into the brush and shift. The less evidence the better. No one will think twice about animal tracks. Niima is about thirty miles away. I've put my clothes into a plastic bag that I now carry in my teeth. I'm running, running, letting the anger fill me with energy and bloodlust. Oh Unkar Plutt, you fucking shit. You have no idea what a night of hell we have in store for you. It's going to be _glorious._

It doesn't take long to get to the junkyard. It's just as our little one described it...carcasses of vehicles and household appliances lay about the grounds. It's dusty, grimey, a graveyard. Rey grew up amongst the dead, the discarded. The broken. The house, as she'd called it, is little more than a shack. It's dark inside. I do a quick search of the gate. It's old and rusted in places, but still useful. The camera is still broken. I shift back into human form, dressing quickly and climb the gate. Landing quietly, I let Kylo guide me. The first place he finds is one of the last places she's touched. Under a Dodge. Where she hid her money.

**Clever mate. So smart.**

Together we find all of her secret spots. The trunk of a car she rigged to open only from the inside. An empty refrigerator. Even a stove, the oven's racks gone. Our mate hid here, slept here. She was so small. Kylo screams in rage. Rey never told us about this.

**An oven! She slept in a fucking oven!**

Blood boils. Fangs grow. The need to rip, to tear is all consuming.

_Soon. He will pay._

We slip into the shack. Fucker didn't even lock the door. He isn't here. We make our way in the black, lit up for only us. Stale beer and sweat and come assaults our nose. Cans litter the place. T.V. dinners, some half eaten are moldy and sprinkled everywhere. The man is a pig. How was he ever approved to care for a child?!

**You don't think...did she ever have to...?**

Our eyes land on the rotten food. There are things we've had to put aside in our mind. Dark thoughts about what Rey may have gone through. She was never raped, was able to fight off the one that tried. She was never given the _option_ of selling herself for food. Or if she was, she never took it. Plutt only touched Rey to beat her, and even then most times it was with a belt. But our little one has suffered. Where she should have been protected, she was victimized. Where she should have been loved, she was given pain. The very idea that Rey may have been forced to eat moldy food for survival as a child tears our heart in two. Never again. 

We find the door to the basement. Down the old and creaking stairs. That's when we see it...the plastic cot. Like one you might find in a daycare center. It's...so small. Clearly meant for a child no more than five or six years of age. Rey slept here...for thirteen years. The smell of old sweat, blood, grease and misery overwhelms us, brings us to our knees. She wasn't supposed to live this life. Rey was meant to be by our side, for us to serve, to fawn over. To be treated like a treasure, the _queen_ she is. Not like this. We weep and scream. Howls fill the air. They all chant _retribution._ We will have blood tonight.

Time passes as we compose ourselves. We're here for a reason. Finally we hear it. The sounds of a vehicle with bad brakes. The gate opening. The vehicle drawing closer to the shack. Engine shuts off. Front door opens and slams shut. 'The fat fuck' as she calls him walking around upstairs. T.V. turns on. Opening of a can. We wait, letting the bloodlust build. We have one chance. This night, hell will find Unkar Plutt. He snores. Loudly. _Perfect._

**Let me out.**

_Don't kill him._

**I won't.**

_I want a piece, too._

**Plenty to go around.**

Kylo is released.

I am pure instinct. With a brain...mostly. I am desire. I am vengeance. I am alpha. I am superior to this piece of shit that snores away in front of me in every way. I would never hurt a child, shifter or human. I never strike first. I protect. But this _monster,_ this _filth,_ abused my other half. The one I kneel to. My reason for living. The sun of my day and the moon of my night. And he _hurt_ her. So. Many. Times. Never again. He will fucking _pay._ She didn't exaggerate the few times she's spoken of him. The stained and torn wife-beater, the grimey jeans. The stink of sweat and grease of him mixed with beer permeates the air. The fat. She was skin and bones. He's lazy, corrupt, worthless and he held all the power. Over her. No longer. I'll spend my life wiping away the tears she sheds over what he did. I'll make her smile. Make mate happy. But for now...for now...He's passed out. I turn off the T.V. Darkness consumes the shack. I am the only light here. But for her, I will become shadow. For my heart, I will become a nightmare. I will be the devil himself.

"Do you want to play knight and princess?"

_She looks up from the picture she's drawing. Rey's four and a half now. She's my everything. My Sunshine consumes my every thought. It's only been within the last year that I kinda learned about babies and where they come from. I already know I'll marry Rey. I want to. Life is complete with her. I want to be with her. To have our own babies. I watch how she cares for her doll. How she holds it, tells it she loves it. She lets me hold it, too. It's a boy. She's named it_ 'Handsome', _but won't tell me why. Rey will be a good mommy. I know it._

**_We'll give her babies._ **

"Shouldn't it be knight and prince?" _She drops her colored pencil and stands._ "After all, you're a prince."

"No. I will always be your knight."

_In the afternoon sun her hazel eyes turn green._ "Oh, good sir knight!" _She acts like the women we watch on T.V._ "Whatever shall we do? The enemy has stormed the gates!"

_I grab a stick from the garden grounds._ "Hide, your Highness. I shall fight them off!" _I swing my imaginary sword._ "The Master of the Knights of Ren will always protect you!"

"Ren? What kind of name is that?" _She giggles._

_I stop._ "It's our names...combined. Rey and Ben. Ren." _My ears are burning._

"Then come back to me, good knight. Come back and I shall make you king, to rule by my side." _She curtsies playfully._ "My one, Master of the Knights of Ren."

"Wake up, asshole."

His eyes fly open, searching the dark. He stinks of drunkenness. "Wha-who's there?"

My fist meets his nose. The crunch of cartilage and spraying blood the only sound.

_That's it?!_

**Trust me.**

* * *

When he wakes I have him tied up, naked save for his nasty underwear. He's on his knees, hands bound behind him, connected to his ankles. I've taken his belt. It's the only one in the house. My leather clad hands have twisted it for the past ten minutes. It's the one he hit her with. I won't touch it with bare hands. I refuse to pollute myself that way. He tries to breathe through his nose. He snorts like a pig.

"Comfortable?" I'm standing ten feet in front of him. He needs to feel small. Insignificant. Like she did. He's an ant under my boot.

"Who are ya? Whadda want?" He pulls at the rope. It's useless.

"I have many names. None of which are your concern."

"If it's money you're looking for, it's..."

I laugh, a black, soulless thing. "I don't want your money." I take a heavy step forward. "But you speak of currency. How apropos. For I am here to trade."

He looks relieved. Dipshit. "What do you want to trade?"

"You have already recieved your compensation. Now it's time to give me what I'm looking for."

Plutt begins to shake. "What's that?"

"A balance of the scales." I walk a circle around him, speaking quietly. I want to throw him off. "How many people have you hurt during your life? How many people have you taken advantage of? How many have you cheated?"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" 

"Yes, you do. You abuse every person you cross paths with. You take from every system that's been created. All for personal gain. You sit here, so rich, so fat, while those around you suffer. I think it's high time the tables are turned."

"What are ya on about?! I ain't ever hurt anyone!"

"Liar! I have witnessed your compassion with my own eyes. You're lucky I don't kill you. But that wouldn't be enough, your miserable life. So instead I'm going to take what I need as compensation for your victims. It's going to be a long night. I suggest you settle in."

We spent five hours with him that night. Took turns hitting him with his own belt. Just like he did to her. We left bruises and welts from shoulders to ankles. Made sure to hurt him just bad enough so he couldn't pass out. He cried, begged. He screamed. We gave very little quarter. Laughed when he pleaded. We chained him to his car, left only in his underwear. Opened the security gate nice and wide...let the people come. Let them take what they will. Soon the sun and desert will come for him. Maybe the coyotes will venture in as well. That would be poetic.

In the sparce desert, we burned the belt then buried the metal. It's the only thing we took from the shack. It couldn't hurt anyone anymore. Burned the gloves, too. No evidence. We were the only passenger at the train station in Olivia.

Slept most of the trip back home. I don't sleep well normally, without Rey. In the last two months we've slept together twice. And each time was wonderful. Like when we were kids. The monsters can't find us when we're together. No nightmares. Just peace. I love waking up to her, blurry eyed and smelling of sleep. But the best part is simply holding her. The way I was meant to all along. I've been gone for a day now. Can't wait to get back home.

* * *

We're all at pack headquarters. I can't stop pacing. I never cared if Rey ever presented. Human or shifter, I love her. She's easy to love. But more than that, I admire her. With how she grew up, you'd think she'd be this constant ball of fury, but she's not. It took her a while to lower her shields, to speak freely. Rey's smart as a whip, learns quickly and most of the time has no filter. She has no problem with most confrontations, defends the elderly and the young. She works hard, pulling long hours at the diner. Rey listens to every side of an argument before making up her mind.

But she's also shy, especially about her body. When she first arrived, she didn't want anyone to touch her. Understandable, given her past. Eventually she allowed Maz, then Chewie to hug her. Then me. Within a year Rose and Finn and even Poe. My parents. We all do our best to scent her discretely, covering her with the smell of our pack. Her scent of Night Blossoms has grown stronger, but up until half an hour ago, I was the only one that could smell it. Not anymore.

Mom, Rose and Maz have been locked in a bedroom with Rey now for twenty minutes. When she fainted at the diner I panicked. Hell, I was panicking before that. Her scent had an added layer to it. Something was going to happen. I called Hux, he picked me up and we drove to the diner. An omega presenting is one thing. An omega presenting in public is taking an already dangerous situation and making it volatile. The diner is part of pack territory but it's not uncommon for shifters from other packs to go there, especially if their job requires them to travel. Every shifter knows that if you're in another pack's territory, you abide by their rules. However, other packs aren't as progressive as Theed. The very idea of equality amongst the designations is so foreign, most outsiders can't understand it. We've had some problems in recent years. Especially with the alphas. Whether they're looking for a mate or just someone to spend their rut with. It's a tense situation.

I'm worried. Afraid. We all knew this could happen...But now that it is...how will Rey react? Her life will change...again. I've struggled with what I might say to her. Everyone knew this was a possibility. We've done our best. But we didn't, _couldn't_ do the one thing we should have. Told her the truth. Whatever path her life was meant to take was up to her and time. But now time's up and change has begun. I can only do what I've been doing since she came back; be at her side and help any way she wants.

**Our little one is going to be pissed.**

_Ya think?!_

"You're going to wear a groove into the floor, kid." Chewie grumbles.

"I have to do something. I feel so useless."

My uncle shifts in his seat, folding his hands behind his head. "There are things in life beyond anyone's control. We've done our best. We've loved her, protected her. She knows she has family now."

I sit across from him. "You aren't worried?"

He chuffs a laugh. "Of course I'm worried. That's my pup in there." Glancing at the closed door he swallows. "But that's also _Rey_ in there. She's strong, smart and a fighter. That kid's been through so much...but she's made it this far. She'll overcome this as well."

"She's going to hate me."

"Hate springs from love. If she hates you, she loves you. The only time you have to worry is if she throws you away." He leans toward me. "And she does love you, Ben." 

"What if it's not enough?"

"It is."

The door opens and we both stand. Maz walks out, looking small but determined. Like always. She hugs us before sitting down. "Leia called Luke...he's on his way." My aunt looks at my uncle. "Something's wrong with our pup." Taking off her glasses she begins to clean them with her shirt. "Rey's temperature has gone up by only two degrees. The scent glands on her wrists have fully formed but..."

Bile rises in my throat. "But what?"

"There's no scent glands on her shoulders. Her mating gland hasn't formed either. And she isn't going into heat."

**That's not possible.**

"I can smell she's an omega, though." I argue.

Putting her glasses back on, Maz sighs. "We all can. Your mom and uncle have had a theory, but they never thought it was possible."

"What's their theory?" Chewie asks, reaching for his mate's hand.

"That she may never be a full omega." Luke says sadly from the hallway. My grandparents are with him.

"What the hell does that mean?" I bark at him.

"The malnutrition she suffered as a child and teen may have done permanent damage." He offers. "Rey may have certain aspects of a shifter, or an omega in this case. Scent glands. But she may never have a heat, may never be able to bear pups or ever shift. I'm sorry, Ben."

"It doesn't matter. Nothing changes." I mutter.

"Zeke Netal has called a council meeting." Papa inserts. "Whatever card he's holding, he's going to play it."

"What could he possibly have?" Chewie asks.

"Amilyn called. Word about Rey has spread like wildfire." Luke sighs. "She thinks Zeke may use this as an opportunity against her. With Han and Leia taking on full leadership of the pack in six months, and you being their only child..."

"He's going to use the line of succession against us and the pack." Papa growls.

"You can't force someone to mate or breed in this pack!" Maz yells.

"Technically, no." Nana answers. "But if there isn't even the hope of an heir in the coming years..."

"He wants me to mate Bazine, we all know that. He's pushed for it for years. It's not going to happen." I growl.

"Zeke has taken that into account, I'm sure." Luke strokes his beard. "He may call for a Selection."

I'm going to vomit. "That's fucking barbaric. No one that's sane would do that to their child. Or choose it for themselves."

"No one from this pack, but from the other packs?" Papa's anger swells throughout the room. "They would."

"And if there's even the slightest chance that Rey could go into heat, with outsiders in our territory..." Nana states.

"And with dozens of other omegas in heat..." Papa adds.

"If you should go into rut..." Luke looks at me.

"Rey's the only one who's triggered my rut." I counter.

"But if Rey should trigger a rut," Nana provides, "with all those outsiders here, you won't be able to leave. And you won't be able to hide. With dozens of omegas in heat around you..."

"Stop."

"Ben, you need to face this. It's a possibility. " She whispers.

"And possibly dozens of alphas going into rut..." Papa adds.

"It'll be a fucking free-for-all." Chewie laments.

"There could be forced or accidental matings." Maz's voice is filled with horror.

"We'd be powerless to stop it." Luke murmurs.

"Our pack could disintegrate in a night." Papa answers.

"Let's take this one step at a time." Nana announces. "First things first."

"I need to take a look at Rey." Luke says. He walks to the bedroom and knocks on the door. When mom answers he goes inside, not bothering to close the door. The air is permeated with her scent. I can hear he and mom speaking but can't make out everything they're saying.

Mom finally comes out with Rose, both of them looking tired. 

"How is she?" Chewie asks.

"I'm going to call Armie. Need me to call anyone else?" Rose looks at everyone.

"Have him tell Han to come home." Mom sighs.

"Okay." Rose leaves to make her call.

"Rey is...well, I'm not quite sure. I've never seen a presentation like this before. It's almost, like it's being prolonged somehow. Or only half of it is happening? I don't know a better way to describe it."

"Luke said that Rey may never be a full omega." I chew my bottom lip. "Is that true?"

"It's a possibility. But then again, we could be wrong." Mom sits next to me. "Ben, we're in uncharted water here. We just need to wait and see."

All I can do is nod. Time, it's always about time. Either there's too much of it or not enough. The six of us sit in silence, lost in our own thoughts. It's like a waking nightmare. I feel like I'm losing everything. The sound of bed covers moving barely catches my attention.

"Leia...get in here. Now." Luke's voice is gentle but laced with fear.

As a group we all move to the bedroom. Luke is standing at the side of the bed, his hand halfway reaching toward Rey, but unmoving. She's reaching back, but not in friendship. She's angry, confused. I can taste it. Her gaze is locked on Luke, her breathing deep and even.

"Reyna, release him." Papa orders.

Her head turns to us, face calm, a motionless ocean. Vivid green eyes snap to Papa, her head tilts to the side. She doesn't even blink.

**"Reyna Ellen Kanata-Bacca,"** the power of an alpha command laces through the words Papa speaks, **"release my son. Now."**

She just shakes her head. The alpha command simply washes away, leaving no affect on her. Her eyes narrow slightly.

**Still so stubborn, our little one.**

But this isn't Rey. It can't be. She'd never hurt anyone. This is something, _someone_ else.

Stepping out from behind my grandfather, I get a good look at her. Her hair's a mess, but her eyes are sharp and clear. Our gazes lock on each other and time seems to stop. Electricity snaps through the air.

**OmegaOmegaOmega!**

_No. It's not possible. Omegas can't command..._

Relief and happiness pour into her scent as a smile breaks through the mask she wears. She recognizes me.

A child-like voice bubbles to the surface, full of giddiness. "Found you!" She sing-songs.

"Holy mother fucking shit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much love! See you next week!


	11. The Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memory time once again, loves. With a few surprises thrown in.

**Chapter 11**

**The Promise**

**Artist: When In Rome**

**Song: The Promise**

**Would you like to pick a card this time?**

_Are they all good memories?_

**They're just memories. They aren't good or bad. These things have already happened. But they're valuable.**

I pick a card.

_It's Christmas of 2021, the second one I've ever celebrated. Maz and Chewie aren't the church-going type and that suits me just fine. I don't know the words, anyway. The three of us are eating dinner; steak, baked potatoes and corn. Maz and I have spent the day (Christmas Eve Day) cleaning the house and making cookies of different kinds. Han, Leia and Ben are coming over later and spending the night. Tomorrow we're hosting Christmas and I'm excited. The tree is big and beautiful, presents stacked carefully underneath it. I killed myself finding the perfect gifts for everyone._

_Chewie, as usual, is going to stuff us to the gills with the feast. I think we could feed a small army at this point. It's going to be wonderful._

_At 7:30 P.M. our guests arrive. It takes all six of us three trips to bring in everything they've brought. Ben and I end up having a snowball fight. By the time we're done, Maz and Leia are hollering at us like we're little kids. We may have dragged in some snow into the house. When asked who's guilty, Ben and I just point at each other. Maz pushes me upstairs, ordering me to change out of my cold, wet clothes._ "Catch your death, I swear!" _I'm used to her worrying about me now. I even like it._

_By 10 P.M. everyone has gone to bed...after Ben and I fight over who should sleep on the couch. I think he should sleep in my room, he's the guest after all._ "I don't mind taking the couch."

"I'm not taking your room. I'm fine with the couch." _His expression says it all. The argument is over in his mind._

_The hell it is!_ "Ben, just take my room." _I'm trying to be polite, damn it!_

"No." _He pulls a book out from his bag and ignores me._

"Benjamin Charles Organa-Solo. You are my guest. Take. My. Room." _I argue through gritted teeth._

"Nope." _He turns a page._

"You are the most stubborn person I know." _I hiss._

"Ever look in a mirror?"

"I am _not_ stubborn!" _The parents all laugh. I look at them, narrowing my eyes._ "I'm not! I'm just...persistent." 

"Sunshine, if you're just persistent then a tornado is just a slight breeze." _The sound of a turning page._

"Oi, Solo! Are you trying to piss me off?"

_He puts the book down and stands up. Shit, he's big. Why do I always forget how big he is? His black eyes assess me from hair to toes. I swallow. I'm in trouble. But I've never backed out of a fight and I never will. I lick my lips. He eyes the motion and smirks._ "You're cute when you're angry."

_My jaw drops. Did he just call me cute? Anger flares and I yell,_ "Why you stuck-up, half-whitted, scruffy-looking...nerfherder!"

"Who's scruffy-looking?" _Ben takes a step forward._

"Alright children. Tomorrow's a big day and we all need to get some sleep." _Maz announces._

_I stick my tongue out at Ben before I go upstairs. Fuck, I love that man._

_After an hour laying in bed, tossing and turning, I give up. I open my door slowly, ghosting down the hallway and stairs only to find Ben still awake, reading. He's still on the couch only now in black pajama pants and a gray T-shirt. Looking up from his book he gives me a small smile._ "Can't sleep, Sunshine?" _I shake my head. Ben sets the book down and pats the place next to him. When I sit he looks at me with concern._ "Did you have a nightmare?"

"No. I just can't sleep." _I stare at the huge Christmas tree._ "It just...this doesn't feel right."

"What doesn't feel right?"

"Us. Being here together under the same roof." _His face falls and I quickly add,_ "There's never been a night where you've slept here and we haven't been together. It just feels...wrong, somehow."

"If I'd taken your room, would you have snuck upstairs at some point?"

"Probably." _I admit._

_His chuckle is warm._ "I've been trying to talk myself out of going to your room...I was just about to get up, honestly."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I just couldn't figure out how we'd both fit on your twin bed." _He takes my hand._ "If you...I'll move the coffee table if..."

_I shoot off the couch._ "Be right back." _I race upstairs to get pillows and blankets._

_Within fifteen minutes the two of us are snug as a couple of bugs._ "I didn't mean it, you know, what I said earlier."

"Oh really?" _He asks, looking smug._

"Yeah. Everyone knows you're a cop, not a nerfherder."

_Thwap! His pillow makes contact with my face. Oh, now it's on! Before I know it we're both on our knees, having a pillow fight, the tree our only witness. I smack him across the head with a manuvre Finn taught me, but unfortunately my pillow goes flying with it. Now unarmed, I act on instinct. I tackle him to the floor, straddling his waist, his large body beneath me. Ben drops his pillow, grabbing my waist._ "I win!" _I cry, enjoying my victory._

_Fast as lightening, he flips me onto my back, caging me under him. Ben grabs my wrists in one hand, yanking them above my head, his other hand holding his weight off of me._ "Well well well," _he hums, satisfaction written on his face._ "Who's the winner now?" _My body tightens. Oh god. His black eyes hold mine._ "Yield, Sunshine."

"Never." _I shake my head._

_His answering smile is a bit wicked._ "There's no escape. Yield."

"I'm not giving you anything."

"We'll see." _He smirks, leaning toward me._ "Perhaps...I'll tickle it out of you!"

_He knows how ticklish I am._ "You're a monster!"

"Yes, I am." _His grin widens as he lays himself on me, bringing his free hand to my armpit._

_Instinct demands that I fight. So I do. In an unexpected way. Raising my head, I arch my body up to his, home in on the bullseye and hit my mark. My mouth presses against his, my eyes closed. I feel more than hear his gasp of shock. I open my eyes and pull away._

_Ben's face wears his surprise, amber eyes wide and mouth slightly open._ "You don't fight fair." _His voice is a rumble that moves through my own chest._

_I try for nonchalance._ "All's fair in love and war."

"Is that so?" _His eyebrows raise._ "If that's the case..." _he releases my wrists, his hand slipping under my head, acting as a pillow._ "Then I guess it's time to fight dirty." _His mouth slots over mine, giving one, two, then three chaste yet powerful kisses, slow and demanding a response, which I give._

_We separate, the loss of him immediate. He removes himself bodily from me, finding the pillows and places one under my head. Folding his arms around me, he rests his chin on my head._ "We should get some sleep."

"Yeah. Big day tomorrow." _I whisper._

"Rey?" 

"Hmm?"

"May I kiss you on New Year's Eve?"

"Yes."

_We fall asleep on blankets covering the hardwood living room floor, the smell of gingerbread and sugar wafting from the kitchen. Outside, it's begun to snow, fat flakes making the most minute sounds as they land against the windows. Tomorrow is going to be wonderful._

* * *

_Ben and I wake up to the smell of coffee. This is the seventh time I've began my day like this. And I must admit, it feels like a slice of heaven. He's warm and comfortable. When I open my eyes he's watching me, eyes amber and a small smile on his face. His raven hair is messy, my fingers itch to run through it._ "Good morning, Sunshine." _His voice is deeper than usual, rough with sleep._ "Merry Christmas."

_I burrow closer to him, not ready to start my day yet._ "Morning. Merry Christmas." _If I were to live a thousand lifetimes like this, with Ben, I don't think I'd ever get used to waking up like this, nor would I ever grow tired of it._

_The six of us share a small breakfast of cinnamon rolls that Chewie made. After that, the house is a flurry of activity. Last minute cleaning, showers are taken, everyone gets dressed up. Two months ago I bought a dress and some makeup. The dress is a deep forest green with bell sleeves and stops just above the knee. I like it, it makes me feel pretty. Rose has been teaching me how to do hair and makeup. I'm twenty now, I should start looking like it._

_After my shower I blow dry my hair so I can curl it with the curling iron I bought last week. I've used it once, to practice the hairstyle I'll be wearing today. I get into my dress and put on a touch of makeup; some foundation, mascara and a natural looking dark pink lipstick. I section my hair, just like Rose taught me so I can curl it. I pick up the curling iron and notice that the indicator that lights up when it's hot isn't on. I touch the metal carefully. It's cold. It's plugged in, turned on but not working. It's broken._ "Son of a bitch!" _I wanted to look pretty this year. I've gone through all this trouble..._

_Someone knocks on my door as I'm fighting back tears._ "Come in." _Ben enters, looking handsome as always. He's wearing a white cashmere sweater and black slacks, his hair perfectly done. Figures._

_Taking in my expression, worry shadows his face._ "Sunshine, what's wrong?"

"My curling iron broke." _I grumble._ "I was gonna curl my hair but...I guess I'll have to just leave it."

"Oh. Umm...how about something else? Do you have any bobby pins?" _When I shake my head he jumps into action._ "Okay, stay here. I have an idea." _He leaves my room and I can hear him going downstairs._

_I look at the reflection in my vanity mirror._ "It's just hair, Rey. Don't let it ruin the day. Get over it. Grow up." _The girl looking back at me is still disappointed._

_Ben returns, his hands full of bobby pins, ribbon that's left over from gift wrapping and a few sprigs of fake holly berries._ "I have an idea." _He places everything on the table before me._ "You may not like it, but it's something."

"Okay."

_He nods and picks up my comb. For the next twenty minutes I watch as he braids my hair, weaving the ribbon into it. The braids are delicate, small in some places, larger in others. He pins them together, then to my scalp. It...looks like a crown. The finishing touch is the holly berries, strategically placed around my head, with the braid crown, almost like they were jewels. It's beautiful._

"How'd you learn to do that?"

"My mom taught me." _He slips one last pin into place._ "I've only braided her hair. Until now."

"Thank you."

_The doorbell rings. People are beginning to arrive._

"Ready?"

_I shake my head._ "Not really."

"Sure you are." _He smiles. Extending his hand out to me, palm up, he encourages,_ "I'm right here."

_I take his hand, feeling more self-assured. Together, we go downstairs._

* * *

_The house has never been so full of people. Rose and Armie, Poe and Finn, Jyn and Cassian, Paige, Lando Calrissian and his daughter, Jannah. Leia's twin brother Luke, whom I've only met once before. He's brought a man named Lor San Tekka with him. Snap Wexley and Amilyn Holdo. Gwen Phasma and Jessika Pava._

_Armie Hux kind of bothers me. I think it's because of the way he always seems to hover around Rose. But she seems to like it. So I never say anything. I liked Paige Tico at first. She was really nice. Until Ben and I became friends. Now every time we see each other, she's polite but curt. I think she likes Ben. Maybe they dated. Whenever we see each other, she gets this look on her face like she's just sucked on a lemon. Paige is always looking at Ben, trying to talk to him. It bothers me, but it shouldn't. He and I aren't_ together. _Never will be. I know that. But I'm afraid of losing my best friend._

_Chewie has outdone himself with the Christmas meal. Ham, au gratin potatoes, corn, green bean casserole, croissants and three different kinds of pie. Luke and Snap brought extra tables and chairs._

"Ben." _Paige calls out, patting the chair next to her._ "I saved you a seat."

"Oh. Ah..."

"Benjamin." _Lor San Tekka grabs our attention._ "Come sit next to me and allow me to get to know young Rey a little."

"Yes, sir." _Ben's hand slips into mine, leading us to another table. He pulls out a chair for me, helping me to sit._

"I thought you were going to curl your hair!" _Rose stage whispers from across the table._

_I blush._ "Curling iron broke."

"It's a very becoming hair style." _Lor says as he looks at Ben's work._ "Very...familiar. Don't you think, Luke?"

_Luke's talking to Han, taking a drink of wine. But when he looks at me, he must swallow wrong because he starts coughing. Han whacks him on the back._ "Very nice." _Luke sputters._

_Food is being passed around._ "I for one think you clean up well, kid." _Han announces._ "You look pretty."

"Rey always looks pretty." _Ben places a large piece of ham on my plate. I just look at him, mouth agape. He looks back at me and shrugs._ "You do." _I blink. Did Ben just call me pretty? In front of everyone?_ Holy shit.

_With everyone's plate piled high with Chewie's delicious food, we all dig in. Conversation is sporadic, between bites. I eat slowly, carefully. Not because of the company but because I don't want to ruin my dress. Throughout the meal, Ben nudges my knee with his, it's his silent way of asking if I'm alright. I nudge back, yes, I'm fine._

_After the meal is over, Ben, Armie, Rose, Jannah and I have kitchen duty. Armie brings in the dishes, Rose scrapes them off and puts away leftovers, Ben and I wash the dishes and Jannah loads the dishwasher with whatever is safe to go in it. With the five of us working together, it only takes us half an hour_

"Would you kids hurry up! Leia wants to open gifts!" _Han bellows from the living room._

"You're the one who keeps shaking the presents!" _We hear Leia yell back at him._

_Out in the living room, Han is already passing out gifts. Once the five of us are seated and everyone has their presents, Han tell everyone to begin. I don't move to open anything. I want to see everyone's expressions instead. I've spent four months killing myself trying to find the perfect gift for everyone here. For Chewie I bought new, hard to find cookbooks, ten in total from other countries. He is always willing to experiment with cooking. For Maz I bought traditional jewelry from Takodana, an assortment of earrings, necklaces and bracelets._

_For Han I found a coffee cup that reads, 'Dont speak to me until this is empty'. I also got him new spark plugs for his Ford Falcon. For Leia I bought jeweled hair pins, since she has the most beautiful hair (besides Ben) I've ever seen._

_I made a valiant attempt to buy makeup for Rose at ULTA, but after fifteen minutes I became overwhelmed and caved. So I gave her a $100 gift card. For Armie I bought a tea set, a proper one. Him and his tea..._

_Since Poe and Finn just moved in together, a few weeks ago, I got them a cappuccino machine._

_For Phasma I got a shirt that reads 'Don't' . Since everyone always remarks on how tall she is. I gave her girlfriend, Jessika, as assortment of bathsoaps._

_I gave Jyn and Cassian a gift card for a really fancy restaurant named 'Zero' here in town._

_Paige was...difficult. So I wound up gifting her a day of relaxation at a spa._

_For Luke I bought a medical text of rate diseases. He immediately cracks it open and ohs and ahs over the table of contents. He really is...strange._

_I gifted Lando and Jannah new briefcases. Theirs were starting to fall apart._

"Aren't you going to open anything?" _Ben whispers beside me._

"I like watching." _I whisper back._ "You should open yours."

_He shrugs and picks up the box that's my gift to him._ "Christ, is it filled with bricks?" _I laugh nervously as he opens it._ "Oh my god... _he looks at me,_ "you didn't..." _he pulls the stack from the box and opens the first cover._ "Holy shit, Rey...how did..." _he opens the second one. He swallows._ "This must have cost a fortune."

"Do you like them?"

"Like them?" _He gently opens every cover._ "These are first editions of Ernest Hemingway! I love them!" _He kisses my cheek._ "How did you know?"

"I have my ways."

"But they must have been so expensive."

"That doesn't matter. You still don't understand, do you?" _I look around the room and watch as everyone opens the gifts I've given them. The expressions of happy shock, of love, their laughter, is priceless. Ben's gaze follows mine._ "This is my gift. Everyone is happy because of what I gave them." _Our eyes find each other._ "If I'd been opening my presents, I would've missed this." _I cup his smiling face in my hand._ "And this is the best part."

"I'm gonna have to fight them off by the hundreds."

"What?"

"Nothing. Open your presents, Sunshine."

_In the end, Jyn and Cassian gave me horse riding lessons at their farm. Rose and Armie gave me a dish set, knowing I've been saving up to move out on my own. Poe and Finn gave me a gift card to Bed, Bath and Beyond. Leia and Han gave me a traditional Nabooian dress of light blue with matching earrings from Alderaan. Lando and Jannah gave me a beautiful gray long coat of wool and matching boots for winter. Luke gifted me a book on the history of Naboo and the founding of Theed._

_Ben hands me a small box, which he'd kept hidden in his slacks pocket. Inside is a silver locket with an engraving of two wolves under a full moon. When I open it, there is a picture of the two of us smiling._ "Oh Ben."

"Do you like it?"

"It's magnificent. Perfect." _I close the locket and slip the chain over my head._ "Thank you."

"Aren't you forgetting something, kiddo?" _Maz asks me, nodding to the kitchen._

"Oh shit! You're right. Just hang on a sec." _I jog into the kitchen and grab the final gift. This is the one I'm most proud of. I bring the box out and place it before Ben._

"For me?"

"Yep."

_He opens the box and pulls out the container. He looks...shocked. Well, it is a weird gift._

"Rey...did you make this?" _His voice is airy._

"Sure did!"

"Ben dear, what is it?" _Leia asks._

_He swallows._ "It's..." _he stands up, showing the container to everyone._ "Pasta salad."

_Silence._

"I've been working on my cooking...I assure you it's edible." _I look around at everyone. No one's moving._ "Oh come on! It's not bad! Sure, this is the fourth batch...the first three weren't very good but, this one is."

_Ben still looks gobsmacked. But then, he smiles. He removes the lid and pulls out a bite with his fingers and eats it. His whiskey eyes never leave mine as he chews and swallows._ "Yes." _My confusion must be evident because he quickly adds,_ "It's amazing."

**I told you he'd like it.**

_Yes. You're very smart. Shut up._

"There's one last gift, then we can have coffee and pie." _Chewie says._ "Rey, this is for you."

_Turning from Ben I see Chewie holding out a manilla envelope, his hand shaking a little. Maz is holding his other hand in a death grip. Taking the envelope, I suddenly feel nervous. I open it to find paperwork inside. A lot of paper. I pull it out and begin to read...my heart sputters._ "Is this for real?"

"Only if you want it to be, dear child." _Maz answers._

_Tears fill my eyes as I read again:_

**_Charles Roy Bacca and Mazel Fae Kanata formally and legally request on this day, January 21st, 2022, the official adoption of Reyna Ellen Johnson..._ **

_This is their gift to me. Family. A real family. They have chosen_ me. _They_ want _me. A wall inside my heart shatters. I've found it. "The belonging you seek..."_

"Can..." _I wipe tears from my face._ "Can I call you mom and dad?"

_Chewie bursts into tears. Such a tough looking man, and with one question, he's crying like a baby._

_Maz nods, wiping tears from her own face._ "Our darling daughter, you can call us whatever you want."

"Dad? Mom?" _They open their arms and I rush into them, the three of us hugging tightly._

_I've never felt so loved in my life._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear reader,
> 
> This is what I wanted to give Rey. It's something that she needed. Every child (no matter how old) deserves to know that they have a soft place to land. Whether it's their blood related family or the family they made for themselves.
> 
> Adoption is very close to my heart. My mother was adopted when she was a baby. My Grandpum and Gamma were the kindest, most loving people I have ever met. I fashioned the characters of Maz and Chewie after them. They never looked at my mother as an adopted child, only as THEIR child. 
> 
> My grandparents weren't able to have their own biological children, so turned to adoption. They got my mom, who in turn, got the most wonderful set of parents I think anyone could ever ask for. 
> 
> My Gamma always said to my mom: "You may not have been born of my body, but you were born of my heart. You may not have grown under my heart, but you were grown from it." 
> 
> Isn't that the most wonderful thing? 
> 
> This chapter is for you, Grandpum and Gamma. I miss you every day. I love you so much. I hope, in some way, you can see that I'm doing this, and that I've included you in it. Thank you, thank you, thank you for adopting my mother. And for loving me just as much as you loved her.
> 
> *Interesting fact, if any of you care...Chewie's middle name is my Grandpum's first name and Maz's middle name is my Gamma's middle name.


	12. Possession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey wakes up and we meet Bazine Netal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay loves, this chapter is...harsh. For good reason. We finally get to see Bazine and her thoughts on some things. I just want to say that while the language may be severe in places, there's a good reason for it. I'd also like to say that while this is a fictional work, I'd personally never say things like this. It's all for the drama and the story.
> 
> *Trigger warnings:
> 
> Slut shaming
> 
> Obsessive behavior
> 
> Name calling

**Possession**

**Song: Possession**

**Artist: Sarah McLachlan**

**Album: Fumbling Towards Ecstasy**

When I wake up, I'm in a familiar room. It's the bedroom I stayed in on my 21st birthday. I'm at Han and Leia's. Ben is in a chair next to the bed, he's asleep but his hand is holding mine. I don't feel very well. I have a fever and my stomach hurts.

"Ben? Ben, wake up." I squeeze his hand a little and he shifts, squeezing back. "Ben, I need to use the bathroom. Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey."

His eyelids flutter open and I'm momentarily lost in his whiskey gaze. "Sunshine." He mumbles, yawning. "How are you feeling?"

"I have to pee."

"Oh. Right. Uh..." He lets go of my hand and stands up. "I'll help you to the bathroom." When I open my mouth to argue, he holds up a hand. "Mom's orders." Well, shit.

"Fine." Ben helps me into the bathroom and I close the door. I pee and wash my hands. I feel...off somehow.

When I exit the bathroom I find that Leia has come in and is talking with Ben. She smiles at me, happy and warm. "Oh Rey, it's good to see you up. You gave us quite the scare, young lady."

"Sorry." I shuffle back to bed, tired already.

"Ben, why don't you give us a few minutes? Maybe scrounge up some lunch for Rey." 

He looks worried, but does as Leia asks.

"How are you feeling?" She asks me, concern in her eyes.

"I'm...not sure. Confused, I guess." Leia pulls out a thermometer. "I have a fever, don't I?"

"A low grade one, yes." She puts the thermometer in my mouth. "I checked two hours ago and it was at 100.5. Let's see where it is now." It beeps and she looks. "100. Not a major improvement, but an improvement nonetheless. Do you have any other symptoms?"

"My stomach doesn't feel well. I had some cramps at work. A slight headache now." I twist my fingers together. "What's wrong with me?"

"Its probably a mild stomach bug. But the fact that you fainted concerns me. What did you have for breakfast?"

"Coffee and an apple."

She raises an eyebrow. "That's a terrible breakfast, Rey."

"I um... I slept through my alarm."

Leia sits next to me on the bed. "Honey, I want you to remember that I'm your doctor and whatever you tell me is confidential." She gives me a knowing look. "I can't help you if you're not being honest with me. If it helps, I know about you and Ben. About your...sleeping arrangements."

I'm awash in embarrassment. She probably thinks I'm a slut. "Did he tell you?"

"No. But finding the two of you sleeping on your parent's living room floor that Christmas morning said it all."

"We're n-not...I mean, it-it isn't like that." I stutter. "We're not..."

"You're sleeping together but not _sleeping together._ " She supplies. I nod. "Okay."

"It keeps the nightmares away." God, I sound childish.

Leia takes my hand. "I'm glad you can help each other like that."

I smile. I can't help it. "Yeah."

She becomes serious. "Rey, I think, maybe, you should consider going on birth control."

"I told you...Ben and I aren't like that. We're just friends."

"I know. However, you're a beautiful, young, intelligent woman. There are men who admire you. And, you know that condoms aren't 100% effective. I just want you to be safe, when the time comes." She pats my hand. "Your periods have been consistent for a year now. You may not be ready now, but one day you will be. And it's always better to be safe than sorry. But it's your decision. Your body, your choice."

"Okay, I'll think about it." When she moves to get up, I hold her back. "Leia, there's one more thing. At the diner, my wrists had...marks on them. They were itchy."

"Let's have a look." I show her the insides of my wrists, but there's nothing there. "Hmm...I don't see anything."

"I swear there was something. They were pink, raised lines. Itched terribly. I don't understand."

"You may have had an allergic reaction to something." Her brows crease. "Have you changed your bathsoap? Dish soap? Are you wearing perfume? Anything you've changed in the last few days?"

"Um...yeah. I bought a different laundry detergent from what mom and dad use. It was on sale and I'm saving money...is that it?"

"Most likely. Go back to what you originally used. If it reoccurs, come see me."

"Why would it only affect my wrists, though? Wouldn't it be everywhere?"

Leia tucks me back into bed. "The skin on your wrists is thinner than on other parts of your body. More delicate. That's probably why it happened there first."

"Oh." That answer feels _wrong._ But I've never had the sense that Leia would lie to anyone.

"Ben should be in with your lunch soon. Eat and rest."

"Can I go back to work tomorrow?"

"Let's get through today first. I'll check on you in a few hours."

A few minutes after she leaves, Ben arrives with my lunch on a breakfast tray. "Mom said you need to eat and rest." Placing the tray on my lap he sits in the chair next to the bed.

I dig into the chicken noodle soup, eating it slowly. I don't want to throw up. "This is good." I whisper between bites.

"You scared the shit out of me, Sunshine." His voice is low, filled with tension. "Why didn't you tell me you weren't feeling well this morning?"

I roll my eyes. "I felt fine until a couple of hours into my shift." I drink some water. "It just, happened so fast. What is it with me and fainting, anyway?"

"I think you should take some time off from work." Ben runs a hand through his hair, clearly stressed out.

"I can't. I have bills to pay." I eat another spoonful of soup. "Besides, I'd just end up sitting at home and being bored."

"We could go somewhere together. Alderaan is only a six hour drive from here." He murmurs. "I think you'd like it. We could stay in a hotel, get some room service. Take in the sights..."

"That sounds lovely. But I can't afford all of that." I answer wistfully.

"Its my treat."

"Ben." My voice is stern.

"Rey," he stands up and begins to pace. "I just..." biting his inner cheek he looks at the ceiling, as if he'll find answers there. "I'm scared." He admits nervously. "I can't lose you." Wide amber eyes meet mine.

"I'm right here." I reassure him. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Just, please? For three days? We can leave on Tuesday morning. Be back Friday."

He's giving me the puppy dog eyes. Damn him. I can't resist that look. "I'll need to talk to mom and dad, get my shifts covered."

"Is that a yes?" He grins happily at me.

Finishing the soup I nod. "Yeah."

"Okay. Great! I'll um...I'll take the tray to the kitchen. No getting out of bed. I'll be back in a few minutes." He kisses the top of my head. "Thank you, Sunshine." Removing the tray and its empty contents, he leaves the room quickly.

_What have I done? I've just agreed to spend three days alone,_ out of town alone, _with Ben. Oh, God!_

**It's a good idea.**

_I wasn't talking to you._

**We'll pardon the fuck out of me!**

I lay back on the pillows. Truth be told, I could use a vacation. I've never had one. How will mom and dad react when I tell them? I groan. How will Leia and Han take the news? My eyes roll. Will Ben and I share a room? Share a bed? I think back on the talk Leia and I had about birth control. Ben and I don't have that kind of relationship, but...what if something _were_ to happen? I probably wouldn't say no. But I don't want to get pregnant, either. Fuck. I need to see Leia. 

* * *

Walking into the kitchen, relief washes over me. Rey said yes. With everything that's about to happen, she'll need a rest, a getaway from all of this. Besides, she deserves it. She works so hard...too hard. If I had the courage, I'd just ask her to marry me and let her choose what she wants to do. Maybe she'd slow down, knowing that there'd never be a reason to worry about money again. As I hand wash the dishes, I contemplate what she'd like to do in Alderaan. We'd go to Aldera, the capital. How fancy should the hotel be? I know which one I'd love to take her to. It has a full spa. Rey could get a body massage...wait, I don't want another man touching her. Sighing, I make a mental note to ask for either a human, beta or omega female masseuse. She could get one of those mani/pedi things Rose always raves about. Then I could take her out to a nice restaurant. Give her a taste of the good life.

**Yes. Pamper mate. Make mate happy. Prove that we are worthy of her.**

Smiling to myself, I rinse off the dishes and put them in the dishwasher. I'll have to tell her to pack a dress. Perhaps that white one with the silk Maz talked her into buying a few months ago. Rey hasn't worn it yet. She'd look so...so...

**Fuckable?**

_Try again._

**Like a bride.**

_Our bride._

**Mmm. Our mated bride.**

"What are you so happy about?"

Fuck. I turn to find Bazine at the entrance of the kitchen. God, what does she want now?

"Bazine." I grumble.

A serpentine smile spreads across her face. "Ben." She practically purrs. Her tight, blood red dress leaves little to the imagination, her breasts damn near spilling out, the hem of the dress barely covering her ass. She walks toward me, swishing her hips in what I can only assume is meant to be seductive. It makes me cringe.

**Whore!**

"You didn't answer my question." Her voice sickeningly sweet. "Whay are you so happy?"

It's no concern of yours."

"Ohhh...But Ben..." Her red lips pout, "everything you do is my concern."

"Is it now?"

"Yes." She purrs again. Does she think this is attractive? How do men actually fall for this shit? What are they thinking?

**They're not. Not with their brain, anyways.**

_Gross!_

"Why don't you ever come to visit me?" Black eyelashes heavy with mascara bat at me.

"I don't have a reason to."

"You don't need a reason. Just come."

**I'd rather be castrated.**

"The way I hear it," I give her my most demeaning glare, "your _dance card_ is full. Always."

Bazine looks abashed for a moment but quickly recovers. "Well, if you were to come to me, I'd have room for you." Reaching out she lays a long nailed hand on my chest. "I can give you whatever you want. I'm very compliant."

**You could probably drive a semi-truck into her vagina and she'd never notice, the slut!**

I grin evilly. "So, the rumors are true, then?" I take her hand and pry it from my chest. "You have nothing that I want."

"Is this about that girl? That Rey?" She snorts. "Really, Ben. I thought you had better taste." Her cold black eyes narrow. "She's nothing. A nobody. Just some desert rat that escaped. She's worthless. And a virgin to boot."

"Better a virgin than a whore." I growl at her.

"Excuse me?!"

"You heard me. I'd rather take a woman who's worked hard to get where she is in life and yes, a _virgin,_ into my bed than take a woman who's had everything handed to her on a silver platter and is best known for being the leftovers of half the alphas in the pack." I scowl at her in disgust. "You can't fuck your way to the top in a pack, Bazine. I don't, and never will want you."

"Want me or not, we will be mated. Together we will rule the Theed pack."

"Is that so?"

"Oh, yes. With your parents taking over full leadership of the pack soon, that just leaves you. You'll need a mate. Someone who can provide you with an heir." A wicked smile plays on her face. "All the better if you're mated to an omega. Pregnancy is practically guaranteed. Rey won't be able to fulfill that role. Hell, she's probably just as dry and barren as that desert she crawled out of."

Kylo snaps and reaches out, grabbing Bazine by the neck. Using height and voice to intimidate he snarls, "You will watch what you say about Rey."

"She can't give you what you need. What you desire. I can. Why go with a questionable choice when the obvious choice is right here? My father is on the Council. My family is powerful and rich. All I want is to be your mate, to give you pups. _That's_ an omega's job!"

"No wonder you behave the way you do, if that's what you truly believe." Our voice is filled with pity. "Designation means nothing in this pack. You are just as capable of doing whatever you want as everyone else. Only you choose not to. Grow up, Bazine." We need to get back to Rey. We release her. 

"You have very few choices, Ben." Bazine snaps at me. "You marry, but can't mate Rey because she's human. Mate me or my father will call for a Selection. If you mate me, your family line will continue. A Selection could, and probably will destroy the pack. Marry Rey and everything will be up in the air. Make the smart choice. Save the pack. Continue your bloodline. Mate me. Then all your troubles will simply fade away. "

**She just doesn't get it.**

_Nope. And she never will._

I turn to leave but then it hits me...Bazine doesn't know yet. Oh, this is just too good to pass up. Looking back at her I feign interest. "You're right. An omega is the perfect solution to my problems." Bazine's eyes glitter in triumph. "It's a good thing I've found an omega who is perfect for me." She smiles seductively. I take a step toward her. "And that omega is..." I look her up and down, milking the moment for all it's worth. "Rey."

"W-what?" She stutters. 

"Oh, you haven't heard?" I inquire. A wolfish grin splits my face. "She's presenting as we speak."

"That's impossible!"

"No, it isn't. Guess you've been right all these years. You can't fight biology. And my biology tells me she is my mate. I've known it since I was five years old. Rey is my perfect match. No other."

"You're lying! She's human!" Bazine screeches. 

"Smell the air, dipshit. There's a new omega in town."

Bazine swallows harshly, obviously having caught a whiff of presenting omega that's wafting through the kitchen now. 

I turn away from her, ready to end this conversation. However. "Oh, one last thing." She meets my eyes. "Do you know the difference between a hooker and a whore?" Bazine's mouth opens, but I interrupt her. "A fee." Her mouth snaps shut. "Why don't you go crawl back into whoever's bed you just came out of?" I mockingly bow to her. "Have a nice day." I make my way to my love. 

**Fuck. That felt good.**

_Yes it did._

**But, Rey may not be able to fully present. She may be incapable of giving us pups.**

_So? If she can't are you willing to cast her aside?_

**Never! She is our mate!**

_Then one step at a time. Besides, our little one is full of surprises._

**Mmm. Good mate. Strong mate. Smart mate. Beautiful mate. Need her. Want her.**

_Stop it. We can't go to her hard as steel right now. We need to take care of her._

**Cuddle mate. Keep her warm. Protect her.**

When I re-enter her room, Rey's lying on her side, half asleep. "Ben?"

"Sorry I took so long. I'll let you rest."

" 'S okay. Come here. Nap with me?" She pats the bed.

I take off my shoes and my long sleeve shirt. I slip under the covers, spooning her. "Feeling better?"

"Mmm...I do now." She falls asleep.

I lay there, holding her. My poor Sweetheart, she hurts. I can feel her pain as if it's my own. Brave girl. She's sweating. I consider getting a cool washcloth to lay on her forehead when she moans and shifts a little. A burst of her scent hits my nose. It's coming from her neck. I carefully move the top of her shirt, my eyes finding a new scent gland, pink and raised between her neck and shoulder. My sweet girl. My good girl. Perfect omega. Look at how hard you're working even in your sleep, making new scent glands for me. I'm here. Your alpha is here. She whimpers and I stick my thumb in my mouth, wetting it. I rub it against my own scent gland then wipe it over her new one. My scent mixes with hers and she sighs and relaxes.

I fall asleep, my hand resting on her abdomen, my warmth easing the pain of her contracting womb. I dream of Ahch-To. The ocean. The island. A little boy and girl running around laughing. It's Rey and I. I remember this trip. Rey was four. I was ten. We were so happy. I watch as they play. The wind picks up, our hair whipping around us. We try to pull the hair from our faces, a futile battle. That's when I see it. The boy, me, doesn't have my ears. But he has Rey's hazel eyes. And the girl, Rey, she _does_ have my ears. And my brown eyes. They're not us. But they _are_ us. A combination of the two. They're...

I'm wrenched out of my dream to the sound of Rey screaming. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I have a moodboard now! I need to thank the wonderful people that helped me, since I'm not tech savvy at all. Thank you, Somewhere_overthe_Reylo and nancylovesreylo! And a special thanks to my spouse, who sat and figured out all the 'puter stuffs that I don't understand at all. Much love!


	13. Into Dust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and her wolf finally meet and have a real comversation.

**Chapter 13**

**Into Dust**

**Song: Into Dust**

**Artist: Mazzy Star**

**Album: So Tonight That I Might See**

****

My own screams wake me. Ben is here but it doesn't matter, I'm inconsolable. The voice has found me again. I know it's just a nightmare but it _feels_ real. I'm vomiting onto the floor, my body burning up and I'm terrified. I want to run away, far away but I know the voice will only follow. Why won't it just go away?

I can hear Ben trying to talk to me. He's trying to soothe me but it's not working. There's no making me feel better about this. He holds my hair as I vomit until all I do is dry heave. Mom and Leia come in, helping me from the bed and into the bathroom. This is the most humiliating part, it always has been. Every time it's been the same way. Mom turns on the shower and undresses me. She washes my hair, speaking softly as the hot water desperately tries to thaw my frozen insides. I'm aware of what's happening around me but I can't speak, can barely move. This is what being a baby feels like. It feels like weakness. I hate it.

Leia's left the bathroom, I can hear the quiet tones of her and Ben speaking in the bedroom. One of them are possibly cleaning up my vomit and I'm ashamed. I've fought so hard for some control over my own life just to be reduced to this. When will the nightmares go away? And whatever the voice wants me to forget I've obviously forgotten, so why does it keep coming back?

**You need to talk to someone. Give voice to this pain, this fear.**

_They'll think I'm a silly girl with an overactive imagination._

**Ben has nightmares, too. He'll understand.**

Doubtful. There's a knock on the door and Leia enters, carrying one of Ben's flannel shirts. She helps Maz get me out of the shower and dry my hair and body. They dress me in Ben's shirt. For some reason, I feel a little better. It must be because it smells like his cologne. They help me back into the newly made bed, clean sheets and a blanket. The vomit is gone. I want to cry.

**We can't live like this anymore.**

I'm so tired.

"Rey," Leia begins as she and mom tuck me back into bed. "I want you to listen to me very carefully. Can you do that, honey?"

"Yes."

"Good girl. Sweetie, I want you to go back to sleep. But, and this is very important, I don't want you to dream."

"Okay, no dreaming." Mom kisses my cheek. I fall asleep.

* * *

**Rey. You need to wake up now.**

_Don't wanna._

**I'm telling you...wake up.**

_Ugh. No._

**Fucking wake up!**

My eyes fly open.

**About damn time. Get out of bed.**

_I'm so tired. I just want to sleep._

**I know. But you've slept long enough. It's time to wake up. Get out of bed and go into the bathroom.**

_Why?_

**Just do as I say. Something's happening. Please, trust me.**

I drag myself out of bed and into the bathroom. I feel terrible. What kind of stomach bug makes a person feel _this_ shitty?

**Look in the mirror.**

My reflection looks horrid. My hair is a bird's nest, my skin is pale, causing my freckles to stand out more. There's dark circles under my eyes. Well, I look as bad as I feel.

**Look closer. Don't be afraid.**

_Afraid of what?_

**You'll see.**

I study the girl in the mirror. Am I meant to look for scratches or bruises? A bump on the head? I don't understand...until the girl that's looking back at me subtly changes. Her eyes turn from hazel to green. 

_**"Hello there."**_ She smiles at me.

"Jesus fuck!" I shout, throwing myself back into the wall.

_**"Easy! I told you not to be afraid. "** _

My reflection is talking and moving. But I'm not. "What the fuck is going on?!" I hiss. I start checking my arms to look for injection sites. "What did Leia give me?"

_**"She didn't give you anything."** _

"Bullfuckingshit!" My head hurts. "I'm hallucinating."

_**"No, you're not. I thought this was a good way to meet, actually."** _

"What are you if not a figment of my imagination?"

_**"That's...a difficult question. One that I can answer, but you'll refuse to believe. So I need you to do something. I'll help you."** _

My heart is racing. "What?"

_**"I need you to leave the bedroom and go where I tell you. Do exactly as I say. Only then will you find some answers."** _

"And what do you get out of it?"

She smiles.

_**"You'll finally trust me completely. You won't think of me as a voice in your head or as your sixth sense. And maybe, in time, and with some work, you'll learn to let me out."** _

"How do I know that I can trust you?"

_**"Because I've helped and protected you to the best of my ability thus far. I'll always continue to do so. Please Rey, we need this."** _

"You won't leave me alone?"

_**"Never."** _

"Okay." I leave the bathroom and open the bedroom door. "Now what?"

**Shh. Talk to me like we usually do.**

_Now what?_

**Walk down the hallway. Quietly. No sudden moves.**

I roll my eyes.

_Fine._

After a minute or two I come to a hallway where I can only turn left or right.

_Which way?_

**Sniff the air.**

_I beg your pardon?_

**Sniff. The . Air. Try to find Ben's smell. We need to find him.**

That shouldn't be too hard. He always smells so good, his fancy cologne...

_Wait a second! I'm not a fucking bloodhound. How am I supposed to smell his cologne in a house this big?_

**Trust me. If you concentrate, you'll find him.**

I cannot believe I'm doing this. Sticking my nose up in the air I sniff. Nothing. I try again. Still nothing.

_Well. That didn't work. I'm going back to bed now._

**Wait! Just...close your eyes. Think of Ben. How you feel when you're together. He makes you feel safe and cared for. Concentrate on that.**

Closing my eyes I bring my favorite memory of Ben to the surface. His wavy black hair blowing in the breeze. The whiskey eyes staring at me from across the fire. His little smile. The way he winked at me, knowing that later that night, we'd be going home together, sharing the same bed, holding each other. The scent of leather and spice...

Leather and spice and a campfire...

My eyes snap open.

_I found him!_

Turning left I follow the hallway and my nose...His cologne is getting stronger.

**Nicely done. Just make sure to stay quiet.**

I follow my nose, keeping Ben's scent at the forefront of my mind. I turn left here, pass a room there, when I finally begin to hear voices.

**Just a little further. They're here. Stay out of sight. Just listen.**

"We have to figure out something to tell her." It's Rose.

"How about we try the truth? I'm sick of this. Rey deserves to know what's happening." That's Ben, I'd know his voice anywhere.

"We don't even know what the truth is yet, honey." Leia answers.

"Well we sure as shit know more than she does! Why don't we just explain to her what we know? What harm could it do?" Ben's voice raises.

"We're not sure if it'll be helpful or harmful at this point. Besides, she isn't exactly herself right now." That's Luke!

_What are they talking about?_

**You. Us.**

"Look, I understand why you've wanted to be cautious since she returned. But now, she's changing. She's presenting. Rey needs to know what's happening right now. If we don't explain it to her, she'll probably think she's crazy. There were three alphas at the diner and one was about to make a move. How would you have felt if he had been successful? For almost three years we've done all we can. We've allowed her life to take whatever path it's supposed to. But now, full omega or not, she _is_ a shifter. We can't keep her in the dark any longer. She must know the truth. Otherwise who knows what could happen? And Zeke isn't helping matters. Rey is now in danger. She deserves to know." Ben's tone brokers no argument. 

_I'm in danger?_

**Yes.**

Leia sighs. "We'd only be giving her half answers at best."

"It's better than nothing." Ben snaps.

_Why is he so angry?_

**He's protective. It's in his nature.**

"I agree." Mom chimes in. "It's time. Rey needs to know."

"Our pup is strong. She can handle it." Dad agrees.

_Pup?_

"If we tell her, we tell her everything." Han states. "No lying, no hiding anything. We answer all her questions."

"She gonna be pissed. And scared." Finn adds.

"We're her family. It'll be okay." Poe says comfortingly.

_Why are they all here? What the fuck is going on?!_

**It's time, Rey. I'll help you through this. Just try to remain calm and listen. They won't hurt you.**

"Well, now that it's been decided..." a new voice joins in, "Reyna, why don't you come in and have a seat?"

_Fuck! I thought you said I'd be hidden!_

**Yeah, about that...**

_What do I do?_

**Best to just get it over with.**

I step out from behind the wall to find a large group of people all looking at me. I know everyone, except for two of them. The man has light brown hair and blue eyes, identical to Luke's. He's not huge, but there's something about him that screams _power._ The woman by his side is beautiful. Her chestnut hair is plaited, large brown eyes like Leia's...they're...no...they can't be.

"Hello dearest Rey." The woman coos at me and something close to relaxation rushes through me. "My name is Padme Amidala-Naberrie-Skywalker. But you can just call me Padme." She opens her arms as if she expects me to hug her. When I don't move she smiles kindly and continues, "You have the look of your parents. Your father's dimples and freckles. But your hair and especially now, your eyes...are those of your mother. You certainly got the best of both of them."

"You," my voice is shaky, "knew my parents?"

"They came to us in a time of need and desperation." The man beside Padme answers. "They needed help. Your mother had just found out she was pregnant."

I look at everyone. They don't look surprised by this. Everyone knows. My eyes land on Ben. He seems apologetic. _He knew._ I start to shake.

**Easy. Breathe.**

"I...don't understand." My head hurts. "How could you know my parents when they died in Jakku?" There's a scratching sound. "I don't...I don't remember them."

"We know." Leia says gently. "But we'll do our best to help you remember."

**Breathe.**

The pain in my head increases as the scratching sound grows louder. "Wait. I can't..."

**Sorry. This is gonna hurt like a mother fucker.**

A stab of white hot pain runs through my brain, making me feel like my skull is about to explode. I can't even yell it hurts so much. I'm gonna die.

**Take a breath, damnit!"**

Air fills my lungs and the room disappears...

_...I'm laying down. My world is rocking. I can hear two people. They're arguing quietly. The woman is crying. It's cold but I'm sweating._

"How did they find us?" _The woman asks._

"I don't know. And it doesn't matter. We just need to get to human territory." _A man answers._

"We shouldn't have left. They were right. They could have protected us."

"Our lives aren't worth more than an entire pack."

"She should have stayed. She belongs with him."

"He can't protect her from him. He's just a child."

_What are they talking about? Or whom? My heads feels empty, light. I don't know anything. It's as if all I am has been erased._

* * *

"Your name is Reyna Ellen. We're your mom and dad. Can you remember that?" _The woman is speaking to me. I can't see her face. Only her brown hair._

"My name is Reyna Ellen. You're my mom and dad." _I repeat._

"Good girl."

"Can we go home now?"

"We don't have a home." _The man, Dad, answers._

_That feels wrong. We pull up to a building. The car doors open. It's hot outside. I don't like it. We walk to a bench where they tell me to sit. I do._

"You need to stay right here." _The man says._ "We'll come back for you."

"Please don't go." _I want to cry._

"It's only for a little while." _The woman hugs me._

_I watch as they walk back to the car. It's brown._

"Are you sure about this?" _The woman asks the man._

"Yes. He'll never find her here." _The man answers._

_They drive away. I never see them again._

* * *

**I'm sorry. It's easier to show you these things when you're asleep. But unfortunately, when you wake up, you believe them to be only dreams or nightmares. So we'll have to do it this way from now on.**

_What have you done to me?! Those people were my parents, right?_

**I did my best to protect you. And yes, those were our parents.**

_Our parents? Why can't I remember them?_

**Because he wanted you to forget.**

_Who is he?_

**The person that found us. He wanted you to forget everything that was important. And he was successful.**

_What? That doesn't make any sense. I wasn't even five when they left me. What could have been so fucking important at that age?_

**Open your eyes and you'll see for yourself.**

The pain is gone. My eyes open and I see them. Mom and Dad. Ben, Leia and Han. Finn and Poe. Rose. Luke. Padme and...

"Anakin." I say, the name just popping into my head. I take a step closer. "Your name is Anakin Skywalker."

This is what he wanted me to forget. These people. This place. But he especially wanted me to forget..."Ben." He's watching me carefully, hope shining in his eyes. "He stole my memories." Anger rips through me. "He made me forget my family." My hands become fists, nails creating crescent marks on my palms. "I want _everything_ back!"

**It will hurt.**

_I don't give a fuck. If I can take thirteen years of starvation and beatings, I can sure as shit handle this._

A new thought dawns on me. I look at Ben, then his parents, then to his grandparents. Han and Leia look well, young. I'd often wondered if Ben was born when they were teenagers. But now, seeing Anakin and Padme, they don't look that much older than Han and Leia. Maybe a few more gray hairs. One or two more wrinkles. They can't possibly be in their sixties. 

"No offense but, why do you look so young?" I ask Padme. 

"Well, about that..." she smiles. "It's a long story."


	14. Message from OnyxAcheron

Hello everyone! Now, I know what you're thinking...and it's not what you think. This story is still going strong and no hiatus in the foreseeable future. This is just an announcement. 

My muse and I had a talk today. And by a talk I mean she came crashing through the door like the Kool-Aid man and is insisting that I release another chapter this week. 

**Damn right I am!**

Oh god...not now. 

**Hi everyone!**

I told you I'd handle this.

**Anywho... OnyxAcheron is putting out another chapter this week.**

I've already written that.

**I've insisted.**

They know.

**The latest chapter was kinda short...my bad.**

I just wanted to thank you all for reading this.

**Oh my god...it's so exciting to read your comments!**

It really is.

**And we're working really hard. Every day, this story is all we think about.**

True dat.

**We really hope that our story gives you a little time away from the real world. Something to look forward to. Hopefully you smile, cry and laugh with us.**

So, check back on 8/6/20 and you'll find a second chapter for this week.

**Oh...my...god...so exciting!**

Much love!

**All the loves!**

We need to get back to work.

**Don't worry. I have a plan.**

I know.


	15. The 7th Sense

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey learns a little of her history.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! As promised, here's the second chapter for this week. I don't know if I'll ever do this again, but this just feels right. Much love!

**Chapter 15**

**The 7th Sense**

**Song: The 7th Sense**

**Artist: NCT U**

**Released as a single**

The last two hours have been interesting, to say the least. My family, my friends have sat me down and explained a lot, but I'm not entirely sure I'm not dreaming still. It all feels surreal.

My parents, before I was conceived, were living in Galactic City. Anakin tells the story of how they were trapped there, someone was monitoring them. A bad, corrupt man who wanted nothing but power. When my mother realized that she was pregnant, they ran. For reasons not yet told to me, they wound up here in Theed and asked for sanctuary. We lived here, in this house, for five years. Then, when rumors circulated that this man was looking for my parents and had come close to finding them, they took me and ran. The Skywalker-Organa-Solo family had tried to talk them into staying, but it was no use. They'd even tried to convince my parents to leave me in Theed, to no avail. I know the rest...well, some of it. My parents left me in Olivia, Jakku and were found dead a few days later.

The first five years of my life I lived here. I knew Ben, Poe, Rose and Finn. I just don't remember. I'm told over and over how much my parents loved me, but I can't bring myself to believe it. When I ask, "If they loved me so much, why did they abandon me?" everyone just looks at each other. They have ideas as to why but for some reason they don't want to share them. Instead, I'm told stories about my parents but it doesn't help me to remember them. Truth be told, I never really thought that much about them. Especially since moving here. Chewie and Maz are my parents, even if we're not blood related.

Maz and Padme tell me the most about how I was when I was little. Stories about how I loved being outside, digging in the dirt, how I would stare for hours at the flora and fauna. Apparently I was a precocious child, sometimes much too serious for my own good. But they also tell me that I was extremely happy, and had a penchant for bending all the rules the adults had made. Everyone shares their favorite memory of me, but once again, I don't remember anything. Only one person stays mute and oddly distant from me. Ben. I wonder if I did or said something hurtful to him when we were kids and he's just too polite to bring it up. Or perhaps, we didn't really know or like each other back then. But that doesn't seem feasable, considering we lived in the same house.

I still don't feel well. My temperature hasn't gone down, my head and stomach hurt. Mom decides that I should try to get some sleep and she, Padme, Rose and strangely Finn, help me back to my room. Ben does not follow. I wish he would but I don't blame him. Waking up next to your screaming, vomiting best friend isn't exactly a good time. Once I'm back in bed, Leia comes in and takes my temperature again. I catch the look she gives mom and something tells me they're concerned. And yet, no one has offered me a fever reducing medication and I don't know why. Something's amiss. "You're worried about my temperature. Why?"

Mom sits next to me on the bed. "Dear child, there are still many things we've yet to tell you. But this is the hardest one." She looks at Padme who nods in agreement. "I know how difficult this will be to believe, but I want you to know that I've never lied to you and I don't plan on starting now." She takes my hand. "Everyone in this house came into the world born...different from others." She tightens her grip. "We're shifters."

I blink. And again. A third time, just for good measure. "What's a 'shifter'?"

"More commonly, we're known as shape-shifters."

She's joking. Maz always had a strange sense of humor. "Sure!" I nod. "Lemme guess. You turn into a bunny?"

"No. A wolf. We all do."

I look to the others who nod. That's it, somebody put funny herbs in my tea. Or my temperature has taken its toll. Or I'm dreaming...

**You're not dreaming.**

"You're werewolves?!"

"No." Leia answers. "Werewolves are fictional creatures. Commonly, they're associated with humans turning into wolves during a full moon. Or, they're something between a human and a wolf when they change. We're neither of those things." She sits on my other side. "We have heightened eyesight, hearing, strength and olfactory senses. We don't need a full moon to shift. We go from human to wolf, no in between."

_What. The. Fuck?!_

**Breathe.**

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because child, you're one, too." Maz whispers.

"No." I begin to tremble. "Nope. I-I don't know what game you're playing at, but I'm done." I stand on shaky legs. "This isn't funny."

"We're not joking, Rey." Leia's voice is serious. "And we're not lying. This is the truth. Of us. Of you."

"No!" I scream. "I'm not. I'm human. So are you! I can't...I can't do this." I run from the room, trying to block out their calls for me to come back. I need to get out of here. Out of this house, out of this town. I thought I'd found my belonging, my family. I _trusted_ them. And they turned out to be a bunch of quacks. I'm running down hallways, not really knowing where to go except away from here. The thought of Ben nearly trips me up. Everyone here believes they turn into wolves, Ben included. My best friend is bonkers. Have I inadvertently wandered into some strange cult? I turn another corner and see the front door. I need to get out of here, stop and grab my money and get the fuck out of this town.

**Stop running, you twit! This isn't helping. You're finally getting answers!**

_You honestly think I'm going to believe anything they say now that I know they think they're werewolves?!_

**Shifters.**

_Whatever! Nope, no thank you. Fuck this shit, I'm out!_

I burst through the front door and run across the front lawn. The sun is going down. Shit! The bank is probably closed. Where's my purse? Fucknuggets! It's either at the diner or back in the house. I need my I.D., my bank card. But I am _not_ going back in there! I could go to a friend's place. Except, all of my friends think they're wolves. They've isolated me. I can't even go to the police because Han's the Chief. They'll probably arrest me. Leia could throw me in a psych ward. I could find a place to hide. Wait until morning and go to the bank. But I've told Ben how I hid when I lived in Niima. So I'll have to change tactics so I don't get caught. Oh god, I've lost everything...

**Fine! That's it! You wanna run? Then let's _run._**

An explosion of adrenaline rushes through my system and I'm running faster than I ever have. The fear has been replaced and filled with glee. My muscles contract and release, my body cutting through the air like a hot knife through warm butter...no resistance at all. My heartbeat slows and my senses are heightened. My vision, which has always been perfect now grows even sharper, allowing me to see things I never have before. I see ants on the lawn and and smell the sap from the tree tree next to the driveway. I can hear the songs of birds a mile away. Hell, I can _taste_ the air. My bare feet collide with the gravel road that runs in front of the house and although it hurts, I cross it into the field. I stop short. There's something about this place that feels...wrong.

"Rey, please stop!"

I turn to find Ben at the edge of his family's property. He looks scared. As scared as I felt moments ago. Like his world is collapsing and he's powerless to stop it.

"You're all crazy!" I yell at him. "I trusted you! All of you! You were supposed to be my family, my friends!"

"We are your family." Ben answers. "We always have been. It's just...a different version of one."

"A different version?! You're all liars! You've been feeding me bullshit since I came here." Tears form in my eyes. "What are you people? Some kind of a cult?"

"No." He shakes his head. "We've never lied to you. We have however omitted certain things. And we're not a cult. We're a pack."

"A pack of nutters!"

"If I can prove to you that I'm not crazy, will you come back inside?"

My unease grows and I move minutely. "I don't see how you'll be able to prove it."

"But if I can, you'll come back inside?"

**Just hear him out.**

_Shut up!_

"I won't promise, but I'll consider. Good enough?"

"Alright." He looks at my bare feet. "The field you're in, it feels...off. Alien. It's because you're standing in what we call a 'neutral zone'. It's not part of our pack's territory."

"What?"

"Theed pack territory runs from County Road 5 to Old Pine Road, two miles west of the Andor farm. Then from six miles north of Maz's Diner to this road." He looks at the gravel between us. "Think of it like a fence. Everything within the fence is Theed pack territory." His eyes are beseeching. "You confided in me when you were in the hospital that your sixth sense told you not to get back on the bus. You saw a street sign in your mind. County Road 5. The voice lead you into our territory."

"That doesn't prove anything aside from the fact that I have a voice in my head." Maybe I'm just as crazy as they are.

"Okay. What if I were to tell you that you're not the only one with a voice in their head? She sounds almost exactly like you except her voice is a little deeper, more rich and, when she speaks, it's like a reverse echo."

"How do you know that?"

He taps his temple. "I've got one, too. We all do. But what you call your 'sixth sense', we know ours to be our wolf. They think almost the same way we do but they're more...primal. Driven by instinct. Hide. Fight. Survive." He licks his lips. "Fuck. Breed. Protect."

How does he know all of this?!

"Still not enough? Okay." Ben reaches into his back pocket and pulls out two pieces of paper. "You've told me about all of your dreams, even the really weird ones with the blue unicorn that yells 'fucking mouth breather'. All of them...except for one. The one reaccuring dream you've had for as long as you can remember. You've never told anyone because it's sacred to you." His whiskey eyes lock onto mine. "You dream of an ocean. And an island. I see it. The moss covered rocks. The rich, damp soil. The cool rain and the brightly colored flowers. And the stone steps that jut out from the hillside, but were obviously placed there on purpose so you can climb to the top."

"Stop."

He ignores me. "The forest, trees so tall they must be centuries old. But the most important thing is the pale tree. On the outside it appears to be dead, but it isn't. There's a hole in it, like a doorway. And inside you're warm and safe, surrounded by this hollowed out living tree with writing on its walls."

"I said stop."

"Do you wanna know why you dream of this place?" Ben steps onto the road with his hands up, as if in surrender. Crouching down, he places the papers on the ground, puts his hands up again then walks back to the lawn. "I promise not to move onto the road again until you say I can."

I watch him carefully as I step onto the road and snatch up the papers. Only, they're not papers. They're photographs. The first one is of a little boy and girl who look like younger versions of Ben and I, standing outside of the house I was just in. They're holding hands and smiling at the camera. I flip the picture over and find Ben and Rey, March, 2006 written in ink on the back. I look at the other one. Same children, same smiles, still holding hands. But this time, they're standing in front of the hollowed out tree I've seen in my dreams. I flip it over and the writing reads; Ben and Rey, Ahch-To, June, 2006.

A myriad of feelings hit me. Joy, sorrow, loss, elation. Confusion. I can't make sense of it all. "You dream about it because you were there. With me. We had almost five beautiful years together before your parents took you away. I held you as a baby. Held your hand as a child. But then you left and I had to learn to let you go. To live without you. Then two years and nine months ago you came back. I've done my best to hold you. Please Rey..." His voice breaks as tears fall down his handsome face. "Please don't make me let you go again."

I take a step toward him and cry out. My feet are bleeding. I sit on my butt and look at my soles. Fuck, I tore them up.

Ben's pacing near the edge of the lawn. "Rey."

"I'm okay." I grunt as I pull out a rock from my foot.

"No you are not!" He bellows. "You're bleeding for fuck's sake!" He's trembling. "Rey, please..." it comes out as a whine, "let me help you."

Oh, fuck it. "Okay."

He's at my side in an instant, kneeling next to me. "Jesus Christ, woman." He mumbles as he inspects my feet. "Okay, this is what we're going to do." Ben removes his long sleeve shirt. "I'm going to wrap your feet in this, then I'm going to carry you into the house so I can clean and dress your wounds. Are you okay with that?" 

"Yeah."

"Good." He wraps my feet in his shirt then lifts me off the ground effortlessly. I'm in his arms, my own twining around his neck. I lay my head on his shoulder, feeling more relaxed.

"You smell good." I whisper.

"You can smell me?" I'm barely being jostled as he walks us back to the house.

"Mmhmm." Leather and spice. "You must spend a fortune on cologne."

He chuckles. "We'll talk about it later."

I close my eyes and breathe. As his scent surrounds me so does his body heat, making my bones feel like jelly. I always feel safe when we're together. I wonder if it stems from the childhood I can't remember. If we were friends then, it's easy to see why we're friends now. I'll have to ask if he has more pictures of us.

He places me on the floor of the bathroom connected to the bedroom so I can lean against the side of the tub. Opening the linen closet he removes a few towels and a black bag, setting them on the floor in front of me. "What's that?" I ask.

"Medical supplies." He opens the bag and begins to pull out things like gauze and tape, a tube that reads _Bacta_ on it, and some other things I don't recognize. "This is going to hurt." Worry crosses his face. "I can give you something for it."

"You got a shot of Tequila in there?" I joke.

"I was thinking of something a little stronger." He shows me a vial of Morphine.

I swallow. "I don't wanna be high, or knocked out."

"You won't be. I'll just give you enough to take the edge off. Shifters burn through everything they put into their bodies quickly, so it'll only last for about an hour."

"The pain isn't that bad." I'm not _that_ weak.

"Right now it isn't. But when I start cleaning out your wounds, it'll get worse. I don't want to hurt you." His voice is filled with concern.

A sigh of resignation falls from me. "Alright."

"Roll up your sleeve." I do so as I watch him pull a fresh needle from the bag with a new pair of medical gloves. He lays everything out before he stands and washes his hands thoroughly. Patting them dry he reaches for the gloves, opening the packaging. His large hands slip them on with the ease of someone who's done this a lot. "I'm going to give you the shot. If your throat feels tight or if you have any problems breathing, tell me right away."

"Okay." Ben opens the packaging for the needle and places it on a towel.

"What I'm giving you is 15mg of Morphine mixed with regular saline solution." He's calm, casual, like he does this every day. "Since you're opiate naive, I'm giving you a small dose. Should you need more, I can give it to you." His index finger prods at a vein. "Wanna close your eyes?"

I'm too busy staring at the handsome face in front of me. "No."

Picking up the needle he takes the cap off. "Ready?" I nod. "Breathe in." A small poke tells me the needle is in my skin. "Breathe out." I do. "All done." He holds up the needle to show me.

"You're really good at that. Maybe you should have been a doctor."

"Mom wanted me to be. But I decided to become a cop instead." He puts the cap back on the needle and places it in a sharps container. "The medicine should kick in soon." Grabbing a towel he tells me to lift my feet and slides it under them. His fingers make quick work of removing his now bloodied shirt from my less painful feet.

"What's the name of your cologne?"

"I don't wear cologne, Rey." He admits softly. His amber eyes meet mine, curiosity pouring from them. "How long have you been able to smell me?"

"I'm not sure." I answer honestly. "I guess, maybe from the beginning? It was like, little whiffs at first. Then, as time passed, I became more aware of it. Does that make sense?"

"As a matter of fact, yes it does."

"Good." I sigh with relief.

"You smell really good, too." He whispers shyly.

"What do I smell like?" My curiosity is piqued.

"Night Blossoms." Ben smiles fondly. "And, you know how the air smells right before it rains?" I nod. "That's your scent. Night Blossoms and the air right before it rains." Leaning forward he kisses my forehead. "You've always smelled like home to me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this answers at least some of the questions I'm sure you have. More answers are coming. Along with a lot more.


	16. Here Comes the Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey continue their conversation.

**Song: Here Comes the Sun**

**Artist: The Beatles**

**Album: Abbey Road**

****

It's so strange that I always seem to forget just how massive Ben is. The guy is huge all over. His feet, his hands, dear sweet baby Jesus his shoulders...

**I bet he's proportional _everywhere._**

_Quiet, you._

**I'm just saying.**

I outwardly hiss at her at the exact moment Ben starts cleaning my left foot.

"Sorry." He dabs a little more gently.

"No. It's not you." I bite my lip and sigh. "It's _her._ " 

"Ah. Your wolf is talking to you. I get it."

"It's weird." I whisper. Amber eyes meet mine in silent question. "Knowing there's someone else up here." I tap my head.

Taking the tweezers to my foot he begins removing the gravel. "It may be easier if you don't look at your wolf as a separate entity. She's a part of you. Like, a side of yourself you didn't know you have."

"She sure flaps her mouth a lot."

**Hey!**

Ben laughs. "I know the feeling. It seems like a lot at first but in time you'll get used to it. Soon enough it'll be second nature to have conversations with her."

"So, how does all of this work exactly? Being a shifter?"

"What would you like to know?" He asks as he cleans out my wounds again.

"Everything."

"Of course you do." He rolls his eyes playfully. "Where would you like to start, is what I meant."

"Oh...um..." I glance around for inspiration. "Did we know when we were kids? That we're shifters?"

"I did. But I'm also older, so..." He swallows. "But nothing was ever hidden from us."

"So, do I need to fill out an application to become part of the pack?"

He snorts a laugh. "It's not a job. Not really. We're just a big family."

"So...we're related? Wait...we're not related, right?!"

"No! Gross!" He fake retches, making me giggle. "Your parents came from a different pack. And we don't imbreed. Ever."

"Did I annoy you when we were little? Follow you around like a kid sister?"

"I never viewed you as a sister, Sunshine. And I was typically the one who sought you out." That shy smile appears again.

"Oh." I bite my bottom lip, hiding a smile. "So, you said earlier that I'm...what did you call it?"

"Presenting."

My stomach churns. "What is that, presenting?"

"It happens to shifters somewhere between the ages of fourteen to eighteen. It begins as an all over feeling of illness. Fever, itchy skin, headache. For some of us, we become very aggressive, for others, we become afraid." He begins to irrigate the wounds on my left foot. "For the rest of us, nothing happens. But we all share one thing...our wolves begin speaking to us." He dabs at my heel with some gauze. "And during that time, our designation comes out."

"Designation? What are we, the Borg? Like, 'My designation is Seven of Nine'?"

"You're such a nerd." He chuckles. "I'm going to put some Bacta on this and then put some gauze on and wrap the foot."

"What's Bacta?"

"It's a special medicine made for shifters. We heal very fast which, most of the time is a good thing. But if a wound is infected, we can become seriously ill." Holding up the tube he shows it to me. "It's part antibiotic, part healing gel, part numbing agent. We typically use it for serious wounds but...if your feet are fucked up, you won't be able to walk for a while. And although I have no problem with carrying you everywhere, I know how independent you are." Unscrewing the cap he squeezes some of the gel onto a Q-tip. "This won't hurt, but it'll feel cold. Ready?"

I nod. Ben runs it over my wounds, using the other end and more Bacta when he gets halfway down to my heel. "So, what are designations?"

"They're..." He hums and squints at me. "Maybe your mom or my mom should talk to you about this."

"Why?"

"Because there are certain questions you'll probably have, and you may want to speak to a woman about them." He opens the gauze and starts placing it on my foot.

"Will they give me different answers? Will they lie to me?"

"No. But, you may not like what you hear. And I don't want you to be upset with me." His large hands begin wrapping up my left foot. "And I don't want things to change between us."

I roll my eyes. "Those pictures...I didn't look like I was angry or in distress. We were holding hands. We seemed genuinely happy. I obviously trusted you. I still do." I reach out and cup his cheek. "You're my best friend."

Exhaling, he turns his head and kisses my palm. "Okay. When shifters present, our designations come out. There's three types; alphas, betas and omegas. Alphas are...usually more aggressive. Dominant. It was once believed that alphas could only be men and would be built like...me." Amber eyes meet mine. "But that isn't true. You've met female alphas. And male alphas that don't have my build. It's just genetics. And biology."

"Gwen is an alpha, isn't she?" I ask. Ben nods. "But I've never seen her be aggressive."

"Oh, she can be. Especially when shit goes down." He smiles fondly. "Or when her loved ones are in danger."

"So, you're an alpha?" I ask quietly. He nods. Using medical tape he finishes wrapping my foot. "Can...you tell me what it's like? Being an alpha?"

He licks his lips. "Alphas...we're more prone to certain things. We're protective. Dominant. We guard our territory, the people within it. Especially our mates."

"I see." My heart sinks. Just another reminder that I'm not good enough to be with him.

"My parents are both alphas as well. So's my grandpa. Poe, Chewie, Amilyn. Lando and Jannah. Armie." He laughs. "Jyn."

"Wow. Okay, I can see that." I smile.

"Then you have betas. They're closest to human as shifters can get."

"Why's that?"

"They're not really ruled by their...desires. They all smell the same, too. Like soap." He picks up my right foot and flushes out the wounds.

"And omegas?" I ask, suddenly nervous.

"They...They're typically smaller in stature. More nurturing. Gentle." Grasping the tweezers again he goes on, "It was once believed and practiced that only alphas and omegas should be together. Intimately. But once again, that's bullshit."

"Why was it believed?" He stops what he's doing and squeezes his eyes shut. "Ben?"

"When alphas...shit, how do I explain this without making you uncomfortable or disgusted?" He chuckles darkly. "When alphas and omegas present, our scent changes. It's one way that we attract potential mates." Pulling out some debris he continues, "It's like, you know how people can smell like their shampoo or soap? But then they put on perfume or cologne. Now they smell like two different things. Their scent is layered. For instance, I'm an alpha. When I'm around omegas, where they had once smelled normal, after they've presented some smell rancid, others smell okay and some...smell _really_ good."

I think back to the diner. "There was this customer...an older lady. She smelled of soap."

"Mabel Valentine? The lady that always orders pie after every meal?"

"Yeah." I'm surprised he knows who I'm talking about.

Ben nods. "Beta."

"Why didn't I ever notice it before?"

"Because you're in the midst of presenting now." He chews his lip. "You'll be able to smell things you haven't been able to before."

"Wait. You said earlier that you could smell me. Did that just start today?"

Ben dabs at my toes. "No."

"You also said that I've always smelled like home to you." I gasp as understanding begins to sink in.

"Yes."

"Could you...smell me when I first came to Theed?"

"Yes."

"But, that doesn't make any sense. No one else said anything."

"I know."

"Can you...do you know what my designation is?"

"Yes. Now that you're presenting, everyone knows."

My stomach cramps. "Ben, what am I?" 

His hands tremble a little. "You're an omega."

Swallowing around the lump in my throat I ask, "Is that a bad thing?"

Midnight eyes wide with surprise meet mine. "No! It's not. But it never mattered to me. When we found out it was you in the hospital, I didn't care if you were a shifter or not. After thirteen years, you were back. I was just so ecstatic to see you again., I didn't care. And now that you're an omega, I still don't care. You're my Sunshine, that's all that matters."

Relief floods through me. Either way, he still cares. I laugh. "Hang on. You could smell me in the hospital or soon after. How is that possible if I'm only presenting now?"

"We were very close when we were young."

"So you said. But, how could you know my scent?" Confusion grips my mind. "You just explained that when you're around omegas that had smelled normal before they presented, they smell different afterwards. And now that I'm presenting, it means my scent has changed. That must mean that I had a scent as a child. One that you recognized thirteen years later." Ben looks guilty. "Am I right?"

Ben opens his mouth like he's going to answer then snaps it closed. "I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because...I've been given an order not to."

"What?! Who could give you an order to not say something?"

"Rey, I'm part of a pack but I'm not its leader. I must obey our leader. Even if I don't want to."

"Your grandpa?" When he looks at me with surprise I shrug. "Something about the two of you...screams power. I'm just guessing it was him."

"Yeah." He irrigates my wounds again and dries them. "At first, I wasn't really happy about it. Part of me still isn't. However, if I told you, I don't know how you'd feel about it. And I don't want you to be angry with me."

He can't tell me. I swallow that fact and put it down in my 'Ask Him Later' file. There are, however, other things he may be able to answer.

"Okay. So, I'm presenting. How long does this last?"

Ben picks up another Q-tip and spreads Bacta on my wounds. "Typically between five to seven days. But there are a lot of factors that go into it."

"Like what?"

"Age, for one. You're um...a late bloomer. It may take longer."

"So I'm going to have to live with the fever, cramps and headache for a while?"

"We're not really sure. Your presentation is...unique." He places gauze on my foot.

"Unique how?"

He blushes. "Are you sure you wouldn't rather talk to a woman about this? I could ask Rose, if you don't want to talk to either of our moms about this. She's your friend and an omega as well."

"Ben, just tell me!"

He's quiet as he wraps my foot in medical tape. Maybe he doesn't want to tell me. How bad could it be? Once he's finished, he puts what he can away and tosses the rest. Pulling off the gloves, he throws them into the garbage before he gets up and closes the bathroom door. Leaning against it, he stares at the ceiling, obviously searching for the words to explain. "When shifters present, the first few changes happen rather quickly. As do the symptoms. Fever, headaches, abdominal pain. Then our scent glands appear." He gently scrapes his nails along the inside of his wrist, causing the flesh there to pinken and raise up into familiar lines...just like the ones I had at the diner. Pulling the collar of his shirt aside, he does the same to the skin between his neck and shoulder with the same result. His hand moves to the side of his neck, his nails scratching there as well, revealing a larger gland. "The glands on our neck are mating glands, but they also give off the most potent amount of our scent, which is shared...combined with our mate's scent." I absentmindedly reach for my own neck. "You don't have a mating gland." He says worriedly.

"Why not?"

Ben frowns. "We don't know. Ordinarily, within the first twelve hours of presenting, all shifters scent glands come in. And, for alphas and omegas, so do their mating glands."

"Great. So I'm a freak even amongst shifters. But that's not all, is it?"

"No." He swallows loudly. "When alphas present, they go into rut. With omegas, they go into heat. It's our body's way of saying that we're capable of breeding. Ruts and heats are painful, especially if the shifter doesn't have someone to see them through it. We become...crazed? Because our wolves tend to take over during those times. So...all we want to do is..." He slides to a sitting position on the floor, pulling his knees to his chest, "fuck."

"So, I'm going to become some...crazed, horny, thing soon?" Oh god, no!

He shakes his head. "You're not going into heat, Rey."

"How do you know?"

The laugh that escapes him is despondent. "The fact that you can have a conversation is a huge clue. You're not scratching at your skin like it's too tight. Your body temperature is too low for a heat. And the fact that I'd be able to smell it if you were." His voice rumbles. "Alphas and omegas can smell when someone goes into a rut or a heat."

"Oh." Well, that's embarrassing. "So, does it smell good when an omega goes into heat?"

"Not...good. It's okay, I guess. Potent. But not by normal standards 'good'. "

"Are you not attracted to omegas? Do you like alphas?"

He scoffs. "I'm attracted to who I'm attracted to. Designation doesn't matter to me."

"I understand." I may have struck a nerve.

"The Theed pack is more progressive than other packs. We don't automatically assume that if someone's in heat or in rut that they want someone to see them through it. Some shifters prefer to go it alone."

"Go it alone?"

He smirks. "Epic masturbation session."

"Sorry I asked!" I blush and hide my face.

Ben chuckles. "It's better than nothing." He confides.

"But, if you could be with someone, if it would make it easier, then why wouldn't you be?"

"Because it's about compatibility, and not just the physical side. Of you dislike someone normally, a heat or a rut won't change that. Would you really want to spend days fucking someone you don't like?"

I'm a virgin. What would I know about it? "I guess not."

"Then there you have it."

We sit in silence for a while. I'm tired and want to take a nap. But I have one more question. "Why didn't you tell me any of this since we became friends? If you knew I was a shifter?"

"Because none of us knew for sure that you were." When I raise an eyebrow at him he puffs out a breath. "Every pup that's born in our pack has blood drawn when they're a few days old. We keep it on record. We're tested for diseases, abnormalities, those kinds of things. Our blood is compared to other pack members to make sure no inbreeding is happening or for paternity tests. But we're also tested for shifter markers, it's part of our genetic make-up. When you were born, your markers were there and active. When you were hospitalized, your blood was drawn. Mom was looking for diseases, drugs, anemia...anything that may have explained why you were sick. You didn't smell like a pack, at least not one we know of. But you also looked so young, so mom decided to check for shifter markers. She found them but they were dormant. Mom and Uncle Luke think it's because of how you grew up. We've never heard of shifters giving up their pup, or of a pup being raised amongst humans. And add what Plutt did...it's not really a surprise that you didn't present as a teenager. But now you're safe and loved, your body has at least recovered from the damage the malnutrition and physical abuse it was put through. Your wolf must have decided that it's okay to take the next step."

"Is that why she really started talking to me a year ago?"

"I can't say for sure. But she's always been with you. Maybe she was just trying to ease you into this, one step at a time. You've been through a lot in your life. The last three years have been positive, but even so, change is hard."

**Smart Alpha.**

"You still could have said something." I accuse. "Even if it was just a possibility. I've been in the dark this entire time and now..." I gulp, "now it's like being thrown into the ocean and I can barely doggy-paddle."

"And just exactly how do you think that conversation would have gone?" He grunts in frustration. " 'Rey, I know that you have practically no memories of before you were five but hey, we grew up together and I'm a shifter and so is everyone else you know. Oh, and by the way, you _may_ one day become one, too'. Yeah, that would have gone over well. You would have packed your things and ran."

"You don't know that!"

Ben snorts in indignation. "Right, because you didn't try to run away just an hour ago."

**He's got you there.**

_Fuck off._

But they're right. More than likely I would have ran. Tears gather in my eyes and I swallow a sob. "I'm sorry."

"Shit Rey, I didn't mean..." he's suddenly in front of me, wiping the tears from my eyes. "Sunshine, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be an asshole. It's just..." He kisses my forehead, "I've been so happy since you came back. It doesn't matter to me if you're a human or a shifter. You're _my_ Rey. And you're here. That's all I care about."

"I'm scared, Ben. I've never felt so alone."

He gathers me up so I'm sitting on his lap. "Sweetheart, look at me, please." He cups my face when my eyes meet his. "You're not alone." His deep, rich voice reverberates around me. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

I sniffle, trying to keep the tears at bay. "Neither are you. I'm staying right here."

His arms wrap around me, pulling me into the security of his body. "You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that." I begin to full on ugly cry. Ben holds me tighter. "Let it go, Sweetheart. Let it all out."

So I do. I cry until I'm sure I don't have any tears left. But I'm not the only one. I not only hear, but feel _her_ crying, too. We switch on and off, cries become howls and back again for what feels like hours. We cry until we're spent, sitting limply in Ben's arms. It feels _so right_ to be here with him. Where we've always belonged. He wipes the tears and snot away, just like when I was in the hospital. Once he's satisfied that we're clean, he leans in and kisses us, his lips soft and comforting against ours, giving us peace. And although it's still chaste, he opens his mouth faintly and I do as well, following his lead, feeling his warm breath seep into my mouth, over my tongue. Fisting my hands into his thick, midnight hair I whimper as the taste of spicy chocolate, rich and impossibly addictive invades my taste buds. He doesn't give the usual three kisses but one long, drawn out one. I breathe back into his mouth and he moans sinfully, his hand cradling the base of my skull, his other arm wrapping around my waist, pressing me so solidly against him that my small breasts are against his muscular chest, sending electricity down to my womanhood which suddenly contracts. When we finally separate, his eyes are an unadulterated black, pupils blown wide. A bead of sweat runs from the side of my neck, down my shoulder where it disappears under his shirt I'm wearing. His eyes track the movement of it and without warning he pulls the hem of the neck aside, down my shoulder and kisses the naked skin. He's never kissed me anywhere but my face or wrist until now. Ben gathers me up and stands, opens the bathroom door and carries me to the bed. All the while I feel his lips and nose at my shoulder, where I realize somewhat belatedly, is the exact spot where he showed me earlier that a scent gland is located. His teeth lightly graze the area, causing my head to spin a little.

"Time for bed, Little One."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know...another cliffhanger. Hate me yet? 😅


	17. Blue Monday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This entire chapter is a memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've created a timeline because I'm not sure if anyone else is getting confused by all the time jumps, but I have. Hopefully this will help. It'll appear at the end of the chapter, but not in notes.

**Song: Blue Monday**

**Artist: The Flunk**

**Album: For Sleepyheads Only**

January 21, 2022

Today's the big day. It may be an average day to the rest of the town, but to us it's a day of great importance. It's snowing lightly, the small flakes only bringing more beauty to the afternoon. There's a small group of us milling about near the entrance of the courthouse. We're all dressed up, the ladies wearing dresses or power suits, the men in suits and ties. Almost all of us have had to take the day off, seeing how it's a Friday. But it's worth it. 

"They're running late." Dad grumbles beside me, fiddling with his tie.

"It's only one o'clock." Mom rolls her eyes as she picks off some lint from his blazer. "We still have plenty of time."

"Yeah. Guess you're right." He concedes as his hand ruffles through his hair. "Why do I feel so nervous?"

"Because your best friend and mine are finally getting their most fervent wish." Mom smiles joyfully. 

"But, what if something goes wrong? Chewie and Maz won't recover this time." Dad asks nervously.

"Don't worry about it, old buddy." Uncle Lando pats him on the back. "Jannah and I have dotted every I and crossed every T. It's going to happen."

"We've made sure that everything will be perfectly legal, not only by human law, but by pack law as well." Jannah whispers. "By the end of the day there will be no doubt as to where she belongs, and to whom." She tells us. "How are you holding up?" Her gaze finds mine.

"I'm good." I take a shaky breath. "Better than good. It's a lot to take in. It hasn't even been a month, but after today, I'll begin."

She smiles in understanding. "I have to say, I was shocked at Christmas. Every time I think I know what she'll do, Rey does a complete one-eighty. Full of surprises, that one."

"Yeah she is." I grin.

"Luke, Gial and Lor just arrived." Amilyn interrupts us.

"How did you manage to get them to come?" I ask her.

She raises her eyebrows. "They all volunteered."

To say that I'm relieved is an understatement. In order for Rey's adoption to be seen as 'legitimate' by the Council, at least one of its members has to be in attendance. Amilyn, Luke and Gial are all Council members. So is Chewie, but since this is personal for him, he can't act as a witness. Still, three out of eight is really good. And it helps that they're all different designations. I know why Lor San Tekka is here. As keeper of the pack's history, this will definitely go into the books. 

We've amassed quite a group of people. Some have important roles within the pack; my parents, as the future leaders, Uncle Luke, Gial Ackbar and Amilyn Holdo as Council members, Armie Hux, Gwen Phasma, Poe Dameron, Jyn Erso, Jannah and myself as Knights of Ren, Lor San Tekka as our historian. While others like Uncle Lando, Rose Tico, Finn Storm, Jessika Pava and Cassian Andor play different roles. Lando is the one bringing the adoption before the court while everyone else is a friend to Rey. 

But most significantly, we're all here out of love. For Chewie. For Maz. For Rey. Growing up, I knew my aunt and uncle were happy...save for one thing. They desperately wanted a child. They're so full of love that it just flows out of them. Sometimes, when I was young, I'd stay with them when living in the headquarters and with the ghost of the little girl who'd taken my heart with her when she left got to be too much. As a teenager I'd spend weeks with them during the summers. They gave me a job as a dishwasher at the diner. I can still remember taking out all of my frustrations on dirty pots and pans, scrubbing furiously in the hot, humid air of the dish room.

Chewie taught me how to cook. Nana taught me how to bake. By the time I was fifteen I could make a three course meal from scratch. Maz taught me about gardening. I loved staying with them. Not that I didn't love my folks and grandparents. I did. But after Rey's family left, it changed us. There was a perpetual sadness that lingered. The sunshine that once lit up our days was gone, darkening even the happiest of moments. Our little girl was gone and she took all the color and warmth with her. Torn from the pack's embrace we were bereft, sadness, deep and soul tearing written on everyone's face. As I grew older, she was spoken of less by most. 

But the misery remained. It's hard to ignore a hole where someone used to be. When I was seventeen, I found Maz drunk one night. She was sitting outside in the grass near the garden. At first I thought she was talking to the tomatoes, but then her slurred words caught my attention. 

"It's been so long. Almost seven years. You'll be twelve soon. Where are you? Are you eating well? Are your parents alright? We've missed you so much. You need to come home. We love you." Her tiny body is wracked with sobs. 

I sit beside her, wrapping my arms around her and let her cry. Half of me feels guilty that I can't make her tears stop. The other half is relieved that someone still thinks about Rey as much as I do. I presented three years ago, but I'm still learning what it means to be an alpha. I'm supposed to protect the ones I love. But how can I protect someone against grief? Maybe that's not the point this time. Maybe I'm just meant to hold my aunt while she releases her pain. So that's what I do. And I'm not ashamed to say I cry with her. Once our tears stop, we begin sharing memories of Rey. Good ones. How she was so cute when she scowled. Her first steps. Her first words. Her laugh. The way she climbed trees. 

An hour later I tuck Maz into bed. She holds my giant paw in her little hand and smiles sadly. "Sometimes, when we plant seeds they're only meant to stay in our garden for a short time. We eventually have to let them go."

"I don't think I'm capable of letting her go." I divulge. 

"Neither can I. But the world doesn't stop spinning and life must carry on." She sighs. "I'll always love her. But I have other seeds that need my attention as well." Maz smiles fondly at me. "Everything happens for a reason. We may not understand it, we may not like it, but that's the way it is. Eventually, you learn to live with the pain."

"Obi-Wan? Brendol? What are you doing here?" My mom's voice pulls me from my memories.

"We're here by special request." Obi-Wan answers, giving the group a playful wink.

Brendol is holding the door for Mon Mothma. "Yes. A certain couple wants as many witnesses as possible." He chuckles.

"They really want to drive the point home, so to speak." Mon smiles as she and my mom hug. "This should put that asshole in his place."

"I can already hear his objections at the next meeting." Amilyn laughs. "You realize he's going to say we shut him out of this."

"They told the four of us to come." Brendol discloses. "So if he doesn't show, it's his own damn fault. Either way, he's fucked. If he comes, then he'll have to recognize the legality of it. If he doesn't, then they'll look down upon him and take it as a direct disregard of not only his duty as a Council member, but of their orders as well."

"If he shows up, you know he's going to look for any loopholes he can use against her." I answer irritably. 

"Which is why the whole thing will be recorded." Mon holds up her phone. "And as soon as it's legal, I'll be sending the video to not only _them,_ but to everyone here. We won't be giving him any wiggle room on this."

I calm down a little. "Okay."

"They're here!" Rose squeals from beside the entrance.

We all quickly shuffle together in a group. Rey knows that mom, dad and I will be here, but everyone else is a surprise. She's met everyone before, understands that we're like one big family. But today she'll legally become part of it. And later, by law of the pack, she'll be brought in as a member. Human or not, she'll be one of us.

The door opens to reveal Chewie who, with his stature, is able to hide us from Rey's view. As soon as she's in the building, Chewie moves out of the way so she can see the group of people gathered to witness her special day. A look of shock spreads across her face, hazel eyes widen and mouth opens. As her gaze roams over the group, her expression falls, that perfectly plump bottom lip pouts and her eyes slam shut. It's too much. I can already feel her gearing up for the waterworks. I'm her alpha. I need to comfort her. I walk over to her, cupping her beautiful face in my hands. Without thinking about where we are or who we're with, I lean down and claim her lips with my own. Twenty-one days. It's been twenty-one days since I last had my mouth on her. Much too long for my taste. What I give her isn't a peck, nor is it the more languid kind like that of Christmas and New Year's Eve. It's something in between. A reaffirmation. A promise. Silent communication that tells her that it's alright, that I'm here and that those who surround her now love her. I feel the tenseness of her body let go and I pull away from her mouth. Her eyes are open, more green than hazel and a megawatt smile brightening her face. By every leaf on every tree in every wood and forest on this planet, oh how I love this woman.

Everyone gathers around us, chatting excitedly as I help Rey take off her coat. She's wearing the dress my parents gifted her along with the earrings. Her hair has been curled into loose ringlets and I notice the special touch only Maz could have added. There are small white beads, almost looking like pearls threaded in her hair, a tradition in Takodana where Maz is originally from. They're given from mother to daughter over generations, and if they hold up well, some can be hundreds of years old. As Rey is passed from one loving embrace to another, the sound of small bells tinkling can be heard. In Kashyyyk where Chewie was born, it's a tradition that when a pup is born the father would tie a string of tiny bells around each ankle of the baby. It's said to ward off bad spirits and to warn others that a warrior has entered the realm of the living.

It all represents Rey thoroughly. Beauty and strength. Old traditions...my eyes fall to her left wrist which still wears the bracelet I gave her, her fingers caressing the locket containing the picture of us together...And new traditions. I smile as I watch Rose, Jessika and Rey have an animated conversation. I'm so gone for her.

For all the time and worry that has gone into this, Rey's adoption is fairly simple. A few official papers, a couple of questions from the judge and some signatures later and it's official. She's now Reyna Ellen Kanata-Bacca. Happy tears are shed by almost everyone. The ordinary courtroom is filled with so much love and laughter that it no longer seems sterile. Everyone's pulling out their cell phones, taking pictures of the new family. Chewie's crying, his giant frame shaking as Rey holds his hand, comforting him. He's her dad now. Maz is on Rey's other side, eyes huge and tear filled behind her thick glasses. She's a mom now. Rey isn't crying, though. She's smiling broadly, chin up. Her expression speaks volumes. Pride, love and joy. The years of hell she survived are finally being rewarded. My little one has a home now. A family.

**And when she's ready, we'll add to it.**

* * *

I'm not as nervous as I thought I'd be. Over the past two weeks Maz and Chewie have told me about their families, about where they were born and why they moved to Naboo. They offer to share their last names with me, if I want them. And I do, I really, really do. Johnson was just a generic name, one easily thrown out, having no meaning to me. But now my last names will bear weight. I'll carry family with me always. And so much love.

Maz threads white beads into my hair, telling me how they've been passed down by her mother's mother's mother and even further back. Each generation must add to the collection. And one day, when I have a daughter, I must pass them on to her. The cycle will continue. I try to imagine having a baby but I'm only twenty. It's difficult to imagine that kind of responsibility now. But my mind runs with the idea, a tiny child running around with ebony hair that looks like Ben's...I squash that idea before it fully forms. It'll never happen. He's too good for me.

Right before we leave Chewie tells me to take a seat in the living room. He adorns both my ankles with ankle bracelets that have tiny silver bells on them. As he puts them on he says something in a foreign tongue. When I ask him what he said he looks at me, his steady blue eyed gaze growing watery. "It's an old custom of my family. I said, 'Joyous be this day for a daughter has been born. Let no evil see her. Love her with an open heart. And tremble before her, for she is a warrior.' "

I'd managed to hold it together until I stepped into the courthouse. Seeing everyone there, knowing that they're my new family, crashes over me. And Ben looks _devastating._ His black suit and tie with a white shirt just _does something_ to me. I feel the tears coming so I close my eyes, trying desperately to build a wall around my heart so I won't cry and ruin my makeup. But then the scent of leather and spice surrounds me and his lips are against mine. Ben's kissing me, in front of everyone in public. I feel safe and calm. Opening my eyes I can't help the smile that comes and I don't miss how his eyes change from carmel to onyx, along with the sinful smile that plays on his lips.

Loving embrace after loving embrace and smile after smile fills the next however long. I stand amongst the people that love me. Memories of the last year and a half flood my brain...running from Plutt and Jakku, being found by the people who are soon to be my parents, arguing with Han about the Falcon (because no, not everything can be fixed with WD-40 and duct tape) Leia's smile every time I see her, learning what it means to 'hang out' from Rose and Finn, Mom and Dad's generous hugs. Learning how to cook, how to garden, all the little things and small conversations have led me...here. Ben's deep laughter catches my attention. His head is thrown back, chest heaving through the fit as Han and Luke laugh with him. I look to Maz and she's looking back at me. _"The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead."_ The truth of it is like a sledgehammer to my chest, breaking the wall to my heart. Mom gives me a knowing smile and winks. She knew. Somehow, from the very beginning, she always knew. I expect to bleed out from the realization but instead something deep inside of me grows stronger. My back straightens, my chin lifts. The unconditional love given to me by these people fills a hole within me. I haven't been merely surviving, I've been _living._ I am loved. And I love in return.

The courtroom doors open and someone calls our names. Without a second thought I head straight for my parents and take their hands. Together, we enter as a hairy, soft hearted giant, a tiny, all-seeing woman and a desert rat that crawled her way out of the sands of Niima. Together, after hundreds of pictures and happy tears, we exit as a family. The world hasn't changed, but I have. I'm Reyna Ellen Kanata-Bacca. Maybe my biolological parents couldn't give me what they thought I needed. Perhaps they loved me but couldn't care for me. Whatever the reason, forgiveness creeps into my heart. There will always be a part of me that wonders, that questions, the ifs, hows and whys will never be answered. But if Maz is correct, if everything happens for a reason, then their decision to leave me was just one stone of the path that's led me here. And I love where I am. Maybe Chewie's right, too. Perhaps I am a warrior.

**You are.**

* * *

The entire group goes out to dinner at one of the fanciest restaurants Theed has to offer. The hostess, a gorgeous blonde, large breasted woman damn near drools all over herself when she lays eyes on Ben. I wish I could blame her, but I can't. Still, the ugly green monster rises within, wanting to scratch her eyes out. She sticks her chest out at him asking if we have a reservation.

"Under Solo." He answers, taking my hand in his. The hostess purses her lips and gives me a haughty once over. Something primal takes over me, like back in Niima when other scavengers would try to take from me what I had already claimed as mine. Anger bubbles to the surface and I dare her with a simple raise of an eyebrow.

**Try it, bitch.**

_Mine._ I take a minute step forward, glaring her into backing away. She hurriedly gathers together menus as Ben wraps an arm around my waist. He chuckles as he kisses my temple. "Try not to kill the employees until after we've eaten, Sweetheart."

I'm pulled from my dark thoughts. "What?" I turn my face to his, Ben's whiskey orbs glittering in amusement.

"Nothing." He shakes his head good naturedly.

Our group follows the hostess as we're brought into a banquet room. There's a huge banner that reads: _It's A Girl!_ That I _know_ was Poe and Finn. Rose snorts a laugh beside me. "Well, you're a girl. Who woulda thunk?"

"Complete surprise, that." I answer sarcastically. 

The room is beautiful. Every table is covered in a white cloth, votive candles set in the middle of wreaths made of orchids. Ben takes my hand and leads me to the table in the middle of the room, pulling out a chair for me. He then holds out a chair for Maz who sits to my left as Chewie sits on my right. Ben and his parents sit across from us. The candlelight softens him somewhat, showing a gentler yet darker side of him.

Dinner is filled with champagne and laughter. Everything on the menu is expensive, at least by my standards. When we're done eating, a congratulatory toast is made to Mom, Dad and I. The waiter for our table never even asked to see my I.D., so I have my own glass of champagne that I've been sipping at. I'm pretty sure I'm tipsy.

Rose, Jessika and I go to the ladies' room together. We giggle about how badly we have to pee and how smartly some of the men have dressed up. "Armie looks so good in a suit." Rose warbles from the stall to my right. "But I prefer him naked."

"Oh good god, here we go again." Jessika pipes up from my left. "Some of us don't like redheads."

"Nope. You like blondes." Rose replies.

"Blonde, Amazonian, goddess-type women." I add.

"Fucking right!" Jessika squeals. "What's your type, Rey?" 

Type? "I..." Ben. Ben is my type. "I'm not sure I have one. I mean, all the men I know are old or taken or..." my best friend. "Yeah."

"Johnny from Starbucks thinks you're cute." Jessika says right before she flushes.

Johnny. Which one's Johnny?

"The way I hear it his filter is pretty small." Rose giggles. Flush.

"I could set you two up." Jessika offers. I can hear her washing her hands.

"Which one's Johnny?" I ask as I flush.

"Jess...no." Rose stage whispers.

"The one with the nose ring." Jess answers as I walk out of the stall.

"The guy with the Mohawk?" I ask, joining them at the sink.

"Yep!"

"Oh." He's okay. Nice, I guess. But I don't know him. "I um..." scrubbing my hands with soap and hot water I search for an excuse. "I'm awfully busy...I mean with work and everything. I'm not sure I have the time to date."

"You could just meet him for coffee. That's not really a date." Jess answers as she applies some lipstick.

"That's technically a coffee date." Rose replies, her eyes narrowing.

"Fine, whatever. Besides...you, missy, need to get out there." Jess smiles at me as she runs her fingers through her hair. "Show these Theed boys what they've been missing. And...I'm one hell of a matchmaker."

"Really?" Rose asks, crossing her arms over her chest. "And who exactly have you set up?"

"Kaydel and Ben." 

My heart stops and falls to the floor. It's not really a surprise. Kaydel Ko Connix is blonde and gorgeous. But still, I figured Ben would tell me if he was seeing someone. Then again, why would he? I'm just his friend. Nothing more. I glance at Rose who's gone pale. "That...that's not true. Don't lie, Jess." She hisses.

"It is true. I spoke to Kay a couple of days ago about it. They're gonna meet at Lucky's next Friday. 

I swallow the bile that's rising in my throat. "We should get back." I open the bathroom door, not waiting for either of my friends.

"What should I tell Johnny?"

I don't answer.

Back in the banquet room I find that the table is empty. People are milling around in groups, laughing and smiling. My thoughts are a jumble, running from memory to memory of Ben kissing me, to every smile he's given me to the truth that I'm only his friend. I know I'm new at this and a virgin but...I thought...I'd _hoped_ he cared. And he does, just not like that. Not in _that_ way. And it fucking hurts. It hurts more than it did last summer, when I thought he hated me after the fair. Because I know he wants to be in my life. But only as a friend. But why would he kiss me? Maybe he kisses a lot of girls. He _is_ five years older than me. I'm sure he's...experienced. And that's not the thought that bothers me. It's the fact that he didn't trust me enough to tell me that he's going on a date.

The scavenger, the survivor in me rises. She knows what must be done. Brick by brick, a new wall is built. But this one has a specific purpose, a specific person in mind. The wall is erected around my heart, standing between it and Ben Solo. I don't have to let him go, but I can't be in love with him, either. The weight settles in my chest and I want to vomit. I should have told him, but now it's too late. So I do what I've always done, I push through.

I find Mom talking with Leia and Ben. I need to get out of here. I carefully walk over to them, my stomach rolling. Ben sees me first and moves to meet me. "Hey, there you are." God, he smells _amazing._ He leans close to me whispering, "My bag is packed. I just need to drive Mom and Dad home and then I can come over."

I'd forgotten. Ben was going to spend the night. I swallow and whisper, "I don't think it's a good idea."

"Why not?"

I blink rapidly, trying to keep the tears from coming. "I just...I don't think it's appropriate. Imagine what some people would say."

"What people?" He looks confused. "Sweetheart, no one knows. And if they do, they don't care. Frankly, it's no one's business but ours."

"Not for long." I hiss. Turning to my mom I lay a hand on her shoulder. "Mom, can we go home? I don't feel well." Not a complete lie, but not the whole truth, either.

"What's wrong, dear?" She asks, reaching for me.

"My stomach hurts. I think, it's just all the excitement." Her nostrils flare and somehow I know...she knows I'm lying. But I need to get out of here. "Please?"

"Of course." She walks me back to the table, signaling to Dad. "It's been a big day. You just need some rest."

"Yeah."

I'm forced to spend the next ten minutes getting hugs and slapping a fake smile on my face. The last person to hug me is Ben and, because apparently I'm a masochist, I let him. "Rey," he whispers into my hair, "I need to tell you..."

I cut him off. "I have to go." I pull myself from his arms. His chocolate eyes stare into mine with something like fear. "Good bye, Ben."

When we get home I go directly to my room. I carefully remove the beads from my hair, my earrings and dress from Leia and Han, the bracelet and locket from Ben and the ankle bracelets from Dad. I pull on my warmest pair of pajamas and head straight for my nest in my closet. I toss my stuffed wolf out and slam the door behind me. Aside from leaving to pee and drink some water, I stay there for the weekend. I can hear my phone going off from the darkness of my nest, but I don't answer. Call after call, text after text. Sometime on Sunday I hear Ben's truck pull up to the house. Ten minutes later he leaves again.

I ignore everything related to Ben for the next eleven days. At work, I ask Kaydel or Jessika to wait on him. I try not to look at him. He looks exhausted. Probably been busy fucking Kaydel into next month. On day twelve, Wednesday, I'm leaving out the back door where the employees park. Ben's waiting by my jeep, looking worse than I've ever seen him. When was the last time I looked at him? Sunday? Yep. He hasn't bothered to shave, his hair is a mess but it's the expression he wears that says it all. He's wounded and furious. And it's directed at _me._ His lips are tight, his eyes black, voice baring sharp edges as he demands, "We need to talk."

* * *

**Timeline:**

**4/18/1996 : Ben is born.**

**9/8/2001 : Rey is born.**

**9/12/2001 : Rey is presented to Anakin and Padme. Ben imprints on her.**

**9/13/2002 : Ben and Rey are bound. (A pack law, will explain later.)**

**9/10/2006 : Rey and her parents leave Theed pack.**

**10/23/2006 : Rey's parents leave her at the clinic in Olivia, Jakku.**

**10/27/2006 : Rey's parents are found dead.**

**6/14/2020 : Rey arrives in Theed.**

**9/8/2020 :Rey turns 19.**

**4/18/2021 : Ben turns 24.**

**6/10/2021 : Ben and Rey start sleeping together. (No nookie, just sleeping)**

**7/17/2021 : Ben visits Unkar Plutt.**

**8/5/2021 : Ben and Rey kiss for the second time.**

**9/8/2021 : Rey turns 20.**

**12/24/2021 : Ben and Rey kiss for the third time.**

**12/25/2021 : Rey gives Ben an odd gift.**

**1/21/2022 : Rey is adopted by Maz and Chewie.**

**3/25 2022 : Rey's periods become regular. Her wolf now starts speaking openly to her.**

**4/18/2022 : Ben turns 25.**

**9/8/2022 : Rey turns 21.**

**12/?/2022 : Rey gets her own place.**

**3/30/2023 : Rey begins to present.**

And there we are, loves. As of last chapter, the current date of the story is March 30, 2023. I'll try to put dates in during memories when I can, but honestly, I don't know if I'll be able to. Especially since we rarely remember exact dates in memories, but maybe the month it happened in. I hope this helps. I know it helped me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me.


	18. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get Ben's POV of the previous chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy chocolate stars, Batman! Over 4,400 hits! You guys are amazing. Thank you so much for staying with me. I'm just...So grateful. You have no idea. Much love!

**Song: Trust**

**Artist: Boy Epic**

**Album: released as a single**

**March 30, 2023**

I carry Rey back to bed. Her feet should heal in a day or two. Tucking her in, I watch over her as she sleeps. I'm not surprised she tried to run. All of our omissions have to be stopped. I just wish I could tell her the things I'm forbidden to. Papa forbade me from telling Rey that I imprinted on her. She needs to follow her own path, whatever that may be. I can only hope that when the time comes, I'll still be allowed to be a part of her life. The past fourteen months have been mostly wonderful, except for that eleven day period. Everything had been perfect until the girls returned from the bathroom. Rey looked defeated. Hardened. I knew something was wrong but she refused to speak to me. It wasn't until four days after her adoption that I was told what happened.

_I'm at Maz's Diner for lunch on Wednesday. Rey takes one look at me, does an about face and immediately goes to Jessika, speaking to her for a minute. Jess smiles, nods and approaches me._

"Hey Ben. Coffee?" _I nod. She pours me a cup then leans on the counter._ "So, I was wondering. You're not dating anyone, right?"

"Well, I ..." _I blush._

"I didn't think so. So I'm setting you up with someone. She's really pretty and nice. And I know for a fact that she likes you." _Handing me a menu she adds,_ "And she works here."

_My mind immediately jumps to Rey. If Jessika is trying to set us up, that would explain why she didn't want me to sleep over. Maybe she's embarrassed. Maybe she doesn't want me that way. That would explain her abrupt change of heart on Friday. Fuck, she probably thought I was going to try to make a move...one she isn't ready for. Oh my sweet, shy little mate..._ "Who are you setting me up with?"

"Kaydel!" _She leans closer and whispers,_ "She's an omega, you know."

_Oh, I'm well aware of that fact. And she smells of lemons. I hate lemons._ "Look, it's nice of you to try, but I'm not interested."

_Jess frowns._ "But...I mean, you two haven't even tried. Just one date. Meet her at Lucky's Friday at seven. Just one drink."

_My anger boils._ "Jessika, I'm not interested." _I stand up and pull out a $5 bill from my wallet._ "And I'll thank you kindly to stay out of my private life."

"But..." _She chews her lip._ "I'm doing it for Rey, too. I've set her up with a coffee date. You both need to get out there."

"You did what?" _I growl._ " Who did you set her up with?"

"Johnny at Starbucks."

"Mohawk guy?!" _She nods enthusiastically._ " And she agreed?"

"Rey didn't say no."

_I can't hear anymore._ " When does Kaydel work next?"

"Tomorrow. She'll be in at ten."

_I leave, practically running to my truck. I'm going to vomit. How did this happen? Jesus fucking Christ. I need to fix this. But first... I drive to headquarters. I'm out of my truck as soon as it's in park. I run around to the back of the house, shaking so bad I can't contain it. I barely make it to the forest and out of my clothes before I shift. I run. For hours. I run until I can't catch my breath, until every muscle spasms with exhaustion. And I scream. I release my unmitigated anger into the air, warning others to stay the fuck away from me. If anyone should cross my path, I'm not sure what I'll do._

_The next day I'm back at the diner. Rey must be on break because I don't see her. But she's not the one I'm here for. Kaydel's standing behind the counter, talking to a customer. Here goes nothing. I walk to the counter and wait until she sees me. Her scent of lemons is pungent and I want to gag. Smiling at me, Kaydel asks me if I'd like coffee._ "No, thank you. I was wondering if I could have a moment of your time?" _Nodding excitedly she comes around the counter and I walk to a mostly empty area of the restaurant. This isn't going to be a pleasant conversation, and the less witnesses the better. We sit in a booth and she looks so happy that part of me feels bad that I have to do this. But my path is clear. Always has been, always will be._ "So, Jessika tells me that she's playing matchmaker."

_Kaydel's blonde ponytail bobs._ "Yeah. I was thinking, if you don't want to meet at Lucky's, we could go somewhere else. Whatever you want."

_I swallow. I don't enjoy hurting people but this must be done._ "I'm not sure what she told you, and while I know you're a fine person, I'm not interested."

_Her eyes grow wide._ "Oh. But..." _She looks around us quickly then leans in and lowers her voice._ "My heat is in two weeks. I was hoping that you might be willing to see me through it, if our date went well."

_Fucking hell._ "Kay, I'm not interested in you that way. And while I'm flattered, my answer is no."

"Okay. Well. I guess that's that." _I can smell disappointment but also relief._ "I need to get back to my customers."

"Of course." _She leaves the booth and I take a cleansing breath. One down, one to go._

_For the next six days I text and call Rey. She doesn't answer. I wonder if she's had her coffee date with Mohawk boy. I'm at war with myself. Half of me is calm, knowing that in order to prove myself worthy of her, I need to let her go so she can experience life without me. And that hurts. The thought of that boy touching my mate drives me crazy. But my love for her, my duty to her...I will be whatever she needs me to be. Even if that means she falls in love with someone else and I'm forced to watch. The other half of me, mainly Kylo, wants to go to her, drag her back to my apartment and make her mine. Because she is, mine. And I am hers. But I know my Sunshine. She'd probably kick me in the balls if I tried such a thing. And for some sick, twisted reason, I_ like _that idea. It's not such a surprise though. I'll take whatever she gives me. Willingly._

_Since Rey refuses to answer my texts and calls, I decide to seek her out in neutral ground. Namely: the diner. I don't want to be overbearing, so I wait by her car in the employee parking lot. We need to talk, I need her to listen, but I won't make her feel trapped. I won't stop her from leaving, but I don't want her to go, either. Part of me is furious at her, I thought we had a better relationship than this. But I'm also so fucking hurt that she would just cut me off the way she has. I had decided to honestly start Courting her the day after her adoption, and it's all gone down the shitter. At 12:05P.M. Rey walks out of the back door, looking beautiful as always except she looks sharper, like she did when she first came to Theed. She's on the defensive. When her eyes find me next to her jeep, her lips thin and she stops. Her body language is screaming,_ don't fuck with me. _Oh Sweetheart, if only you'd give me the chance._ " We need to talk."

"Do we?" _Her voice is hard. Yep, I'm in trouble._

"Yes." _I tamp down on my anger._ "Why haven't you answered any of my texts or calls? Why are you ignoring me?"

"I've been busy."

"Have you?" _Dark thoughts about Mohawk Johnny pawing at her spring to life._ "So busy you can't even text me to say, ' I'm okay '?"

"Why do you even care?" _She spits at me._ "Why don't you just go back to whatever or whoever you were doing?"

Son of a bitch. _Is she...jealous? Is that what all of this has been about? Kylo howls with pleasure and pain._

**Mate is jealous! Precious mate! Wants us! Kneel to her! Ease her worries!**

" You know what?! Forget it! It's none of my business." _She stomps past us to the driver's side of the jeep._

_I need to know. I have to make sure. Her answer will dictate my course of action._ "You're talking about Kaydel, aren't you?"

_Rey snorts and rolls her eyes like she doesn't care. But her scent changes minutely. It's bitter. It's new, but I can tell this isn't just anger. This is fury and hurt and jealousy._ "Like I said, none of my business." _She opens the door and throws her purse in._ " But you know what pisses me off?" _Her eyes have grown green, pupils to a pinpoint._ "I thought that we were friends!"

"We are friends." _I answer honestly._

"Oh, really!" _She's yelling now. Damn, my girl's got a set of lungs._ "Then why did I have to hear it from Jessika that you and Kaydel were being set up?!" _Taking a huge breath her tirade continues,_ "I don't care if you're dating or fucking someone. Hell, I expect it. But I thought you'd at least have the common decency to tell me yourself. But oh-fucking-no! I have to hear it from someone else!"

_Her anger sets fire to my own._ "Well, while we're pointing fingers, why didn't you tell me about Johnny No Foam! You could have said that you were going to give dating a try!"

"Maybe I would have if you weren't so busy fucking Kaydel into next month!"

"I'm _not,_ nor have I _ever_ fucked Kaydel!" _I roar at her._

"Well, I'm not dating Johnny!" _She screams back._

"Why the fuck not?!"

"Because he's not..."

"What?" _I take a step toward her._ "Say it."

_Rey swallows and looks at her feet. When her eyes raise again, they're the color of honey._ "He's not my type."

"Kaydel's blonde." _I answer._ "I don't like blondes."

_We deflate, our anger gone._

_Rey groans._ " The way Jessika made it sound..."

"Did she say that I agreed to it?" _I ask, inching closer to her._

"She said that she set it up." _Rey looks up guiltily._

" She told me that you didn't say no." _I state._

"I told her that I don't have time to date. I just...I've never been on a date. I don't know what to say, how to act. I don't think it's a good idea."

"If you feel like you have to act, you shouldn't be on the date." _I answer, taking her hand in mine._

"Fuck. I missed you. I'm so sorry. It's none of my business who you date or sleep with." _Her eyes become glossy._

_I take her into my arms, hugging her tightly._ "I'm not. Dating or sleeping with anyone. But if I were, you'd be the first to know."

_She wraps her arms around my neck, pressing her body against me._ "Can you ever forgive me?"

"You didn't do anything wrong." _I whisper into her chestnut hair._ "I missed you too. So much."

"Feel like getting lunch? Do you work tomorrow?"

"Yes. To both. _I kiss her forehead._ "May I spend the night?"

"Yeah. I'd really like that."

_I smile._

**Thank fuck.**

* * *

_I put my plan into action. If I'm going to Court Rey, it's going to have to be obvious to everyone else and yet subtle enough for her not to notice. Courting is a private matter, so I don't have to worry that anyone will say something to her. Still, I wish I could do more than what I have planned. I want to tell her how I feel. I want her to know how deeply in love with her I am. But that will have to wait._

_That day we go to El Loro, this little Mexican place that has the best chimichangas. I hold Rey's hand as we walk from the parking lot into the restaurant. She already smells like the pack, and that's a good thing. But out of the combination of scents, she must smell most like her parents and myself. That requires touching._ A lot _of touching. I'm going to have to scent her more frequently. That way, everyone will know she belongs to me. The more difficult part is, she can't scent me, not the way a shifter can. And since I'm the only one that can smell her, others will probably be confused. But I don't care. I'm hers._

_That night Rey makes a nest for us. It's perfect. She tells me shyly about how she made them at Plutt's to combat the cold nights the desert brought. But I know that it's also a comfort measure. It's typical of omegas, needing a place to feel safe and warm. Perhaps somewhere, buried deep, she remembers the nests Astrid used to make. Or maybe it's just Rey. She's a creature of habit. But the fact that she made it, and she wants me to enter speaks volumes. She's feeling vulnerable and uncertain so I must not only tread lightly, but provide her with what she needs. I pull her over to me, spooning her in the dark. I tell her that her nest is beautiful and that she's clever. She falls asleep almost instantly. As she sleeps, I carefully scent her. Her neck, her wrists. When I'm finished, I fall asleep, holding her close, sharing my body heat._

_We wake up in the predawn hours and I confess to her about my nightmares. How I never really sleep well. That the first night we slept together was my first uninterrupted sleep in fourteen years._

_I've considered for a while now how I'll court Rey. The decision is easy. The less I change what I've always done, the more she'll feel comfortable. Because, since she returned home, I_ have _been Courting her. Since the moment I gave her the food from Chewie, which I laid at her feet, to the clothes I bought her with her own money because she didn't want pity or charity. Every kiss, every hug. Taking her to the fair or out to eat or to a movie, watching T.V. at her place. I lend her my shirts. Every single moment I've spent with her, I've been Courting her, praying that she finds me worthy. I've never pushed her, letting her take the lead. She's had so little control over her own life that she deserves it. But then Rey has done the most curious things...she asks me about myself. What books do I read, what shows do I like, do I have any hobbies. She speaks to me, not to my alpha. To her, I'm just Ben Solo, normal guy with a job. She gets to know_ me. _No one has ever done that before. I knew I would love her since I imprinted on her. But what I didn't realize was that I would_ fall in love _with her. So I change very little of what we do together. We go out to eat. We run errands together. I gift her little things that won't raise any red flags in her mind. I take her on surprise picnics. Buy her something small here and there. That summer, I take her to my cabin. I teach her how to swim in the river nearby. I teach her how to fish. I invite her over to my apartment. I cook for her._

_Slowly yet steadily, we hold hands more. Cuddle more often. Our once a month sleepovers become every three weeks, then every other week. Always at her place, where her parents could come home at any time. It's a sign of respect...not only to Rey, but to Maz and Chewie as well. She lets me kiss her more often. I try to keep them innocent. No tongue. But it's my own private hell. My mate is in my arms, belly full, warm and happy and relaxed. My hindbrain roars at me to get her under me, to kiss her senseless. To give her everything that I am. But I_ can't.

_Since I presented, I've had two ruts a year. Like clockwork. Every June and December. Until a year after Rey came home. The day of the fair. When I'd visited her in wolf form, I smelled it. Her come. My first thoughts had gone to a dark place, that someone had been there and had taken my mate. But it was just her. She'd touched herself. I was thrown into a rut. I'd run home, packed a bag and driven to my cabin. This rut was different. Kylo didn't want to hunt. And this time, we knew who the perfect person was we pictured in our mind. Rey. Her scent clung to the shirt I'd worn to the fair. I spent the next few days furiously masturbating, my nose in my shirt breathing in her scent, moaning and roaring her name._

The closer we get, the more my body is thrown out of whack. In the last nineteen months, I've had six ruts. Three natural ones. Three that were...unscheduled. The more comfortable Rey gets, the healthier she becomes, the more my wolf responds. This morning I had to hide my erection from her. It wasn't the first time. Probably won't be the last. I hid under the covers, laying my head on her tummy while aiming my cock away from her. I don't know what's worse: The fact that I feel like a hormonal teenager all over again or that for the past year I've not only been able to smell her moontime (which all shifters can, thanks, heightened senses!) but that I can also smell the change in her body when she ovulates.Those times are incredibly painful for me. I desperately want to lock us away from the world and not come out until I'm sure I've gotten her pregnant. But once again, I _can't._

And now, she presenting. It's tough being around her. She smells so fucking _good_ normally but now I'm delerious with want. My mate. My omega. Heat or not. She's afraid though and in pain. My stupid lizard brain screams to crawl into bed with her, to strip her naked and fill her body with my come. To wipe my scent all over her skin. Show her in explicit detail all the ways I can take care of her. But I can't. There's still so much left unsaid. And she doesn't even know half of it. We need to talk. She needs to know as much as possible. So she can make informed choices. Rey should know that I love her. That I've always loved her. That I'll always love her.

I get up and go to my room. I need to shower. I'm going to have to rub one out before I get back into bed with her. Once that's taken care of I can change into pajamas and go to her. I'll hold my mate and keep her safe. But tomorrow is going to be terrible for the both of us. In so many ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...do you still hate me? 😂


	19. Butterfly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A continuation from last chapter. Picks up right where we left off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the device I work off of crapped out on me yesterday. This entire chapter took me HOURS to type up. It's probably a little short, and I'm sorry if it doesn't meet expectations this week. But we're finally getting into the good stuff. Just hang in there. I'm especially excited for the next two chapters and can't wait to see (hopefully) your reactions.

**Song: Butterfly**

**Artist: Bassnectar (ft. Mimi Page)**

**Album: Vava Voom**

****

**Rey, wake up.**

My eyes open in the predawn hours. There's barely any light in the room but I can make out the shapes of things. I feel Ben beside me, his warmth seeping into my skin. He gives a little snore and I stifle a laugh.

**You need to get up. I want to show you something.**

_What about Ben? He'll worry if I'm not here when he wakes._

**He'll find us. Come on.**

I slide out of bed carefully, not only because of my feet but so I don't wake Ben. 

_Where are we going?_

**You'll see. Let me lead you. I know the perfect place.**

She takes over like she did when I first arrived in Theed. I'm being tugged as if connected to an invisible string. My...wolf seems to know where everything is and where to go. Part of me wonders that if I were to close my eyes if I'd bump into anything.

**I'd never lead you astray.**

I'm brought down the stairs, through the house which is quiet and gray with the sun beginning to rise. We walk lightly, my wolf knowing what floorboards would creak if we were to step on them. It's eerily reminiscent of when we ran from Plutt's. She must have guided me then, too.

**I did.**

We're on the ground floor, ghosting through hallways, taking turns with ease. We enter into what seems to be a living room and on the back wall there's French doors made of frosted glass. My heart kicks up a notch. They seem familiar. I lived here, with my parents. I just can't remember it. But there's something...

**This is it.**

My hands are already reaching for the handles.

_What's behind these doors?_

**You'll see if you open them.**

Taking a deep breath I steady myself and pull on the handles. It's breathtaking. A patio leads out to the most immense flower garden I've ever seen. There's dozens of different kinds of flowers on each side of a cobblestone path. The new morning sun lights my way as I walk, smelling and touching the beautiful specimens. Beyond the garden there are a few tables and chairs set strategically under large trees. The lawn is green and soft, the blades of grass tickling what little skin on my feet is exposed. At the end of the yard lies a vast forest, or at least it seems to be from where I'm standing.

**This is a good place to stop. I want to show you a memory. But this time, we're going to do some breathing first. Take a deep breath in through your nose, hold it for three seconds, then blow it out slowly from your mouth. I want you to concentrate on what you can smell, what you can taste.**

_Alright. What will you be doing?_

**Remember yesterday when you heard the scratching and your head hurt?**

_Yeah._

**That was me. There's...a wall between us. I'm digging holes in it.**

_Why?_

**It's the only way for you to get your memories back. But it's painful for both of us. That fucker knew what he was doing when he did this to us.**

_What if I dig a hole from my side? Maybe that would make it easier on both of us?_

**That's actually a great idea. But we'll try that another time. For now, I just want you to breathe. When the pain comes, just keep breathing, okay?**

_Okay._

I do as she says. I close my eyes and just breathe. The scent of flowers, trees, earth and grass fills my nose. It's comforting. With each breath I relax a little more, until I drift into a place that's empty. There's no sound, no smells, I can't even feel the ground under my feet. I like it here. From far away I hear it, a scratching. It's _her._ I keep breathing, but I know my heart is pumping harder. I'm not as relaxed as I was but that's only because I know what's coming. As the scratching grows louder, a headache blooms to life. My stomach rolls at the sudden pain but I take another breath, trying to stay calm and relaxed. I feel a brush of _something_ against my mind right before the blinding pain hits me. I open my eyes...

_...I'm standing in the same place. Nothing appears to be different. Same trees, same tables and chairs. Except, everything looks...bigger? I look down to find I'm wearing a pink, sparkly dress. It reminds me of a Halloween costume. Maybe it is._

"I found them!" _A voice calls from behind me and I turn to see...Ben. He's so_ young! _Tall and gangly, his hands and feet a little too big for his body. His black hair is shorter, revealing his ears that are so cute I wanna cry. Amber eyes meet mine as he runs up to me, a load of cloth in his arms. He places the bundle onto the table and turns to me with a smile._ "Every princess needs a crown." _He shows it to me. It's made of cardboard and there's stickers that look like jewels on it. He carefully places it on my head._ "There. Perfect." _He smiles at me and I see he's missing a tooth, but the new one is already coming in. Ben straps on a belt and puts a large stick into it._ "I found a blanket I can use for a cape." _He ties part of it around his neck._ "Now we can play Knight and Princess for real."

_Even as a child he was beautiful. I want to tell him, I want to say something, to thank him but instead I take his hand._

"Master of the Knights of Ren." _My tiny voice comes out._ "I've just recieved word that the enemy is at the east gate!"

_His face becomes the same schooled, yet younger version I know so well._ "Have no fear, my princess. I will always protect you." _His hand squeezes mine._ "I will always be your knight, Rey."

_My heart trips._ "Mine Ben." _Together, we run hand in hand to defeat the great pretend evil that will soon invade the kitchen. They're after the chocolate chip cookies and we cannot let that stand!_

* * *

_How many memories do you have? I mean, ones that are like that?_

**A lot. I've never counted. But I've kept them safe. For you. For us.**

_When will you show me another?_

**Soon. We need to be careful. Let's just take it slow.**

"Rey? What are you doing out here?"

I turn to see Ben standing a few feet behind me. His raven hair is tosseled from sleep. He's wearing gray athletic shorts and a white T-shirt, his feet are bare. Even straight out of bed he looks edible. It hits me like a freight train. The little boy who was my knight has become a man. And I missed it. He must have felt so angry, so cheated when I was taken away. Was he ever lonely? Did he ever miss me? Time to find out.

"Master of the Knights of Ren. The enemy is at the east gate."

Whiskey eyes snap to mine. "What did you say?" He steps closer and reaches out, grabs my shoulders, his eyes wide. "Repeat what you just said, Rey."

"You made me a crown out of cardboard. It had stickers that looked like jewels on it. Called me your princess." My vision grows blurry. "Master of the Knights of Ren, the enemy is at the east gate."

"You...you remember that day?" He puffs. 

"Just that part. She showed me the memory." I lift my hand and cup his face, my thumb brushing away a tear streaking down his cheek. "You have more beauty marks. You grew up so handsome." I take a stuttered breath. "My knight. Mine Ben."

His mouth crashes against mine, his kisses tasting of salt and joy. It's almost desperate, the way his lips move over mine. _This_ is what he's been waiting for...For me to remember him. Us. And I know without a doubt that we weren't just friends as children. Somehow, we were _more._ We were integral parts of not only each other's lives, but of each other. Where my wolf is the other half of me, Ben is the other half of _us._ What we had was special, pure. Can we ever get back to that? I'd really like to know.

"Oh Sweetheart," his kisses slow, become more gentle. He's still crying. I'm crying, too. "You have no idea how much I've missed you. Every damn day. My Sunshine." He holds me close, strong arms wrapped around me.

"Never let me go."

"I promise."

* * *

I'm sitting on the kitchen counter, watching as Ben makes us breakfast. My stomach still doesn't feel all that well, so he's decided that cheesy scrambled eggs is a good place to start. I'm torn between watching him and looking around the kitchen...it feels familiar. Like a dream I can't quite remember. I still have so many questions. "Was I born here?"

He adds milk into the bowl he's already cracked eggs into. "Yeah. Your folks were in a room down the hall from the one you're staying in."

I pick at the hem of his shirt that I'm still wearing. "How did we meet?"

A happy smile erupts on his face. "You were born my first week of kindergarten. Three days later, your parents presented you to my grandparents. I was there as were my parents and Uncle Luke." He whisks everything and pours it into the warm pan. "You were tiny and pink, headfull of brown hair. Screamed your head off when your mom put you down."

"They could have named me anything. Sarah or Julie or Amanda. Why Reyna?"

He stirs the eggs. "They didn't name you." The hurt must show on my face because he rushes on, "My grandmother held you and you wouldn't stop crying. She asked me if I'd like to hold you, so I did." He stirs the eggs again. "It's hard to explain...I wasn't unhappy before that day but," he chews on the inside of his cheek, "it was like I'd been living under perpetual cloud cover. But as soon as you were in my arms, you stopped crying and I felt...warm. It was like the clouds were parted. And you opened your eyes and I swear you were looking into my soul. I said that you were a little ray of sunshine. So my grandmother named you Reyna." He adds cheese and goes to the refrigerator. 

"What does my name mean?"

He comes back with a bottle of apple juice. "Queen. Ellen means light."

I snort as he pours two glasses of juice. "What a misnomer."

Ben plates the eggs and stands next to me. "I don't think so." He stabs the eggs with a fork and holds it up to my mouth. "Open."

I do and he feeds me the eggs. He looks pleased. I swallow and ask, "Why do you do that?"

He takes a sip of his juice before giving me more eggs. "Do what?"

"You always feed me. You constantly ask me if I'm hungry. Sometimes you go so far as to feed me by hand. And you always look so...happy about it. Is it because of what happened when I was in Niima?"

"Partically." He takes a bite of eggs. "It's also an alpha thing."

"An alpha thing?"

He nods and feeds me again. "Alphas...we have a very strong desire to provide and care for...people close to us. A very long time ago, omegas were considered...the weakest of the designations. Many believed that they were incapable of hunting or providing for themselves." He rolls his eyes. "Which is obviously bullshit. Some of the strongest people I know are omegas."

I take the fork from him and set it on the plate. "I can take care of myself."

"Believe me, I know. But that doesn't stop the desire to take care of you." He licks his lips. "I'm constantly at war with myself. Half of me wants to lock you away from the world, to make sure you'll never get hurt again. But the other half of me _knows_ that's wrong. You're intelligent, capable and resourceful. I just...can't help the way I feel." He laughs darkly. "God, I'm fucking this up."

"No, you're not. I think I understand." I pick up the fork and stab the eggs, holding the bite to his mouth. He opens and takes the bite. I hand him the fork. "Do omegas get to take care of others?"

"You've already done so much that you're unaware of. When you left, the pack changed. We all did. Darkness fell over us. The depression we all felt was practically tangible. We kept waiting for things to get better, but they didn't. We just grew accustomed to living with the pain. Since you came back, our mourning has ended. A new life has begun."

I can't help it. I grab him by his stupidly thick raven hair and kiss him. I still don't have the courage to slip him the tongue, but hopefully this gets my point across. His arms wrap around me as he kisses me back. Something deep inside me purrs in satisfaction. 

"There you are!" At the sound of Luke's voice Ben and I separate. "I found them!" He yells back through the doorway. "The call just came in. The Council will be in session at noon. Zeke has also called for a Gathering."

"That mother fucker!" Ben yells.

"Yep. This is the card he was holding."

"What's a Council? And a Gathering?" I ask.

Luke's blue eyes land on mine. "The Council is a group that advises Anakin and Padme. A Gathering is when the entire pack comes together."

"That doesn't sound so bad." I reply, feeling hopeful. "If I'm part of the pack, shouldn't I meet everyone?"

"This isn't the best time." Luke mumbles.

"Why not?"

"Because you're presenting." Ben offers.

"Oookay..."

"You're vulnerable." Luke explains. "In four hours this house is going to be filled with the entire pack. Which includes unmated alphas."

"How is that a problem?"

Luke's eyes bug out. "You didn't tell her?!"

"I was getting to it."

"Fucking hell, Ben."

"Everyone stop." I hop down from the counter. "I'm new to this, so tell me. How am I vulnerable if I'm only presenting but, as Ben told me last night, not in heat?"

"Because alphas are territorial." Ben bites out.

"Right. And we're in Theed territory." I answer.

"Alphas aren't just territorial about places, Rey." Luke says gently. "They're also territorial about people."

'I don't understand."

"Right now you're in the midst of presenting. Your body is erupting with omega hormones. It's sending out a scent that informs others that your body is gearing up for a heat. And, it is possible that an unmated alpha could trigger your heat. If that happens, you may or may not have the strength to say no."

"Remember how I explained about offers?" Ben asks me. I nod. "Your're going to get a shit ton today."

"Oh god."

"Anakin and Padme want to see us. We need to go." Luke informs Ben.

"I'll escort Rey back to her room and..."

"No Ben. They want to see all of us. Now."

"Fuck." Ben grits out. "Alright." He takes my hand. "Let's go."

We follow Luke down several hallways until we come to a pair of huge dark doors. They're guarded by Poe and Gwen. What the hell? Ben nods at them and they open the doors and we walk inside. The room is large, beautiful and clean. There are only two chairs...no, _thrones_ set against the back wall. Mom and Dad, Armie Hux, Jyn Erso, Jannah Calrissian and Snap Wexley stand around, talking to each other. I watch as Poe and Gwen join them. Luke and Dad start a conversation in hushed tones.

"There's so much you don't know. I'm sorry." Ben mutters. "I promise I'll tell you everything I can, as soon as possible."

"I know you will. It's okay."

He huffs. "No, it isn't. You're constantly being thrown into the deep end. It isn't fair."

"Life often isn't fair." I muse. "Besides, you taught me how to swim. And I haven't broken yet."

Ben's head snaps up. "They're almost here. Stand by your parents." He kisses my forehead and walks away.

It's like a well oiled machine. Ben stands at the bottom step, closest to the throne on my left as Luke stands directly next to the one on the right. Mom and Dad come and collect me, bringing me mere feet from the steps, placing me between them, holding my hands. The others break off, three to our left, three to our right. A door on the right wall opens to reveal Leia, Han, Anakin and Padme. Leia takes her place next to the throne on the left as Anakin sits on it. Han stands on a step between Ben and Leia. Padme sits in the other throne.

"Good morning, everyone." Padme begins immediately. "This isn't an official meeting, but we thought it best to cover as much ground as possible. By now the pack knows about Rey presenting. With unmated alphas coming, this poses a problem."

"I can just say no," I speak up. "Right?"

"Of course you can say no." Padme smiles.

"But you'll still need protection." Anakin adds. "Ben."

"Yes, grandfather."

"Are you willing to do your duty?"

"Yes, grandfather."

Anakin reaches into his pants pocket and retrieves a box. "Then proceed."

Ben takes the box from him. He makes his way down the stairs slowly, regarding me with a stoic look I've seen only a few times. At the last step, he reaches his right hand out to me. "Rey...join me." When I don't move, his eyes search mine. "Please." Without thinking I place my hand in his and he helps me up onto the step. "I, Benjamin Charles Organa-Solo, also known as Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren, do hereby swear to you my protection. I will guard you and keep you safe. Even if I must give up my own life." He opens the box to reveal a ring made out of silver, in the shape of a tree that's familiar. The tree on Achc-To. In the center of the trunk is a stone that's a gray color, half cast in light and shadow. "This is a sacred vow. One I do not take lightly." He whispers as he slips it onto my right ring finger.

"Lor San Tekka will be here soon." Anakin stands. "I'm afraid Rey, that you're about to get a crash course in pack dynamics."

"Good thing I'm a fast learner."

"Come child, let's get you dressed." Mom says.

Oh god. With everything that's happened, I've completely forgotten that I'm wearing only Ben's shirt and panties. I turn crimson. So much for modesty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technology and I aren't friends. And I have to shop for the new technologies today. I could really use some love. 😥
> 
> Thank you once again for all the wonderful comments and for reading this. You have no idea how much it means to me. Much love!


	20. Umbrella

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A continuation from last chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I hope you had a great weekend. I wanted to just take the time to say once again, thank you all for reading. I also wanted to bring up something that's been happening lately...stolen works and plagiarism. 
> 
> I ONLY put out work on AO3 and the only social media I have is Facebook. If you should see someone who claims to be me on another platform, they're lying. If you should see someone doing this, please inform the admin or myself immediately. I'm not saying I'm a great author and someone would even want to steal any of my work, but I'm just trying to protect myself just in case, in advance. Thank you. Much love!

**Song : Umbrella**

**Artist : Lillasyster**

**Album : Tala ar silver skrika ar guld**

Ten minutes later I'm dressed and brought into the library. Lor San Tekka is seated with a large leather bound book on the table before him. Although I've only met him once, I like him. He seems like an honest sort of man, wait...shifter.

He stands as I sit across from him. "It's good to see you again, Rey."

"You as well, Lor."

"I know all of this is new to you, but unfortunately our time is limited. So I can only tell you the basics for now. Care for some tea?"

"Yes, please." I watch as he pours me a cup and places it before me. "So, I'm learning pack dynamics?"

"A little. But there are other things that are more important. Anakin and Padme have asked me to be your tutor again."

My cup stops halfway to my mouth. "Again?"

"Forgive me." He sighs. "I'd forgotten that you don't remember. When you were little, I was your tutor. And Ben's."

"What about the other children? And I thought Ben went to school?"

He chuckles. "Ben did go to school. As for the other pups...it wasn't...required."

"Was I stupid or something?"

Lor's face fills with surprise. "On the contrary. You were highly intelligent. That's why it was decided I should tutor you."

I take a sip of tea. "How old was I?"

"Three when we began. As much I'd like to tell you everything now, we don't have the time. So, let's get to the lesson for today." He opens the large book and begins to read aloud.

* * *

Two hours later my head feels like it's going to explode. Names, dates, places, etiquette and history have been crammed into my brain. I'm tired, hungry and angry. Mostly I'm hangry. Heading back to my room, Lor told me that I'll be given something to eat and that Mom and Rose are waiting for me. I wonder what fresh hell is waiting for me. I open the door and it's worse than I thought.

My temporary lodging has turned into a nightmare. It looks like Macy's and Ulta has barfed all over the place. Pretty, tiny Rose is tearing open boxes like a child on Christmas, an almost manic gleam in her eyes. Mom and Padme are organizing the clothes into outfits, gently arguing over what look we should go for.

"What. The hell. Is this?!"

"Gifts!" Rose squeals.

"From who? Why would anyone buy us all of this?" I push a box of very expensive shoes over so I can sit on the couch.

"Not us. You." Padme smiles at me. 

I blink. It doesn't help. "Why?"

"Because it's customary." Mom answers.

"When did all of this happen?"

"When you were with Lor." Rose answers, tearing open another box. "Some of us went shopping."

"Is there even a mall left?" I ask, picking up a gift bag. "Who's Kane Carter?"

"How did that get in here?" Mom snatches the bag out of my hand. "He's an alpha. Pretty persistent one, too."

"So..." I watch as she flings the gift bag into a corner, "I can't accept gifts from alphas?"

"Not unless you want to encourage them." Padme states, looking into another gift bag.

"But..." I look around the room. "There's so _much._ How do I know what's from an alpha and what isn't?"

"That's why we're here." Rose opens another box. "Between the three of us, we can smell an alpha five miles away."

"Go take a shower. We only have a hour and a half to get you ready." Mom shoos me toward the bathroom. "There's a robe in there for when you're done."

The door closes behind me and I'm finally alone. Except, I don't want to be. Everything that Lor San Tekka told me...it's not that I don't believe him, it's just...

_**"You're having doubts."** _

My eyes snap to the mirror. _She's_ there again.

"Did you know?"

_**"Yes. But it's not important."** _

"How can you say that?!" I hiss. "Ben's fucking pack royalty! And I just...just..."

_**"Treated him like a normal person?"** _

"Yes!"

_**"And now that you know, does it change how you feel about him?"** _

"No. Of course not."

_**"So then what's the problem?"** _

"The problem is that in the future he will be leader of Theed pack!"

_**"And?"** _

"It was embarrassing enough before I knew all of this. When we were just Ben and Rey. When I was a desert rat who ran away, when he was just a cop. But now he's a goddamn prince and I'm still nothing! How am I supposed to take that?!"

_**"Ben doesn't care. Ever since we came back, he's known. He saw the bruises, the welts. The scared, half starved girl. He's always known, and yet he has never wavered. He's been always constant. So he's not the problem. You are. You need to stop listening to the negative and start listening to the positive. You've always been more than enough. You're not nothing."** _

I nod and begin to undress. I just want all of this over with.

_**"Oh, and Rey?"** _

"What?" I turn back to the mirror. She's smiling at me. 

_**"There's nothing wrong with bing a scavenger. You are strong, you are quick and you are wise. I've always had faith in you."** _

I hold back tears. "Do you have a name?"

My reflection grins widely. _**"Kira."**_

I place my hand against the mirror. "It's nice to meet you, Kira."

Her hand reaches up to match mine. _**"The pleasure's all mine."**_

* * *

I feel like a fucking barbie doll. For an hour I've had to sit still as Rose has applied light make-up while Mom and Padme style my hair. I've been given three outfits to choose from: a long black dress with spaghetti straps and an empire waist which is gauzy and surprisingly light, a yellow sundress and a violet power suit. I don't feel comfortable showing too much skin, so the sundress is out. I'm still sweating lightly so I don't want to wear layers. No power suit. And as much as I don't really care for dresses, I must admit it is beautiful. My hair is in a loose bun at the crown of my head and I'm wearing flats.

"Anything I need to know?" I ask my reflection.

_**"Stay close to Ben."** _

"I thought that was obvious."

_**"Remember, some alphas may offer their services. Just say no. If they don't back down, Ben will step in."** _

"And if he's busy?"

_**"It's been a while, but you still know how to throw a punch. And I'll be with you. No harm will come to you."** _

I lick my lips. "Kira?"

_**"Yeah?"** _

"Thank you. For you know, saving my life."

_**"You were born strong. I just guided you."** _

"Still, thank you."

_**"He's coming. Go get 'em, killer."** _

A knock I know so well is against the door. "Come in."

"Sunshine, I hope you're ready." Ben's already speaking as soon as he enters. "We only...sweet Maker have mercy."

I laugh as I turn to him. "I feel like an idiot...sweet Christ on a cracker!" Ben's dressed in a black leather jacket, its sleeves looking more like wraps than anything. The zipper is on the right side of his chest instead of in the middle. The high collar reveals only his Adam's apple, his beautiful black hair seamlessly blending together with the fabric. The jacket is _just_ short enough to show off his perfect ass, clad in black jeans. My eyes keep roaming south to find leather boots that come up to an inch or two under his knees with silver buckles on the sides to secure them. He looks broader and wider, if that's even possible. To me, Ben has always been handsome, dashing even, in his own way. But now he's absolutely fucking captivating. I'm probably drooling. Who could blame me?

"You look utterly bewitching." He responds. "Breathtaking."

"You look like you're prepared to go into battle." I joke. When his face becomes stoic, I try again. "Is the enemy storming the gates?"

"Yes, my princess." He whispers seriously.

"Ben." I walk to him. "I was only..." it strikes me. What Anakin said earlier. About duty. What Ben had said. Master of the Knights of Ren. "Did...did you turn our game into reality?"

"I had so little left of you. I had to hold on to hope. That someday you would return...and that I'd kept my promise."

"All this time...all those years..." Leia wanted him to be a doctor, but he became a cop...the Knights of Ren...alphas aren't just territorial about places, but people as well. Things click together. "Did- did you do this for me?"

His amber eyes seem to glow. "Yes. I needed to make sure it was safe when you came home."

"Who's Kylo?"

"That's the name of my wolf."

"Kira."

"What?"

"I asked her if she had a name. It's Kira."

Ben smiles and I hear something crinkle. I look down and notice he's wearing leather gloves. "Can we try something?"

"Okay."

He slowly removes his right glove, his eyes turning ebony. He reaches his hand out to me. "Hello, Kira."

**May I?**

_Will I still be here?_

**Of course.**

_Okay._

Something hidden comes forward, spreading itself throughout my body. I'm not in control, but I'm present, seeing through my own eyes as my senses are heightened. My hand raises, reaching out until our fingertips are almost touching his. "Hello, Kylo." Our hands touch and a bolt of electricity shoots through me, pushing away the outside world until it's just us. It's as if space and time have formed a bubble around us, for us. I've never felt such peace.

"Omega." The word is said with such reverence, you'd think I was a goddess.

"I'm here, Alpha." I soothe.

And Ben, Kylo...both begin to shake. He falls to his knees before me, wrapping strong arms around my waist and presses his face into my stomach. He's scenting me. Leather and spice fill my nose and he's taking massive gulps of air, desperately memorizing my scent. It's funny, how a single word, a thought can plant itself into your mind and immediately take root. For me, the word and thought are the same. _Mine._

I feel Kira retreat, hopeful and satisfied. Hell, I can feel her smug smirk. Ben removes his face from me, looking slightly embarrassed and yet, determined. Something's changed in him. In us. Amber eyes meet mine. "Rey...I..."

"Ben?" The door opens to reveal Gwen. "Oops! Shit. Sorry."

"Its fine, Gwen. Report."

She looks at me with an apologetic smile. I just shrug. "Everyone's here. It's time."

"Thank you." Ben stands putting his glove back on. "We'll be out in a minute."

Gwen nods and leaves.

"Any last words of advice?" I ask.

"Stay close to me, or to the other Knights. If an alpha approaches you..." he bites his lip.

"I'll just say no."

"If a fight breaks out..."

"I can defend myself." I lift the long dress and pull out what's strapped to a leather garter wrapped around my upper thigh. "First rule of being a scavenger: be prepared for anything." I show him the extendable baton. "It's no crow bar," I snap it so it expands, "but it'll do the job."

"Where'd you get that?" He eyes me warily as I swing it a couple of times.

"Han." I retract it and put it back. "One of the reasons I went for this dress."

"What do you mean?"

"The empire waist ensures no one knows I have a weapon. And since you're a cop, you'd know if someone was carrying something. But since you didn't know, I'd say I passed with flying colors."

"I'm not sure if I should be afraid or turned on."

"Can I pick for you?" I stand on my tip toes and peck his lips.

He smiles shyly and offers me his left arm. Right, proper etiquette. I take it and he whispers, "Anything you want, Sweetheart." The door to my room is opened and the first thing I'm met with are six figures dressed in black, their clothes similar to Ben's. 

The Knights of Ren. 

* * *

I'm surrounded, quite literally, by friends. I should have known. If there is an alpha crazy enough to try to get to me, any of these people can take them down. As a group we move through the hallways and down the stairs when the smell hits me. It stinks, most of all. Like garbage and things I don't even want to try to identify rotting. I try to concentrate on other scents instead; apples, peppermint, roses. But it's difficult. Soap. Lots of soap. Bloody hell, how many people showed up? My question is answered quickly when I see about two hundred bodies milling around in what I now know as the waiting room, close to the front door.

**Chin up. Back straight. Shoulders back. Show no fear.**

Kira's confident. Wish I could be. But I do as she says, letting her courage become my own.

**You have nothing to be ashamed of. Eyes forward. Breathe.**

We make it to the large wooden doors. I can already hear someone yelling behind them. This doesn't bode well.

"They've been in there for only ten minutes and he's already started." Gwen sighs.

"We all knew he would." Poe grunts.

"He's an asshole." Armie looks at me and smiles. "A genuine thundercunt."

I burst out laughing. Ahh...I've taught him well.

"Don't listen to him." Jannah says from behind me. "We all know the truth."

"What truth?" I ask.

"That this is where you belong." Ben answers.

The doors open and I recognize everyone save for one person, the man that's yelling.

"The child is nothing but a disgrace!" The man thunders. "I told you three years ago..."

"Calm yourself, Zeke. And watch your tongue." Anakin stares daggers at the man.

Ben guides me toward his grandparents, strong and sure beside me. We stop just before the bottom step. "Granmother. Grandfather."

"Rey dear, you're looking better." Padme greets me calmly. "How do you feel?"

**Always be honest.**

"I've been better. But I've been a lot worse." I shrug.

"You should be more respectful of your elders, girl." The man who was yelling before comes over to stand next to me. His silver eyes roam over me. "And you should be on your knees giving thanks to our leaders that they let you live."

**Wow. Someone has their panties in a twist.**

I steady myself. I shouldn't go off on this shit nugget the way I want to. "I don't believe we've been properly introduced." I begin as cordially as possible. Holding out my hand I say, "I'm Reyna Ellen Kanata-Bacca. Its a pleasure to meet you."

"I know who you are, you silly bitch." He hisses at me before looking at my hand. "What is this?"

"It's called a handshake. You're -."

"Shut up." He snaps at me. There's something behind the words that I immediately rebel against.

"What did you say to me?" My voice sounds slightly different and I feel Ben move minutely behind me.

"You will not speak unless spoken to." He leers at me. 

There's...something, trying to make me...

A wall slams down in my mind, cutting off the feeling. Kira did something. And now I'm angry. "Are you trying to order me?" I ask, stepping closer to him. "Because if you are, you're bad at it. I'm more scared of Ben when he orders a cup of coffee."

"Why is she wearing that?" He ignores me and asks Anakin.

"I thought the reason would be clear." Anakin answers.

"This...thing, is protected by your family?" He yells.

"Enough!" Dad roars. "Rey is my pup and you will _not_ speak to her or of her in such fashion!"

Han walks down the few steps until he stands before the rude man. "Careful, Netal. We wouldn't want to make a mess."

Zeke Netal. This asshole is Bazine's father?! Well, that makes sense. Apparently the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. He rakes a hand angrily through his short black hair. "And just how long is she to be provided the protection of your family?"

"That's none of your concern." Anakin answers dryly.

"Forgive me, my lord, but," Zeke looks around at the other Council members. "I believe that this is a pack matter and therefore the Council should know."

"Very well." Anakin's face erupts into a playfully devilish smile. "As long as Rey wishes."

"But that could be..."

"Yes." Anakin looks to Padme. "Shall we?"

Padme smiles at him. "The Council is adjourned. The pack is eager to see us. We've kept them waiting long enough."

Zeke turns and strides out of the room, obviously pissed. 

**Bad alpha.**

"Yes." I sigh.

"What, Sweetheart?"

"Kira doesn't like him. Nor do I."

Ben chuckles. "That's because you have an amazing sense of character."

"We'll leave the two of you alone." Anakin and Padme walk past us. "Make it quick, Ben. But be thorough. The alphas are growing impatient."

"Yes, Papa."

I watch as everyone leaves the room, closing the doors behind them.

"Ben, what's going on?"

"Rey," his amber eyes hold mine as he reaches for me. "Do you trust me?"

I smile. "Of course I trust you."

"Good. Because this is going to fell a little...weird." His mouth is on mine suddenly and I hear the sound of a zipper being opened just before a huge waft of his scent hits me. Leather and spice and a campfire. I lean into the kiss, giddy. I love kissing Ben. His lips move to my neck, small soft kisses moving down to my shoulder. "I'll take care of you." I whimper not in fear, but in excitement. His tongue runs over the gland and the floor drops from beneath me. "Alpha's here." His raspy voice comforts me.

I'm in rapture.


	21. I Don't Want to Set the World on Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No summary, but I can't wait for you to read this. As I wrote it, the words "finally" and "it's about damn time" ran through my head. I don't want to give anything away!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what to say. Over 5,200 hits. You all are amazing!

**Song: I Don't Want to Set the World on Fire**

**Artist: The Ink Spots**

**Album: I Don't Want to Set the World on Fire/Hey Doc!**

_I'm sitting on Ben's lap as he reads to me. I'm not sure how old I am. All I know is that he smells of gentle spice, like the ones found in Gamma's kitchen. She's not my Gamma, she's Ben's. His gentle voice soothes me as he reads aloud, holding the book in one hand and pointing out pictures and words with the other._

_"Dat!"_

_"One fish."_

_"Dat!"_

_"Two fish."_

_"Dat!"_

_"Red fish."_

_"Dat!" I laugh._

_"Rey, you know what it is. Why don't you say it?"_

_"No! Dat!"_

_He sighs. "Blue fish."_

_"Mine Ben."_

_"Always."_

I'm not asleep. Nor am I awake. Not dozing, either. My brain works, aware of the memory I just had. And yet, I do not move, or perhaps I can't. I'm curled up, encased in warmth and strength and _oh God,_ Ben's scent. It's practically all I can smell. My eyes are closed but I can feel him moving my limbs while he quietly sings to me. 

"You are my sunshine..." his hand takes my right wrist, rubbing it against something. I feel his hair...maybe a scent gland?

"My only sunshine..." my other arm is moved, the same action taking place.

"You make me happy when skies are gray..." I feel his wrists glide along my shoulders. I'm drifting on a cloud. 

" 'M Ben."

"How are you feeling, Sweetheart?"

Opening my eyes he's right there. My dark knight. My kind Ben. Whiskey eyes hold mine as I continue to float. "Wha' happened?"

He licks his lips. "I scented you." When I raise my eyebrows in question he continues, "You'll smell like me for a while. It'll help to ward off the unmated alphas. As will this." He takes my right hand, his thumb toying with the ring.

"Overprotective." I snort.

"Of you? Always." He smiles playfully.

"I feel...kinda drunk."

"It's the pheromones." He explains as I begin to run my fingers through his soft hair. "Scenting can be a powerful thing, if done correctly and for the right reasons."

"Oh." I've only now noticed that we're sitting on the floor, me astride him. "Did I faint?" I tug gently on his hair.

"Faint? No." His voice has dropped an octave. "In your...condition, it would seem you're more susceptible to alpha pheromones."

"I see." I tighten my hold on his thick locks. "And did you perhaps, retrieve my scent as well?"

He smiles coyly. "Good girl. It wouldn't do to have you smell like me and not the reverse." He cups the back of my head. "I hope you don't mind."

His eyes have darkened and my stomach flips in the most pleasing of ways. "Not at all. I just hope it's not unpleasant for you."

"Unpleasant?" His voice reverberates through my chest. "There's nothing about you that I find unpleasant."

I slip my other hand into his hair. "Ben."

"Please, Rey. I feel I'll burst if I don't kiss you."

I nod only once and that's all the encouragement he needs. His pillowy lips are on mine, teeth playfully nipping until I open my mouth. Ben's tounge slips inside, the taste of spicy chocolate sends me reeling. I do my best to kiss him back, gliding my tongue against his. Something between a feral whimper and a guttural moan escapes him as he pulls me against his body, leaving no question in my mind of how badly he wants this. Liquid heat flares out to every inch of my body and I hold him tighter, my brain devoid of all thoughts except him.

"You were supposed to scent her, not swallow her." The voice is like a bucket of ice water poured over us both. In unison we turn to see Armie laughing next to Rose. "Keep going, however. It's one helluva show."

Rose, being a woman never to mess with, immediately elbows her mate in the gut. "Armie, stop teasing them!" Her kind eyes take in Ben and I and she smiles. "But seriously, you need to hurry up. Everyone's waiting. We'll buy you another few minutes." They turn and leave, closing the door behind them.

"Oh god." I blush and hide my face in my hands. "She's going to tease me for at least a week."

Ben chuckles as he stands us up. "Well, if she does, just know that she does it out of love."

"Yeah." I run my hands down my dress to make sure there's no wrinkles. "I'll try to remember that."

He picks up and slips back into the leather jacket. "I won't apologize for my actions, but I will for the timing and place." I can tell he's running his tongue around his teeth. "It's just...I got carried away and you taste so good, but in your condition..."

"I got carried away, too." I insist, refusing to let him take all of the blame. "But I can't exactly say it's because I'm presenting. I've wanted that for a long time." I whisper bashfully, unable to look at him.

"Me too."

It's an odd thing, being in love with your best friend. For so long I've wanted Ben to kiss me, a real kiss. And now that it's happened, a new, uncertain path has been laid before me. Will this new direction continue or will we end up backtracking like we always seem to? I could worry myself sick over this thought but there's more pressing matters at hand. Meeting the pack and the apparently, waiting unmated alphas.

"We should probably get out there." I mumble.

"Yeah." He agrees. Taking my hand into his he squeezes it. "No one will hurt you."

"I know." I hope.

* * *

The Gathering is...a spectacle, to say the least. The pack headquarters is filled with shifters. The smell is overwhelming. Everything from rotten food to soap to things more pleasant like herbs or fruit. I don't feel calm yet I'm not terrified, either. I'm just very _alert._ I try to reassure myself that not everyone is here to meet me, that this is just a pack get together, but with hundreds of pairs of eyes that land on me, that hope is quickly dashed. Even amongst a huge group of shifters, _I'm_ the freak. An omega, but not quite. Not fully human, either. But I still can't help but feel like there's a neon arrow pointing at me that screams, 'Come one, come all and see the outcast! The half-breed!'

Between the smells and the expressions on people's faces, it's easy to tell where I stand with some. All of the betas welcome me openly and their scent of sterile soap is calming. Some omegas come over as well, some mated, some not. Ben, doing his job, introduces me to everyone, knowing all of their names. The alphas are...different. Some look at me kindly, like a parent or aunt or uncle might. They're typically older and mated. I'm surprised to find that the percentages of mates throughout the designations is almost equal. Although, with betas, since they have no mating glands aren't actually _mated_ to their partner, are happily married and typically have at least one child.

It's the unmated alphas that are a concern. Most of them are kind, even bordering on friendly. I must not smell good to them, which is a relief. There are others who, when Ben introduces us open their mouths to say something, only to slam them shut and reply with a quick, "nice to meet you" or "welcome to Theed pack" before they make a hasty retreat. It must be because I smell like Ben. Then there's the remaining few, those who are more...aggressive? It doesn't escape my attention that not only Ben, but the Knights of Ren seem to crowd just a little closer to me, creating a wall of known, trusted alphas between myself and the unknown alpha.

After a while Ben finally takes me to a banquet table filled with food. I'm famished. Since my stomach has been off for over a day I haven't eaten much. I grab a plate and start filling it. Ben stands beside me as I pick out things, his back the table so he can see the crowd. There's a mountain of strawberries and I have to contain a squeal as I reach out for one.

"No strawberries." He mumbles. 

"Why not?"

"Because I said so."

I snort. "That's not a reason."

"It is."

"You know how much I love strawberries!" I hiss.

"Yes. That's why I'm saying no to them." I hear the leather of his gloves creak.

"I don't understand."

He sighs impatiently. "It's bad enough that you're going to eat in front of everyone..." Running a hand over his face he grunts, "Just...no strawberries."

"I'm so very sorry that my eating habits embarrass you." I snap. "Maybe I should just sit with someone else."

"No, Rey..." He fumbles slightly. "Your eating doesn't bother me. It's..." His eyes glance around the room. "Do you remember what I told you this morning, about alphas, how we like feeling that we're providing for others?" I nod. "Okay, well..." Ben leans down and whispers, "There are unmated alphas here that will undoubtedly watch you eat. And, quite frankly, you've never watched yourself eat a strawberry. It's very...erotic." He blushes.

"You're kidding."

"No. And you moan."

"I do not!" His expression screams _yes you do._ "Oh my god."

"Sounds just like that." He points at me. "So unless you want to see me kick the shit out of people, no strawberries."

The idea of Ben beating the crap out of someone _because_ of me, _for_ me, is incredibly arousing. I inspect the mountain of a man as he scans the crowd. The raven hair, the massive build barely contained by his clothing, the soft, pillowy lips. Bloody hell, he's just so... _Ben._ And fuck he smells so good...my scent glands itch.

**Told you. Sex on legs.**

And that's the thing. I've always found Ben attractive. But having a crush, or an unrequited love is one thing. Now, with the kisses he's given me...suddenly there's _possibility._ My dreams are, maybe, becoming reality. He's my best friend. But I've never witnessed others kissing their friends the way we just did. Just like with other things, I have a theory. One that must be tested. A thought occurs to me. Kira howls with laughter. 

**You're naughty. I knew we'd get on well.**

I slap on my most innocent facial expression and ask, "So, bananas are fine, then?"

The looks on his face nearly breaks me. Arousal and shock at my audacity combine as he eyes me, then the bananas then me again. His face becomes stoic, whiskey orbs change to ebony and he leans down only to whisper darkly, "Careful, Little One. It's not nice to tease an alpha. Or would you rather take this conversation somewhere more private?"

Okay. _That_ was not the reaction I expected. I'm so struck by the offer that all I can manage is to nod like the mute moron I am.

"Ah, you do."

I tremble slightly as his gaze holds mine.

"You have no idea how badly I want that, too." He rasps. "But please Sweetheart...not here. And _definitely_ not now."

I nod and sigh. Kira's disappointed. So am I. It's painful when Ben pulls away. But his expression shifts minutely. He's in pain, too.

"Okay." I acquiesce. Placing a roll on my plate I ask, "Are you hungry?"

"Starving."

I look around at the food. "What do you want?" Thinking if I offer to grab something for him, we both may just calm down a little. "Ben?" I turn to him only to find he's running a hot gaze up and down my figure.

He zeros in on my mouth. "Something sweet to nibble on." He winks at me.

_Shit!_

I begin to add things to my already heafty plate. Grabbing utensils for the both of us while Ben gets us drinks, I look around the room. It isn't as packed as it was a little while ago, so there are more empty seats to choose from.

We sit at a mostly empty table and I immediately begin to eat. I do it slowly, cautiously. I don't want to ruin my dress or embarrass Ben or myself by stuffing my face. I'm also careful not to make any noise as much as possible. Ben sits to my right, his left arm around the back of my chair. Although it appears to be a relaxed position, I know it isn't. He's protecting me. Shielding me.

We eat in silence for a while. I know this day has only begun, but I wish it would end. I still don't feel the best. The cramping has eased but my stomach is still touchy. My headache was better this morning but with all the new smells it's getting worse. I was surprised to find as I changed before meeting Lor San Tekka that my feet were almost completely healed. That Bacta stuff really works well.

Looking up from my food I notice a man staring at me. Robin's egg blue eyes fixed to mine he offers a small smile and nod. Long light brown hair just past his shoulders, he looks impeccable in a suit. He's handsome, I'll give him that, but there's something...

**Danger! Danger Will Robinson! Unmated alpha!**

Oh, fucknuggets. I lower my gaze back to my food.

_You're sure?_

**Oh yeah.**

_But then why hasn't he introduced himself?_

**I don't know but-**

A slight scrape of a chair's legs against the floor.

**We've got incoming.**

Shitsticks.

"Ben."

"I know." He takes a drink of water casually before wiping his mouth with a napkin. "Guess I'll have to eat later." Ben's smile is reassuring. "Don't worry, he may be persistent but he isn't stupid. At least he wasn't the last time I saw him." His expression becomes more neutral, like the kind Anakin wears and yet, power seems to wrap itself around him.

The alpha stops at our table. "Ben." He smiles. "It's been a while."

"About what? A year?"

"Yes. I've just returned a week ago." His gaze strays to me. "Just in time, it would seem."

"Rey, this is Kane Carter." Ben nods to a chair across from us. "Have a seat."

"Thank you."

This is the alpha that snuck in a gift along with the others. Rose explained the protocol of gift giving to a shifter who has presented. All gifts must be brought to the parents or the closest family member for inspection. If it's decided to be 'harmless' it is then given to the intended recipient. But Kane cut through the middle man. Rose told me that the other gifts were from people I already know, friends and my parents. Ben and his family. There was so much stuff...and I didn't bother asking what was from who. Makes thank you cards a little hard to write. But how did he sneak the gift in? And who else, if anyone, knows?

"Hoth is beautiful, if you enjoy freezing temperatures and skiing." Kane chuckles. "I'd be happy to never go back. I admit I was thrilled when my business there was concluded and I could return."

"How did you do it?" I ask suddenly.

Kane looks at me and smiles. "There's this incredible invention called the aeroplane-"

"I know what airplanes are." I cut him off. "What I'm asking is, how did you manage to slip in a gift with the others?"

He seems shocked. Maybe that I'd bring it up? Or that I know of the proper protocol?

Kane looks at Ben. "She's a fast learner."

"Do not speak of me as if I'm not sitting right here!" I growl.

His eyes widen. "Forgive me," his head bows slightly, "I meant no offense, Rey."

Ben chuckles beside me. "We may want to take this conversation elsewhere. Say, ten minutes?"

"Sounds good." Kane shakes Ben's hand and leaves.

"You're going somewhere?" I ask nervously.

"We're going somewhere." He says reassuringly. "I'd never leave you alone, Sunshine."

Five minutes later we leave the table. Ben guides me down hallways I've yet to venture to until we reach a white door. He enters first, leading me down into a basement. "Where are we going?" I ask.

"Knights of Ren meeting."

* * *

The basement is old, or at least this section of it is. It's walled off from the rest of the foundation of the house, presumably an old wine cellar. Surprisingly, it's clean, chairs that are mismatched scattered around. The Knights are already here...and Kane.

"I wish we had more time, my friend." Kane smiles at Ben. 

"You've been safe? No one knows?" Ben asks.

"Everything is going according to plan." Kane assures. "But time's running out." He takes a seat and sighs. "Zeke plans to call for a Selection in an hour. It will be held in a month."

"Shit."

"What's a Selection? And who the hell are you?" I ask.

"You haven't changed a bit. Still stubborn and opinionated. Still a firecracker." Kane smiles at me wistfully. "I wish you could remember..."

"We all do." Poe answers.

Kane nods. "I'm a spy, and a friend. You have nothing to fear from me."

What. The. Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week we'll meet a slightly different version of Ben. No spoilers.


	22. Hit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hark! Is that an (albeit toned down) Alpha Ben on the horizon?!
> 
> I LOVED writing this chapter. 
> 
> Don't worry, more Alpha Ben will come eventually. No pun intended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tee-hee.

**Song: Hit**

**Artist: The Sugarcubes**

**Album: Stick Around for Joy**

I'm tired. More than tired. I'm weary as well. Today has been a rough one, not only physically but mentally. There's still so much I don't understand and new information just keeps coming at me like a bullet train. It's bad enough that I only have a few memories before Jakku, sixteen years of catch up learning to do regarding pack dynamics and being a shifter that's currently presenting. But add all those things to whatever the fuck else is happening and I'm beginning to feel buried under the tremendous weight of it all.

Kane was right. Within an hour, Zeke Netal called for a Selection, which is to take place in thirty days. Invitations are already in the works. Four packs are expected to show up; Tattooine, Alderaan, Hoth and a place I've never heard of, Korriban. No one seems happy about the last pack and I don't understand why. But I'm not so stupid as to not have noticed how aggravated the alphas have become, nor how the looks of fear have replaced happiness on the omega's faces. Whatever the Korriban pack is, it isn't good.

After a couple more hours of meeting the pack, I've been whisked away back to my room, Jyn and Snap as my escorts. I've showered and changed into my pajamas, sitting in the quiet of the room which is blessedly free of pack stink. My head hurts but I'm not cramping anymore. And I know my fever is gone. My presentation has been pretty anticlimactic, but I'm thankful for it. Kira is unusually quiet, causing the silence to be so much louder. Leia comes and checks on me. My temperature has gone back to normal. Ben was right. I'm not going into heat. Which, truth be told, is fine by me. But Leia looks a little sad, and I can only imagine as to the reason why. She and I set up an appointment. Better to be safe than sorry.

I entertain myself with going through the gifts I've received. Clothes, cosmetics, hair products and jewelry I'd never buy for myself are crammed into the closet, dresser and bathroom. Everything screams _expensive_ and I don't know how to feel about that. Most of the people I know aren't hurting for money, but why spend so much on something I may not even use when the money could have gone to something much more important? Part of me wants to return the gifts with polite, 'thank you, but no'. But then I think about when I've given birthday or holiday gifts, and how I was trying to express what I was too afraid to say aloud. I love you.

I may have been forced to forget the first five years of my life, but the last three years are solid and clear. Where once I was alone, this strange, wonderful group of people took me in and loved me. Through the good times and the bad, we've stuck together. And the truth of it all strikes me. They've cared about _me, Rey,_ not the shifter that only made herself known yesterday. God, it's only been less than two days. My entire world has changed _again_ and yet these people have picked me up, urged me to go on, protected and guided me. When, exactly, did my luck change? And how did I become so fortunate?

Looking into the full length mirror standing in one corner of the room, I study my reflection. The girl gazing back is healthier, a little fuller in some places although still muscular. My cheeks haven't the hollow look to them they once did, I've actually developed some breasts and hips. I'm in no way as curvy as most of the females I know, but at least now bras are worth buying. My hair is the longest it's ever been, ending just above mid-back. I've considered cutting it, but then I think about how Ben braids it. So I'll leave it. Plus, Rose loves it when I let her curl it, and I'd rather not die by her hand. My skin is still tan from all of the time I spend outside, but it's not dry or chapped from lack of water. I wonder if people consider me...attractive.

"You're beautiful."

Ben's standing in the doorway that attaches our rooms, freshly showered and in his pajamas. Good God, is there _anything_ he doesn't look good in? The black T-shirt and light gray sweatpants both cling to him sinfully, causing me to avert my gaze. Sometimes he's so beautiful it hurts to look at him. "You don't know what I was thinking."

"No." He smiles and enters my room. "But I've seen that look on your face enough times to know what it means. You're trying to figure something out. And besides, every woman should hear she's beautiful at least once a day."

I have no answer, for him or myself.

"How are you feeling?" He asks as he sits on the bed.

"Better. My fever's gone. My stomach isn't queasy anymore. The headache-"

"I meant how are you _feeling?_ " His whiskey eyes give me a once over.

"Confused. Happy. Angry. I just...I don't understand. Will any of this get easier?"

"It will." Ben reaches out and curls his hand around my wrist, urging me toward him. "One day, everything will snap into place and it'll all make sense." He kisses the ring on my finger. "I promise."

"But when? There's so much..."

"Shh...let it go for now. No more thinking for today." Slipping a hand into his pocket he pulls out a napkin. "Besides, I believe we owe each other something." Unwrapping the napkin a large strawberry sits inside. "I know how much you love them. So, you may have it on three conditions."

I snort. "Why would I take a strawberry that comes with conditions when I can just go to the kitchen and get as many as I want?"

"You could do that. But this would be infinitely more fun. And we'd both get something we want, this way."

"What are the conditions?"

Brown eyes become black. "Clever girl." He licks his lips. "First, you have to sit on my lap."

Um...my heart trips and I know he hears it because he gives me a roguish smile. "Simple enough." I answer as calmly as possible. I sit on his right thigh, keenly aware of the pajamas I've chosen and to keep my legs closed. It's a pajama dress, long enough to reach my ankles. It's meant for warmer weather, all white cotton and light, sleeveless.

Ben wraps an arm around my waist. "That's good but...I think this would be more comfortable." He leans forward and with his left hand snags my ankles, bringing my legs up so I'm sitting sideways on his lap. "Much better. Now, the second condition." He picks up the strawberry and examines it. "You have to let me feed it to you."

"Okay." My breathing becomes quicker.

"Good girl."

His voice has lowered, and those words _do_ something to me. With the little air left in my lungs I ask, "What's the third condition?"

"I..." he looks away sheepishly. "I want you to call me 'Alpha'." His eyes find mine again. "C-can you do that for me, Sweetheart?"

My stomach flips. 

**Oh for the love of everything holy...I am straight up begging you here.**

"Yes, Alpha."

Ben swallows. "Good girl. Thank you, Rey." He runs the tip of the strawberry over my lips. "Tell me if you don't like something I do or say. You're the one in control here."

"Yes, Alpha."

"Fuck...it sounds so sweet coming from you." Kissing me chastely he says, "Open for me."

My lips separate automatically, allowing him to place the berry on my tongue. "Bite."

My teeth spear the flesh, with a small snap. He's staring at my mouth, watching intently.

I start to chew, the juice flooding my mouth. I can't help but moan at the taste.

"Jesus Christ." Ben breathes. "Do you like it, Omega?"

A tingle runs up my spine, causing me to shiver. I nod.

"Use your words, Sweetheart."

"Yes, Alpha. I like it."

"Good girl. Would you like another bite?"

"Yes, Alpha." He offers me the strawberry again. A very pleased look lites on his face. This is part of being an alpha. He likes this, too. Feeding me, watching me eat. It fills a desire he has. It should feel a little odd but it doesn't. Ben's always taken care of me. He's always made sure I wasn't hungry. And yeah, he definitely gets something out of it but so do I. While I chew I study him as he studies me, this kind of intimacy new and exciting. He watches as I swallow, his eyes round and filled with something I've only caught glimpses of from his before. Yearning.

"One more bite, Little One." I open my mouth and he pops it in, smiling as I chew merrily. "Thank you for doing this. I...needed it." He confesses.

"You're welcome, Alpha."

Ben holds me tighter. "You know I'd never let anything bad happen, right? I'd...I'd do anything to keep you safe."

"I know. You've always taken care of me." I whisper into his hair. "But...I want to take care of you, too. What can I do?"

"Honestly? There's only one thing I'd really like."

"What's that?"

"I know it would be the third night in a row but, I'd really like to sleep here...with you again.

I smile, running fingers through his hair. "I'd like that, too."

We tuck into bed, Ben spooning me. I still don't know why I feel so safe when he's around, but it no longer matters. I fall asleep in his arms, held close.

* * *

The following morning at breakfast with Ben's family and my parents is when I'm finally filled in on what a Selection is.

"Usually, a pack will call for one if they're in danger of inbreeding." Luke explains. "But this isn't the case here."

I spear a bite of French Toast. "Then why would Zeke Netal call for one? Maybe another pack is in danger?" Zeke may be an asshole, but that's not another pack's fault.

"Typically, if there is that danger, then the pack that has the problem would call for a Selection." Leia adds.

"So, if Theed isn't in danger, why would he want a Selection? And what exactly _is_ it?" I ask.

"A Selection is when unmated alphas and omegas travel to another pack. The hope is, that they will find a mate." Mom explains.

"That doesn't sound so bad." I offer. "I mean, if they can't find a mate within their own pack, isn't it natural to look elsewhere?"

"Other packs don't share our beliefs, our laws." Padme answers. "Many believe in the old ways, or variations of them."

"Like what?" I have a bad feeling about this.

"Some packs believe that only alphas and omegas should be together. Betas should only be with betas." Dad grumbles.

"Oh."

"Others have laws where you can't forcibly mate someone, but if you do mate and one of them is an omega, that omega is immediately collared." Mom adds.

"Collared?"

"Like a dog collar. It's a sign that the omega is owned. That they're...property." Ben spits.

"You mean slaves." My stomach twists. 

"Yes. And breeding stock." He looks at me with sadness.

"But..." my thoughts are swirling. "This is Theed. We have choices here. We can say no."

"That's true. However, we have no idea as to how many...guests we'll be having. It could be dozens or hundreds. And outsiders won't care about our laws. They could forcibly mate shifters in our pack. And if members of our pack find a mate, they'll be too busy to stop a forced mating. And by then, it'll be too late." Anakin answers.

"I don't understand."

"Shifters mate for life." Ben confides.

"We've heard that alphas from other packs will mate omegas, but won't allow themselves to be mated. And they...use alpha commands." Leia tells me.

"What's an alpha command?"

"Alphas can create a certain timbre in their voice. It makes betas and omegas and, depending upon the strength of the alpha giving the command, other alphas do as they're told. When I became leader, I forbade the usage of an alpha command with the exception in cases of life threatening danger. Or, in other cases...intimacy between two willing participants."

"One designation is not above another. Everyone is vital. We are all equal here." Padme smiles.

"But if alphas from other packs come here, you think they'll use an alpha command." I breathe. "Why is Zeke doing this?"

"Because he wants Ben to mate Bazine, kid." Han cuts to the quick of it.

"It'll never happen." Ben replies. 

"Why not?" Ben's eyes snap to mine, a look of disgust on his face. "I mean, I know she's a bitch but...she's pretty."

He snorts. "Do you really think I could be so shallow?"

"No. But..."

"I've known Bazine since we were pups. I've never been attracted to her in any way. I refuse to mate her. Period."

"We're in a bit of a pickle." Leia begins. "In the next few months, Han and I are going to take over leadership of the pack completely. And since we already have an heir, Ben, more than likely we won't be opposed. However, the pack may not like the fact that the heir apparent has no mate."

"But...he's only twenty-six. He's still young enough to find a mate, right?" And as much as the thought hurts, I have to say it. "Maybe his mate lives in another pack. So, the Selection might actually be a good thing...for him."

"That's not the point of this, child." Mom says. "In a month there will be unmated alphas and omegas in our territory, in this house. And if one of them should go into rut or heat, then another one most likely will. It'll be a domino effect. And for those who choose to spend those times alone, there will be no escape. Shifters will be out of their minds and if alphas from other packs refuse to obey our laws, there could be forced matings."

"That's what Zeke is hoping for." Luke adds. When I frown in confusion he continues, "If Ben goes into rut, he may not be able to control himself from taking a mate. However, that's not our primary concern."

"Then what is?"

The table becomes quiet and I eventually notice that everyone's looking at me. "I'm the primary concern?!"

"You've presented, but haven't had a heat. To some alphas, that will be irresistible. It's a point of pride if their scent can trigger a heat." Padme explains.

"None of this makes sense!" I cry.

"To put it simply, Zeke is hoping that someone will trigger not only your heat, but Ben's rut. If that happens, neither of you will have much of a choice." Anakin says. "It's almost impossible for an alpha not to share their rut with someone...especially if said someone is willing."

"And Bazine would be willing." A piece of the puzzle slips into place.

"Yes." He agrees.

"It _won't_ happen." Ben barks.

"Then there's you." Han continues.

My insides churn. "Maybe I'm incapable of having a heat. No one would want me."

"Some alphas may take it as a challenge." Leia whispers sadly. "And heat or no, you're a young, beautiful woman. Someone will want you."

"But I'm not..." _interested in anyone,_ I want to say. But that's a lie. "I'm not ready."

"Ready or not, they're still coming." Anakin says angerly. "So the best we can do is prepare you. Lor San Tekka has agreed to stay here for the next few weeks. He'll teach you as much as he can. The Knights have also agreed to train you."

"Train me? In what?"

"Self-defense." Ben bites out. "Just in case."

* * *

"This is ridiculous!" I watch as my mate packs a suitcase. I've driven her back to her apartment, explaining that for her safety, it would be best if she temporarily moves into the headquarters. She's taking it pretty well. "Complete bullshit!" She yells as she throws open her dresser drawers. "I have a life, you know. A job. This apartment that I've worked my ass off to get. And now you're telling me to just abandon everything and move? To give up everything I've worked so hard for!"

"It won't be forever." I try to console her. "And you can still work. We just need to take some precautions."

"I thought we already were!" She screams, holding up her right hand. "Otherwise why am I wearing this?!"

"We are." I'm trying to stay calm for her sake. "But you can't stay here. Your home is saturated in your scent. A few days ago, it didn't matter since I was the only one who could smell you. But now? Alphas will be knocking down your door with offers. It's easier to protect you at headquarters than it is here."

She sighs as she grabs her stuffed wolf. "Why haven't you taken a mate?"

I'm momentarily blindsided by her question. I need to be as honest as possible, but I can't break Papa's orders. "Because I've only met a couple of shifters whose smell doesn't disgust me."

"What about the ones that smell good?" Rey asks as she goes into the bathroom. 

"What about them?" I feel like I'm being cornered.

"Well, if you've met shifters that smell good, why haven't you mated one of them?"

"Oh...well, a couple of them have been men and I'm not gay. Others, I'm just not attracted to. All because you like a perfume doesn't mean you want to buy every bottle of it. Besides, I'd rather be mated to someone I actually like."

"Why does Zeke want you to mate Bazine so badly? Especially if he knows that you don't like her?"

I take the toiletries bag from her. "Power. Zeke has always been ambitious. If he thought he could take on my grandfather or either of my parents and win, he'd do it. He'd like to be leader, but he isn't strong enough. So, having his daughter become the future leader's mate is the next best thing. Through her, he could be a voice in how the pack is led."

"He'd use his daughter like that? Just to obtain power?"

"Oh, Bazine has no problem with it. She's very...well, let's just say she has no compunction with trying to sleep her way to the top."

"Good god. She'd just..." Rey motions with her hands, "to get what she wants?"

**Mate is so innocent. Must protect.**

"Yes. She would."

"Damn." She shakes her head. "I think I have everything. I'd just like to say again that I object to all of this. I can take care of myself."

Putting the toiletry bag into her suitcase I zip it up. "I know. But I'm asking you to please trust that we're only doing this to protect you. And it's only temporary."

"Have you ever considered that within the next month I may go into heat? How would that affect headquarters?"

She's trying to kill me. "I have."

"And?"

**Alpha will take care of you, Little One.**

"And we'll cross that bridge if we come to it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't wait to hear what you think!


	23. Tie Fighter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not usually one to point fingers or to lay blame on others. However, I completely blame the newest addition to our family for the weirdness and length of this chapter.

**No music this chapter. Just imagine me begging a kitten to sleep for a little while so I can write. His name is Tie Fighter. Yes, I am _that_ nerd. **

****

January, 2006

_It's snowed every day for a week. On Friday morning it's decided that there's too much snow and ice on the roads, so school is canceled. After breakfast, Rey and I cuddle on the couch, pillows and blankets piled high around us as we watch_ Labrynth. _It's one of our favorite movies. We know every word by heart. Nana makes us hot cocoa with tiny marshmallows._

_After lunch we put on our winter coats and boots and I kneel down to tie Rey's laces. It's one thing she still can't do by herself. But I don't mind. I'll tie every shoe she wears for the rest of her life if she wants me to. Grabbing hats and mittens, we trudge outside to build a snowman. Within an hour, we're both too cold to continue so we go back inside. Our snowman only has a bottom, but we have the rest of the weekend to finish it._

_A couple of years ago, when Rey turned two, it was decided that she needed a 'big girl bed'. So she was moved into the room next to mine which has an adjoining door. Some nights, one of us will go into the other's room and I usually end up reading a bedtime story aloud. We fall asleep in the same bed. Our families never scold us, but I hate the mornings when we're separated. It feels like I'm losing something. Most of the time Rey cries. She doesn't want me to go. But within an hour we're together again and all is right with the world._

* * *

I've decided to stay at headquarters while Rey is living there. I tell myself it's to protect her, that it's easier when we're in the same house, and it _is_ true. But the other part of me wants to be, _needs_ to be close to her. This next month is going to be hard for her. And Rey is going to need all the support she can get. I only wish Chewie and Maz could stay at the headquarters, too. But they can't. They're going to be inundated with requests from respectful alphas. Better to keep them away. The Knights and I are meeting tomorrow to figure out a schedule for who's going to protect Rey and when. Nights should be easy, since I'll be here. But we all have jobs.

After dinner, while Nana gives Rey a tour, Papa and I speak.

"I know you aren't happy with me right now." Papa begins as we wash the dishes.

"I understand why you gave the order." I puff. "It's just..."

"Your mate is here and you can't tell her." He nods. "I know. I loved your grandma before I imprinted on her." He smiles wistfully. "I never thought she'd ever see me as anything but a child. But in time, she did."

"I can protect her now." I whisper. "And doesn't she deserve to know the whole truth?"

Papa sighs as he scrubs a plate. "Of course she does. But the last couple of days have been traumatic. How much weight do you want to put on her shoulders at once?" He hands me the plate. "I know this is difficult for you, Ben. You've waited so long. But try to see it from another point of view. In the matter of one day, her world has been destroyed. And we've put a new one in its place. We're already asking so much of her. Rey has always been strong, but she also needs to know that we'll accept her as she is."

"I'd never put any pressure on her." I counter.

"I know." He nods.

"We've been sleeping together for almost two years." I blurt out.

The bowl Papa has been scrubbing hits the water with a splat. "Ben... _please_ tell me you've been using protection."

"Why would...oh, Papa no! We've been sleeping together like we did when we were kids. We're not...you know."

He looks at me seriously. "You're not children anymore, Ben. Sharing a bed, no matter how innocent it may be, can lead to things that aren't so innocent."

"It isn't like that." I argue. He lifts an eyebrow in disbelief. "Okay, not...I mean...I want, but, you know." I'm babbling.

"So you're saying _nothing_ has happened between you two?"

"We've kissed a few times." I blush.

"Uh huh."

"That's all."

"Okay." He smirks. "I commend you on your self control."

We continue to do dishes in silence. It's been a long few days and honestly, I just want to hold Rey and sleep.

* * *

**Rey. Wake up.**

_It's Tuesday. My last day off. Let me sleep in._

**This is important.**

_You always say that._

**Because everything _is_ important. I want to show you something.**

_Five more minutes._

**Get up!**

"Fine! I'm awake. Happy now?"

**Yes.**

I rub the sleep from my eyes. "What is it?"

**Out of bed, lazy head. Follow your instincts.**

I grumble as I leave the warmth of my bed. Ben didn't sleep with me last night. He has to work today and said he didn't want to wake me when he needed to get up. For some reason, I don't completely believe his excuse but I push it from my mind. Everything's happening so fast...it's probably good for us to have some space. Closing my eyes I let Kira pull me from my room and down the hallway. Before I know it I'm downstairs, wandering through an unknown hallway, the early morning light playing off the walls in hues of gray, blue and pink. I stop in front of a door. This one is different from the others Kira's led me to. Just plain light blue. I turn the handle.

The scent of vanilla hits me as soon as I enter. It smells like Padme. The room is entirely white, save for the hardwood floor and the grand piano that sits in the middle. Closing the door quietly behind me I realize that I know this room. It feels peaceful here and yet, a sadness plays in the undercurrent of such a bright place. "Okay, show me."

Instead of the pain that I've grown accustomed to, it feels like a shift. Like when I'm asleep and aware I'm dreaming but then the dream changes. There's no pain, just a _tilt._ I don't have time to consider why things have changed because I see Padme seated at the piano.

"Looking for Ben already, young one?" _Her hands lightly play along the keys._ "He'll be back soon. He always comes home."

"I miss him." _My voice is young, but more sure of what to say and how to say it._

"And I know he misses you." _She turns and smiles at me._ "How would you like to learn to play the piano?"

"Okay!"

"Come sit beside me. We can start right now."

_I sit next to her on the bench as she begins to play, her fingers dancing over the keys. Music, sweet and powerful fills the room. The melody is familiar, I just can't place where I know it from._

"Padme taught us to play the piano?"

**We only had a couple of lessons. Not long after this, our parents took us away.**

"Did Ben know? Back then, that we were leaving?"

**No. It happened very fast. We left when he was at school.**

"He must have been upset. Coming home to find us gone."

**Yes.**

"I'd like to go back to bed now."

**You okay?**

"No. Nothing about any of this is okay."

I trudge back to my room, thinking about the memory. I must have been four at the time. Climbing back into bed, I decide to ask people if they have any pictures of me from childhood. Maybe I'll be able to remember more. As I'm drifing off I hear Ben's alarm going off in the room next to mine. I miss him. But some distance is a good thing, right?

I barely wake when I feel his lips on my forehead. "Sleep, Sweetheart. Have a good day. I'll be back later." I dream that I'm crying, holding a doll. I don't want to leave. But it's already been decided.

* * *

I have breakfast with Anakin and Padme. It's a mostly quiet affair with stilted conversation. I have so many questions still, but I don't know how to begin. Fuck it. Diving right in I ask, "Why did my parents decide to leave?"

Padme smiles at me sadly. "That story is best left for another time. We don't want to overload you."

"So you won't tell me?" I look at Anakin pointedly. "Or you _can't_ tell me?"

"You'll know when you need to." He answers with a tone of finality.

"Is there anything you can tell me?" I'm angry.

Anakin stands and leaves the room. Great, he's run away. Padme sips at her coffee. "You should finish eating. Lor San Tekka expects you in fifteen minutes."

"I'm no longer hungry." I stand and leave the table. The next few hours are going to be unpleasant. It's not that I don't like learning, but trying to cram so much information into my brain gives me a headache. And I'm already in a sour mood.

I enter the library to find no one there. Good. Maybe I'll have a chance to calm down before my tutor arrives. I sit in a well worn chair and stare out a large window. I feel so lost. This new world is big and scary, filled with horny alphas and people who won't answer questions and a wolf, _my wolf,_ who is giving me memories a piece at a time. It's all so frustrating. 

Fifteen minutes later Lor San Tekka enters. He has the same large book as last time. With little preamble, he sits, opens it and begins to read aloud.

"Let it be known that on this date, May 13th, 1956 that Anakin Skywalker has defeated in combat Sheev Palpatine to ascend to the leadership of Theed pack. His first decree after defeating Palpatine was that all shifters are now equal, and that he has chosen to share not only the leadership, but all that comes with it with Padme Amidala Naberrie. Should she find him worthy, they will be mated."

"So, this Palpatine guy was the original leader of Theed pack?" I ask, getting more comfortable. 

"Yes, except that it wasn't called Theed pack at the time." Lor answers.

"And Anakin killed him?"

"No. Anakin banished him from Naboo."

"Huh. Is that...normal?"

"No. In cases like this, it's typical that the new leader kills the old one. But Anakin didn't want his first act to be one of death. He'd decided to change not only how the pack would be led, but the laws within it. In not killing Palpatine, he showed mercy...after all, Palpatine was an old man. But in a way, what Anakin did was worse than death."

"How so?"

Lor smiles. "Banishment from a pack can bring a certain stigma with it. To be found so unworthy of staying in a pack, well...the other packs will know. Anakin made it difficult, if not impossible, for Palpatine to join another pack."

"I see." But something doesn't sit right with me. "Why is it that when Anakin became the leader, he didn't have a mate, but now there's a big stink that Ben needs a mate in order to become leader which is years, if not decades away?"

"Ah, I see you're still clever. Well, after Anakin and Padme became mates, a law was put into place that in order for an alpha to become a leader, they must have a mate. The promise of continuing the bloodline. A future leader."

"But..." I chew my lip. "If Anakin and Padme are stepping down, does that mean that Leia or Han will have to fight them for leadership?"

"No." Lor answers. "They can hand the leadership to whoever they choose without a fight. In this case, Leia and Han. However, Leia and Han may have challengers. They may have to fight."

"And in the future, the same thing could happen to Ben." Another piece of the puzzle slips into place.

"Correct."

"Wait...even if the leader is mated, who's to say that children will be born from the union? I mean, how did Anakin and Padme know they'd have kids?"

"It's easier for mates that are an alpha and omega to have children." Lor states.

"Easier, yes. But not guaranteed."

"No. Life offers no guarantees."

"So, what happens if the leaders are unable to have a child?"

He shrugs. "We haven't had to worry about that yet." He sighs. "Shifters are made to procreate. I've never heard of a case where a shifter couldn't have a child."

"Maz couldn't. She had cancer and had to have a hysterectomy." I argue.

"True. But before the cancer, she could."

"It's so unfair. If anyone should have been blessed with a child, it should have been them." I say sadly.

"You speak as if they don't have one." He looks at me pointedly.

"You know what I mean."

"Hmm...I don't think I do." He flips through the book and pulls out a photograph, passing it to me. "Maz has always said that everything happens for a reason. I used to think she was just covering up her personal pain. But all that changed when you came back. Have a look. I'll get us some tea."

As soon as he leaves I look at the picture. Maz and Chewie are cuddling a baby that looks to be about a year old. Neither of them is looking at the camera. They're looking at the baby and their expressions are so full of love. I turn the photograph over.

Godparents Chewie Bacca and Maz Kanata with Rey. November, 2002.

I burst into tears.

* * *

It's been a long, mostly boring day. I patrolled for four hours and had to pull over two people. The woman was speeding, late for work. The guy had a tail light that was out. The rest of my shift has been devoted to paperwork that I had to catch up on. I've caught myself checking my phone to see if Rey needs me. Nothing. I want to text her, but she's probably busy. I don't want to interrupt. I've been arguing with myself all day. I should be with her, no she needs space. Has she eaten, I should give her food, she's an adult and can feed herself. What if she's sad? I should be there to cheer her up. She has every right to be sad. Let her feel how she wants to feel.

At two o'clock I'm out of the station, ready to get back to headquarters. I want to do something for her, to help her transition go more smoothly. Rey needs some normalcy in her life right now. Maybe if she feels up to it, we can go see a movie. We'll see a comedy. Something to lift her spirits.

When I get home I find Rey in her room, crying. She's curled up in the fetal position in bed, hair askew and eyes puffy. Without hesitation, I take off my shoes and climb into bed next to her, wrapping my arms around her shaking form. She lets me hold her as she continues to cry. Rey doesn't cry often, so when she does, I know she needs the release. My poor Little One has hit her limit. So I just hold her close, asking no questions and making no demands. She'll talk when she's ready.

Eventually her tears subside and she turns to face me. She holds a photo. The one my dad took the day Chewie ans Maz were declared her godparents. "Did you know?" She asks, her voice scratchy from crying.

"Yes." I answer simply.

She nods and swipes a hand over her eyes. "That's why no one was concerned when they offered to let me stay with them."

"We knew they'd take good care of you, for however long you decided to stay."

"Do you...does anyone have more pictures? Of me when I was little?"

"Would you like to see them?" I ask, hopeful. 

"Yeah."

"Okay." I kiss her forehead. "I'll be right back." Sliding out of bed I go into my room and into the walk-in closet. The medium sized trunk sits on a shelf, never allowed to gather dust. I take it down and bring it to her, along with a box of kleenex. I know I'll need it. "I saved as much as I could." I explain as I place the trunk at the end of the bed.

Rey scoots to the foot of the bed, eyeing the trunk. "What's in there?"

"Us." I shrug. "I could never throw any piece of you away." She kisses my cheek and I blush. "Ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

I open the lid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry. I know this wasn't the best chapter, but I figured it was better to keep the momentum going rather than take a break. Hopefully next week will be better.


	24. Message from OnyxAcheron 2

Hello everyone,

First of all, I'd like to once again say thank you to all of you for reading this. I sincerely appreciate it. 

The last month has been exceptionally hard for me personally. Writing and updating has been wonderful and yet my own form of hell. I usually can write a couple of chapters at a time, to keep up with regular updates. Alas, this is no longer true. 

In the last month, my insomnia has kicked into high gear and I'm barely sleeping...which only furthers my anxiety day to day. So, please forgive me as I take (hopefully only a week or two) small vacation. I am not giving up on this story. I just want to give you my best version of my Ben and Rey. I hope that you can understand.

Speaking of understanding...this story, at its best, has difficult moments. Some dark themes and things that not everyone will agree with. Understandable. Is it perfect? Hell no. Because even though this is a fantasy/ABO/I don't even know anymore story, I'm trying to base it on real human emotions. On somewhat real situations and themes. 

Real life is messy. Not everyone will agree with everything. Not every emotion is entirely pure or good-hearted. We're flawed. But I'd rather find the beauty in our imperfections and find a positive outcome than beat each other down. 

All that I've ever hoped with this story is that you, the reader will give me a chance. That you'll allow me to take you somewhere a little different but recognizable for a few minutes every week. And perhaps, if I'm lucky, I might make you smile. Or laugh. Or cry. Or feel the love I've put into this. 

With that being said, now comes the tricky part. This is only a story. Yes, it's hard work, but it's mine. I understand if some of the themes may be difficult or dark to some. I try to tag for most of them. But if I don't, it's because I don't want to give away the plot or where the story is going. I, for one, enjoy not knowing everything about a story before I read it. However, if you have problems with some of the themes or where this story is going, then please put this story down. I'm not here to piss anyone off or offend. It's just a story. 

*Shrugs*

Also, I can't ignore the huge non-smut having elephant in the room any longer. When will they have the SEX?! When will they mate?! Oh....my loves. *Cackles* They will. *Snorts* Just give our favorite space virgins time. As much as they love each other, my Ben and Rey also hold huge amounts of respect for each other as well. Ben's playing the long game, here. He knows he can't win her like some sort of prize. He has to EARN her love, to have her find him worthy. He has no problem waiting, because Rey is his everything. 

Relationships, by my experience are not Minute Rice perfect. Sometimes it's three steps forward, two steps back. Some arguing. Inside jokes. Being blind to what's in front of you. Not feeling good enough for someone else. Trying to be strong when all you feel is weak. Having to rely on someone else. Being imperfect. Human.

So here I am, being human. I'm flawed. Tired. 

If you don't like what I write, then set my work aside. But I don't need any negative comments. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. I've never left a negative comment. And I never will. I respect you as a reader. All I ask for is that you respect me as an author, even if you don't agree with what I write. 

I hope this message finds you well. I hope you smile this week. I'll be back.

You're not alone.


	25. T.N.T. For the Brain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm BAAAACK!
> 
> An hour after I wrote my message my muse kicked in the wall and said, "I figured out the next chapter!" So here it is.
> 
> Some questions will be answered. Where does Ben go when he's on "special assignment"? What's in the trunk? Where the hell is the smut in this fic?! Oh wait...
> 
> I had a hell of a time trying to create a chapter tag for this. I've never read anything like this before, so quite frankly, I'd love to hear what you think. Remember everyone, this work is rated explicit. If you don't like smut then I encourage you to stop reading now. Much love!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure when I'll be updating again. In the meantime, here's a huge (for me) chapter. I'm currently writing a new chapter, but I'm taking it slow.

**Song: T.N.T. For the Brain**

**Artist: Enigma**

**Album: Le Roi Est Mort, Vive Le Roi!**

**Tags:**

**Mental intimacy with physical benefits.**

**A.K.A. psudo smut.**

**Smut lite?**

**Dry humping without dry humping?**

**Mental and physical stimulation?**

For a short time Rey doesn't move. She says nothing. Only looks. _How cruel life is, that the record of her time with us is small enough to fit into this trunk._ A sorrowful sniff escapes her and I know she won't reach out, so I do it for her.

"When I came home that day, I immediately knew something was wrong. My Nana was waiting for me at the bus stop, but you weren't there. For years you were always waiting for me and suddenly, nothing. My family told me that your parents had left, and took you with them." Tears fill my eyes as ghosts of the past come back to haunt me. "I ran to your room, not believing anyone until I opened your door. Everything that made this room yours, every piece of you was gone. Your books, your colored pencils, hell even your clothes. It was all just _gone._ As if the last five years had been a beautiful dream and I suddenly woke up." My tears fall freely, landing on my hands, my shirt. "That was the day I learned what it meant to hate. I _hated_ your parents. Part of me still does. They took you from me and they had no right to..." my voice has grown loud in my anger and I don't want to frighten her. "I'm sorry." I whisper.

"Part of me hates them, too." Rey says weakly. "Kira showed me a memory, my parents were afraid. We'd been found. My mother had wanted us to stay with the pack but my father didn't believe our lives, our safety were worth risking the pack's safety for. Apparently, leaving was the wrong choice." She sighs. "But if we had stayed, who knows what could have happened?"

I carefully remove the doll from the trunk. "That day, I found this on my bed. He was yours, your favorite thing." I hand it to her. "You named him 'Handsome'."

Giving me a watery smile she says, "Of _course_ I did."

Cradling the doll in one arm she runs her fingertips over it. I go back into the trunk and pull out my 'cape' and her crown. "You said you remember these." I watch her expressions closely. What was it like, to have memories stripped away only to be slowly replaced years later and then confronted with the very evidence of them? Painful? Relief? Doubt?

My thoughts go back to my first rut. She would have been only a child then, not even old enough to have presented. And yet, I can't help but wonder if, had she been there, if I wouldn't have been in so much pain. If I'd known that she was safe and warm, perhaps I wouldn't have been so furious. My future mate was gone, no word from her family for five years. It was an open, gaping wound that wouldn't even begin to start healing for another eight years. And even then, she wasn't mine and yet she _was._

For the next two hours, we go through every picture that's in the trunk. Most of them are of the two of us. I tell her as much as I can remember about the day, the place and how old we were in each photo. She listens quietly, asking a question here and there. Eventually, Rey leans her head on my shoulder, Handsome in her arms as I offer her my memories. Her stomach rumbles in hunger and I seize my chance.

**Feed mate. Make mate happy. We are hers.**

* * *

June 20th, 2022

It's been sixteen hours since the end of my rut. I spent the first five cleaning the cabin, opening the windows to allow fresh air in and the stink of horny alpha male out. I've done multiple loads of laundry; clothes, towels, bedding, all were covered with sweat and come and my scent. I've even gone so far as to vacuum, sweep and mop. I'd like to bring Rey here. I promised her I'd teacher how to swim, how to fish. Although she would be blissfully unaware that I spend most of my time here coming to thoughts of her, I'm not crude. It should be clean and tolerable when she's here.

This was a scheduled rut, a typical one. It lasted five days and I'm surprised I have skin left on my cock. But at least I knew it was going to happen. Unlike the others...I know why she triggered my rut last August. She'd touched herself and I could smell it. But in the last ten months, something's changed and I just don't know what it is.

I drive back to my apartment, exhausted. All I want is food and to sleep without waking up every hour. Eventhough I'm careful to make sure I stay hydrated and fed during my ruts, the food is usually something quick and easily made. I'm starving. I call Maz's Diner and order enough food to tide me over until the morning. I've got about thirty minutes until it's delivered, so I take another much needed shower. I need a lot of food and sleep. I'll feel better tomorrow. 

I'm pouring myself a glass of milk, contemplating if I should even bother starting a movie when there's a knock at the door. As I leave the kitchen the smell hits me. It's Rey. _Oh god._ My blood runs south and my cock gives a valiant twitch. I'm already half hard. Apparently, my body thinks another round is called for, since my mate is on the other side of the door. I whimper into my hand. She's going to be the death of me.

I open the door and see an angel standing there. She's smiling happily, a large paper bag containing my food in her hands. Her uniform polo shirt and tight blue jeans that hug her ass in that perfect fucking way...shit. Kylo whines in desperation. "Hey stranger."

And...yep, I'm fully hard now. Good thing I'm wearing a long shirt. "Hey Sunshine." God, I want her. "You off work?" I sound like an idiot. But in my own defense, I'm pretty sure zero blood is going to my brain.

"Yeah. I told Dad I'd deliver your food before going home." She hands me the bag.

Say something, moron! "Oh...um, thanks." Suave, Solo.

**Invite mate in.**

I swallow. Not a good idea. I'm barely out of rut, hard as hell, tired, hungry and bloody Christ she smells _so_ good and we haven't spoken in five days..."Can you stay for a bit?" _Dumbass._

"Sure. But only for a few. You look like hell."

I snort and roll my eyes. "Thanks." I walk to the small dining room table and put the bag down. "Want something to drink?"

"Nah, I'm okay." Rey opens the bag and starts pulling out boxes as I walk into the kitchen to grab my glass of milk. When I return, she eyes me warily. "Look, I know it's none of my business, but you look terrible. I won't ask any questions except for this one; are you being careful on these special assignments?"

"You worried about me, Sunshine?" I try to brush off her concern.

"Yes." Hazel eyes roam over me, assessing. "You look exhausted. You have dark circles under your eyes." As I open the first box of food and start eating she lifts an eyebrow. "And when you come back, you always eat like you've been starving for days. I'm not stupid, Ben. I know something's going on. I just wanna know...that you're being careful and safe."

**Sweet mate. Concerned for us.**

"I promise I'm being as careful as I possibly can be." I tell her honestly. "It's just...I don't get much sleep and sometimes I can't eat proper meals. That's all."

"Okay." Rey bites nervously on her bottom lip. "But...if you ever need anything, you know you can come to me, right? I'll do my best to help you."

"I know."

* * *

I wish I could say that the first week after my presentation is normal and relaxing. 'Cluster fuck' would be a more appropriate term. Between working at the diner, my daily tutor sessions with Lor San Tekka and trying to learn about being not only a shifter but an omega to boot is well...yeah.

By day six I've snapped at everyone close to me. And I feel horrible about it. But I can't help it. My feet hurt all the time from working, my brain feels like Jell-O from my studies, I'm constantly being watched by one of the Knights of Ren and on top of all that, _everyone smells._ And I'm so very tired. I'd cry if I had the energy.

Something's gotta give. I'm beginning to think it'll be my sanity. My emotions are all over the place. I can't take much more of this.

On Sunday Jannah drives me back to headquarters, after my shift at the diner. Because, I guess now I'm all of ten years old and not allowed to even drive myself anywhere. I'm sick of this shit. People are treating me like a child; not trusted to do almost anything by myself. I'm surprised they don't come into the bathroom with me. I'm _done._ I've cared for myself for thirteen years. I don't need this shit. So I'm gonna have a word with everyone. Namely, the Skywalker-Organa-Solo family.

I thunder into the dining room where they all wait, dinner sitting on the table as if this is just another day in a normal house with people who aren't shifters. I'm just so fucking _angry_ I don't offer a "hello" or a "how was your day" before throwing myself into a full blown, four alarm, fire and brimstone bitch fest. Later, Ben will refer to my tirade as the "up with this shit I will not put".

I don't even bother to sit down. "I've had enough! It's been a week and no one has given me any answers except; 'it isn't the right time' or 'we can't tell you'. I'm done. This is _my_ life and I've worked way too hard to be dictated to in regards to what I can and cannot know. So either you people start sharing information or I walk. I don't need this shit. I took care of myself before and I can do it again. So either start talking or I'm gonna pack my shit and go." I stare straight at Anakin. I'm going up against the alpha pack leader, but I couldn't care less. "You said yourself that I need to be prepared. That I need to know as much as possible. But you're not only controlling what I learn but when I learn it. I think I deserve to know some things _now._ "

I expect him to start yelling but instead he breaks out into a smile and laughs. "There you are. I was wondering when we'd meet again. Tell me, little Reyna, what would you like to know?"

What? It can't be this easy. "Tell me about my parents."

"Astrid and Leo...your mother was from Hoth, although she never did tell us what city. Your father was born and raised in Galactic City. If I remember correctly, they said they met in Bespin."

"Cloud City." Padme offers.

"Right, that's it. So anyway, a couple of years after they mated, they moved to Galactic City. Things were good at first. They'd built a life and were happy." Anakin pauses. "Leo told me that about a year after they moved there, shifters began disappearing from the pack. Eventually some returned. Many didn't."

"What happened to them?"

"Your parents told us they'd found that the shifters had been taken by the leader of the pack. That he was running experiments on them...mostly on mated couples." Leia answers.

My stomach twists. "What kind of experiments?"

"Genetics mostly." Luke responds. "We think he was messing around with shifter DNA."

"Why?"

"For hundreds of years, shifters have been living amongst humans. We have to be careful, of course. Should our existence be known to the world...well, I'll leave it to you to imagine what humans would do to us." Anakin says. "Most living things can adapt to their surroundings. Over time, shifters have. Theed pack is proof of that. No forced matings, very few alpha commands. But it wasn't even us who started this. A thought can become a virus, spreading from person to person, and no one knows until it's too late."

"So, this leader of Galactic City pack, what exactly was he trying to do?"

"Bring back the old ways." Padme says simply. "Alphas controlling everything and betas and omegas are slaves."

"We believe that he was using our own biology against us." Luke adds. "Making alphas more dominant than they already are. Omegas more compliant. But to the Nth degree."

I have to sit down. "Did it work?"

"No." Leia looks sick. "Most of the...test subjects died. Those that survived were released and observed."

"How do you know this?"

"Because your parents told us, when they came here." Han answers.

My guts roll. "And how did they know?"

"Because they were two of the survivors." Anakin's gaze meets mine. "The experiments were a failure. A couple of months after they were released, your mom realized she was pregnant. They were terrified what the leader might do if he found out. So they fled. They came here seeking asylum and told us everything. Including who the leader of the pack is."

"Who?"

"Sheev Palpatine." Waves of anger roll off of Anakin. "I should have killed him. In showing mercy I paved the way to torture and death by his hand."

"You couldn't have known." I whisper.

"I should have guessed he'd try something." He growls.

"My parents were just lab rats." What did I expect? That they'd be people of importance? That I'd come from somewhere, someone who was special? What a crock. I'm _nothing._ Just a desert rat. "I really am a nobody."

"Not to me." Ben takes my hand.

* * *

I couldn't eat dinner. Although I'm relieved to know a little more about my parents, the knowledge that they'd been taken and experimented on doesn't sit well. No wonder they ran. But why did they wait for so long? Was it because they were being watched and took the first chance they got? Had they been planning on leaving already but with my mother becoming pregnant it forced them to act more quickly? Or was it the fact that suddenly becoming pregnant was the reason they left at all? Something about this nags at me.

There's a familiar knock on my door. It's Ben. It's always Ben. For better or worse. I wipe my face, calling out, "Come in!" while I gather what little strength I have left. I can't look at him. I don't want him to see how defeated I feel. His scent fills my room, warm and reassuring. I hate how frail I am right now. He kneels before me, all large and sweet.

"Sunshine," he whispers. I close my eyes, biting my bottom lip to stop myself from crying. "I can feel your despair. Talk to me." His warm hands engulf mine. "Please. Tell me. Don't let these emotions poison you." He lays his head against my chest, his hair falling in inky waves. "Let it out."

"I...don't think I can do this. It's too much." I take a shuddering breath. "I'm out of strength. There's nothing left."

"Then take a break. The world won't fall apart." He says, directly over my heart. "You've fought for a long time. Let others pick up the slack."

"I'm weak." I mutter.

"No, you're not. There's strength in knowing when you need to step back." He cups my face in his large hands, whiskey eyes setting on mine. "You need to take care of yourself. There's nothing wrong with that."

I put voice to my fear. "What if what he did to my parents screwed up who I was supposed to be?"

"You're exactly who you're supposed to be."

"You don't know that."

He snorts. "Yes I do."

"I'm flawed."

"Welcome to the club." He chuckles. "We're human."

"Shifters." I correct him. "At least you are."

Ben's thumbs stroke my cheeks. "No one's perfect. And the last week has changed your life, again. Give yourself time. You deserve it."

I sigh and bury my face in his neck. "I just don't know what to do anymore. Everything feels so out of control. I'm angry and confused. I just...want to run away."

"I know." His hands run up and down my back, comforting me. "But you can't run away from this. So you need to find a way to live with it. A way to combat it." His breath hitches. "Rey? When's the last time you made a nest?" 

"What?" I pull away from him, confused. "Why does that matter?"

"It's important. Omegas make nests for various reasons. But one of the primary reasons is it's a self soothing measure. How long has it been?"

"Um..." I think back. "I haven't made one since moving into the apartment."

"Okay. So at least three months. What about before you moved?"

"I..."

**September. We've been so busy in the last six months.**

This last holiday season had been crazy. Mom and dad knew that I was looking for my own place. They wanted it to be special. Plus all of the shopping with Rose. Spending so much time with Ben.

"It's been about six months." I admit.

"Okay. I want you to do something." Ben stands up and walks to the closet. Throwing open the door I hear him moving around. 

"What?"

"I...shit. Hang on." He comes out with three blankets. "I want you to make a nest. I'm guessing it'll make you feel better. At least a little." Handing me the blankets he shrugs. "It's worth a shot."

Lifting the top blanket I take a sniff. It smells overwhelmingly of soap. It reeks. Usually the scent wouldn't bother me, but now...now...

**Don't like it!**

"Don't like it!" I yell, throwing the blankets away from me.

Ben just blinks at me.

"Sorry." I wring my hands. "They stink of soap. It's...I don't want to smell that right now." I hide my face. "This isn't working. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. What if..." he trails off as he picks up one of the blankets. "Let's..." chewing his cheek he seems to come to a decision. He rubs the blanket on his chest, every square inch, both sides. Satisfied, he hands it back to me. "How about now?"

I take it back and sniff it. I can still smell soap, but now it's muted. But what I really zero in on is spice and leather. _Ben._ I have to concentrate hard to not roll my eyes in pleasure. My mouth fills with saliva. I swallow. "Better." Christ, is that my voice? It sounds husky.

Smiling, Ben crouches and grabs another blanket. "Whatever you're feeling, it's alright. Just...don't fight it. Go with your instincts."

I nod again and watch as he does the same thing with the new blanket. I look at the one I'm holding. I love how Ben smells. The blanket smells like him. Anger flashes through me. No...not anger. Jealousy. I'm fucking jealous of a blanket! God, I'm a mess. I want to smell like Ben. My fingertips run over the fabric. It's soft. Yet sturdy. It's nice. Just a blanket.

**It should smell like _us._**

_Oh god._

I rub the blanket carefully against myself. What the hell am I doing?

That's when I hear it. Purring. It's deep and quiet. I look at Ben...he's kneeling, eyes closed and mouth relaxed. He looks content. Happy, even.

A burst of scent fills the room...rain. Pulling the blanket away from my body I realize...it's me. Oh no.

Midnight orbs snap open and lock on mine. His head tilts to the side, curiosity playing on his features. My heart begins to race. Dropping the blanket he shifts from kneeling to all fours and starts crawling slowly over to me, holding my gaze. I watch as his chest expands and the purring becomes louder. It's relaxing. Almost like...a song. I whimper when he reaches out, gently tugging on the blanket I'm holding.

"It's alright." He coos, removing the blanket from my grasp. "Shh...you're okay." Warm hands find mine and he smiles shyly at me. "Come down here?"

Another mouthful of saliva is swallowed. What the hell is wrong with me?! My answer is a squeak. I launch myself at him, his heavily muscled arms catching me with ease. I need...I need...

**Alpha.**

"Ben?"

"I know."

I'm sitting on his lap, his arms holding me close. I bury my nose in the crook of his shoulder, breathing deeply. Fuck, he smells _devine_! That wonderful scent of campfire has been added and I feel so warm and content that I never want to move again. That is, until he starts laying soft kisses along my neck. Sweet baby Jesus it feels good. Not quite sexual, just incredibly arousing. Gives me goosebumps.

"Sweetheart." He coos. "I need you to do something for me. Do you think you can?"

The tip of my tongue licks just below his ear. "Yeah." My voice sounds...airy? What. The. Fuck.

**Just go with it.**

Ben shivers. "I need you to make a nest. It's important. Can you do that, Little One?"

Little One? The last time he called me that was the night of the Gathering. "Yeah."

"Good girl." His warm breath falls over my ear.

I'm out of his lap quickly, standing on shaky legs. I snatch up the two blankets and kneel on the floor, beginning to twist them in a familiar way.

**Alpha has scented our nest materials! Perfect alpha!**

My thoughts screech to a halt. My glands itch. Ohh...shit. Ben's an alpha. But he's not _my_ alpha. Is he? I glance at him. Jesus. He's a fucking mountain. His body is coiled slightly as he rubs another blanket over himself before bringing it to his nose. Why is that so sexy? He's my best friend. But I won't use him. Biology be damned. "Ben."

He chuckles. "You're overthinking again. Stop it." He scolds lightly. "Nothing will happen without your consent. Ever." Sliding over to me he offers the blanket he just scented. "I would let the world burn before you are harmed. But this is something you need. So tell me Sunshine, what else should I get for your nest?"

I breathe in slowly through my nose then out of my mouth. A second breath like that again. I don't feel calmer, only more focused. "More blankets. At least...five? Two or three that are soft and thick." I swallow. "Pillows, too. Th-that should do it."

"Alright." He smiles proudly at me. "I'll go get that, you concentrate on the nest."

I nod and go back to the blankets. Twist here, fluff there. Tying them together at the ends. Within minutes he's back with an armload of materials; blankets, pillows, even sheets. I go to my bed and grab the two pillows and the bedspread, moving them to the beginnings of the nest. I smell the bedspread first. It smells like us but muted...because we sleep under the top sheet that is under this. Our scents aren't strong enough. I set about scenting the bedspread as Ben works on one of the blankets he's brought from his room. Once he's done he hands it to me for inspection. (What the fuck do I know?!) It smells of him. _Only_ _him._ I whine quietly.

**Alpha's scent! Must roll in it! Makes us happy!**

Kira flashes me an image of myself naked, rolling around on the blanket. And as much as the idea appeals to me, it's not going to happen. So I rub the blanket against my body, Ben's scent filling my nose and practically making me drool.

For a while this is how we work: we each scent something then trade, scent the new one and when I'm satisfied with the finished product, I add it to the nest. Instinct tells me this would be better if I could build a nest in a closet but, eventhough my closet is large, Ben and I wouldn't fit. He's just so massive and I don't think he'd enjoy being cramped into a fetal position all night...and where the _fuck_ did that thought come from?

Finally my nest is completed. The thickest, softest blankets lay directly on the floor because that's where we'll be sleeping. One blanket to cover us. The rest are used as (albeit small) walls. Four pillows. I immediately jump in. And damn Ben Solo, he was right. I already feel a little better. He sits outside of the nest, but on the floor and he looks more relaxed than I've seen him in a while.

"Better?" He asks, a hopeful smile twitching on his lips.

"A little." I murmur.

"Good." He nods, almost to himself. "Good."

"Aren't you gonna..." I trail off before asking quietly, "do you wanna?" Why is this suddenly so hard to ask?

**Because you're an omega.**

"Do you want me to?" Ben rises to his knees.

I swallow. "I mean...if you want, y-you don't have t-to..." Fucking shit, spit it out! "Yes."

"I do." Long fingers unlace his brown boots. "Yes, I want to." Discarding his boots he reaches for my face, warm palms against my cheeks. "Rey..." he's purring again. His soft mouth kisses my forehead, my temples and I close my eyes. The tip of my nose. Left cheek, right cheek. My lips. His mouth slots over mine and it's everything. His tongue parts my lips and I open gladly for him. We haven't kissed like this since the Gathering and truth be told, I've been afraid we wouldn't again. That it was a fluke. I've missed it. But now, _now,_ his tongue is dancing with mine and sweet Christ on a cracker it feels _so good_. I know Ben's the only person I've kissed like this but...he deserves a gold-freaking-star. He's pulling the elastic from my hair, releasing the ponytail. His fingers massage my scalp while holding me in place so our kiss remains deep and long. He's still purring and the sound does something to me. When he finally pulls away I almost cry from the separation. But Ben places his hands in mine and lifts them to his mouth...he stops purring.

A new sound begins. He's humming. Not like, how you hum a song. Or even how he sometimes hums instead of laughs. It's not even a _I need to think about it_ or _That's very interesting_ hum. It's not quite foreign, because how can humming be foreign, but it's not known, either. He kisses my knuckles and the sound is like...a question? A knock on the door? Asking for permission.

I scootch back into the nest and he enters. Sitting in the lotus position we face each other and Ben places our hands into my lap. "Do you trust me, Sunshine?" His voice is deep, quiet, like he's telling me a secret.

"Yes." I nod.

His answering smile is like the sun, bright and warm. "Tell me if you don't like something."

"Oh...okay." Now I'm confused.

The humming increases in volume but that isn't what surprises me. I feel it from the base of my skull to my lower back, a gentle brush of fingertips. But they're not his because...he's still holding my hands. It's the sound that's creating the sensation. Ben's somehow touching me _without_ touching me. And it's wonderful! He leans forward so his mouth is an inch from my ear and hums into it. It's not loud, not by any means. The sensation spreads down my arms, causing my skin to break out in goosebumps. If purring is meant to relax then humming must mean to...excite? He moves to my right ear with the same results but this time I manage to hum somewhat brokenly back at him.

Ben leans back, his midnight gaze full of hope, assessing me carefully. "Did you like that?"

Duh! "Yes, very much."

His relieved smile says it all. He didn't know if I would like it or hate it. "Would you..." he chews his cheek, obviously trying to find the right words. "Would you like more?"

"Yes." I whisper.

He nods and pats the blankets beneath us. "Why don't you lay down?"

It's not a command. It's not an order. But the words are so filled with hope and I'm _very_ interested in where this is going. So I lay flat on my back with my head on a pillow. Our scents are much stronger like this. I feel myself relax even more. I expected Ben to lay beside me but instead he lifts my feet into his lap and begins to massage them. And holy-fucking-crap it feels _amazing_! If the cop thing or hair modeling thing doesn't work out, he could be a freaking massuse. Gods know I'd pay him money to put his hands on me. He rubs my aching feet, paying special attention to my arches and just keeps humming the whole time. Once he's worked out all of the knots from my muscles, his hands move up to my ankles. My leggings have ridden up a little so his warm, slightly calloused hands make direct contact with my skin. And now, the gentle fingertip caress has begun just above my ankles and is slowly working its way up to my knees. It's nice, just a soft caress without actual caressing. 

Lifting my legs, Ben moves so he's kneeling back on his haunches, gently yet firmly pushing my knees to my chest. His hands glide down to my hips and shifting himself so my butt is, in no uncertain terms, on his lap. The humming has changed into a vibration I can feel moving under my skin, over my muscles. I can't help the small gasp that escapes me and he smiles.

"Does that feel good?" His voice rumbles around my bones as a current of _something_ shoots from my head to my toes. Biting my lower lip I moan and nod frantically. He's yet to break eye contact. His soft, black hair swings as he nods along with me. Like he understands.

Ben's hands release me only to grasp his sweater and pull it off of his body. Underneath he's wearing a black sleeveless shirt that exquisitely shows off every muscle from his neck to his waist, shoulders to wrists. The dark cloth only helps to emphasize just how crazy big he is. Like a marble statue come to life. The way his black eyes, hair and beauty marks adorn him. Light and dark mixed perfectly together to form this ivory mountain of a man. He's freaking huge! The lines and contours of muscle and bone like a blueprint...showing off every inch of him. A trickle of fear runs through me. I've never seen this much of his skin before and now I realize what a travesty that is. Even when he taught me how to swim he wore a T-shirt.

"Don't be afraid." He coos at me. "I feel it, too." The humming changes again, the feeling sinking even more into my body. "I'd never hurt you, Sweetheart." His promise brings tears to my eyes. His hands cover my knees, thumbs slipping between them so my legs open a little. And with utter humiliation, I notice that I'm wet... _down there._ Shit.

Separating my legs even more Ben draws in a huge breath and I swear his eyes roll to the back of his head. "You smell devine." His voice is raspy and his scent...he smells more strongly of a campfire. His hands are back at my hips, fingers wrapping around what part of my waist and ass he can get to. My legs widen, enough for him to get between. And he does, just not the way I think. He's still in the same position, technically kneeling between my legs because he's leaning towards me, my butt still on his lap however, I'm several inches from _it._ Ben begins to lift my hips into the air, gently, just a small movement. The humming changes again and the fingertip caress feeling comes back, tracing patterns on my neck, my stomach, my legs. Up and down, matching the actual movements of my waist being moved. We're practically dry humping except for the fact that those two very specific places aren't even touching. Maybe he's not getting aroused by any of this.

The caress moves to my chest; above, around and below my breasts. It's exquisite torture until finally the sensation flutters over my already hard nipples. At first the touch is gentle, more of a question. It's only when I moan that it becomes more of a plucking sensation. "Ben!"

"Mmm..." He answers and immediately resumes humming again.

The energy slips downward, settling into my abdomen. It feels like warm water, comforting and soothing but the excitement is still there. And something inside me, deep inside, tucked away into a dark corner nearly forgotten begins to unfurl toward him. I'm warm all over, most likely sweating which is not a good look for me. Ben doesn't seem to mind. His shining eyes are still locked on mine. He releases a guttural groan. "I need to hear it...that you want this. If you don't, tell me now."

"I want this, Ben." I whimper.

He releases my waist and bends forward, covering my body with his, holding his weight on his elbows. Obsidian eyes roam over my face and the room is quiet save for our breathing. Is he searching for doubt? Fear? Because they're no longer present. So I raise a hand to his face, my fingers gliding over his nose, his lips. "Whatever this is Ben, I want it."

A shuddering sigh leaves him. "Then it's yours, Sweetheart." He whispers. He begins to hum again only this time it's deeper, richer and a throb of desire floods from my abdomen to my womanhood. This _thing,_ this ghostly touch, this wanton caress is more sure now. Like water against the shore it laps at my clit only to retreat back from where it came and onto me again. Of all of the times I've touched myself to thoughts of Ben, I never quite pictured _this_. I thought I'd at least feel his skin against mine. But somehow, in the innocence of this it's even more erotic. I'm fully clothed, trapped between the floor and him hovering over me and yet I've never felt more naked...or more secure. But still, I want to feel him. To touch him, even in the simplest of ways. I need more.

I slide my hands down his face, over his neck and run the scent glands there. I have no idea what I'm doing but it has the desired effect. His body is lowered so it's completely against mine. With great joy and some shock, I can feel that Ben is hard at the apex of my legs. Unabashedly so. His face is so close to mine I know he's reading my expression, once again searching for fear.

**Alpha wants us.**

"Ben."

His mouth attacks mine. It's almost savage, the way his tongue pushes into me. Like he's dying of thirst and I'm a cool glass of water. I grasp his shoulders, forcing him as close to me as possible, holding onto him like he's an anchor. He fucking groans into my mouth and I swear can feel my teeth rattle. It sets off a chain reaction. Liquid heat slips out of me when he guides my legs around his hips. And holy shit, his hard cock is _there_ , pressing against me through our clothes. Ben nips my lower lip as he ends our kiss and buries his face in my neck. I'm pinned beneath his unmoving form and he resumes his deep humming. Electricity zaps throughout my body, wave after wave sent straight to my core.

"Ben?"

My body knows something is going on here, but my brain is slow to comprehend. We're not even dry humping. We're just laying here. But I know, somehow, someway, he's inside of me. A vibration hits me hard causing my toes to curl. I _contract_ before the wave is gone again, out of my reach. A half-whine, half-hum sound comes from my chest and there's an answering growl from him as he pulls the collar of my shirt aside and licks the scent glan. Fuck!

**Alpha!**

My nails have dug into his back, the muscles there flexing. A deep moan of lust against my ear. "Shit...Rey."

I squirm beneath him, trying to get him to finally _move_. It's useless. The man is a redwood. But a different response is given. The vibrations speed up. I'm sent into a tailspin, floundering for purchase. I'm panting, bolts flowing through me until they are focused on the small button of nerves between my legs. Such torturous precision.

"Ben!"

"Reach out, Sweetheart. Fuuuck. I won't do this without you. C'mon baby. It's yours. Take it." He's grunting as if I'm doing something to him.

My chest aches. Like how you feel when you've finally gone for a run after not running for a while. The usage of muscles. I've been so wrapped up in what Ben has been doing to me that I've missed it. The other sound. A higher hum, answering him. From me. It's automatic, like breathing. One look at Ben and I know whatever it is I've been doing is right. His hair is tossled, there's a fine sheet of sweat on his skin and he looks as ruined as I feel. I will not be a greedy lover...if that's what this is. I focus on him and make a conscious decision to _give pleasure._ I see his mouth drop open for a second before he realizes that _I know._ I grab the front of his shirt and shove my mouth against his mating gland and I hum as if my life depends upon it. He gasps before a long, almost pained groan fills the air.

Suddenly his hand is in my hair and he's tugging me away from his neck. The look he gives me is pure fucking sin. _This_ is all alpha. The Solo smirk. "You first." He grunts and releases a wave of hums that shoot straight to my core. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.

Come.

The head of a pin.

One pulse.

Reach out.

"So fucking good."

Two.

Grasp it.

"God, Rey."

Three.

Silence.

Nothing.

The waves crash through me and I'm tossed about, screaming and gasping for air. I'm a supernova, liquid heat gushing from my body. I'm contracting and relaxing around nothing **so empty** but Ben...Ben...Ben...

"BEN!"

"REY!" It's a roar that rattles through me.

The waves ebb slowly away and I twitch with aftershocks. I feel myself being moved, rolled over onto my side and a heavy arm wraps around my waist. My face pressed against a chest I know all too well. I'm safe and warm and bone tired. A gentle kiss to my forehead.

"Sleep, Sunshine."

It's easy to slip away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well? I hope you found this chapter worth at least some of the wait. I know it's probably not the smut everyone was hoping for but please remember that Ben is playing the long game. This is my first printed smut scene outside of masturbation so please be gentle. 
> 
> Now you know why I had a hell of a time coming up with a tag for this chapter. They didn't actually physically do anything, but there's a ton of mental smut...that has physical benefits. 
> 
> Lol. Can't wait for the comments on this chapter.


	26. Li'l Red Riding Hood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff. Some food. More smut lite. And a surprise at the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys!!! Over 7,000 hits! I just...can't even. Thank you all so much for reading this. I finally began sleeping more than four hours a night about three days ago. I'm hoping that if it keeps up, I'll be able to write and put out new chapters on a more regular basis. But we'll see where it leads.

**Song Title: Li'l Red Riding Hood**

**Artist: Sam The Sham & The Pharaohs**

**Album: Li'l Re Riding Hood**

October, 2020

_Autumn has finally hit Theed. The air is cool and crisp, the once green leaves are beginning to turn. Pretty soon it's going to be Pumpkin Spice everything and everyone will be talking about Halloween. Then on the ass end of that...Christmas. No one even bothers waiting anymore. For almost two months it'll be nothing but Christmas trees, decorations, songs, peppermint flavored everything. Snow covered cars and icy streets, drivers that have somehow forgotten that yes, ice is slick...car accidents. Drunk drivers. People going out of their minds to get their kids this year's_ it _gift. Consumerism at its finest. It makes me want to vomit. Maybe because the last holiday where I was happy was when I was nine. Back then I still believed in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny...hell, even the tooth fairy. But it was more likely that the cause of my happiness was the four-year-old girl who always had a hug for me. And then my world fell apart._

_I'm trying not to think about my childhood and the misery it was anymore. Rey has returned. She's been here for a little over four months and she already looks better. Healthier. Maz and Chewie are taking excellent care of her. She started waitressing not too long ago. Already knows how I like my coffee. She's good at it. Doesn't hover. Knows when to leave you alone so you can eat. But she never really smiles. Not true ones, anyway. At work she's quiet, expedient and distant. More than once I've watched her flinch when someone moves too quickly near her or when someone touches her. My mate suffers from the mental scars of her physical abuse. So when she waits on me I make sure to move slowly, keep my voice at a normal tone and never touch her. The last one is the hardest. I want to embrace her and protect her from the world. But she'd never allow it._

_It's the annual bonfire party at Poe's house. He's been doing this ever since we were eighteen but of course, I missed a couple of years. I try not to think too much about that time, either. It's not that I regret what I've done, it's just...back then we all thought Rey was dead. That he and some others at very least had a hand in her death. That's why I did what I did. I feel no sense of guilt. But I know that perhaps one day, I may have to explain it to her. What I did and why I did it. What will she think? Will she even care? Will I be a monster in her eyes? Will she see me as a murderer? Perhaps she'll find it within herself to forgive me. It had been a decade, after all. Ten years of living without her, of rumors. Tales of where she and her parents had been sighted then turned to rumors they'd been taken, snatched up, forever gone to whispers that Palpatine's lap dog, Snoke, had killed them. He'd killed my mate. My best friend. My Sunshine would never come home. So I destroyed him. And any others that had stood in my way._

_Pulling into Poe's driveway I already see at least a dozen vehicles. The party has barely begun and I can already tell it's going to be a helluva night. I park my truck and grab the case of beer I brought. Getting drunk is kinda difficult for shifters. It usually requires strong alcohol in vast quantities slammed quickly but even with our high metabolisms it doesn't last very long. I only imbibe a couple times a year and rarely get drunk. I'll probably have two or three beers over the next few hours and let everyone else have the rest. Entering the house I head for the kitchen finding Poe and Finn. They've been a couple for a while now but they haven't mated yet._

"Hey, Solo!" _Finn calls out and smiles._

"Hey Finn." _I set my beer on the counter._ "My contribution."

_Finn sniggers._ "I hope you didn't strain yourself."

"May have pulled a muscle." _I give him the finger._

"Such a beast!" _He playfully retorts._ "You should save it for the ladies."

"What ladies?" _I ask, opening the case._

"Well, more like _lady._ Singular." _Poe wraps an arm around Finn's shoulder._ "I think we should tell him."

"Tell me what?"

"Nah. I want to see the look on his face." _Finn objects._

_Opening the bottle I take a swig._ "The hell are you talking about?"

_Poe gives me one of_ those _smiles. I hate it when he does that because usually what comes next ends up being trouble...for me._ "See for yourself." _He nods at the kitchen window._

_Looking out the window I scan the group of people. More have shown up in the few minutes I've been here. Even now I can see the new arrivals walking into the back yard. But then I see Rey. She and Rose are sitting next to each other by the bonfire, orange light illuminating their faces. Rose shows Rey something on her phone and they both start laughing._

**_Mate is here! Smiling, laughing! This is good._ **

_This is the first time I've seen her away from home or the diner. Separate from Chewie and Maz. She looks relaxed. Comfortable. This is good. Rey needs this. Companionship. Fun. To live a life of normalicy after so many years of...no, I won't think about that tonight._

"How did you talk her into coming here?" _I ask._

"Well," _Finn starts, looking pleased with himself._ "It was actually pretty easy. Rose and I just suggested that she'd have fun. We also told her that nothing bad would happen since at least a couple of cops would be here, even if they're off duty."

"You didn't."

"Oh, I did." _Finn smirks._ "She seemed...interested in that little tidbit of information."

"Maker." _I sigh. Taking a sip of my beer, reality slams into me._ "You...invited a minor to a party with alcohol."

_The smile slips off Finn's face._ "Umm..."

"She's nineteen, Ben." _Poe huffs._

"Yes. And the legal drinking age is twenty-one. She's a _minor._ " _I look back to Rey just as she brings a solo cup to her lips. Shit._ "What is she drinking?"

_Poe chuckles._ "Man, we were stealing beer from Han when we were sixteen. Relax."

_My shoulders tense._ "That was different."

"Oh really? How so?"

"Because we weren't being beaten by an alcoholic asshole!" _I spit._

"Hey." _Finn interrupts._ "We told her that there'd be alcohol here. Rosie is her ride and isn't drinking. Rey said she's okay with it. And FYI, she's drinking a Shirley Temple. She's never had one before. Rey is fine."

_A long sigh escapes me._ "That's not the point. I'm a cop. If this..."

"It won't. Jesus Ben, chill out." _Poe rolls his eyes._

"But what if..."

"Okay, enough." _Poe shakes his head._ "If you're so worried, why don't you go down there and save her from the memes Rose is undoubtedly showing her? Or from the baby animal pics? We're planning on making S'mores later. It could be anarchy." _Taking Finn's hand he urges,_ "C'mon baby. Let's go warm up."

_They leave me alone in the kitchen. I'm an idiot._

* * *

_One hour and a beer later, I decide to head out to the fire. I need to apologize to Finn and Poe. I overreacted. Poe is a good alpha, always has been. And Rose and Finn have become Rey's friends...well, as close to friends as Rey has allowed. Poe's right. I need to chill out. I walk to the group and find them._

"Sorry. It's just...Plutt drank a lot and would beat her. I just want her to feel safe in these situations." _I explain, sullen._

"Look buddy, I get it." _Poe slaps me on the back._ "Your mate has returned and your alpha wants to hide her away so nothing else bad will happen to her. You want to protect Rey." _He tilts his head to where Rose and Rey are, over at one of the tables grabbing some food and non-alcoholic drinks._ "But as you can see, everything's fine. She finally feels confident enough to do something with her peers. Locking her away will only make it worse...especially since she wouldn't understand. So, why don't you just go talk to her?"

_We've only really spoken a couple of times when our families weren't around. I do want to get to know her better. Maybe...I could ask her if she'd like to go see a movie...or something. I'd just really like to talk to her more. Find out what she likes and dislikes. Maybe take her to places she's never been before. Give her new experiences, if she wants them. I need to prove to her that I'm a good alpha._

_Rose has moved away from Rey and I know why. Hux has just walked into the backyard. But now my Sunshine is alone and she looks a little lost. Time to make a move. I walk to the other side of the bonfire until I'm standing beside her._ "Is this seat taken?"

_Rey looks up at me from the chair she's sitting in. The orange flames of the fire sets off the tan of her skin that isn't covered up by her hoodie and jeans. She looks relaxed, comfortable even. Except she's shivering slightly like she did at the hospital. Rey has yet to acclimate to the weather here and it's only going to get colder._

"N-no. You can s-sit."

_I ease myself into the chair next to her, hoping the flimsy metal can hold my weight. Where do I start?_ "Is this your first bonfire?" _Stupid._

"Yeah. In Jakku there wasn't enough trees to do something like this. And even if there had been, someone would have found something more useful to do with them besides burning them."

"Well, then you're in for a double treat tonight." _I announce as I remove my jean jacket and slip it over her shoulders. **Mate should never be cold.**_ "Because, and I'm assuming here, you've never had S'mores."

_Her nose scrunches._ "No, I haven't. What are they?"

"Warm marshmallows and chocolate squeezed between two graham crackers. We'll need to find a couple of good sticks to roast the marshmallows."

"Okay. Should we look now?"

"I think that's a wonderful idea." _She smiles at me. One of her real smiles._

_It doesn't take us long to find sticks. I'm impressed by her sharp eye. Rey seems to have a knack for finding things, even when she's unsure about what exactly it is she's looking for. She races ahead of me, looking absolutely adorable in my jacket that's too large for her, her head whipping back and forth until she finds two perfect sticks._

_After pilfering ingredients we sit by the fire once again._ "Okay, so, I don't like my marshmallows burnt. I like mine warm enough to melt the chocolate a little. A golden brown, if you will. Now, watch me." _I skewer the white blob on the end of the stick and hold it to the fire, rotating it slowly. Rey follows suit._

"You don't strike me as someone who enjoys sweets." _She says while staring into the fire._

"Hmm...well, there's a lot about me you don't know."

"True."

_I show her how to put the S'mores together. Her first bite is something to behold. Hazel eyes widen before fluttering shut. I swallow as she moans. Maker, does she even know she's doing it? There's a spot of chocolate on her bottom lip that I have a strong desire to lick off._

_That night, under the clear sky filled with stars, beside a roaring fire I get several real smiles from Rey. So I do what I can. I stuff her with sweets and drinks. At some point, Finn takes a picture of us. In it, Rey and I are looking at each other._

_A few days later, a copy of the picture sits in a frame on my bookshelf. Somehow, it reassures me that I'm not dreaming. That Rey is real. That she's home._

* * *

March, 2023

I wake slowly, languidly, my arms wrapped around the now familiar figure of my mate. She's so _small. Mine._ _Protect._ The room smells heavily of us. Of arousal. My eyes snap open. We're in her nest. Warm. Safe. I'm spooning her, that perfect little ass firmly against my crotch. It takes every ounce of control I have to not thrust against her. I kiss the side of her neck instead, nosing sound her scent gland. Fuck. So good. Aaand...now I'm hard. Shit. Rey's gonna be the death of me.

She wakes slightly, twisting in my embrace, rolling over until she's facing me. I run a hand down her back, the softness of her shirt catching on my calloused fingertips. A sigh. Snuggling her body close to mine, her hair free. Little One is fighting to stay asleep.

A quiet grunt of surrender passes through her lips before her eyes flutter open, their hazel depths locking onto mine. "Hi."

"Hi." I brush her hair away from her face. "How do you feel?"

"Mmm...good." She stretches until her joints pop. "Ben..." a sweet blush paints itself across her freckled cheeks. "Last night, did we...have shifter sex?"

My eyebrows lift in surprise. No one's explained this to her yet? "If we'd had sex, I think we'd both know."

Her expression goes blank then crumples into confusion. "But I felt...I mean, I know I..." she swallows. "Then what exactly _did_ we do?"

I take her hand in mine, kissing each knuckle while I consider how best to explain it. "There's no word or phrase for it. At least not in human vocabulary. We...shared ourselves, our energy. 'Mental intimacy with physical benefits' would be as close to a description as possible."

"So we didn't...?" She waves a hand.

"No." I hold back a laugh. "Shifters have sex the same way humans do."

"Oh." Is that disappointment in her voice?

"Did you like it? What we did?" Please mate, don't hate me. 

"I thought it was obvious." Wide hazel eyes meet mine. There's more green to them, just like last night when we were..."I told you I did."

"Things can change in the light of day. Regrets may form." I mumble.

"I don't regret it." She smiles softly. "I really liked it."

"Yeah?" Relief washes through me.

"Yeah."

I kiss her. I can't help it. She's warm and here, smelling of me and _us._ Of happiness and arousal. Of come. I made mate come. Rey tastes like honey. Alpha pride surges through my veins and I want to pound my chest like a caveman. Her hands are in my hair tugging gently in that way that makes me turn to putty while our tongues clash with each other. Maker have mercy because I'm so hard...it's all too perfect...matematemate...want our clothes off want to be inside, let me worship you Little One, I'll give you everything just accept me.

"Are you going to start humming again?" Her giggle is infectious.

_Oh fuck._ "You want me to?" She bites her bottom lip. Kylo is ready to pounce. So am I. Dipping my head I force Rey to look at me. The hypnotic jade green has taken over most of her irises. I have my answer. "Ahh...you do." I roll us so she's beneath me again, her long legs automatically open and wrap around my waist.

**Mate is perfect! Must worship!**

"Is that how you'd like to start your day?" I nuzzle my face into her neck, flicking my tongue against her pulse point. "With a little hummer?" Her enthusiastic nod makes me groan.

A nervous giggle of excitement taps her breasts rapidly against my chest. Gripping the blankets beneath us I try to force the thought of tearing her shirt off from my mind.

**We should worship mate's breasts.**

_Not helping!_

There's a sharp pull on my hair as she yanks my head up. "Yes." Rey dives into my neck, her soft sweet humming, delicate and unfocused running over me. I'd almost believe she's teasing me but she isn't. Doesn't know how. My innocent temptress. Such a good girl.

"God, Rey." I sputter before sending my own wave of pleasure to her. "Do that again, Sunshine."

"Ben." She gasps into my skin. Her lythe body squirms beneath me and I fully lay on her. The scent of rain fills the room but it only causes my blood to burn and pound through my veins. Short nails plant themselves into my back, through my shirt, keeping me where I belong.

Unadulterated desire to feel more of her, of her skin against mine courses through me as our humming intensifies. Pulling the collar of her shirt aside I bury my nose in her scent gland, my tongue tapping against the skin surrounding it. My senses are overloaded with Rey, of Night Blossoms and honey and the pure, cleansing smell of a spring rain all contained in skin so soft and warm. A beautiful blush has taken hold of her tan skin, the effort, the pleasure, the sweet fucking agony of our non-physical love mowing us over again, snatching us from the safety of a shore we both stand on.

Sparks of ecstasy erupt through me, _through us_ as she throws one last hum directly onto my neck, begging me to fall with her. I swear I feel the room shake as Rey screams her orgasm, my roar of completion joining her voice. Hot streams of spend loose themselves in my pants once again, desperately seeking her, _mate._

I love you, Rey. 

* * *

When I wake again, Rey is half laying on me. Her head is on my chest, a leg and arm thrown over me. Her room positively reeks of us. Good. She is mine. I am hers. It's that simple. That easy. The way it should always be. Except...only some of that is true. Until she says so...until she accepts me...

Her stomach growls. "Sorry." The word is whispered sleepily into my chest.

"You didn't eat dinner last night. I'm surprised your stomach has waited this long to complain." I run my fingers through her hair, easing the tangles out.

"I'm just so comfortable. Who knew your chest would make such an agreeable pillow?" Rey says between yawns.

"Mmm." I chuckle. "We need to eat. After, we can come right back and nap."

She lifts her head and raises a disbelieving eyebrow at me. "Only nap?"

That's the question, isn't it? We aren't together in the romantic sense but we're more than just friends. We've been caught in this in between place for a while now. I'd ask her if we could date but that's too informal. And I can't ask her if we could court officially because she doesn't yet know that I imprinted on her. Nor does she understand that we're technically engaged. Only when she chooses me of her own free will can that happen. "How about we see where the day takes us?"

Rey simply nods and sits up. "Well right now the day is ordering me to take a shower. I'm sure I smell terrible."

"We smell like each other and you call it terrible!" I fake offense and clutch my non-existent string of pearls.

"You know what I mean." Her sharp elbow jabs into my side.

"I do. Meet you in the hallway in twenty minutes?"

Her smile lights up the room. "Sounds good."

* * *

Rey hasn't left her room and it's been half an hour. She's done showering, I heard the water turn off a while ago. What is she doing? I finally decide to knock on her bedroom door, because now _my_ stomach is growling. There's no answer. I knock again. Silence. But then I hear it, a sniffle. Twisting the handle I find it to be unlocked and I enter her room. She's not on the bed or in her nest. The bathroom door is closed. I knock on it, worried. "Sunshine, come on I'm starving."

"You go ahead. I'll be down soon." Her voice is slightly muffled but something else catches my attention. It sounded like a short whistle when she said 'soon'.

"Rey?" I turn the doorknob only to have it stop short. Locked. "Open the door."

"No. Just...damn it! Go away, please." The strange whistling punctuates her speech. 

"Open. The. Door. Or I'll kick it down." My alpha instincts are climbing through me, scratching the surface of my brain.

"Fucking leave me alone! Owww!" She half cries, half yells.

That settles it. "Never." I growl as I kick the door in.

My little omega's face is awash with horror. Her hands snap up to cover her mouth. She isn't mad...she's scared. Wide, jade eyes meet mine. They narrow. "You just couldn't resist, had to see for yourself." The odd whistling is accompanied by a compulsion. By anger. By shame. A flash of bared teeth.

It's curious, the things your mind latches onto. How her loose hair is still damp. The shape of her short nails. The scent of her anger as it shifts from fear. How her body coils, ready for a fight. The two thin trickles of blood running down her chin...the puncture marks on her lower lip.

"Sunshine?" The word trembles from me.

Her sweet face breaks into a terrible smile. Identical twin fangs, born from her incisors, hang glistening, slightly longer than normal...ready to bite...to _tear._ A feral snarl rips from her chest, challenging and dominant. My response is immediate. Hair standing on end, my cock fills with blood making me harder than steel as I growl back at her.

Rey tilts her head to the side, her tongue licking its way down one fang slowly. Her expression is eerily reminiscent of when she began presenting...how she had stopped Luke...no, not stopped...co _mmanded._ "Oh shit."

She launches herself at me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All in favor of hating me for leaving you with another cliffhanger say "aye"! 🙋♀️ I hate it, too. 🤣


	27. Oh No!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags for this chapter:  
> Attempted sexual assault (memory)  
> Violence (memory)  
> Medical restraints/gurney

**Song: Oh No!**

**Artist: MARINA**

**Album: The Family Jewels**

I'm dreaming again. I know because I'm sitting at mom and dad's dining room table, the hard, dark wood solid and familiar beneath my hands. It's quiet save for the clock ticking away in the living room. I love this place, this house. The first time I ever felt cared for, cared _about_ , was here. As much as Niima helped to shape me, so I could learn to fight, to survive, home has done the opposite. Here's where my heart opened, where my walls began to fall. To be loved and to love in return.

She sits across from me, a girl I know so well. Looking like me and altogether not, sharp green eyes that don't miss a thing, head tipped to the side. A secretive smile plays on her lips. She seems to have all the answers to my as of yet unasked questions. But that is a lie. Behind her assuredness, her confidence, she is flailing. Kira has a death grip on our lives and even as I watch her fingers are slipping. We are separate, yet one.

The deck of cards is spread out on the table between us.

_**"You know what to do."** _

_"Pick a card, any card?"_

She nods.

_"Why aren't you showing me this when I'm awake? What's changed?"_

Kira swallows. _**"Don't worry about that now. Concentrate on this."**_

With a shaking hand I reach out and choose a card. I watch her as I slide it across the table toward me. Her face pinches in anger...in shame. Turning it over I see the memory. But this isn't something I've forgotten. _"No."_

**_"I'm so sorry."_ **

My surroundings blur and then sharply focus. I'm back in my own private hell. _Niima._ The sun is high and scorching in the cloudless sky, the stink of grease and baking metal. The fucking junkyard. Why am I back here? Why show me this place again? Kira stares at me as if trying to tell me something. But I don't understand, not until...her eyes cast down and to the left, to the ground, or more importantly, what's lying there. My blood runs cold as realization takes hold. I know _exactly_ what day this is.

Fear.

The world is falling, no, I am as something slams into my back.

Terror.

As the ground rushes up to catch me.

Pain.

The dry, rough gravel bites into my chest.

Fight.

I'm being rolled over, held down, my ears are ringing and please no, no, no!

**"No!"**

An almost inhuman sound rips up through my throat at the same time something (someone) tears its way out of me. Control over my own body is loose at best as memories flood through my brain. A knee to the groin. A pained, surprised gasp as Teedo falls toward me. Anger, fresh and hot beats a war drum as my teeth...no, _fangs_ sink into his shoulder. My hand flashes out, gripping the crowd bar as I swing. The satisfying sound as metal connects with flesh and bone. He slumps over, onto the ground. There's blood. Why did I only remember the crow bar before?

I stand and look at Kira. She stares back at me, her face full of agony. Her mouth opens and that horrible, nightmarish voice from my dreams rings out. The one that isn't hers.

**YOU MUST FORGET!**

We're back at the dining room table.

_"That...person. He found me, didn't he?"_

**_"Palpatine. Yes."_ **

* * *

Humid wind whips through my hair. I love this place. It's so colorful. What did Ben call it? Ahch-To? That's it. Where the shifters came from originally. I wonder why they ever left. The island is so peaceful. The sound of the vast ocean is an ever constant white noise, charming and elegant.

"My bonnie lies over the ocean..." 

I turn and Kira is standing beside me, smiling.

_"Did you...?"_

**_"What?"_ **

_"Never mind."_

"You dream of an ocean. And an island."

The laughter of children carries on the wind.

_**"I thought you'd like to see this."** _

"C'mon, kids! Let's take a picture before we leave!" Han's voice rings out.

Younger versions of Ben and I run out from behind a hut made of stone and mud, our hands linked. We look so happy, so carefree as our feet splash through shallow puddles. The sun's rays fall upon us, showing off the red in Ben's short hair that barely reaches the top of his large ears. He's so cute, so...protective as he grips my hand tighter when I slip on the rain soaked grass. We pick our way up the incline, avoiding boulders and exposed roots.

Standing before the pale tree, our hands locked together like a lifeline, we smile at Han, at the camera. A few flashes go off, holding this moment frozen for eternity.

* * *

Confusion.

Fear.

"Astrid take Rey and run. Run!"

An angry snarl. Protective.

"Kill the omega. Don't hurt the girl."

The smell of pine.

Arms scooping me up, carrying me away. I close my eyes.

"It's going to be okay, baby."

A lie.

"My bonnie lies over the sea..."

Thundering footsteps.

"No!"

* * *

I'm thrown unceremoniously into consciousness. Sweat pours from my skin. This isn't what I'd expected nor hoped for, but I'll take it all the same. My limbs feel heavy and an unknown clang echoes through the space I've entered. Heartbeat increases as adrenaline begins to flow. "Where am I?"

A catch of breath from the opposite side of the room. The quiet, clear voice reaches me easily. "You're my guest." Shadows stretch and separate, revealing a predator amongst their ranks. _Him._ Although I technically see him all the time, it's like looking through frosted glass. I can only see the shape of him, but it's solid and clear. More...emotions than an actual physical confirmation.

"Alpha?"

"Hello, Omega." He breaks away from the darkness until he's in full view. And he is _magnificent._ So beautiful every cell of my being aches for him. Ebony eyes track over me, searching for clues. "How do you feel?" His voice is the gentlest of caresses.

"I don't..." looking around I find I'm not in my room. This place is empty, sterile. The reek of soap and antiseptic burns my nose. "Why am I here?"

"You don't remember?" He sits on the bed beside me. "What's the last thing you can recall?"

"We were in the nest...no, wait," Closing my eyes I dig through memories. "The shower. I was in the shower. And I felt something sharp...oh god!" I try to cover my mouth with my hands only to find they're cuffed to the bed. I'm in medical restraints...on a gurney. A fissure of fear runs up my spine. "Did I..." I'm starting to panic. "What did I do?"

"You jumped me." The alpha chuckles. "Well, more like you growled at me then flung yourself into my arms. It was incredibly insightful, to see and hear the truth of things."

I can feel my face turning red. "What did I say?"

"Something about biting a certain part of my anatomy."

"I didn't!" I practically wail.

"Oh, you did." He hums. "And with those little fangs of yours, I almost let you."

Horror sweeps through me. I'd hoped I was imagining things. "I have fangs."

"Not for about an hour now." He looks at his watch. "Too bad...they seem to have retracted. They're adorable." He begins to undo the cuffs. "You were, and remain fearful that for some reason, I'd find fault with something that is organically... _you._ " A wicked smile erupts on his face. "While some may be concerned with this latest...addition...I'm not. Truth be told, I think your fangs are the sexiest things I've ever seen in my life." Strong, steady fingers massage my wrists, encouraging blood flow into my digits. "I must admit, your scent is..." biting his lip he ducks his head, "May I?"

**Alpha wants to smell us!**

I nod and turn my head, making it easier for him to find my scent gland.

His nose grazes my neck as it runs from just under my earlobe down my artery to my shoulder until he finds his target. "Jesus." He utters, taking a heafty breath in.

The scent of campfire washes over me and something inside me moves... _shifts._ My mouth begins to water and I feel _them_ descend. Fangs. My eyesight changes and sharpens. The little things I couldn't see before now come into focus. Ben's usually tame wavy hair looks slightly wild. His black eyes have flecks of gold in them. That's when the obviousness of it all slaps me in the face. This isn't Ben. 

"K-Kylo?"

A pleased smile breaks over his face. "Hello, Little One."

Happiness and oddly...relief barrel through me.

**Alpha!**

I bite my lip and pain blossoms from the puncture wounds. A whine escapes me.

"Shh...shh...it's okay. Don't be afraid. It's alright." Kylo coos at me. "Just breathe, Little One. You're okay."

Fangs, fangs, fangs! I can't stop the panic that begins to swell. Freak! Monster! I have fucking fangs!

"No, no Little One. Don't go there." He places his head against my chest, wrapping his arms around me. Large, warm hands sweep up and down my back as he releases a pur so deep and heavenly it falls over me like a blanket. Soft, protective.

I relax. The wonderful rumble of his purring is like a drug, one that I'm happy to take. The panic is pushed away by this massive man, comfort and care taking its place.

He pulls away and cups my face in his palms. "You are perfect. Never think differently. I know that this is a lot to take in. But you are not a freak." Kissing my cheeks he sighs. "This doesn't define you. And quite frankly, I like your fangs."

I sniffle wetly. "Really?"

"Really." The sweetest smile erupts on his face. "Plase don't be afraid of this. It's part of who you are. Your omega isn't a separate entity from you. You and Kira are one. Two halves of a whole. She's just more..."

"Instinctual?" I ask. There's a weird whistle.

"Yes." Kylo nods. "Please don't hate her."

"I don't. It's just..." Another whistle. "How am I supposed to get used to this?!" Yet more whistling.

"Well, now you can call me like a dog." Then he starts giggling. Like a little kid.

Damn it. I can't help it. I begin laughing, too. "I think I need help."

"You just need some time. Maybe a teacher."

"A teacher?"

"None of us are born knowing everything, especially how to be a shifter." He explains. "I know how to be one by watching others as I grew up."

My brows furrow. "I guess that makes sense." I roll my eyes at the whistles.

"I...could show you a few things, if you'd like." He says shyly.

"Like what?" I'm curious now.

"Well, first things first. Certain things can trigger shifters. When I left to shower this morning, how were you feeling? Scared? Angry? Maybe stressed?"

"No." I answer. "Honestly, I was...happy."

"But?"

"Yeah, okay maybe a little nervous. I was thinking about last night and this morning. About how you said regrets could form the morning after. I guess I got worried. I...I was thinking that maybe you would regret what happened."

"Okay." He rubs his hands down his legs. "First of all, I don't regret it and never will, so please put that out of your mind if you can. Second, strong emotions, no matter what you're feeling can trigger a shift."

"But this isn't a shift, just fangs." I argue.

Kylo shrugs. "This may be as far as you can shift, whether for just now or for the rest of your life. Your fangs descended again a little while ago. What were you feeling then?"

"I wasn't feeling any particular way..." My eyes widen. "It was your scent!"

"Oh." He's surprised. "Um...that's..." An enormous smile curves his lips. "I have an idea. We could try something. For science."

I giggle. "Seriously? For science?" Four loud whistles crack through the room. This is going to give me a headache. My mind is made up. "Yep, okay."

"Good." Kylo gets excited. "I'm going to sit here..." he moves so he's sitting lotus style in the middle of the bed, facing me. "You should sit this way too." He explains. I copy him. "Good. Now I'd like to try one thing. It's...kinda like humming. We'll just see how you react. Okay?"

"What if I hurt you?"

"If I'm right about this, the worst thing that will happen is you may growl and jump into my arms again."

"What if I try to bite a certain part of your anatomy again?"

"I won't let you." He chuckles. "So, what do you think?"

"Okay, I'm in."

"Alright. Now I'll go first. This is completely normal, no matter how you feel. Just remember that." Kylo leans in, "I'm just going to do what I did before...smell you."

I nod and turn my face so he has better access to it again. He does the same thing as before, running his nose down my neck to my scent gland where he takes a deep breath. A baritone growl emits from him. I don't feel like I'm in any danger. I feel safe and turned on.

"Could...could you growl for me again?" He asks.

An inhuman sound crawls up and out of my throat.

"Oh yeah...that's the good stuff." Alpha moans into my ear. "Sweet omega." He's peppering my shoulder with kisses. "Such a good girl."

My eyes cross as pleasure tears through me. Why are those words so erotic? His nose and mouth are buried (sadly) against my clothed breastbone. Why isn't he touching me? I mean, I have boobs...kind of. Why doesn't alpha taste them? "Please?"

Kylo let's a growl loose that curls my toes in excitement. "Need to get you back to the nest. Hate it here."

**Nest good. Here bad.**

"Yes, please!"

I'm quickly yet gently lifted out of bed, strong arms holding me as if I am the most precious thing in the world. We're out of the sterile room and down the hallway before I can blink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Just wanted to let you know that this and the next chapter are what I call "filler chapters". I've decided against writing about everything that happens in the next few weeks before the Selection happens. It would be much too boring to write and read about our favorite couple's daily grind. This chapter was kinda brutal for me, as I didn't know exactly where I wanted things to go. I hope you're not disappointed. Hope you are doing well. Much love!


	28. Who Will Save the Sane?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anger is more useful than despair. Sometimes, we all need a boot to the ass. Also, we get another look at alpha Ben/Kylo. Ben and Rey aren't really nice to each other in this one. Remember everyone, this is rated explicit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for sticking with me through this. Much love!  
> This chapter has been about a three week time jump since the last chapter. Also, I didn't want to write about the evey day things they did, so I'll only make vague reference to some of them. Rey has been training with the Knights as well as doing her daily stuff.

Chapter tags:

Violence (brief and no one gets hurt)

**Song: Who Will Save the Sane?**

**Artist: Type O Negative**

**Album: World Coming Down**

The last three days have just...sucked. With Ben and the Knights along with other alphas taking shifts to make sure the borders of Theed are secure, my time has been painful and boring. Lor San Tekka is the spawn of Satan. I now know and understand every piece of etiquette and protocol. I'm truly astounded that I'm capable of stringing a proper sentence together since my brain is filled with such asinine information. I've learned everything from how to curtsey properly (really?!), to how to waltz (I'm going to bust an ankle, I just know it) to the difference between a salad fork and a dinner fork (honestly, I _still_ can't see the difference).

The royal seamstress (what. the. fuck?) has taken my measurements three times now because, according to her, I must "simply look perfect for the Selection". I thought my eyes were going to fall out of my head from rolling them so hard when she said that. I'm not sure what pisses me off more: that I _have_ to wear a dress (stupid customs!) or that I'm not allowed to wear my retractable baton (because gasp! It's inappropriate to bash an alpha over the head when they try to sniff you.) So in the end I caved and picked a beautiful dress but made a few adjustments to it. Much to the chagrin of aforementioned seamstress. Whatever.

I'm pouting. I know I am. In the grand scheme of things, wearing a dress and eating with the correct fork aren't that big of a deal. But I can't help it. Why the hell do I even need to go to the Selection? "Because you're an unmated omega." Had been the answer. I answered with a very unladylike snort. Yeah, like a dress is going to be enough for anyone to look twice at me. And there's the other problem: I don't _want_ an alpha to notice me. I'd rather be ignored...because it's going to be a disaster. About a week ago, a thought entered my mind. Ben's mate is going to be at the Selection. I don't know where it came from and I don't know why but it's there and has taken root. I'm going to lose my best friend. And whoever they are, they're going to be able to give him something I can't. They'll probably be tall like him, come from a good family and not chew with their mouth open. They'll know who they are, where they've come from and not be a waitress in their parents' diner. They'll be elegant and will be able to have intellectual conversations about everything while I'm off in a corner examining a potted plant, pretending to be happy. Everyone will find me wanting.

The worst part is that if Ben does find his mate, I'm stuck in the room next door. How am I supposed to block out the sounds of them fucking? Maybe I'll just go to my room, change and escape from the bedroom window. Or maybe mom and dad can take me home. I just don't think I can survive spending the night while being forced to listen as my best friend mates someone next door. Yeah, I'll be jealous. But mostly, it'll hurt. And I don't want him to know. So I'll slap a happy smile on my face when he introduces me to them. I'll say everything that's expected of me while holding back my tears. Gods, I'm starting to sound like a terrible romance novel.

I crawl into bed, wearing my warmest flannel pajamas. The last few days I've felt cold eventhough spring has firmly set foot in Theed. Probably doesn't help that I've been sleeping alone. The last four months I've gotten so used to sleeping with Ben that I've taken his body heat for granted. Not anymore. I'm even wearing my atrocious bunny slippers. Fuck it. Grabbing the book from the nightstand, another that Ben has lent me, I settle in for an hour's reading before hopefully falling asleep. I try to get into the story while simultaneously pushing all negative thoughts and feelings out of my mind.

I'm halfway into the third chapter when the sound of my doorknob pulls me from the story. Ben enters my room, looking a little worse for wear in the most panty-melting way possible. His hair is tossled, clothes slightly rumpled and stained with grass and dried mud. Leaves sticking haphazardly from his tresses, making him look like some deranged forest God. Stifling a laugh I look back to the page I was reading. "I take it the borders are safe?"

"They were at shift change." He grumbles.

"That's good to know." Turn the page.

"Omega." I lift my eyes from the book to look at him. "Is...is it alright? I just need..."

"You're worried about the Selection, aren't you?"

"Yes."

**Alpha is nervous. Calm him.**

"Okay."

Ben starts to unbutton his flannel shirt, slowly, making sure I'm paying attention. I sit up straight in bed because I am _not_ going to miss this show. The material slides off of his shoulders, down his arms only to show that he's wearing a T-shirt underneath it. _Damn._ Well, at least I get to see the skin from his biceps down. "You'll tell me if it's too much?" He whispers as the shirt hits my bedroom floor.

"Yes."

"Good." He bites his cheek. "Good." Looking at the ceiling for inspiration or out of embarrassment, I'm not sure which, he breathes, "I feel out of control with everything that's happening. I just...need to be in control for a little while."

"What would you like me to do?"

Ben looks at me with a sinful smile as he begins to unbuckle his belt. I swallow about a gallon of spit. "I've been away for three days, running all over town hoping to catch someone trespassing but alas, there was no one. I'm not satisfied with this outcome." The belt falls to the floor. "I'd like your help to remedy that."

Placing the book on the nightstand I get out of bed. "And how can I do that for you?"

"I want to chase you." He chest is puffing with deep breaths. "But I don't want you to simply give in. Understand?"

"How far am I allowed to go? The hallway? The first floor?"

"Just don't leave the grounds." He purs.

"And what happens if you catch me?"

" _When_ I catch you...you'll find out."

I chew my thumbnail.

"Same rules as before. If you don't like something, tell me and I'll immediately stop. Everything is your choice."

"I agree. Anything else?" 

"Run for me, Omega. I love the chase." His dark, gravely voice runs over me.

I nod once before I book it to my bedroom door, running for my...what? Life? Ben would never hurt me. I make it about halfway down the hall before I'm pinned up against a wall. Shit. Caught already. "Well, that was fast." I giggle.

The alpha's laugh vibrates through my chest. "Consider this a practice run. This time, I'll give you a head start." He moves away from me, the goofy grin I love so much plastered on his face. "Ready?"

I run. I'm sprinting through the hallway, my brain hastily slapping together a game plan. I need to hide. Somewhere that Ben wouldn't think of. Somewhere my scent can be covered. Unfortunately, there's only one place I can think of. My room. I speed down the stairs, through the first floor to the other side of the mansion into the kitchen. I decide to leave by the outside door and make my way through the flower garden to the back patio. I'm forced to stop and crouch down, to hide behind a rather large rose bush when I see Ben through the window. He's standing still as a statue, nose in the air. He smiles.

"Come out, Little One! I am looking somewhere to find you!" Ben begins to do an impression of Pete Le Pew, faux French accent and all. "Oh, le amour!"

My hands slap over my mouth to sniffle my laugh.

"Omega." His voice drops an octave. It's gentle, coaxing. "Why don't you come out?"

I scootch closer to the window.

**Don't.**

_Why not?_

**Look at his body language.**

Ben turns and he's...he's stroking his hard cock through his jeans. Oh...my...

_Me likey!_

**_Not that, dumbass!_ **

My eyes move of their own accord to his other hand. It's clenching and releasing. Then he growls.

_Is he angry?_

**No. Agitated.**

I puff out a breath.

_Ben wouldn't hurt us._

"I can make you feel good, Sunshine." He coos as he gives himself a long, slow stroke. "You know I can."

I'm barely able to bite off a whine.

**No, he wouldn't. But he's...desperate. Something's set him off. Remember...alphas are territorial.**

Of course. With the Selection in a couple of days, it's no wonder he's like this. With so many unknown shifters coming into Theed territory, his alpha would demand he scent what he considers his. The land. The mansion. The pack. I sigh.

"Wouldn't you like that? Hmm?" He asks.

_What should I do?_

**He'll probably go to another room soon. When he does, go into the house. Go to your room and hide in the closet. He'll...if he can't find you, he'll have a couple of options.**

_Options?_

Kira sighs. **You really wanna know?**

I swallow. _Knowledge is power. Right?_

**He'll either jerk off or find an omega. Possibly get into a fight with an alpha.**

Of course. Ben will find someone who can give him what he wants...what he needs. What he deserves. Someone who's _not me_.

**What are you going to do?**

I watch as Ben heads off in the direction of the kitchen.

_The only thing I can._

I stand, defeat running through me as I slip back into the house. I can never be his omega. That fact, in its blaring cruelty hurts more than I ever thought it would.

_I'm going to run and hide._

* * *

I'm hiding under a blanket in my closet, my earlier feeling of defeat has slowly morphed into anger. I'm pissed. At my stupid body for making a half assed choice. I'm a pathetic excuse for a shifter. Some sort of freak with scent glands and retractable fangs that have only come out twice. Not even a hint that I'll ever go into heat. No one would ever want me. Not even a human. And I'm so fucking _angry_ about it. But what am I supposed to do about it? I'm stuck in this in-between.

The closet door opens and the blanket is pulled off me. Ben is kneeling just outside the closet, a stoic look on his face. "You ran away."

"You told me to."

"I did." He easily agrees. "But I never told you to hide."

Okay. Now I'm confused. "So, I wasn't allowed to hide?"

His eyes narrow. "Are you seriously asking me if you had _permission_ from me to do what you wanted to?"

My heart begins to thump against my ribs. "I-I don't understand."

Running a hand through his hair his voice dips in anger. "Why would you ever ask anyone for permission for anything?"

My world is sideways. "I...you wanted..."

"I'm not talking about what we do in private, Rey. I'm talking about why you are letting others decide what is best for you. Do you honestly believe that people are so blind that they don't see how miserable you've been? Classes every day for a month with Lor San Tekka? Learning a take down move from Poe when the one you use is better? And the royal seamstress? _Really?_ " Disappointment fills his face. "Where is my Sunshine?"

I blink. "I'm right here."

"No, you're not. You haven't been for a while. You're filled with doubt and because of that, you're just following wherever anyone else leads you. Whether you like it or not. And that's not the Rey I know and care for."

"Well what do you expect?!" I snap at him. "In one month everything I've known has been turned on its head! I've gone from living what I thought was a normal life to finding out how abnormal my reality is! In a pack of shifters, I'm the freak! Not even a full omega, but not a beta, either! And now I've been forced to learn the _most_ asinine things like how to tell the difference between silk and satin. Like any of it matters! Everyone expects me to be someone I'm not and I just... _can't._

"Since when have you cared about how others think of you?" Ben asks. When I don't answer he continues, "People here only want what's best for you. And to us, that means you being happy." He shakes his head. "Why did you come here? Why did you hide in your closet?"

"I figured you'd track my scent, so the best thing to do is cover my scent." I shrug. "So I came back here...my room smells like me."

Ben nods in understanding. "That's a very omega trait. If an omega feels like they're in danger, the first thing they try to do is cover their scent."

"But I am not an omega!" I yell.

"Who says you're not an omega?"

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I'm yelling now. "Look at me, Ben! I only have scent glands. And weird retractable fangs that no one else has. I have no mating glands and I'm not going into heat. Pretty far away from being an omega.

"Just for clarification here, what exactly do you think makes an alpha, an alpha?"

I think of him, of Anakin, of dad. Of Phasma and Jyn and...Leia. You can't tell a shifters designation by their physical attributes. "Well..." I have to think about this for a moment. "You're good leaders. Take care of others. Protect the territory and all who are in it."

"Yes, we do those things for the pack, but what do we do for ourselves?"

I'm even more confused.

"You need to stop looking at designations as 'this group can only do A and never B, while other destinations can't do group A and can always do group B. It doesn't work like that. At least not here. Look at our parents as an example. Chewie is huge. He could be a bouncer or security guard but instead he choose to cook. Because that's what he likes to do, what makes him happy. Maz...well...she should be giving people advice or teach people how to grow a garden. But instead she's the owner of the diner, and making money hand over fist. Because that's what she likes. My mom is a doctor who hates to cook. My dad is the sheriff but he'd rather work on old cars. I'm a cop but I'd rather be cooking or reading a good book. Our designation says very little about us. And there are plenty of shifters that have romantic relationships outside of their 'norms'. Alphas can be with other alphas or with betas. Omegas can be with other omeags or with betas. No one fits into the box the outside packs want you to believe in."

"But that's the point!" I argue. "I'm not even a full designation!"

Ben shakes his head. "You are an omega, full or not. Your designation is omega. Beyond not having mating glands or a heat yet, you're a lot more alike to other omegas than you realize."

"Omegas are supposed to have mating glands and heats. It's what their designation is _known_ for. And as a shifter, I can't even shift!"

"Once again you're only looking at the 'I don't have the ability to' part of being an omega shifter. You should start looking at what you _can_ do."

"Like what?" I snort in disbelief.

"Omegas tend to be more nurturing, are easily able to calm down alphas, are typically kind and generous. They're also very protective of pups."

"None of that sounds like me."

"Rey, I've seen you do all of those things. So, it doesn't matter if you have or don't have mating glands. Or if you'll ever have a heat. You're an omega. But the other part is that you're a hard worker, mentally strong and stubborn as a mule."

"I'm a freak."

"Now you're just feeling sorry for yourself."

"So what if I am?"

"It doesn't suit you." He snaps at me. "But go on, have your little pity party while the rest of us do all the work."

"What... _how dare you_!" I spit, my hackles rising. "It's not like I've just been sitting around eating bon-bons all day! I study, I work, I train with the Knights all the while dealing with your family who won't tell me jack shit about anything beyond what they want me to know!"

"Oh yes. Your life is so hard." He says condescendingly. Standing up he gives me a disappointed look. "Maybe what Bazine's been saying all along is true. Perhaps you are nothing more than a half breed that crawled her way out of the desert." He turns and walks to the door that adjoins our rooms.

Anger, hot and thick runs through my veins. I will _not_ be spoken to like that by anyone! How could he? Ben's known all along everything that I've been through. And for him to call me nothing more than a half breed well...it _pisses me off!_ I clamber out of the closet and stomp my way to his room.

"How dare you?" I shreik when I enter his room. Ben looks unphased. "You know what my life was like! What I've been going through for the past month! And yet, you act as if it's all nothing. Like I should just slap a happy smile on my face and pretend everything's all right. But it isn't!" Complete rage takes over me. I pick up whatever's closest to me, a baseball, and lodge it at Ben's head. Luckily, he has fast reflexes. The baseball misses its mark when he quickly moves out of the way.

"Why did you leave Niima!" He yells at me.

"To be free! To have a life better than the one I was living, you dumb ass! One where no one could control me!"

"Did you come all this way just to fail?"

"What? No! But how am I supposed to fight when I don't have any weapons? And even if I did, I'd still lose!"

"Chicken shit."

"What did you say?"

"You heard me. I called you a chicken shit, Rey." He barks at me.

My blood boils and before I know what I'm doing, I've tackled Ben to the floor, pinning him under me. "I am _not_ afraid." I growl through my fangs.

He flips us over so he's on top. "Yes, you are. But instead of fighting, you're running away. Allowing others to dictate your path. What happened to the girl that refused to accept a meal for free when she came here? Hmm? Where's the girl who feels like she _has_ to earn her keep?"

I snarl and throw him off of me. 

"That's more like it!" He cheers. "Fight back!"

"Why are you trying to piss me off?"

"Because I'm scared. I need to know I'm not alone in this." His dark eyes lock on mine. "I need to know there's still a fighter in there." He points to my chest.

I think back to how I used to be. How I am now. I consider how happy I was before I presented and how miserable I am now. Yeah, part of it is because of my not so great presentation and the aftermath. But what am I really bothered about? About being a shifter? A not-so-very omega? Having to learn all about pack dynamics? Learning about my parents? It's all bad. Truly. But they're not the problem. The reason is because I know, like I've always known, that I'm going to lose Ben. 

_My Ben._ My Ben with the luscious hair and the deep, seductive eyes. My Ben who braids my hair and whose shirts are always so soft and warm against my skin. My Ben with the coffee and real, paper books addictions. My Ben that puts away stray shopping carts, tips every server and delivery driver well. My Ben that lets me hold him, that gets my nerd jokes, who is always the first one to try a new recipe I make. My Ben. 

But he isn't _mine._ I don't own him. He's not my man. Nor is he my alpha. He is my best friend. I love him. I love him so much that I want what's best for him. I want him to be happy. Even if I'm not the right person for him. Pain rips through my heart. I know what I have to do.

"I'm right here." I whisper. "You're not alone." Taking Ben into my arms, I stretch up to the tips of my toes and kiss his cheek. "I just..." I swallow the lump in my throat. "I want you to make me a promise."

"If I can." His arms wind around me.

"If...if your mate is at the Selection, I want you to go to them." The cotton of his shirt is soft and smells like him. "You deserve to be happy, Ben. You are so wonderful and deserve someone's unconditional love. Can you promise me that, please?"

A shuddered breath ruffles my hair. "You're sure?"

"Yes."

"Then I promise. I'll go to my mate if they're at the Selection."

That night, sleep doesn't come to me. I run my fingers through Ben's hair as he sleeps with his head on my chest. Kira is howling and wailing in the back of my mind and I let her. It's time for me to be the strong one. I will not cry. This is the last time I'll share a bed with Ben Solo. I love him, but I will let him go, eventhough my soul feels like it's splitting in two. Because he deserves someone who can give him everything he wants and needs. I can only hope that his mate will love him as much as I do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: the beginning of the Selection! Dum dum duuuuuummmmmm!
> 
> Also, I was getting tired of writing Rey as a 'woe is me' kind of character. It's time for her to rise up.


	29. Stressed Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day before the Selection, Anakin and Ben have a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I was wrong. This is the last chapter before the beginning of the Selection. My bad. I'm so sorry. Huge brain fart. 
> 
> I just want to thank all of you again. Almost 8,000 hits. I never thought I'd get this far, write this much or have this many hits. Thank you, thank you! I love your comments and read all of them. Hope you're all doing well.

**Song: Stressed Out**

**Artist: Twenty One Pilots**

**Album: Blurryface**

When I wake up, I'm alone in my bed. Rey must have gotten up a while ago because her side of the mattress is cold. My sheets smell like her. I hate waking up without her. Mornings just aren't the same without cuddling my mate. I roll over to see she's left a note on my nightstand.

Last class with Lor San Tekka.

Rey

I sigh and get up. It's going to be a long day.

* * *

**We need to do something!**

_I'm open to suggestions._

Tomorrow is the Selection. The mansion has been cleaned top to bottom. The banquet room is being set up. A shiver of nervousness runs through me. I hate the idea of unknown alphas being in our territory. And truthfully, I wish I could lock Rey away and hide her from them. She's so intelligent and beautiful and innocent. My biggest fear is that Rey will imprint on someone else. I'll be happy for her but it will break my heart.

**We should tell mate the truth.**

_And go against a direct order?_

**What else can we do? Being without mate is painful.**

_I know._

**Can't be alone again. Alone is just surviving. Want to live!**

I'm making my way through the livingroom when Nana finds me. "Ben! There you are. Your grandpa wants to see you. He's in the kitchen."

I swallow my pain. "Okay."

When I enter the kitchen he's sitting at the table, coffee cup in hand, a plate of pancakes waiting on the table. "Morning, Ben." He sounds cranky. Wonderful.

"You wanted to see me?" I pour myself a cup of coffee and take a sip. "I'm guessing it's not good news."

"Have a seat." When I sit he nods at the plate. "You remember how I used to make these for the two of you every Sunday?"

"Yeah. Rey used to eat them with whipped cream." I shudder silently. "As if chocolate chip pancakes aren't already sweet enough."

Papa chuckles. "It made her happy."

"It did."

"I haven't made them since..." he takes a sip from his mug. "I thought I'd forgotten how. Then this morning, it just came back to me. It's incredible, how things you let go of have a way of coming back to you."

I just stare into my mug.

"Rey used to call me Grandpum." His voice breaks. "Now she calls me Anankin. It's like a knife to the heart."

I swallow the bile that's begun to rise.

"I've spent a lot of time considering things. Old traditions. New ideas. Most importantly...what it means to be a good leader. How to protect everyone, even if it means hurting those you love the most. I know you understand why I gave you the order to not tell her that you imprinted on her, but you don't know the _reason_ I did it."

My brows furrow. "What do you mean?"

"You're my grandson and I love you. You deserve the best."

I open my mouth to argue but Papa stops me.

"Please, just listen. I know you love Rey. And I couldn't be happier for you. But I love Rey, too. I've always wanted the both of you to know that you have choices." His lips quiver. "I didn't want how she feels about you to be clouded if she knew that you'd imprinted on her. I still don't. She needs to know that the choice is hers. I'm sorry that my order hurt you Ben, but I needed to protect her as well."

"I understand. And thank you for thinking of Rey's freedom of choice." I smile.

"I hope when you're pack leader, you'll never have to make a decision like this." Papa whispers with a sad smile. "However, I can't bring myself to regret my actions. Especially when I see how wonderful you are together. So...I hereby officially rescind my order."

Hope washes over me. "What?"

"I only request one thing: wait for the opportune moment to tell her. And let her know how much you love her." He leans forward and confesses, "I have a bad feeling about tomorrow."

I nod. "So do I." 

"I've asked Lor San Tekka to stay through the Selection. To bring the pack's history book with him. Just in case."

"Good idea."

"Once this mess is over, we can finally pick a date for your parents to take over primary leadership of the pack. And hopefully, the next succession will be in the bag by then." Papa winks at me.

"Rey's worried because she doesn't have mating glands. And because she isn't going into heat. She feels like she isn't a full omega. Last night...she told me that if my mate is at the Selection, I should go to them."

"She said that?"

"Yeah."

He smirks into his coffee. "Interesting."

"What?"

"Nothing. Eat your pancakes."

* * *

July 4th, 2022

The county fairgrounds are busy. Ben, the thoughtful man that he is, has found us a somewhat secluded spot away from most of the crowd. I'm much better with people now, especially large groups of them, but Ben is still protective of me. We sit on a small hill, the warm air cooling off slightly as the sun begins to set. We've been here for a couple of hours already and have visited the animals and plenty of vendors. Surrounding us are various paper baskets filled with the wonderful variety of foods only a fair can offer.

"Pass the mini donuts?" When I hand it to him he leans in and places a quick kiss on my lips. "Thanks." His smile is shy and yet altogether panty melting.

"Pretzel me?" Ben smirks and hands me the giant pretzel and I peck him back. He blushes.

We eat in the shy silence. Glancing at each other with small smiles. These are the best, and worst times. Where we don't say anything. Where I hope in the quiet, we are able to communicate what cannot be said.

Where I wish I could grow a spine and just tell him that I'm in love with him. But I just _can't,_ so I stuff my face with cheese curds instead.

Once we've devoured quite possibly our own weight in fair food and tossed our trash, Ben sits behind me with me between his legs. He's running his fingers through my loose hair, recently released from its ponytail. His digits work the knots out before they begin their precise work of braiding. It's something he's been doing ever since Christmas. He seems to enjoy it, and to be honest, it's very relaxing.

"Have you found an apartment yet?" His voice rumbles from his chest straight into my back.

"No." I sigh. "When that girl went missing in March, mom and dad got nervous about me living on my own." I shrug.

"Then we found her." 

"Yeah." I pluck a dandelion from the ground. "Then you found her."

"You want me to talk to them?" He asks.

"Nah. Everyone already knows the facts." I start counting fingers. "First missing person in fifteen years. First murder in twenty years. No known leads." I hide the shiver that runs through me. "They worry. It's okay. I don't mind waiting a little while longer."

"There's a unit opening up in my building." Ben offers as he ties off my braid.

He lives in a _really_ nice complex. I'm fairly certain I can't afford it. "Really?"

"Yep. It's only a one bedroom, but that's what you're looking for, right?"

I nod. "How much...I mean, do you know?"

"$1,200 a month plus first and last month's rent."

"Yikes! I don't think I can afford that. I'm only making about $2,000 a month, plus hourly wage. And winters are always worse." I blow on the dandelion. 

"I thought you've been saving?" He leans me back against him.

"I have. But I'm going to need to buy kitchen stuff, furniture, a T.V., all that good stuff. And I'll be paying more bills. I have enough to where I can move in, get what I need and probably be okay for a few months, but then I'd be living paycheck to paycheck. I'd rather not do it that way." I swallow. "Plus...I've been toying with the idea of going to college."

"Out of state?" I swear I hear worry in his voice.

"Oh no. No. I'd stay here. Probably just go to community college, get the general classes out of the way."

"Oh." He sounds relieved. "You could probably get a type of financial help. You did really well in school when you lived in Niima, right?"

"Yeah, usually A's and B's." I snort. "I don't think that makes much of a difference, though."

"You could just go a class at a time or whatever."

"Therein lies the problem." I never should have brought this up. I'm ruining our wonderful day.

"What problem, Sunshine?"

"Well, first of all I have to choose what I want to do: go to college or move out on my own. Now, option one I see like this; I could stay living with mom and dad, practically rent free and then I could use my money for college classes. I may have to switch most of my shifts. That may prove problematic for the other waitstaff. Whether I go to college day or night, I'll always be busy. I'd never have any downtime. Or I could choose to move out, take one class at a time but then it would take a long time just to get general classes out of the way. And with all the bills I'll be paying, I'm not sure if I'll be able to save for future schooling. And, still having zero downtime.

"Or, you could quit your job, stay with your folks and go to college full time." Ben answers.

"Are you nuts? I wouldn't be contributing to the household then."

"Contributing to the family doesn't just mean having a job, Sunshine." He gently argues.

"I guess. But you know how busy summer and fall are. Between the diner, canning, trading with the farmers, selling their stuff...mom and dad can't do it all by themselves." I scratch my nose. "They'll need my help and how can I if I'm constantly in school or studying?"

"I have an answer to all of your problems." Ben smiles.

Oh, this ought to be good. My spidey senses are tingling. 

"What you need is a roommate."

"That is a good idea, but I don't know who I could live with. Poe and Finn live together, Rose and Hux are getting married in a couple of months. Paige doesn't like me and I'm sorry, but I'm not living with Kaydel."

"You could live with me." The way he says it is so easy it's like he's asking me if I'd like a glass of water.

He's joking.

**Maybe not.**

"Ha ha. Very funny, Ben."

"I'm being serious." He says.

"What?!" I turn around to face him and find that he is indeed serious.

"You've been to my place enough. It's in a good part of town, it's safe. Two bedrooms, two bathrooms. You wouldn't have to pay rent but maybe half groceries and a bill or something. You'd be able to cut way back on your hours at the diner, take as many classes as you'd like and still be able to help with the harvest, canning, and trade. No matter how you look at it, you'd end up winning."

"How do you think living with you would be the easiest way?"

"Well, for one, you wouldn't have to worry about paying rent."

"I don't pay rent at mom and dad's." I argue.

"Two: you obviously want your own place but the only reason that's holding you back is the thought of going to college."

"That's true." I admit.

"Three: you're worried about work, money, school and time. If you move in with me we could figure most of these things out."

"No. No way. It's extremely nice of you but, I'd feel like you were taking care of me...or that I'd be taking advantage of you. Now, if you'd let me pay half of all the bills..."

"Absolutely not!" Ben gently argues. "The rent would cost you $700. Then the groceries would be something like another $400. Not to mention electric, water, garbage then your classes, books and whatever else you'd need. You'd be paying more living with me than living on your own. No. Half groceries and one bill, that's it."

"Are we negotiating here?" I chuckle.

"Maybe."

"What would you get out of this?"

"Well..." he purses his lips. "I've lived on my own for three years and although I'm close to my family and I've got friends, sometimes...I get lonely." He brushes his thumb over my cheek. "It'd be nice to wake up or go to sleep knowing that someone else will be there. Besides, it's a pain in the ass to cook for only one person."

"Ben? Are we going to ignore the elephant in the room?" I ask.

His eyebrows raise. "What elephant?"

I lean closer to him. "What would our parents think about me moving into your place?"

A goofy grin pops out. "Yippee?" 

I playfully slap his shoulder. "You know what I mean. I think they think something is going on between us already. If we were just to suddenly announce that I'm moving in with you, they'd go ballistic."

He shrugs. "We just tell them the truth."

"Ben," I'm not sure how to say this without hurting him. "What you're offering me is so generous. It really is." I chew on my bottom lip. "But the thing is...well, you know how I grew up."

"I do."

"Not that I'm not thankful for all of your help but, this is something I think I need to do on my own."

"I understand." He nods. "But, if you ever need help, I just want you to know that you can come to me."

"I do know that. Thank you so much."

"Good."

The fireworks begin and he holds me tighter. I slip my hands into his. We oooh and ahhh and pick our favorite ones. I can't help but smile the entire time. 

"Same time, next year?" He asks.

"Absolutely."

* * *

**Are you sure about this? Maybe...you could just...**

_I'm sure._

**I've been wondering why you chose that dress.**

_Think people will get the picture?_

**It's an obvious snub. You're going against the rules.**

_Rules are made to be bent or broken._

**I like the way you think.**

_Twelve hours left._

**You wanna practice again?**

_Yes._

**Okay.**

_Will this work?_

**Either way, do you care?**

_If...something should happen..._

**I'll kill them first. Or take us out of the equation.**

_Thank you._

**Once more, with feeling.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week...
> 
> Yes, I swear. The Selection. It's going to last for a few chapters, just warning you now. 
> 
> Much love!


	30. Thunder Underground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As promised...the Selection. First of four chapters. Here we go now!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god...I hope everyone likes this. Happy holidays!

**Song: Thunder Underground**

**Artist: Ozzy Osbourne**

**Album: Ozzmosis**

"Nervous?" Poe smirks at me. 

"What gave it away?"

"You're scowling." He politely nods to some random alpha. "And fidgeting."

"I _really_ hate this."

"Gee, I can't imagine why." He answers sarcastically. "I still can't believe this is happening."

"It's a fucking meat market." I grumble. "Why would anyone willingly do this? I still don't understand why some packs wouldn't allow parents to be here." A group of omegas walk by us giggling. "I mean, is everyone here even of legal age?"

"Maker, I hope so." He blanches. "Stop fiddling with your cuff links. You look fine."

"I feel like a penguin on steroids."

He barks out a laugh. "Yeah, well, the omegas certainly appreciate the eye candy. You look good in a tux."

"I'm only interested in one omega."

"I know. Oh shit, incoming. Try to look like you won't tear their throats out."

I do my best to make polite conversation with the two alphas from Hoth. It lasts for about three minutes.

"Let's go get a drink." Poe offers.

We meander over to the bar and order two whiskeys. I take a sip and give myself a moment to enjoy the burn. "He rescinded the order."

Poe's eyes nearly bug out of his head. "Really?"

I nod and take another sip.

"That's awesome! Congrats, man!" Clinking his glass to mine he asks, "So, out with it! What did she say?"

"I haven't told her."

"Why not?" He kicks back his drink.

"Beacuse...what if she imprints on someone tonight? How can I do that to her?"

"So, what happens if she doesn't imprint on someone?"

I sigh. "Then I'll tell her."

"Ben," he whines. "Look man, I love you but you're an idiot. Rey's going to be surrounded, quite soon, by unmated alphas. You should tell her now."

"And ruin her chance at happiness? No." I motion to the bartender to give us another round.

"Okay, but try to think of how Rey might look at it. If she doesn't imprint on anyone and at the end of the night you tell her how you feel, do you think she'll believe you? Or do you think she'll see it as pity?"

"It's not pity." I mumble into my glass. "Sunshine deserves to be happy."

"She does." Poe agrees. "But so do you. Tell her, before she finds out some other way."

"I'm scared. Almost three years of lying by omission that I've imprinted on her. What if she thinks I've been manipulating her? She'll hate me."

"She'll be angry and rightfully so. But you need to also tell her that you wanted to tell her but couldn't, due to Anakin's command." He downs his glass. "Rey's been learning about pack dynamics and politics. She may understand...given some time." Poe's eyes look past me. "Oh, shitbits. Dominic and Damien Gor from Korriban just came in."

"Fuck me. I need another drink first."

"No, you don't. Rey, _your omega_ is in the same building. Let's go play nice for a minute and see what they want."

"Don't wanna." I polish off the rest of my drink.

"Would you prefer for your mate to meet him first?"

"No!" I growl.

"Then let's go."

Dominic Gor is the current leader of the Korriban pack and Damien is his only son. There have been plenty of stories about how Korriban treats their betas and omegas. Betas are used for servitude while omegas become sex slaves. That's why we decided that it would be best to ask parents/legal guardians to attend. Just in case someone might not like the shifter their offspring has chosen...if it's even their choice.

And that, disgustingly, is why we're all here. Shifters hoping to find their mates but in a forced way, in my opinion. While others are only looking for a good time. Nothing about this feels natural. It's all...forced. This whole thing stinks.

Dominic and Damien look almost identical. White blonde hair, purple eyes. By the amount of giggling omegas, I'd hazard a guess that they're deemed attractive. Gods, I hate the idea of Rey meeting them.

"Ben! It's been too long!" Damien extends his hand to me. I give it a firm shake. "I must say, when we heard in Korriban that Naboo was having a Selection in Theed, well, we simply _had to come._ "

"Just so long as you _obey_ our rules, everything should be fine." I answer.

"Oh, ha ha!" He laughs away my comment. "We've only arrived and you're already starting with the threats."

"I assure you, it's not a threat." I lean closer to him. "It's a promise. Behave yourselves."

"Of course. Let the best alpha win." Damien walks off, a conceided smile plastered to his face.

"You'll have to forgive my son." Dominic Gor introduces himself. "He's soon to become leader of Korriban pack and having a mate would make the transition easier."

"You mean having a collared omega to use as a sex slave or breeding stock would make things easier on him." Poe spits.

"Not all packs are like Theed, Dameron." Dominic argues.

"Damn right they're not." Poe growls.

"Excuse me." Korriban's leader turns and walks away.

"That went well." Poe tries to joke.

"They need to be watched. At all times."

"Agreed. I'll talk to Phasma."

Good.

* * *

Half an hour later, I'm standing on the bottom step of the dias in the throne room. My family is there with me, and Lor San Tekka sits at a small table to my left. He's got the Theed pack's book in front of him. Just in case any from our pack should actually find their mate. This is going to be...horrific. In a few minutes the doors will open and the flood will begin. Glancing around I look at the large group of alphas that stand along the two walls of the room. Some look excited. Most seem uncomfortable. Huh. Yeah, this is going to go swimmingly.

The first group of omegas come in and I immediately want to vomit. The stench is overpowering. They all step to me, one by one, letting me smell them as I have to let them smell me. Let's face it, this is a giant shit sandwich and we all have to take our fair share of bites. No one smells good to me but I am pleased to see that there are both male _and_ female omegas here. Just like the alphas. I wonder how the members of Korriban feel about this. It's long been rumored that they don't like female alphas and omega males. And they're homophobic. I personally think it would be poetic if they all imprinted on their same sex. I don't bother really looking at anyone. Once I've sniffed each omega in the first group first (this is supposedly a perk of us holding the Selection) the omegas are now free to meet the other unmated alphas. I do notice some faces fall when omegas realize that I don't like their scents. Oh-fucking-well.

As soon as the omegas and alphas sniff each other, the omegas are asked to leave the throne room if they didn't find anyone they like. The ones that have found someone whose scents are attractive are asked to leave and wait in one of the study rooms with a guard. Once the groups are done, the couple are allowed to come back and speak to their parents or legal guardians.

One down, three to go. By the fourth round, I'm crawling out of my skin. I've been doing my duty, shaking hands with whatever parents have come, sniffing and being sniffed. I need another drink. And I'm beginning to worry because Rey hasn't shown up yet.

The doors open and the last group of omegas and whatever parents have accompanied them come in. I feel like I'm going to be sick until...

Night Blossoms.

I look up and when I see her, happiness floods through me. _Rey._

**Mate! Mate! Must worship! Must...whoa!**

She's always been beautiful to me. _Always._ But now? If I am a prince, she is a goddess! She's wearing a long light gray sweep train dress. A high collar rests delicately around her neck, jewels of red, blue and purple sparkling in the light on the column of her neck. The bodice is split down the center from the top that runs down to her waist in a skinny V shape under which is a sheer light gray fabric that gives the impression of naked skin, unless you're standing as close as I am. The same jewels run down in a vertical line from the middle of the collar of the dress down to her tiny waist. Fabric covers her shoulders, covertly covering her scent glands. Her long chestnut hair is pulled away from her lightly made-up face, down her back with a few whisps settling along her shoulders. Golden-green eyes, large and oh, so lovely looking straight at me. My world fucking _tilts_.

**Mate! Mate! Worship!**

Where did all of the oxygen go? My heart races as Rey glances toward us, a small shy smile on her face. When she reaches the spot where everyone must stop in front of me she performs a perfect curtsy. I...don't like it. It's very unlike Rey. 

**Bow, you idiot! Kneel to our mate!**

My knees begin to bend.

The stench of anger, possession and jealousy permeates the air.

_Wait. Not here. Not yet._

I bow my head to Rey giving nothing away through my expressions. Kylo stalks around in my head, pissed off that I'm not kneeling to her and worrying that if I don't do or say something now, I'll lose her. Licking my lips, my eyes roam over the high collar of her dress. Why is she hiding...oh. Clever girl! Rey is quite literally, hiding the fact that she doesn't have mating glands. But not many people know that she doesn't have them. And in not presenting her neck, she's giving a huge 'fuck you' to any alpha that may try something.

"You look enchanting." My whisper is rough.

"You look...regal. Drool worthy." She chuckles quietly.

"Thank you."

"Isn't this the part where you're supposed to smell me?" A gorgeous blush roses her cheeks.

"Do you honestly believe I could ever forget your scent?" I lean forward, lost in her eyes, her freckles. "You smell like home." I breathe her in, Night Blossom roots twining invisibly around me.

She smells me back and I can't help but remember her flower petal lips on my neck, her giggles, her tight hugs and calloused fingertips. Please, say I'm worthy.

**Mate! Mate!** Kylo is howling.

Rey's eyes snap to mine, jade green swallowing up hints of any other color. _Kira._

**Omega! Omega!** Claws are tearing at my mental walls as my wolf tries to break free. I feel it again. The undeniable _pull._ Her. It's always been Rey. Tremors signaling an oncoming shift tremble over my skin.

_Relax._

Rey's voice is in my mind. Gentle and warm. It's...not a command. More like a _suggestion._

_Breathe._

The room and everything inside it is somehow wiped away leaving only her. I'm soothed and filled with sunlight. Warmth fills me and I'm captured, a willing servant. Kylo's on his back, belly to the sunlight, tongue hanging out and to the side, soaking up _her._

Kira stands before me, a sharper, harder version of the girl I know and yet, so soft. Powerful. Dynamic. Regal. Her shoulders are back, her chin up, her back straight. She's calm, cool and collected.

I'm keenly aware of how my mate reminds me, in her own way, of my Nana. Of a _queen._ Beauty and kindness. Strength and control. Gentle and fierce. She is _mine._ My mate. _My queen._ I kneel only to her. Out of love. Out of respect. Rey is the other half of me. She winks at me, a dangerous smile of delight sneaking through before she turns and walks away slowly, the train of her dress gliding like ripples of a winter river across the floor.

I stand there gobsmacked. Rey has let Kira out. They are rising.

* * *

**Well done.**

_Yeah?_

**Absolutely. Your curtsy was perfect. You remained kind, yet formal. Now comes the icky part.**

_The other alphas._

**Yes. Just try to look...bored, unaffected. Say hello, introduce yourself. Make eye contact. That should throw many of them off. Show no fear, no submission. Most will take the hint. And say no, whenever you want.**

_Okay._

I lose track of time as the alphas take turns smelling all of us. They fucking stink and that's putting it politely. I introduce myself, am curtious but beneath it all I'm biting my tongue and swallowing bile.

The throne room feels tense. I glance over to where mom and dad are standing. Han is making almost pleading gestures while the three of them quietly talk. Dad looks irate. Mom looks nervous. My eyes roam to Luke and Leia who are conversing with Lor San Tekka who sits at a small table, writing in the large leather bound book he always carries with him. Apparently some people have found mates. Yippee-fucking-yay.

A young man with white blonde hair and purple eyes stands before me. On a scale of one to ten in the looks department he's about an eight but from the way some other omegas are staring at him, it may be I just don't find him as attractive as they do. Whatever. His smile tells me everything I need to know. It's fake and malicious, revealing his cruel nature. Very bad alpha.

**Shields up, red alert!**

Kira and I work in tandem to build mental walls around us. We have several of them. The first is a dense forest, the trees are alive, twisting and turning, their branches lashing out at anyone who enters. The roots of the forest reach out from the soil and grab ankles, dragging anything down. The second are the sinking fields just outside of Niima. They look innocent enough but they'll swallow a school bus whole in five minutes. Within one minute anything that breathes will suffocate on dry, scratchy sand. The third wall is the ocean around Ahch-To, cold and turbulent. Huge waves ready to thrash into an intruder, making sure they won't be able to tell up from down. The fourth wall is a sphere that we stand inside. It's made of steel covered in the slickest oil we know of. Anyone outside of the sphere can't grasp it, can't climb it and cannot break it. We will not submit. Our mind is a trap. One built specifically for unwanted, commanding alphas.

"Damien Gor, future leader of the Korriban pack. You are?"

My stomach rolls at his scent of cheap cigars. My face is a mask. "Reyna Kanata-Bacca."

"You don't look like you're having much fun. Such a shame. A girl as beautiful as you should be smiling."

I'm trying not to puke all over his shoes. Making a non-committal noise I simply shrug, but don't smile.

"Well omega, I'll scent you and then the fun can start." He leans forward and smells me. "Oh, you are sweet." He chuckles. "I wonder how compliant you are."

_I'm gonna hurl._

**You and me both, sister.**

"Well, you could ask the last guy who tried to find out." I drop my voice, "But I'm fairly certain I gave him a concussion and made him permanently impotent."

"Oh, omega. I like my bitches to have a little fight in them."

"And I like alphas who understand the word **no**." I push out the voice Kira has taught me how to use.

Damien takes a step back, surprised. "Perhaps we can continue our conversation over dinner. I have a lap you'd fit perfectly on."

"I'm eating with my family and friends. So, no."

"Scent me omega and we can work out the logistics of the evening later." He growls at me.

Oh, he's agitated. Too-fricken-bad! "I can smell you just fine from here. I do not find your scent appealing. So there is nothing to work out later."

"We'll see, omega."

"No, we won't."

Ben approaches us, severing the conversation. "Rey! There you are. Your parents are looking for you. Allow me." I take his offered arm as he leads me away from the thundercunt of an alpha. 

"Try to stay away from him, Sunshine. He's a terrible alpha."

"Yeah, I caught that. I've already told him no and that I don't find his scent appealing."

Ben sighs with relief. "Well, we'll all be eating soon. That should cheer you up."

"Not sure if I should. What if someone decides they have to have me based on the way I chew?"

He snorts. "Knowing you, you'll stab them with your butter knife."

We meet back up with my parents and they immediately seem happier. The three of us are going to find where we're being seated for the meal. As we pass by the thrones, I meet Anakin's eyes. He winks at me. Yeah...that's not weird at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A surprise is coming up. That's all I'll say for now.


	31. Nights in White Satin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I highly recommend you listen to this song. If you do, you'll completely understand where I was coming from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the surprise. Two chapters in one week. You guys have been so wonderful to me and your gifts of comments, encouragement and love have keep me going when I thought I couldn't anymore. Thank you so much. This is my gift to you. I hope you'll like it. Honestly, I full on cried while writing certain parts of this. I hope your holidays were happy ones. You guys are the best! Much love!

**Song: Nights in White Satin**

**Artist: Moody Blues**

**Album: Nights in White Satin**

Dinner is a lavish affair. Our leaders have spared no expense, even going so far as to hire waitstaff. There are twelve tables that can hold eight people per table. There's a bar on the right wall. On the far wall is another table where, obviously, the leaders of our pack will be sitting. The left side of the room is a...dance floor. Fucking Christ. I want the floor to swallow me.

There doesn't seem to be a seating chart of any kind so my parents and I decide to sit wherever. The tables are circular (that must be Padme's idea). It's a strategic move. The alphas would obviously fight over whomever would get to sit at the heads of the table if they were of rectangular shape. The table cloths are a beautiful sky blue with silver filagree. The centerpieces are simple yet elegant. Only a clear vase with an orchid in it. It's very relaxing.

I mash my lips together when the first course is served with the appropriate silverware. Son of a bitch! What was the point of learning all of that if they were just going to give me what I needed with each dish!

**It was a test.**

_One that I failed, obviously._

**Not necessarily. Knowledge is power, after all.**

I internally snort as I place my napkin in my lap.

People begin to make pleasant, if not somewhat forced, conversation. There's another omega at our table. She's adorable, eighteen and from the Tattooine pack. She and dad switch seats so we can talk.

"Leslie Bishop." She holds out her hand.

"Rey Kanata-Bacca." We shake.

"Is it just me or is this a huge waste of time?" When I just raise my eyebrows she whispers, "No one appears to be affected." She looks around the room.

"You...don't want to be here?" I frown. "You're not looking for your mate?"

"Maker, no! I start college in the fall. But when a pack is invited to a Selection...if you're unmated, you can't really say no." Nodding at her parents she sighs. "Dad's a beta. Mom's an alpha. Neither of them wanted me to attend but..." she shrugs.

I nod in understanding. "Yeah." The waitstaff bring out the next course, placing them carefully on the table. "So, what's Tattooine like?"

The two of us end up having an easy conversation. It turns out, Tattooine is just a little bit better off than Jakku. Mos Eisley, where Leslie is from is larger than Niima, bigger populace, more jobs. But all in all, not that great. She hints to me that some of her pack came here honestly hoping to find a mate. Just so that they could have a possibility at a better life.

The weight of the situation settles over me. Theed pack does well, it's obvious. The city itself is beautiful and mostly peaceful. Now, I'm not stupid. I know other cities are not as well off. But hearing that another pack is having a hard time...it really concerns me. I start putting a plan together.

"It's hard to believe that your future leader is single."

"It truly boggles the mind." I say seriously. 

"He's good looking." She wiggles her eyebrows at me. "But he looks kinda grumpy."

Looking at the head table, I zero in on Ben. Yep, he's looking particularly sulky. Poor Alpha. "He didn't want this. Ben believes it's degrading and old fashioned. Truthfully, he's a really nice guy."

"You know him? Personally?" Leslie's eyes are as large as saucers.

"Uh...yeah. We're friends." It's not a lie.

"That's nice. Our leaders are expecting their first child in a couple of months."

"Girl or boy?"

"No idea."

I look up and notice Ben is staring at me. And Jesus fuck, he looks good enough to eat. His hair is perfectly coiffed, the white of his shirt crisp and clean. The jacket and slacks looking slightly too tight on him and...damn! I'm trying not to swoon. I've never seen him in a bowtie before. I want to undo it with my teeth. Ben is so gorgeous but...there's so much more to him. There's so much we've been through. Like last December. 

_Ben's coming home today. He's been gone for five days, on another special assignment. I know he's going to be exhausted and starving. I'm not exactly proud of what I've done but it's for a good cause, soo..._

_I broke into Ben's apartment. I taught myself how to pick locks when I lived in Niima. So a deadbolt and a handle lock aren't hard. He texted me earlier and told me he'd be back in Theed by 5 P.M. So I've gone to the grocery store and bought stuff for dinner...and then some stuff for breakfast. I have no idea what kind of food (if any) he has, or what's gone bad. And I can afford it. I'm going to make a big dinner for him and then leave. He'll eat then sleep for about twelve hours._

_I've bought two steaks, baking potatoes, and some green beans. I'll put him into a food coma. I'm in his kitchen, the potatoes are already baking in the oven. I'm washing the green beans when I hear the front door open. "Don't shoot! It's just me!" I call out as I turn off the water._

_"Rey?" I turn and he's standing in the entrance to the kitchen, duffle bag in hand. "How did...you get in here?"_

_"Oh, just some minor B &E." I shrug, trying to look innocent. "I knew you'd be starving so I decided to make you dinner." When he frowns I realize that maybe this wasn't the best idea I've ever had. "I'm sorry. I don't...know why I did this. I just...want to take care of you." _Why _did I do this?! "I didn't damage your locks. You can arrest me later, after you've eaten and slept." Gods, I'm such an idiot!_

_The bag hits the floor and I'm in his arms. "You broke into my home so you can take care of me?"_

_"Yeah." I hide my face in his chest._

_"I missed you." The words are uttered into my hair._

_"I missed you, too." I hug him tightly. "I'm sorry."_

_Soft lips kiss my forehead. "You have nothing to apologize for."_

_Ben asks me to stay for dinner. I try to say no, that the food is meant for him, but he insists. Afterward, I tuck him into bed but he gives me puppy dog eyes and asks that I stay for a little while longer. I climb into bed with him and I nap for about two hours, holding him close as he snores softly. I slip out of his bed, his apartment, a little after 11P.M., using the tools I'd brought from Niima to lock his door. I drive home to see that mom and dad have left the porch light on for me._

_The following day when he comes into the diner, Ben gives me an envelope. When I take my break, I tear it open to find two keys and a note inside._

You're always welcome in my home.

\- Ben

Dessert is served. Thank God. Only another hour or two and this whole ordeal will be over. I'd really like to sleep.

* * *

Once dinner is over, people begin to get up and move around. I glance around, trying to read the room. Almost everyone seems a little more at ease. I find Zeke and Bazine Netal. She looks pale, like she's worried. Zeke on the other hand looks like someone pissed in his Cheerios. He's furious but desperately trying to hide it. I covertly sniff the air. And yeah, it stinks. But something's missing. 

I take a deep breath, rolling the scents around my palette. Nothing really jumps out at me. But that's the thing. The complete _lack_ of something is what sticks out . No one's going into heat or rut. How is that possible? I mean, what are the odds of no one finding their mate here? Something's off. 

"He'll never want you." I look up to see Bazine standing next to me. Deciding to be the better person, I say nothing and take a sip of my water. "You're just a filthy sand rat."

Like water off of a duck's back, I let her insults roll off of me. 

"Ben is the future leader of this pack. He deserves someone better than you." She hisses at me. "You _do_ know that we were together for years before you came back."

I ignore her. 

"He loved it when we fucked against his kitchen walls." She coos.

That stops me. Ben's very particular about his kitchen. Because there's only one wall that doesn't have any appliances or the sink. And that one free wall is where he hangs his pots and pans. The first time I ever went to his place, I'd commented on the fact that Chewie does the same thing at home and at the diner. Ben had just smiled and said, "That's where I learned it from." He then proceeded to tell me that when he moved into his apartment, the first thing that he did was install the pot and pan ceiling hanger, which is up against the one free wall. And because Ben is so tall, they are at eye level, about four inches from the wall. I suppose he could bend her over but...then his face would probably smash into the cookware. 

She's lying.

"You need to learn your place. Ben's mine, so keep your dirty hands off of him."

Aaand...I'm done. 

Dabbing the corners of my mouth with my napkin, I toss it on the table and stand. Giving her my best death glare I keep my voice low and calm. "If he's yours, then go get him." I wave at the head table. "I'm not standing in your way."

Bazine looks shocked and...afraid. She doesn't move. 

"No?" I take a step toward her and her gaze snaps to her shoes. "Then I suggest you shut up. And stay away from Ben. He may not be mine, but he's not yours, either." I lean in and whisper, "Do you understand?"

She swallows loudly. 

"Answer me." I demand. 

"Yes, I understand."

"Good. This is the one and only warning I will give you." Breathing in through my nose I catch not only her scent (to me she smells like skunk) but I also smell cheap cigars. "And I recommend you go to the restroom and wash off whoever's scent is all over you." I turn to walk away. And smack right into Ben. 

"Is everything alright?" He asks, his hands cupping my elbows steadying me so I don't fall over. 

"Fine. Just dealing with some stuff." I grumble. 

His chocolate eyes go from me to Bazine, back to me. He's accessing the situation. Finally he cracks a smile. "Well then." The lights in the room dim and music begins to play. "Dance with me?"

My jaw drops and I sputter. "That's...not a good idea. You should dance with someone else."

"I don't want to dance with anyone else." He whispers. 

"We both know I have two left feet."

His low chuckle fills my ears. "I don't care."

"I'll step on your toes."

"I'm not worried. You're light."

"I'll trip and fall and embarrass you." I'm grasping at straws. 

"I'll always catch you when you fall." He extends his hand to me. "Dance with me, please."

As soon as my hand touches his, a large zap of static electricity shoots between us. But unlike normal static electricity, this moves through my entire body and for some reason I see the pale tree on Ahch-To, its roots deep and alive in the fertile ground _grow_ in my mind's eye. Euphoria washes through my veins and somehow, I just know that everything is going to be okay. Time slows down and I watch as Ben's eyes lighten to amber, the beautiful smile that I love so much softening his features. His scent wraps around me causing my heart to race. Ben. 

His hand closes around mine, his warmth filling me. I always forget how large he is. His height, broad shoulders, his hands and feet. His smile. I swallow. I'm half aware of the room, the people in it as we walk to the dance floor. But nothing else matters because... _Ben._ I barely feel it as the carpet gives way to hardwood floor, the vibration of his steps somehow grounding me to the moment. 

I feel lightheaded as he turns to me. Strong, tender arms bring me into the shelter of his body, surrounding me like a fortress. His deep, soulful eyes that bare every one of his thoughts gaze into mine, stare into my very being, locking me in place. 

Security.

A new song begins. 

Ben starts to move us slowly. 

I know this song. 

I _remember_ this song.

_I'm four years old. The sound of rain is drowned out by the record player. Music fills the room as Ben and I dance. He's hunched over awkwardly and I keep stepping on his feet and I almost fall over but none of it matters because..._ Ben. 

"Nights in white satin," Ben begins to sing quietly. 

"Never knowing the end, 

Letters I've written, never meaning to send

Beauty I've always missed, with these eyes before

Just what the truth is, I can't say anymore 

'Cause I love you 

Yes I love you 

Oh, how I love you."

_The belonging you seek..._

"Gazing at people, some hand in hand

Just what I'm going through, they can't understand 

Some try to tell me, thoughts they cannot defend 

Just what you want to be, you will be in the end 

And I love you 

Yes I love you 

Oh, how I love you 

Oh, how I love you."

_...is not behind you..._

Memories run through my mind, each one like a slap to the face. Each one screaming at me, _wake up you stupid girl._ Ben always smiling and Ben spending so much time with me and Ben sleeping at my side and Ben feeding me and Ben protecting me and Ben...Ben...Ben...

**Alpha.**

I've been, once again, so focused on how _I_ feel that it never occurred to me...I never thought it possible...because who the fuck am I? Ben Solo...

We're better at dancing now. 

"Nights in white satin, never reaching the end 

Letters I've written, never meaning to send 

Beauty I've always missed, with these eyes before 

Just what the truth is, I can't say anymore 

'Cause I love you 

Yes I love you 

Oh, how I love you 

Oh, how I love you 

'Cause I love you 

Yes I love you 

Oh, how I love you 

Oh, how I love you."

_...it is ahead..._

A weight has been lifted off of me because Ben...

_You're not alone._

_Neither are you._

Shock floods my veins as memories assault me. It was the little things. The snowball fights and the fairs and the food and books and deep conversations and the shopping and sleepovers and oh God! Every day, every damn day for almost three years he's been showing it without saying it. Ben Solo...

"Rey." He whispers. His bottom lip trembles the way it always does when he feels a strong emotion. "Sunshine..." His face is so full of love and hope and fear. But it's okay, everything's going to be fine because I'm at the precipice too and we'll do this together. 

Because Ben Solo...

"Rey." He smiles that wonderful smile, tears in his eyes. Holding me closer, I can feel he's about to give me everything that I want. _Him._ Hope explodes from within me. "I..."

His eyes tear away from mine and a shadow falls over his features. "No."

I reach out to cup his face. "Ben?"

Disbelief and horror replace the happiness. "No!"

I turn to follow his gaze.

That alpha, Damien whatever, is standing next to Anakin and Padme. Our leaders look pissed. Damien looks...hungry. And possessive. Oh no.

My hope is shattered. I have no mate. I haven't imprinted on anyone. It doesn't matter even if Ben does love me. I'm not his. He's not mine. That makes me fair game.

And Damien has decided to stake his claim.

Me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't kill or hate me.
> 
> The next two chapters are going to be huge. I don't know if I'll put one out next week or if I'll wait. How the hell am I kidding? I give it about a 90% chance the next chapter will come out next week.
> 
> Until then, much love!


	32. Crush 'Em

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some truths finally come to light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap you guys! I'm so nervous putting this out. Please check the tags for this chapter below. I've revised this at least twice and...some of it is not pretty. You have been warned.

**Song: Crush 'Em**

**Artist: Megadeth**

**Album: Universal Soldier: The Return**

**Tags:**

**Talk/discussions of:**

**Sexual slavery**

**Starvation**

**Torture**

**Sterilization**

**Rape**

**Thoughts of suicide**

**Physical violence**

**Death**

* * *

"My grandparents need to speak to us." Ben's voice breaks through my internal panic. "Everything is going to be alright." He takes my hand and leads me off the dance floor towards the head table. I feel cold and numb. How is this happening?

Damien walks around to the front of the table like the predator he is. This man is a monster, a demon that hell spat out and now he's set his sights on me. Every inch an alpha, but not the kind I'm used to. There is no kindness in his eyes as he rakes his gaze over my body. I feel more like a cut of beef rather than a person. Because to him, that's all I am. An omega. Something to be used and collared at his discretion. A brood mare. His scent speaks volumes. He wants to hurt me, to break me. It will never happen. 

"You will come with me now. No need to pack anything. Once we get into Korribam territory, you'll have no need for clothing, anyway. Come here, omega." His smarmy smile churns my stomach.

I take a breath to steady myself. "No."

"You would refuse an alpha?" His laugh is pure evil. "Not for long. Once you wear my collar and are sufficiently trained, you'll beg for me. Especially when your heat comes." Licking his repulsive lips he smiles. "I cannot wait to break you."

"I refuse."

I feel it gathering. But if I've been taught anything, it's that I can always say no. A rumble emits from his chest before he barks an alpha command at me. **"You will submit to me, omega."**

It's easy to let the command wash over me, like walking through dust motes. I will not obey. Not to this _thing._ Kira leans against my mind, offering me support and strength. "Never."

Anger clouds his face. "You filthy, willful little bitch!"

"Enough!" Ben orders. "She's said no. And you know the laws of Theed territory."

"She's an omega!" Damien seethes. "She has no rights!"

"Perhaps where you come from. But here, everyone is equal."

"And _that's_ exactly why your pack will fail." Damien snarls. "We are alphas! Betas and omegas were made to serve us."

"You're wrong."

A savage smile erupts from the demon. "Then I raise the question by the old laws. This omega is of breeding age and has no mate or suitor. She is a danger to herself and others. I will take her to keep the peace."

Ben chuckles. "Theed is a peaceful pack. And as for Rey having no suitor...you couldn't be more wrong." He looks past Damien and grins. "Ah, there you are."

"Greetings to you, Damien." Lor San Tekka calls from behind the alpha. He carries the large leather bound book in his arms, the one that contains the pack's history. "Sorry. I had to step out for a moment."

"Damien has just decided to take Rey back to the Korriban pack." Ben informs him.

"Really? Well, I'm afraid that's just not possible." Lor places the book on the table and opens it. "I am the Keeper and Historian of Theed pack's history. And what you want Damien, goes against even the oldest of laws." He opens the book to a page he obviously knows well. "I wrote all of this myself and as everyone can see, there are witness statements and signatures." He looks at me and smiles. "Rey, come here and read aloud."

I've never been allowed to read directly from the book. I've never even touched it. Scents waft out from the pages, drawing me, calling me to it. The pack. Answers. Voices familiar yet younger speak to me, promising safety and...

_The belonging you seek..._

Tears blur my eyes as I read the first line.

"September 8th, 2001."

My birthdate. I clear my throat before I continue. 

"I write this with a full and happy heart for today into our pack a female pup has been born. She is the daughter of Astrid Summer Rivers and Leo Martin Rivers. As is customary, the child shall be brought forth to our leaders three days hence." The signature below reads: Lor San Tekka. 

I already know I was born in Theed. Ben told me. So, what does this prove? It's just a birth record. Lor San Tekka turns the page.

"September 12th, 2001."

The day I was brought to the pack leaders.

_"My grandmother named you."_

"Let it be known that the girl child has been named Reyna Ellen Rivers. It is also a point of fact that the future leader of the pack, Benjamin Charles Organa-Solo at the tender age of five years and almost six months..." No. Fucking. Way. "Has imprinted on the aforementioned child."

The witness statements and signatures read as follows: Padme Amidala-Naberrie-Skywalker, Anakin Skywalker, Leia Organa-Solo, Luke Skywalker, Han Solo and Mazel Fae Kanata.

My face snaps up to Ben who simply stares at me, hiding how he feels. I must look like a fool because my mouth is ajar. Ben...imprinted on me? He gives me a _what can I say?_ shrug. The jerk! 

Lor San Tekka asks me to keep reading.

"September 13th, 2001. It has been decided that Reyna Ellen Rivers and Benjamin Charles Organa-Solo will become engaged the day of her first birthday. In accordance with pack law, either party can break the engagement at any time, for any reason."

The same witness signatures apper under this entry. Along with two others. Astrid Summer Rivers and Leo Martin Rivers. 

"September 12, 2002. Let it be known that Reyna Ellen Rivers and Benjamin Charles Organa-Solo are engaged. The bonding ceremony was witnessed by..."

So many signatures. Mom and dad, Ben's family, my biological parents...the Council. Wait...so, not only did Ben imprint on me but we're engaged?! That's a nugget of information that's been well hidden. I read the next entry.

"December 25, 2021."

No mention of me leaving. No mention of my return. Why did it take a year and a half after I came back to warrant a new entry? What happened?

"Let it be known that on this day, in accordance with pack laws, Reyna Ellen openly, and without reservation, gave Benjamin Charles permission to court her. She did so in front of several witnesses."

Signatures from everyone that were at mom and dad's for Christmas are below. 

Could...they be lying? Is all of this some sort of scheme to make sure an alpha can't take me away? No. Theed pack is very vocal about everyone being equal. Everyone having a choice. They may have _omitted_ things, may have not said things, but no one has outright _lied_ to me.

Lor San Tekka pushes the book toward Damien. "Feel free to read the witness statements for yourself."

Damien looks like he's about to explode. "What are you saying?"

"Rey and I have been Courting for over a year." Ben answers politely.

But, that's not possible. I never gave him permission to court me. He never asked...

_Lor San Tekka and I are in the library and he is reading aloud from the book. "This is the tale of Bastila Shan and Revan. They were shifters who lived a very long time ago. It is said that Bastila Shan, who was an omega, had many alphas that tried to make her submit to them. But instead, she killed them all. In time, another alpha sought her out but instead of trying to make her submit, he spoke to her instead. As time passed and trust grew between them, he offered her half of his kills and helped to repair her hut. In return, she shared her vegetables with him and sewed his clothing._

_"Now, why do you think Revan treated her differently?"_

_"Because he didn't want to die?"_

_Lor San Tekka laughs. "Possibly. But do you think there could be another reason?"_

_I sit back in my overstuffed chair. "He...saw her as an equal?"_

_"Keep going."_

_Of fuck. It's so obvious! "He imprinted on her."_

_"Correct! At least, that's what we think. It was never written down, unfortunately." He sighs. "But we do know that he Courted her for years. We in Theed keep with that law. As a matter of fact, when Anakin and Padme took over, it was the first law to be put in place."_

_"How long must shifters Court?"_

_He shrugs. "As long as it takes."_

"Courting. How quaint. But technically, she isn't your mate. I want her. I suggest combat. Whoever wins gets the omega." Damien sneers.

"I'm not a possession to be fought over or won!" I yell at him.

"Oh, but you are. Only here do you have autonomy. And you have no choice in the matter." He regards Ben. "What do you say, Solo? An omega who hasn't had a heat yet is very valuable."

"Fighting square. Twenty minutes." Ben grabs my arm and hauls me out of the banquet room, not bothering to slow his gait so I'm forced to take two steps to every one of his. He's seething in fury, I can smell it. We work our way through the house, up the stairs and down the hallway until we're at my door. He throws it open carelessly, pushing me inside and follows.

He tears open my closet door and withdraws my overnight bag, yanking clothes off hangers and shoving them into the bag. "Grab only what you need. We have to get you packed." Moving to my dresser he pulls open drawers, grabbing fistfuls of my bras and underwear.

"Ben?"

"Do as I say, Sunshine." It's not an alpha command, but it is an order. I rush into the bathroom scooping up my toothbrush, toothpaste, hair brush, shampoo, conditioner and body soap.

"Grab the first aid bag while you're in there." He calls to me. I open the linen closet and take it out along with the toiletry bag. Ben has gone back to the closet, choosing only running shoes and placing them into the bag. His tuxedo jacket has been tossed on the bed along with his bowtie. 

"Ben, are you going to tell me what the fuck is going on?"

He stops and drags a hand through his hair. "Damien wants you."

"Yeah, I caught that."

"I can't allow it to happen. Not when I know what he'll do." He swallows. "Rey, you've been told a really watered down version of how bad they are. The things we've heard...Korriban not only collars their omegas. They chain them to beds, floors, walls. Rape and starve them until they submit. Forcefully mate them. They break people in every way possible. And Damien, that sick sadistic fuck, will _enjoy_ every moment of your pain."

"He can't mate me, though."

Ben looks at me with horror. "I just told you that he will rape and starve you and...all you have to say is 'he can't mate me'?"

"You just admitted that he'll enjoy my pain. That he'll break me in every way possible. But he _can't._ " I continue, "I grew up starving, being beaten and it didn't break me. Damien can do what he wants, but he'll never gets what he's truly after. Because I literally don't have it. He wants to mate me. But he can't." I whisper, pleading with him to understand. "Maybe that's why he chose me. Because he knows I can't be mated. It's a trap. Give up an unmateable omega or fight. But either way, no one wins. No one can mate me. And Theed could fall because of your decision." A puzzle piece slips into place. "He can't own or control me." Kira nods knowingly at me in my head.

"And so you, what? Expect me to let you go? To not fight? Knowing what he'd do to you every day? No!"

Something tells me I can take care of myself.

_"Our lives aren't worth the pack's safety."_

That's what my father had told my mother. That's why we left. We were protecting the pack.

"The safety of the pack must come first." He opens his mouth to argue but I interrupt him. "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Or the one."

"You're seriously quoting Star Trek right now?"

I shrug. "The words are true...and correct."

I see conflict in him. It's tearing him apart. The man and the alpha are at war. "If the situation were reversed...would you be able to just let me go?"

**No!**

"No! But there's a difference. _You're_ the future leader of the pack. Your life is more important than mine."

The rage that explodes from him make me cringe. That apparently, was the wrong thing to say. Well, shit.

"Have you ever stopped to consider that your life has meaning? That it has value? That some of us can't survive without you anymore?!"

Part of me wants to yell back at him. But I don't. I swallow my anger, my desperation. Looking at my bag I ask quietly, "So, I'm just supposed to run?"

"You can't run right now. It's expected that you attend the fight." Taking my hands into his he says, "I need you to listen to me very carefully. You must do _exactly_ as I instruct. I don't want to use an alpha command, but I will if necessary." He squeezes my hands. "Do I need to make it a command, Rey?"

Ben has never used a command on me, let alone threatened to before now. This is bad. Part of me wonders if he'd really do it. The other part of me wonders if it would even work. But he doesn't want to. And now isn't the time to test any of those boundaries. I trust him. "No. I'll do as you say."

He sighs with relief. "Good. If I should lose the fight, run directly to my dad's garage. You'll take the Falcon. Do you remember how to get to my cabin?" I nod. "Good. Drive to my cabin. Under the recliner is a trap door. Inside you'll find everything you need. New I.D.'s, weapons and ammo. There's about $10,000 in cash and several bank accounts set up under a new name. There's also five years worth of a medication called 'Oblit'. Take one pill every day, preferably at the same time. You head for human territory. Rent an apartment. Don't spend too much money, especially at one place. Get a job. Don't draw attention to yourself. Once you're in human territory, split your money between a few banks."

"What does the medication do?"

Guilt swirls off of him. "It will reverse the shifter process. You'll revert to how you were when you first came here...if not more." He licks his lips. "More than likely, the medication will erridacate all of your shifter markers and then you'll become human. You won't have to worry about anyone finding you based on your scent because you won't have one. Luke's been working on it a long time..." he trails off. "But there's another side effect you need to know about." His eyes fill with pain. "It'll make you sterile."

Shock runs through me. "Ben, I...I don't think I can have children."

"You can. At least, I know you ovulate." He whispers.

"How...did Leia tell you that?"

"No. I can smell when you're fertile."

Well, that's embarrassing. 

"So, you're telling me to take a medication that will cause me to be sterile? That will turn me human? I'll lose everything! My parents, you, your family, my friends, the pack!" I shake my head. "I can't ! I can't go back to being alone! What you're asking me to do...it's too much." Anger builds in every cell of my body. "I'll lose Kira, too! What kind of life is that? Alone, without even my own wolf to keep me company!"

If this is what freedom looks like, I don't want it. "I'll be alone."

Ben draws me into his arms. "That's not true. Even if I'm not physically with you, my soul always will be."

"Please Ben, don't do this. Just let him have me. Or let's run away together. I can't lose everything again. I'm not strong enough."

"Sunshine," he cups my face, forcing me to look at him. "I cannot, _will_ not let him just take you. It goes against everything I stand for. I gave you my sacred vow." His soft lips graze mine, so innocent and loving. "I always have been and always will be your knight. This is how an alpha protects his omega."

The door opens and Han and Leia enter. "Ten minutes, son. We need to get going."

Ben kisses my forehead. "Remember what I've told you."

Leia closes the door behind her husband and son as they leave. I really want to cry, but I can't. The tears won't come. "Will Ben win?"

"My son has never lost a fight, except to his grandfather."

"I don't want this, Leia. I can't lose him...or any of you."

"If I've learned anything, it's that no one's every really gone. You've proven that."

Taking my arm, she leads me from the room and into an unknown future.

* * *

It's been almost three years since I ran from Plutt, from the junkyard. From the sand and scorching sun of Niima. Thirty-four months and my life has changed in ways I've never thought possible. I have parents that love me, that chose me to be their child. And I have Ben. My best friend and yet so much more. I don't know how to live without any of them. All I know is I don't want to. If Ben should lose...my thoughts go to a dark place. I could just, let go. Make it to human territory and overdose on the narcotics I know are in the first aid bag. Or I could put a bullet in my brain. I heal fast, but not like full shifters do. Maybe it'll be enough. I can't take a medicine that'll kill Kira. So I'll do us both. At least we'll die together. I still have so many questions that haven't been answered. Maybe they never will be.

The scene before me is a strange juxtaposition, people in their formal wear while surrounding the fighting square. The air has changed, fear and excitement hang heavily around us. Two future leaders will shortly be going at each other's throats. Some, namely those from the Korriban pack, are eager to see blood flow. Many are anxious as to what it will mean depending upon who wins.

All I can think of is how this is all my fault. Maybe...maybe I could talk to Damien. Tell him that it's impossible for Ben to have imprinted on me. I could just leave and willingly go to Korriban. If Ben should be injured or killed, where would that leave the Theed pack? And everyone will see me as the reason for this. And they'd be correct.

Han takes a place beside me. "Keys are in the Falcon, along with your bag. Nod once if you understand." He whispers. I nod.

Damien enters the square, bare chested and yelling about his soon to be victory. I force myself not to roll my eyes. Ben enters wearing a black sleeveless shirt matching jeans and boots. My dark knight. He looks massive, long arms and legs heavy with muscle, broad chest barely contained underneath the fabric. Something zings through me and his head snaps up, his midnight eyes meeting mine.

**Alpha.**

_Lor San Tekka and I are in the library. "There's a secret about alphas that everyone knows but no one speaks aloud." He closes the book and sets it aside. "Would you like to know what it is?"_

_"Sure." I take a bite of cookie._

_"They kneel."_

_"You mean they kneel to their leader? Of course they do." I sip my water._

_"They kneel to their leader, it's true. But there is one other they kneel to." When I don't answer he raises his eyebrows. "Who would that person be?"_

_"I have no idea."_

_"I've told you about Bastila Shan and Revan. How he treated her. Here, in Theed, almost all of the alphas follow this as law. If an alpha imprints on someone, their first instinct is to prove themselves."_

_"How do they do that?" I ask._

_"It varies. But most alphas will be whatever their mate needs them to be. But it's not_ what _they do. It's_ why _they do it."_

_"Why they do it." I chew on the words._

_He nods. "They need to prove themselves." Lor lowers his voice until he's almost whispering, "To prove to the one they've imprinted on that they are the best choice."_

_"How does someone know if an alpha has imprinted on them?" I ask._

_"The alpha will kneel before them."_

Two memories crash to the surface. The first is the day after I arrived in Theed. Ben came to the hospital with mom...I'd decided to get the questioning over with...when I cried, he knelt on the floor. And then a month ago. The day of the Gathering. When Kylo reached out and Kira reached back. Kylo, Ben, they had _knelt._

I suck in a breath.

Memories of Ben's words worm their way to the forefront.

_"I'll always be your knight."_

_"You've always smelled like home to me."_

_"It's a beautiful nest, Rey."_

_"You take such good care of me."_

_"Good girl."_

The day I began to present. How pissed off Ben looked. Like he was going to tear Don's throat out. Ben wasn't just protecting an omega. He was protecting _his_ omega.

**Alpha.**

Ben's mouth moves minutely, into that secret smile, like he knows...can...hear my thoughts.

**"Omega."**

His rich voice fills my mind. It's soothing with its deep rumble. Arousal thunders through me, bringing me to life.

**"Mine. My omega."**

Anakin strides into the square, stopping between the two alphas and silence falls. I watch as another man, one who looks like a slightly older version of Damien stands beside the younger one. They speak briefly. The elder doesn't look happy. In fact, he looks...terrified. Damien just gives him a smile made from Satan himself. Something's very, very wrong.

"The rules of combat are simple. No weapons. No shifting. Combat will continue until someone yields. You may begin once I've left the square."

Damien wastes no time, as soon as Anakin is clear he runs at Ben, punching him square in the jaw. Ben doesn't even look phased. In fact, he starts laughing. Not his normal, good natured laugh. This one is deeper, darker. Primal. _This_ is what he's been hiding from me, although he's told me about it. _This_ is his alpha. And a very pissed off one at that. In an instant Kylo tears to the surface and punches Damien so hard he flies back three feet, the sound of cartilage breaking and blood spraying fills the air. But Ben doesn't stop there. He's on Damien, landing blow after blow to his face, chest and abdomen in quick succession. I can hear the snapping of bones and I'm sure they're Damien's.

"You're a pathetic alpha!" Ben roars as he twists and breaks Damien's left arm. "Can't get it up unless you're causing someone pain." A heavy boot lands on his opponent's crotch, causing an agonized howl to rip through the air. "What's wrong?" He grabs a fistful of Damien's now blood soaked hair, forcing him to his knees. "Aren't you having fun?!" He backhands him. "Not so great when you're on the receiving end, huh?"

_Is Ben going to kill him?_

**I don't know. But if he does, Damien deserves it.**

Ben lets go and Damien falls forward, face in the dirt. "If you have even two braincells to rub together, you'll stay down." He turns and wipes his hand across his face, trying to get rid of the blood.

Wish I could say I'm surprised when Damien stands up. Apparently, he doesn't have two braincells to rub together.

"Fucking moron." Ben snarls as he turns to face him again. Damien tries to shift into wolf form but before he can, Ben's grabbed him by the throat, lifting him in the air as high as he can and slams him bodily into the ground. "You." He does it again. "Never." And again. Damien's right leg snaps. "Learn." Ben puts all of his strength into it and the ground gives out as the other alpha makes contact with it.

From the Damien-sized crater comes a wheeze. "I yield." Ben releases him and stands. His eyes meet mine. He's breathing hard and sweating, knuckles bloodied and sweet baby Jesus, it's the sexiest thing I've ever seen in my life.

Before I know it, I'm pushing past shifters, yelling at them to get out of my way. I hike up my skirt, trying desperately not to trip and praying no one will accidently step on my train. I need Ben. It's that simple. I need him.

He's walking toward me, my beautiful man, a smile on his face that's flecked with blood when I see movement just over his left shoulder. It's Damien, a knife in his right hand, swinging in a downward arch toward Ben. Everything slows down, my eyes growing wide as fear and anger rip through me. The slowly crumbling wall that still separates Kira and I in our mind explodes from the inside out, a snow white wolf with vivid green eyes and sharp fangs leaping in front of me, the tether that connects us pulled taught. My mouth opens, hand lifting and the world tilts or maybe it's us because something breaks free from a long ago forgotten place. My fangs drop faster than they have before. A roar with an accompanying whistle of power and control unleashes itself from Kira and I in tandem.

_**"Stop!"** _

I feel the hairs on my body rise, the sound of _our_ voice snapping through the air like the crack of a whip. Waves of dominance roll off of me, unheard words and phrases sinking into their target. _You will stop. You will obey. You have no choice._

And I don't know how we're doing it, only that we _are._ Tendrils of energy pour from my body, from the phantom omega wolf before me, holding Damien in place. He is still as a statue, knife high in the air, fear and hatred in his eyes. We don't break eye contact. He's trapped. Frozen in place. Just like he's done to countless betas and omegas before. How very fucking poetic.

Ben turns and swipes the knife from Damien's hand. He examines it for a moment. "You never were man enough to not cheat." A wicked smile plays on his lips when he looks from the other alpha to me. "She really is something, isn't she? Intelligent, beautiful and so very powerful. An omega that has the ability to give an alpha command. She truly is gifted." He walks around Damien, sizing up the frozen alpha. And...is he admiring my work? Yes, yes he is. I pur internally. "How are you doing, Sweetheart?"

Kira sits down, leaning against me. She hands me the metaphysical reins of control.

**You've got this. Just remain calm and breathe.**

I tighten my grip, just to be safe. "I could do this all day and then some."

"Fuck, that's so hot." Ben croons. He looks to Anakin. Our pack leader looks livid, barely controlled anger snapping in the air as the man who looks like a slightly older version of Damien is marched up between Phasma and Pie. Anakin looks to Padme, whose own face is dark with anger. He nods sharply at his grandson, his mouth a sharp line. "For trying to command an omega in the Theed pack and for cheating in combat, namely by attempting to shift and by weapon, you are found guilty." His midnight eyes meet mine. 

**"Any requests, Sunshine?"** His warm voice bounces around my mind.

He's going to kill him.

Hmm...just one.

My pulse beats a wardrum through my veins. Fury bubbles to the surface, hot and thick. The sound of my footsteps in like thunder in my ears. Is the earth quaking, or is it me? My soul screams to tear his throat out, to let his flood flow over my fangs. I want to hear him scream...to play with him like the predator I am...to make him beg...

**Rey. Don't.**

Kira drags me back from the brink. 

_He deserves it!_

**He does. But this isn't like you. And it's not your place to take his life.**

It's petty of me, I know. But I want him to hurt. To feel what it's like to be humiliated, just once. Even if it's for five seconds.

**Is that all you're looking for? Shit, I've got an idea.**

A picture is slapped against my mind. 

_Perfect._

_**"Kneel."** _

A pained howl rips through the air as Damien's knees break when they make contact with the ground. And, I hate to admit it, but I find pleasure in this sick fucks' pain. He's a rapist. An enslaver. I know I don't know all of the details, but shit, those two things are good enough justification for me. 

"Poor little alpha." My voice is sickeningly sweet. "Did the big bad omega make you kneel? Hurts, doesn't it?" I tilt my head, gaze boring into his. "Sucks when you have no control. Life bites you in the ass when you least expect it. Oh well."

Ben steps behind Damien, one massive hand wrapping around his throat, just under his chin. "Looks like you fucked with the wrong omega this time." He brings the knife to the other man's skin. "You can let him go now and look away, Sunshine. You shouldn't see this."

I break my gaze and lower my hand. Damien writhes in Ben's grip, snarls erupting from him. I just have one more thing to say. Summoning up my best wolfish smile, I lean a little closer making sure Damien is looking into my eyes. "Who's the bitch now, bitch?"

**Turn your back to him.**

_Why?_

**It'll prove you have no fear of him. That he's nothing. Not even worthy enough for you to watch die. And Alpha is trying to keep this violence from your eyes.**

So I do. Because he isn't worthy. I trust Ben. 

A sliver of guilt runs through me. A person, no matter how cruel he is, is about to die. Is this the right thing to do? Can I live with this?

**Rey, look at me.**

Kira sits in front of me, still in wolf form. Her brilliant green eyes soften a little.

**I know you care little for your own life. But what if that monster had tried to take Finn or Rose? What if he was going to hurt someone you know? What if he had chosen Leslie? What would you have done then?**

As much as I hate to admit it, the answer is simple.

_I'd kill him._

**Yes. Because sometimes, just sometimes, you have to do something terrible to protect the ones you love.**

Does that make me a monster? Knowing I'd kill someone to protect others? Maybe. 

I've gotta hand it to Ben, he doesn't dally. I can hear the blade slicing through skin, muscle and bone quickly. I keep my chin up, allowing my gaze to flit around. I find Kane Carter, his Robin egg gaze on me. He tilts his head in reverence. I see Bazine and Zeke Netal. They both look panic-stricken and guilty. I don't know about Bazine, but Zeke? This was _his_ idea. His plan. Whatever the outcome of the Selection, some of the weight will be put on him. What will Anakin and Padme do?

A large thunk then a smaller one comes from behind me. I automatically know they're Damien's body and head. He'll never hurt anyone again. But the damage has already been done. I don't know how large the Korriban pack is, but I have a feeling things there will change for the better.

I'm swept off the ground, arms I know so well caging me into Ben's body as he carries me away from the violence and crowd. I tuck my nose into his neck, breathing in his scent. He's still Ben, even if Kylo is out. Because they're two halves of the same being. Just like I can't live without Kira, Ben can't exist without Kylo. 

We're in my room in record time. I'm placed gently on the floor and Ben worries his bottom lip as his black eyes roam over my body. "I've ruined your dress."

"You're bleeding."

He looks at his hands. His knuckles are torn, some fingers broken. "It's nothing."

"Not to me."

"We should talk...but I need to clean up first. Stay here. I'll be back." He turns to leave through the adjoining door. 

"When you return, I'll expect answers to all of my questions." I whisper. "No more omitting things."

Ben looks resigned to this fate. "I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much love! Happy New Year!


	33. Love You To Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter four of the Selection. I've agonized over this for a while. In some ways, this has been the hardest to write thus far. My first time writing actual physical smut. Please be gentle. Sorry that it's only medium smut. But remember, long game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really sure when I'll post again. My muse is taking a well deserved break. Life is hard right now, friends. I'm not giving up! Hopefully I'll be back in a week or two.

**Song: Love You To Death**

**Artist: Type O Negative**

**Album: October Rust**

I've decided to take a shower. I need to wash this day and all of the smells that came with it from my body. I scrub myself until my hair and skin squeak, every inch of make up and hair product swirling down the drain. I dress in a tank top and the sweats Ben bought me when I was in the hospital. Knowing what I do now, I wonder if he scented them before giving them to me. I wouldn't be able to tell now, not with three years of him holding me while I wore them.

I have so many questions that I'm not sure where to begin. I run through everything I know again and again, and there are gaps. Hopefully Ben will have the answers. I've been waiting for fifteen minutes for him to reappear. My stomach churns with trepidation. So I braid my hair. It's nothing like what Ben can do, nowhere as perfect or beautiful, just a simple solitary braid. I laugh at the irony.

A knock on the adjoining door lets me know Ben's here. "Come in." I'm on the sofa, my legs pulled up to my chest. He enters and sits at the foot of the bed. Giving me space. We sit in silence, neither of us brave enough to start what more than likely will be a painful conversation. 

"Is it true?" I find Ben's eyes. "What's written in that book? Did you imprint on me?"

"Yeah, I did." He admits softly.

"That's impossible. You were only five. I was what, just over three days old?"

"Usually, I'd agree with you. But I've learned the difference between impossible and improbable."

"But...you hadn't presented yet."

"No. I presented nine years later." He answers.

"So what makes you so sure that you imprinted on me?"

"It's hard to articulate." He runs a hand through his damp hair. "As a child, I'd felt...lonely. Although I had friends and a family that loved me, there was something missing. Like I was born with a piece of myself missing. And suddenly, you were there. It was like, a string tugging on my heart, pulling me closer to you. I held you for the first time, the day your parents presented you to my grandparents. You opened your eyes and looked directly into my soul. I knew it then. You held...no, you were my missing piece. You had all of the answers to questions I had yet to ask. Somehow, you parted the clouds that hung over me and your light filled me. I knew what I had to do. I would do anything you asked of me. I'd be everything you need."

"Are," I clear my throat. "Are we engaged?"

"Sort of."

"Sort of?"

"You know that your parents came here looking for sanctuary. We hid them as best as possible. But when your mom had you, we were worried about what Sheev Palpatine would do if he found out. So it was decided to put in a safety precaution. In this case, bonding the two of us, better known as an engagement. I am the future leader, and who better to protect you? However, until I was old enough, my grandfather dealt with any...trouble."

"And you were okay with this?!" I stand up and begin pacing. "You were only a child! Did they force you into agreeing? Or if not, you never should have made such an agreement!"

His head tilts, Kylo's listening. "Why shouldn't I have agreed?"

"Because when we got engaged or bonded, whatever the hell you want to call it, you were only a six year old boy who couldn't possibly understand the ramifications of a life long commitment!" I stomp over to the window, looking out to the forest.

"I may have been only six, but I knew what I was doing. I made a promise to you, whom I imprinted on. In doing so, you were protected. Any danger that came to you would immediately be fought against by my family. If you want, you can look at it as a temporary solution to a problem. And by law, you have every right to break off the engagement." 

"Is this what you weren't allowed to tell me? That you imprinted on me and the engagement?"

"Yes."

That hurts. "You told Damien that we've been dating for over a year."

"Courting, not dating. There's a difference." He offers gently.

"What's the difference?"

"Can - can you sit down?"

I resume my spot on the couch. I cannot _wait_ for what he has to say.

Ben watches as I sit back down, looking a little more comfortable. "Lor San Tekka told you the story of the alpha named Revan and the omega Bastila Shan, right?"

"Yes. Bastila was a much sought after omega. Many alphas tried to get her to submit and she wouldn't. She wound up killing anyone who tried. And then Revan came and he treated her differently. As an equal. Lor told me that Revan gave Bastila half of his kills and helped her to maintain her hut. In return, she gave him half of the vegetables she grew and sewed his clothing. It's believed that Revan imprinted on her. Eventually, he asked her to be his mate and swore that he would never use an alpha command on her. He Courted her for years. And they finally mated."

Ben smiles. "Yes. They were partners long before they were mates. Revan had to prove himself worthy of her. He wanted to show her that he was different. So he Courted her." He chews on his lip before he continues, "After that, many alphas did the same thing. My grandfather Courted my grandmother. From the moment I knew it was you in the hospital, I began Courting you."

I shake my head. "That was almost three years ago. You said it's been a little over a year."

"Technically, you didn't give me permission to Court you until Christmas of 2021."

"I did no such thing!" I scowl at him. "I never said you could."

"You didn't use words." He smirks. " 'And Revan bestowed onto Bastila half of his kills and in return she gave him half of her harvest. Thus, permission was given and they began Courting. ' The gift of food is the most common form of permission."

"No." I try to work my brain around what he's saying. "I've given you food before. What about those potlucks we've had? All of the meals and snacks we've had together? I'm a server for fuck's sake! According to your logic, I gave permission to everyone at those get togethers. And at work!"

He chuckles. "You're missing the point. You specifically gifted _only_ me with the pasta salad that _you_ made."

Oh Jesus fucking Christ, he's right. "Wait...I didn't know. How could I give permission to do something I wasn't even aware of? And...I was human then."

"Pack law states that Courting can take place regardless of designations. As long as the two are part of the pack. Since you and your parents were part of Theed pack, there's no problem. And since we are bonded, it makes everything easier. It's the next natural step. Even if the engagement is purely a paper one designed to protect you. Even if I've imprinted on you."

I stand up and begin to pace infront of him. "But...you're the future pack leader. Doesn't the fact that I haven't had a heat...I mean, what if I can't..."

"I told you that I never cared whether you were a shifter or not. I imprinted on you." He stands as well, haulting my movements. "All I care about is you."

"But what if..."

"Stop." Ben's arms wrap around me. "I don't care, Rey. This isn't about designations. It's about you. About me." He runs his hands up and down my back. "I know you don't remember everything. But when we were little, we were...what we had was stronger than friendship. We shared everything. Food, toys, our hopes and dreams. Our nightmares. Hell, we even slept in each other's beds. You never asked me for anything, except to spend time together." He sighs into my hair. "And that's all I wanted as well." Kissing my forehead he chuckles, "Seems not much has changed."

"Ben..." A tear slips down my cheek.

"When you came back, my grandfather ordered me to not tell you. At first, I was so angry. But then, when I realized that you didn't remember anything, I saw it as a blessing. You are the first person, the only person, who had no idea of my future. You never saw me as an alpha or future leader of the pack. You saw _me_. Ben. Just an average guy. I didn't have to worry about how I acted or what I said when we're together. To you, I was just a man. You allowed me to be who I truly am. And to me, that's the greatest gift I've ever been given. I guess what I'm trying to say is...we may have imprinted on you but we also fell in love with you."

"You love me?" I'm full on ugly crying now.

"Yes, Sunshine. I have always loved you. I will always love you. You are my best friend. But I want more...if you want it, too. You've always been it for me. You and no other. You are my first and only love. The only person I've kissed. I've never..." He looks away bashfully. "Well, I think you know that I've never..." Chocolate eyes find mine. "I've waited for you." Taking my hands in his sadness falls over his face. "So, you have a decision to make." He releases me and sits back down on the bed. "Tomorrow morning, those people out there will expect an announcement. From you."

"What am I supposed to say?"

"That's up to you. You can either tell them that you find me unworthy to be your alpha. Or, you can tell them that we're officially Courting now. The choice is yours."

"What will happen if I want to stop Courting?" I ask, not being able to look at him. What's best for Ben? For the pack?

"Then I will stop Courting you immediately." His voice is low, tinged with pain. "But in doing so, I will no longer be your suitor." I look at him but he's looking at the ring on my finger. "And I will not be able to protect you from the other alphas. Many will make offers. Most will want to Court you."

"Would we still be friends?"

A resigned smile appears. "I'll always be your friend, Rey."

I nod. "And if I say yes?"

His whiskey gaze snaps to mine. "Then we'll take the next step."

"And that is?"

"You'd have to say yes to find out. Know this; either choice you make will come with consequences, both positive and negative." His hands curl into fists. "It's a big decision and not one that you need to make until the morning. I'll leave you be so you can think about..."

"Ben?"

"Yeah?"

"I'd been nursing a serious crush on you for about six months before we went to the fair." I say shyly. "And...that was the day I realized that I was in love with you. I still am."

Hope fills his eyes. "Are you saying..."

"I...I'd really like it if we Courted. Officially." I swallow, gathering courage. "I'm in love with you, Ben."

His smile is full of love and relief. "I'd like that, too."

"So...now what do we do?" I chew on my bottom lip.

Ben reaches for my hand, gently pulling me to him. "Now, we make it official. And I make you mine."

My eyes widen as something deep inside me _contracts_. "Will you become mine as well?"

"Oh, Sweetheart..." His hand cups my face. "I've always been yours." He tilts his head up and to the left, placing his typical three kisses on my mouth. I kiss him back. "Are you sure?" He asks before kissing me again, this time a little more firmly.

"Yes." I sigh against his lips.

Ben pulls me closer so I'm standing in between his spread legs. He kisses my lips soundly, this time not retreating. His mouth opens and I follow his lead, the taste of spicy chocolate curling over my tastebuds. His tongue slips against mine, a small yet intimate gesture that makes my knees weak. He teases me, coaxing my own tongue in a dance that I still don't really know the steps to but dance along anyway. A deep groan comes from the back of his throat, his hands wandering to my hips. My own fingers slip into his thick hair, drawing his face even closer to me. My brain is short circuting, any thoughts aside from _Ben, Mine, Alpha_ flee. I'm not sure I'm breathing but what is oxygen compared to this?!

He tears his mouth from mine. His eyes look half crazed, like he's dying of thirst and I'm a glass of water. "Are you wearing anything under this?" He asks, tugging at the hem of my hoodie.

"Yeah." Where is he going with this?

"Good." His fingers find and begin to pull down the zipper. I squeak. "It'll make this easier. Nothing will happen that you don't want." My hoodie is open and he's sliding it down my arms, his warm hands against my skin. "Remember, you hold all the power here."

I'm not completely comfortable, seeing as how I'm in a tank top sans bra and well...my nipples seem to be seeking his attention. But Ben is looking into my eyes, searching for permission to keep going. "Okay." He licks his lips in _that way_ he has and yanks his long sleeved shirt over his head, tossing it to the floor. Now, I've has a general idea of how Ben is built. He's held me enough for me to figure out that the guy is solid and muscular. But I was not prepared for the sight before me. He's like a sculpture come to life, all ivory hard plains and muscles I don't even know the names of. The man is a God, and he sits half naked before me, his ink black hair barely resting on his broad shoulders, midnight eyes locked onto mine. I've never seen him without a shirt on and now I know why. Part of me is nervous, my inexperience making me feel unsure while the other part is nothing but pure feral excitement and desire screaming _Mine_!

I'm hauled off my feet and he straddles me on his lap, the sheer width of him forcing my legs into an almost uncomfortable stretch. His fingers find the hair binder holding my braid together and he slides it off, undoing my work, my still damp tresses hitting both of our chests. Leaning close he breathes in heavily, his voice gravely as he says, "Fuck Sunshine, you smell so good. You're going to be the death of me." His mouth finds mine again, his kisses becoming more urgent and I can't help but meet him with the same enthusiasm. One hand is in my hair, the other at my lower back, causing me to be immobile. And I'm perfectly happy with that. I'm not going anywhere. His tongue flicks against mine, chasing me as I chase him.

He ends the kiss and I can't help but feel disappointed. His right hand finds my left arm and he brings the inside of my wrist to his lips. His mouth meets the skin there and I realize it's the scent gland. He kisses it lightly before his teeth begin to nip at the area. The gland immediately responds and I watch in dazzlement as it raises and grows pink under his ministrations. My heart trips as Ben's tongue licks the gland before a wave of euphoria crashes against me. A moan escapes my throat as my clit throbs. My wrist is wet from his saliva and the air has changed, smelling like me. He slides my gland against his own on his right wrist. It's like a knock on the door. One which I tear down in welcome. Something moves inside of me. "Ben." My voice is a whimper. It's _him_. Somehow, his essence is advancing within me.

_"Mine."_ He growls as his hand shoves aside the strap of my tank top that covers the gland on my shoulder, his mouth beginning the sweet torture all over again. Lips, teeth, tongue. I feel myself moving, my hips without conscious thought grinding my core against what can only be his hard cock, my body begging for a release that only he can give. Ben grunts in satisfaction before he clamps his mouth down and _sucks_. I groan loudly, my hands fisting into his hair. The scent of my alpha surrounds me, buries itself in my very pores, making me feel spicy sweet and warm. Ben's arms are around me, holding me tight to him, our chests brushing as I slide up and down against his manhood. My mouth finds his, beautiful firm lips crashing into my own. His large hands run up and down my back, soothing me as his deep, whispered words do. At first I can barely make out what he's saying until I catch a few phrases. "Oh Sunshine. My Omega. Good girl. Perfect. I love you."

I've often wondered what space would feel like, the weightless of it. Just simply to float. Now I know. It feels like this. My mind's eye creates an image of me floating amongst a sea of stars, peaceful and untethered. But there's a sense of bittersweet loneliness to it.

_Lub dub. Lub dub._ Heartbeat. But it's not mine because I can feel my own heart beating faster than the sound. The gravity slowly pulls me back, closer to the sound. _Lub dub. Lub dub._ It's Ben, his heart. I'm in the shelter of him, of his body, his scent...his love. Here, and only here...I am complete. For a moment, we share everything. 

The galaxy lights up, brimming with fire. I am everything here. I am unmade here.

My eyes open and I stretch myself from the ball I've curled into. I feel shiny and new. Licking my lips I can still taste Ben on them. When I look at him he's gazing back at me with desire and awe. I move my face closer to his neck, sucking in a huge lungful of pure, unadulterated alpha. _My Alpha._ I groan loudly as I work the scent and taste of him over my palette, rubbing it against me teeth. Pulling away I grab a fistful of his silky black tresses, making sure to stare into his soul before a wicked smile plays on my lips. "My turn." I grunt.

Ben fucking whimpers. 

* * *

My Rey. Sweet, sweet Omega. My shy Little One.

"My turn." Her fingers clutch at my hair, jade-green gaze trapping me. The words are a grunt. A plea. Almost an order. The _vixen._

My Sweetheart has always been a tsunami. She tosses me about with one look. She is my sun, my moon. The very earth which holds me up and the gravity that holds me down. Like water is my tiny omega, cooling me and quenching my thirst. She's a cunning little thing, quick of mind and open hearted but with a tongue like a blade that cuts me to the quick. To me, Rey is the very definition of love and seduction. I have willingly thrown myself into the pit of love which she herself made. I have known almost my entire life that my place is by her side, to kneel at her alter. Rey is the reason I was born. I was made to love her. And before I take my last breath in this life, she will know the frevor of my love.

Even in the muted light I can see the way her eyes sparkle, held within the face of my own personal goddess. She raises my left arm to her mouth, her soft lips gently kissing my scent gland. Rey looks to me, as if asking that she's doing it correctly. I nod, already half crazed with lust for my mate. Her teeth lightly graze against the area, the gland raising in response. Her tongue lathes the area and a grunt of satisfaction escapes her. My scent permeates the air, growing thicker. Running her own wrist against mine, she watches me carefully as her scent mixes with mine.

**Mate! Mate! Mate!**

Leaning in she takes a lungful of air, my scent within her. "Mine Ben." She growls before licking the scent gland on my shoulder. Her hot, wet mouth latches on, sucking like she's starving, my omega _finally_ being greedy, _for me,_ drawing my essence into her. Her little body wiggles on my lap, hungry mewels vibrating to my very bones.

The texture of soft petals runs through my bloodstream, latching on to every cell they encounter. Like cool rain on hot summer stones, she tempers me. _Lub dub. Lub dub._ I have been found worthy. Here, and only here, with my mate, I am complete. 

If I thought I was hard during rut, I was so comically, terribly wrong. How my pajama bottoms don't split is beyond me. 

"Holy fuck...Ben." Her guttural moan rings through the room.

"Sunshine." I draw her face up so I can look in her eyes. Her pupils are blown wide, lips puffy and wet. I lift the hem of her tank top, tracing the bottom of her rib cage with my fingertips. So soft. She's so fucking soft. "I want to see you. To touch and taste you." Okay, I'm begging. So what?

Rey looks worried but she nods.

I slowly slide the top up, against the silky softness of her skin, the small swell of her tits, the hardened nipples. I don't break eye contact, letting her see the love and desire in my gaze. Her top, like everything else compared to me, is _so tiny._ Gods, how I love it. Little mate with her slender, nimble fingers and little shoes next to my gigantic ones. It feeds my alpha. My need to protect. To dominate.

**Protect mate. Worship mate. Make mate happy. Do our duty.**

_With fucking pleasure._

Rey covers her breasts with her arms. She won't meet my gaze, her cheeks pink. "I'm sorry."

Confusion hits me. "For what?"

Glancing down at her arm covered breasts, she blush increases. "For them. I know they're small."

Kylo's head snaps up. He's not happy that she's ashamed.

**Mate is perfect! Prove it to her!**

My hands encircle her forearms, gently guiding them away from her chest so I can see for myself. She is flawless. 

"Yes," I agree, "they are small." I draw my fingertips across her collar bones, down her breastbone, tracing her ribs, counting and pecking the freckles I find. "But your skin is soft. And your breasts are firm and beautifully shaped." I kiss the top swell of each. "Your nipples are a wonderful dusky rose..." I lick each one in turn. They're so responsive to my touch, growing even harder under my wet caresses. "Like tasty pieces of sweet candy." I cup each breast in my hands, their weight settling in my palms. "You fit my hands. See?" I give a gentle squeeze and she whimpers. "I want to suck your tits," I graze my teeth along her neck, my hips lifting to meet hers. "Roll those pretty little nipples along my tongue until you beg me to stop."

My hands grasp her hips too harshly, my hips bucking up. I'm hard as fucking steel and my cock demands release. "But most importantly, they are _your_ breasts. They belong to you. And I love them, because I love you. You are perfect. Never doubt that."

"Really?" She asks shyly.

"Sunshine," I chuckle good naturedly. "You've told me that you love my big ears. But you think I wouldn't love your tits?"

"That's different." She pouts.

"Oh really? How so?"

Rey opens her mouth but nothing comes out. I can see the wheel turning in her mind. Finally she says, "Because who wouldn't fall in love with you?"

My heart is rendered and made new again, stronger than it ever could be without her. "One day, you will see yourself through my eyes." I burn the promise into her skin with my mouth. "And you will see a queen."

Her lips crash into mine. Our kisses are sloppy, mostly uncoordinated teeth and tongue, small nips and ungodly moans. Sensing what I need she begins to move, her clothed pussy sliding gracefully against my length. The whimper she releases begs me to answer her call as I lose my mind, my fingers gripping around her waist while my face buries itself in her cleavage, my lips suckling her honey-sweet tits. I'm crumbling as a draw an entire firm orb into my mouth, not giving a single fuck if I were to suffocate as long as I have some piece of her inside me when it happens. Her nimble fingers trapse over my chest, down to my stomach, tracing every inch of my torso, making me so much harder I may just explode. I release her breast with a sinful pop, immediately going for the other, her blunt nails digging into my back as she growls like a fucking demon. Her hands yank my hair sharply, ordering me to let go. I do. 

With half-hooded eyes she leans back slightly, shifting her hips so she can rub herself against my cock with more friction. I can't help but stare as her breasts bounce, the way her abdomen contracts and relaxes. I drive myself against her, my cock positively aching. The scents of rain and campfire fill the room, crashing against each other as our hips meet thrust for thrust but I can tell she's growing tired. Poor Little One. I bring her into the security of my embrace, flipping us over so she's lying beneath me, her shapely legs automatically wrapping themselves around my waist.

"Is this what you want, my Omega? Hmm?" I snap my hips almost harshly, losing control. My hand finds her nape, fingers pulling her hair, forcing her to look at me. "Need to hear you say it." She's trying to squirm beneath me and I fucking love it. "Need to hear it, Sweetheart. Wanna hear you."

"Alpha...please!" Love you...Ben." The air is crackling around us along with the decadent sound of the bed speaking beneath us as we move in unison. "Ben. Mine Ben." Her moans are almost incoherent. 

"Fuck...love you...need you to come." I'm growling, Kylo begging me to completely make her unravel beneath us.

It's like a torrential downpour, so heavy is the scent of her arousal, of her fucking _slick._ Shit, I swear I can feel it moving down the inside of her thighs, enrapturing me. Rey begins to tremble and cries as her orgasm washes over her, the wetness spilling outward onto me, drenching through my bottoms onto my cock. The sensation of my mate's slick sets me ablaze, and I thrust once, twice, three times, my balls so fucking tight it's almost painful before my own orgasm tears through me and I howl at my conquest. My I.Q. spurts out of me in thick ropes and I almost collapse on her. With the last of my strength I manage to shift us on our sides, her left leg still wrapped over my hip. I'm not ready to let her go yet.

I manage to pry my eyes open long enough to look at my mate. She's nestled close to me, dozing. I could cry with the sheer pleasure of it all. My mate finds me acceptable, worthy. "I love you." I whisper into her hair as I pull a blanket over us. Rey is mine and I am hers. I fall asleep finally feeling complete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Much love and I'll see you soon.


	34. New Sensation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter deals with the morning after the Selection at the beginning and how Rey got her apartment (in the story it was December of 2022 and the current date is April of 2023).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I'm so sorry this took so long to put out, and admittedly, it's not the best chapter. However, in the last two weeks my life went to hell in a handbasket seemingly overnight. First, I had a medical problem that was being treated, albeit slowly. Then it flared into an emergency. The day after that was taken care of, my middle cat became sick. The vet couldn't get him in right away and he went downhill rapidly. He wound up in a veterinary hospital for two and a half days. 
> 
> I'm happy to report that both he and I are much better now. But we're both exhausted. So, here's a chapter. Nothing like how I wanted it to be. Give me a couple of weeks and the next one will be better.

**Song: New Sensation**

**Artist: INXS**

**Album: Kick**

I wake up slowly to the smell of Night Blossoms and rain, a small, cool body wrapped securely in my arms. This is my own personal heaven. At some point during the night Rey has rolled over onto her left side so we're spooning. I'm still drowsy, half drunk with the knowledge of what we've done the night before. In sharing our scents, quite literally drinking them from each other, we have now ensured that for at least a month, no other shifter will approach either of us with romantic (or physical) intentions. It's like wearing a sign that reads: Courting, stay away. It puts me at ease.

My fingertips run down her spine, gliding over every little bump and dip. Her skin is so soft. I cannot help but kiss her shoulder, blessing every freckle my lips find. She sighs quietly in her sleep. How many times have I heard that sound? A hundred? I've lost count. All I know is that I'll never tire of it. Her mouth gives a little pout...my Sunshine is waking up and she's not happy about it.

"Morning, love." She yawns.

"Morning, Sweetheart."

Her head lifts so she can look at the clock on the bedside table. She groans. "It's too early."

I chuckle. "You don't need to be up yet. How does breakfast in bed sound?"

"Mmmm...that sounds really nice." Rolling over she buries her nose in my neck. "But this is so much better."

I tighten my arms around her, making sure to keep her warm. "This is wonderful. Everything I've ever wanted."

Hazel eyes come out of hiding. "We've spent the night in the same bed before. Woken up together. What makes this different?"

"Well," I roll us over until she's under me. "Two things about this morning in particular are different." Kissing her gently I tick off the differences. "One: I am now free to say I love you as much as I want. And you're going to hear it a lot. Two..." I let my gaze fall to her naked chest. "Beeewbs!"

Rey's giggle rips through the room. "Really? Beeewbs?"

I nod enthusiastically, smiling like an idiot.

Her little fingers run through my hair. "You're kind of a dork, you know that, right?"

"At least I don't quote Star Trek." I tease.

"Gene Roddenberry was a genius and too precious for this world!"

I snort before kissing her soundly. "See, that right there is why I love you."

"I love you, too." She pecks little kisses all around my face. "We really get to do this? We can be together now?"

"We've always been together." I admit. "It just... I wish I would have told you how I feel earlier. But I was afraid that you wouldn't feel the same way." I brush a few strands of hair out of her face. "And even though it killed me, I'd rather be your friend than lose you completely."

"I was so scared that I was going to lose you. I had a feeling that your mate would be at the Selection. I figured that I'd have to listen while you..." Pain flits across her face. "I was considering how I could sneak out of here."

Nuzzling my nose into the crook of her neck I sigh as our scents fill the air. "As if I'd ever let you go."

"I figured you'd be too busy to notice."

"There's never been anyone else." I smooch her scent gland.

"I didn't know that." She confesses.

"Mmm." I give her an Eskimo kiss. "Well, now you do. You're stuck with me."

She tugs on my hair. "Good." Petal soft lips kiss my Adam's apple. "Wanna fool around?" She asks playfully. 

"Good God, yes."

Rey's laugh bounces off the walls as does the early morning light of the rising sun. We're able to move slowly. Our kisses are methodical, less desperate than last night. Because we finally have time to enjoy each other. We're more sure of ourselves, of how each other feels. Mouths and fingertips explore new places. Hands smooth themselves over skin, finding every dip, swell and bulge. Tongues taste not just mouths and necks and breasts, but hips and backs, fingers and stomachs. It's very gentle, mostly innocent for a while. Pure curiosity. Still, in what seems like no time at all, we're both panting, the bed sqeaking beneath us. Whispered pleas and encouragements. My hand in her hair. Her short nails in my back, my shoulders, holding me where I belong. Our scents of leather and spice and Night Blossoms mix together all the more. Campfire and spring rain twining us ever tighter the more turned on we become. Until finally Rey reaches her orgasm and I tumble with her.

We're a sweaty mess and I fucking love it. My head is resting on her chest, listening as her heartbeat slows.

"I love you." Her arms are around me.

"Say it again." I close my eyes.

Her arms hold me tighter. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

* * *

Even after a shower, I still smell like Ben. Like he's standing next to me. Like a part of him is inside me. _I love it._ Kira's curled up in the back of my mind, purring contentedly. 

Headquarters is blessedly...quiet. and empty of the other packs. If it wasn't for the fact that foreign scents still linger in the air, I could almost believe yesterday was just a dream. But it was all real. Ben is in a meeting with the Knights and I'm wandering the house, my ballet flats are barely making noise against the hardwood floor.

The morning is gorgeous. The early spring air is a little too crisp for my liking, but the sun is bright and warm. I stand in the flower garden, the mixture of scents calming me. I walk slowly through the patio, taking the time to quite literally smell the roses.

For the first time in a month, I feel at peace. Like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Like I can finally take a deep breath.

Anakin is sitting at one of the tables in the yard, drinking coffee. Not exactly the first person I was hoping to see, but I may as well get this conversation over with.

"Would you like a cup of coffee?" He asks.

I nod and sit across the table from him. He smiles and pours me a cup. We sit in the sun, listening to the songs of birds and whispers of grass as the light breeze travels over them.

"You ordered Ben not to tell me those things. Why?"

Placing his cup on the table he sighs. "A few reasons. It's...unheard of for a shifter to imprint on someone at such a young age. Ordinarily, it probably wouldn't have been a problem. But when your family left...and thirteen years had passed and you came back, not remembering anything..." His blue eyes meet mine. "Imprinting is just biology. If we imprint on someone, we will always view that person as our ideal. Our other half. And our best chance for happiness and strong pups. However, as shifters, we have our human sides and lives to worry about. And seeing as how you haven't imprinted on Ben, that just makes it more difficult." Taking a sip of his coffee he continues, "We didn't know what would happen. So I decided to play it safe. In giving the order, I gave you both _time_. Time to see if you could form a relationship without the burdensome knowledge of your biology. And it worked." He smiles. "And I'm so happy it did."

"You were protecting Ben."

Anakin shrugs. "I was protecting you both. If I didn't give the command, Ben would have told you. From there, only two paths would have been open to you. Run or accept it. Neither outcome would have been beneficial to you and you would have been miserable. So I helped to shape a new path. One that you both would have to agree on. He wasn't allowed to tell you about him being a shifter or imprinting on you. Biology can only tell us what we need. Our hearts tell us what we want."

"Does Ben really have a choice in loving me?"

"Of course. Falling in love with you was his choice."

Relief floods through me. 

As I sip my coffee another thought occurs. "Last night...I used an Alpha Command, didn't I?"

"Yes."

My eyes narrow. "You don't seem surprised."

"I'm not." He chuckles.

A chill runs up my spine. "Why?"

"Because last night wasn't the first time you've used one." He shrugs again, like it's no big deal. "When you presented and were brought here, you used one on Luke, although I actually believe it was Kira that did so. And I also believe that you are incapable of heeding an Alpha Command."

"It makes sense, after last night." I take another sip. "Makes me wonder, though. Did I, or more correctly Kira, ever do it before?"

"Only once, that I'm aware of." His blue eyes cloud over. "You don't remember, do you?"

I shake my head in the negative and something nags at the corners of my mind. It makes me...uncomfortable. 

"Well...perhaps one day you will."

"Maybe."

Anakin finishes his coffee. "Any idea of what you'll say at your announcement?"

"I love Ben." I blurt out, blushing at the inability to not keep my mouth shut.

"And he loves you as well. But you haven't answered the question." His large frame, because he is large, sits a little more straight. I've noticed the similarities between Ben and his parents, even with Padme. But there are only a few with Anakin. The length of their hair. The power they exude. But when the leader of our pack breaks into a smile, it's very much like Ben's. Not in look or size, but the way it makes them seem almost childlike. Naughty boys, the both of them. I can imagine Anakin and Ben sneaking cookies before dinner. And I can also see them both tearing the throats out of anyone who would dare to hurt the pack. "Rey?" One eyebrow raises in curiosity. 

I blush all the more. "I- I want to officially Court."

A genuine smile breaks across his face. "I'm so happy to hear that, Rey. And congratulations. I suggest we get some breakfast. The other packs will be back in a few hours."

"They will? Why?"

He chuckles as he stands, offering me his arm. "So that word will spread faster. You and Ben will be Courting. That should relieve some stress and also warn others to stay away from you both if they have...romantic intentions."

"Positive and negative consequences." I mutter.

"Yes. Being the intended of the future leader has its perks as well as its pitfalls. Luckily, you have decades to learn."

"Right. Decades." Something about that bothers me.

* * *

December, 2022

"Huh." Poe looks around the kitchen. "When was your last Tetanus shot?"

"Babe, stop." Finn chides his boyfriend. "I like it. It's cozy."

"Cozy is polite for 'small'." Han chimes in, looking about as pleased as Poe.

"Small isn't a bad thing." Mom says as she opens the entryway closet door. "A couple of plants and it'll be right as rain."

Ben rolls his lips in disapproval. 

"It's not like I have tons of stuff." I mutter. "I don't need much."

The sound of the shower sputtering to life catches my attention. "Excellent water pressure!" Rose calls from the bathroom.

"We could paint if we want, right?" Leia comes out of the bedroom. "Liven the place up a little?"

Robert, the landlord, nods. "As long as it's repainted before you move out."

Armie flips the deadbolt over and over. "How old is this? It's shite."

"I haven't installed a new one yet. Next on my list." Robert answers.

"At least it's only a couple of blocks from a grocery store." Dad grumbles.

Who knew it took _ten_ people to look at one apartment? You'd think I was going into battle or something. I know everyone just wants me to be happy but...Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I'm about ready to tear my hair out! I walk around the unit, pretending to look at things before finally heading into the bedroom. It has one window that overlooks the parking lot. Well, no one can have it all. The apartment building is mostly quiet, and I'm on the second floor. $900 a month with garbage included. There's a laundry room on each floor. Controlled entry. It's perfect.

The bedroom door closes behind me and I know it's Ben. Whether the tread of his footsteps, the scent of his cologne or just the fact that I know he'll always be there makes no difference. He stands behind me, winding his arms around my shoulders. "My offer still stands. You can always move in with me."

"I never told you what I thought about when I left Jakku." When I feel him shaking his head, I tell him. "I thought about how my life could change. I was hoping that I'd get a decent job, maybe a studio apartment and grocery shop for real food. I was going to be free." I turn in his arms so he can see my face. "But I've been here for almost three years and have gotten so much more. Family and friends. Now all I need is my own place. And here I am." Ben chews his cheek. "I know it isn't as nice as you hoped it would be, but I can afford it. And it will be mine."

"If you like it, then that's all that matters." He kisses the crown of my head.

"I like it."

"Okay then." Ben gives me a full megawatt smile, dimples and all. "Look at you, being free."

"Guess I have some paperwork to sign."

* * *

Two Weeks Later

"What time is everyone coming over tomorrow?" Ben asks as he and I walk through the furniture store.

"Ten." I sit on an especially hard couch. "Ow! This is guaranteed to make my ass go numb." As I walk to another couch I swear he mutters something like, 'I'd spank it until it woke up' but there's no way he'd say that.

"What about this one?" He sits on a couch and it gives a little. But that doesn't mean anything when you have a giant sitting on something. I take a seat next to him. Oh, it's comfy! Not too hard but not so soft that it'll swallow me.

"It's nice." I find the price card. "But not _that_ nice." Standing up I hold out my hand to him. "Let's go see what they have on sale."

I'm actually shopping for furniture! For my apartment! That I'm moving into tomorrow! Squee!

And good God almighty, why didn't anyone warn me how _boring_ furnitue shopping is after twenty minutes?!

After two hours I end up buying a coffee table, two chairs, and a queen sized bed with the second cheapest mattress available. _All on sale!_ It puts a large dent into my savings, but I was prepared for this. And, it's all new, direct from a store that isn't second-hand. And they deliver! We set up delivery for between noon and four tomorrow. A couch will just have to wait. And I don't have to worry about a dining room table, since my apartment doesn't have a dining room. The couch that Ben found is admittedly perfect, but I can't afford $1,500 more right now. Maybe in a few months.

Ben takes me to a deli shop for lunch. And insists on paying for my meal. When I go to argue he just gives me _the look._ Shitsticks.

We go to the grocery store next. It's comforting how we just know how to shop together. We eat pretty much the same things, so we separate in the produce section, going in different directions only to find each other again after a few minutes. We start going down the aisles, him pulling stuff from the left, me from the right. It's automatic. And we just talk about other things. This is the normal life I've always wanted. Only one thing is missing.

We drive to my apartment (sorry, once again, _my apartment!_ ) and put the groceries away. I still have some last minute packing to do at mom and dad's. It's already been decided that Ben's going to spend the night. It'll just make it easier for the morning.

That night dad tries hard not to cry at the dinner table. It must be hard for them. Going from no children to adopting an adult and now dealing with being empty-nesters. I've promised to have at least one dinner with them a week. I hope that makes them feel better.

I've just climbed into bed when there's a knock on my door. "Come in." Ben steps into my room with a shy smile. "What are you doing here? We'll get into trouble!"

"What, you afraid they'll kick you out?" The soundrel.

"No. But my dad might kick your ass!" I whisper.

"It was his idea. He said, and I quote, 'She shouldn't spend her last night at home sleeping on the livingroom floor'."

"Really?"

"Yep." Ben sits on the foot of my bed. "However, there's no way we'll both fit on your little bed. So, I'm going to just hang out until you fall asleep. Scoot over."

He climbs in beside me, the bed groaning under his large frame. Damn, they need to make bigger furniture. Warm, solid arms wrap around me locking me to his body. I'm not that tired, too excited to sleep. But the rise and fall of his chest, the sound of his gentle breathing lulls me to the gates of dreamland. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to once again extend my thanks to all of you. I never, ever thought anyone would read this. And, I'm so very excited to see that, because of you, I've hit one of my goals...ten thousand hits. I full on ugly cried when I saw that. I love your comments, please, keep sending them in! They light a fire under my flat ass to keep on writing. 
> 
> I'd also like to extend my thanks to the wonderful people that run Reylo Fic Recs on Facebook. On January 18th I was celebrated on #MondayMentions. Thank you so much for that. It's really an honor. 
> 
> Much love!


	35. Be My Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the day after the Selection (still) and Rey has a decision to make. Publicly. What can go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I'm sorry this has taken a while to get out. My muse is trying to bounce another story around (stop it!) while I'm wrangling her back into this one. I've been trying to write, and I am, but it's slow going.

**Song: Be My Baby**

**Artist: The Ronettes**

**Album: ...presenting the fabulous Ronettes featuring Veronica**

At least the second dress I've had to wear in twenty-four hours is much more comfortable. It's a turtleneck long-sleeved dress made from black silk with a lining of red silk. The hem goes to the middle of my knees in the front and tappers down to just below my calves in the back. The way the skirt is cut shows the red lining when I move. I love it. Fancy, but not overly so. I'm wearing the silver wolf locket Ben gave me along with the white bead bracelet that I've never taken off. And the ring he gave me a month ago. Ben explained it to me this morning. No, it's not an engagement ring. The ring is a symbol to everyone that I'm under the protection of the Skywalker-Amidala-Organa-Solo family. I feel like I'm more under Ben's protection. After all, he's the one that killed Dominic last night. I secure a wide patent leather belt around my waist and slip on thick, semi-high heeled boots that match. I look...good. Damn good.

I've kept my makeup as minimal as possible. Foundation, nude eyeshadow, black eyeliner and mascara. Red lips. I need to not only appear confident, but I must also visually look good enough to stand beside Ben when the time is right. I've styled my hair into a tight bun at the crown of my head. No nonsense. If anyone says anything, I'll have to confront them directly. Then there's the other thing...which, truth be told, I'm a tad worried about. It seems that alphas aren't the only ones that fight over a prospective mate. If someone wants Ben, they'll challenge me for him...just like Damien did to Ben, for me. And I have two choices: fight or give my alpha up.

I've never fought a shifter before that wasn't in training. The Knights are strong, but they never went for blood with me. It was more like rough-housing. When it becomes real, will I be able to hurt someone? Will my opponent mean to kill me or just wound me? Will I have to kill someone? Honestly, I don't like any of those ideas. And I'll be fighting for my right to stay by Ben's side, proving that I'm worthy of him. And since this is Ben, I have a feeling that I'm going to be fighting a lot in the foreseeable future. I don't want to fight but I'm certainly not letting Ben go.

Taking one last look at my reflection I go to the dresser and pull out a beautifully wrapped box. I was informed earlier today by Anakin that it's customary to give a gift to the person you're Courting, once you've actually decided to Court. Jannah, Gwen and I made a mad dash to the mall. After an hour of panic shopping, I remembered something. Ben had been looking at watches for the last three months. I was able to recall the brand so I went to every jewelry store until I found the one he had been considering buying. And when I saw the price tag, I immediately understood why he hadn't bought it yet. Almost $4,000. Yikes. But this is for _my Ben, my love_. I have $5,000 saved up for college but...with the warmer months coming the diner will be busier. I can make the money back. Besides, it's not like I was going to go to college _this_ year.

The three of us raced back to headquarters seeing as how we only had two hours left before the Council would be in session and then directly after that, the other packs would be back around one o'clock. 

I knock on the adjoining door and hear Ben's deep voice call, "Come in, Sunshine." Upon entering I find him standing in front of his full length mirror. He's wearing a white button up dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to just under his elbows, displaying his muscled forearms. His black dress slacks fit _just right_ , showing off the glory that is his ass. Like at the Selection, his hair is perfectly coiffed, the ink and deep burgundy waves just begging me to run my fingers through them. There's a vest laid out on his bed and I swear he's trying to kill me because just the thought of that vest covering (barely) the width of his shoulders and broad chest and back makes me a little lightheaded. This man isn't a snack. He's a fucking feast for all the senses and I'm suddenly becoming _very hungry._

"This must be an alternate reality if I'm ready before you are." I tease.

"The meeting with my grandparents ran late." He grumbles. "But after what happened last night, we just want to make sure we have everything covered." Turning to me his eyes widen slightly. "You look positively scrumptious."

I blush profusely. _Alpha likes our dress._ "It's not too much? Or too little?"

Ben shakes his head. "You look perfect. Although," he picks up his blue tie from the bed, "I'll have to switch this out for a red one."

**Alpha wants to match us!**

I repress a giggle as Kira swoons in my head.

_Down, girl._

Speaking of...

"Love?"

He's digging in a drawer. "Found it!" Extracting a red tie that matches my dress perfectly. "Huh?"

"I um...have something for you." I hand him the box. He looks confused. "Anakin told me that it's a tradition to give a gift at the beginning of Courting." I'm blushing even more.

"It is." His expression is soft. "May I open it?"

"Please."

His fingers make quick work of the wrapping paper. Then he sees the name on the box. "Rey..." he opens it and looks at me. "How...how did you know?"

I shrug. "You've been looking at it for three months. And I figured that this could be a combination birthday and Courting present, since we weren't able to celebrate your birthday this year."

"We've been busy." He chuckles.

"Do you like it?"

"I love it. But Sunshine, it's so expensive."

"Meh."

He stills. "Where'd you get the money?"

I can't meet his eyes. "My savings." I whisper.

The room goes eerily quiet. "Please tell me that you didn't buy this with your college fund."

"Okay. I won't tell you." I bite my lip.

"Oh, Sweetheart. Why? You've been saving for a while..."

"It's not like I can go this year anyway." I huff. 

"But...you've been talking about going since last summer."

"Ben." How do I explain this? "With everything that's happened in the past month, the last thing I need to do is put more stress on myself. I can't do everything I'm doing now _and_ take college classes. And, I will go. Maybe. Eventually. I just...need some time." I shrug. "Besides, I'd really like to actually spend time with the man I love."

He looks like he's going to cry. "Are you sure?"

"About college or that I love you?"

"Both." His voice trembles. 

"As certain as I know the sun rises every day."

"Well, at least now I know you can't kick my ass over this." He reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a small black box. With shaking hands I open it and...holy shit! I know very little about jewelry, but a lot about my alpha. But this...this is something I couldn't ever imagine being gifted with.

I suck in a breath.

Diamond stud earrings. Tears prick my eyes.

"When you were three, you thought that the stars were diamonds hanging in the night sky. You were adamant that if anyone wore diamonds, that they had fallen from the heavens. You couldn't pronounce diamonds so you called them star stones. One day you asked me if I thought any star stones would fall from the sky for you. I told you that if they didn't, I'd pluck some from the sky for you."

Damn you, Ben Solo. Just when I think I couldn't love you more than I already do, you prove me wrong.

"They're..." _don't cry._ "They're beautiful, Ben. Thank you."

"Will you wear them today?"

"Only if you wear the watch."

Resting his forehead against mine he whispers, "I love you."

"I love you."

I watch as he finishes getting ready. There's something erotic about watching his routine. The way his fingers work to adjust his tie. The way his arms look as he slips into the vest. I love the way his wrists look, the left one wrapped in the watch I bought him, the right wearing the black beaded wolf bracelet that he's never taken off. They both scream of love. Of possession. This alpha is _mine._ I have to concentrate to keep my fangs from dropping. That doesn't stop the saliva from filling my mouth, however.

Ten minutes later he kisses me gently and leaves. The Council will be in session soon. I've been told to wait until the Knights come to get me. People are either going to happy or flip their shit about this. I hope today goes better than last night did. But hey, this is my life we're talking about so I'm not holding my breath.

* * *

There's a knock at the door and Gwen and Jannah peek their heads in. "Can we come in?"

"Of course!" I wave them into the room. "Is my dress alright?"

"It's perfect, hon." Jannah answers with a smile. "And you'll match the Knights, so that's always helpful."

"I actually wanted to ask you something." I wring my hands nervously. 

"Well, if we know the answer, we'll tell you." Gwen winks at me.

How do I go about this? "Anakin told me earlier that others, especially of the omega variety, may challenge me for Ben. So I was wondering...if they know he imprinted on me, why would they bother? And if someone does challenge me, do you think I have a chance at winning?"

The two alphas look at each other and start laughing. This does not bode well.

"Okay, first of all, most omegas, if they decide to challenge another, are just testing the waters. They want to see if you're really serious about a relationship. But it hardly ever comes down to a physical fight." Jannah explains while applying some lipstick.

"But if it does come down to an actual fight, I don't think you'd have any problems defeating someone." Gwen adds. "We've trained with you enough to know that you're a scrappy fighter. Plus, you kick like a mule. You'll be fine."

"Are you worried about it, sweetie?" Jannah asks raising an eyebrow. 

"I'm just worried about failing. It would embarrass Ben to have imprinted on someone so weak."

"Let your wolf guide you. She'll know what to do if it should happen." Gwen reassures me.

"Alright ladies! It's time!" Jannah claps. "Let's get this Courtship going!"

Their good mood helps to relieve some of my anxiety.

* * *

The mansion is once again filled with not only our own pack, but the packs from last night as well. The stank is in the air and I momentarily want to hurl. I try to find the pleasant scents, the betas of our pack the most. In a large group like this, they seem to have a neutralizing affect. Gwen, Jannah and I make our way through the crowd and this time I am _very_ aware of how many people are staring at me. Wish I could blame it on my dress like I did last night. But no, most people here saw what happened after dinner last night and well...yeah. I now smell of Ben. I do my best to hide my smile when I remember what happened between us twice in the matter of a few hours. I am not only a wanted woman, but a wonton one as well.

It's been explained to me that the Courting _ceremony_ , if you can even call it that, will be semi-public and done in the throne room. A few questions will be asked. If we both agree, pack-official paperwork will be signed by those in attendance. For Theed pack's records. After that, an announcement will be made to everyone in the gardens and from there, anyone who wishes to challenge me may do so.

There's only a few objections that could be made by some people. That and the unknown amount of challenges makes me nervous. 

Upon entering the throne room, I see the usual suspects. Ben's family, the Council and Lor San Tekka. Two Knights, Snap Wexley and Jyn Erso stand on each side of the room, guarding. For what? I'm assuming the other Knights will guard the other side of the door so no one can get in.

I can hardly stop staring at Ben. He's resplendent. If I had my way I'd just yell 'yes' and drag him back upstairs, but that won't work. So instead I square my shoulders, lift my chin a little and place a smile on my face. I can't fuck this up. I must prove that I am worthy to be Courted by the future leader of the pack. I say a silent prayer to not let me trip or fall. Or stutter.

I'm escorted to the center of the room, three feet from the dias. I take a deep breath to calm my nerves. I've got his shit. I've got this shit.

"Thank you everyone for joining us today." Padme begins. "As you are all now well aware, we are meeting to see if Courting should begin officially or be discarded altogether."

"Forgive me, my leaders, but there are a few things I must bring up." Zeke Netal steps forward. I swear I can almost hear Anakin groan with impatience. "It regards the welfare of the pack."

"You may be heard." Anakin answers.

"Friends, Theed pack has been strong now for fifty years. Obviously because of our leaders."

**Brown noser.**

"But lately I've been thinking...when Han and Leia take over, will Theed remain just as strong?" He asks. I glance at Leia and she looks like she's grinding her teeth. This man has a fucking death wish. "When our leaders took control from Palpatine, it was a new world for us. And the first few years were difficult. However, with the promise of our young, newly-mated leaders, the possibility of them having offspring was high. And they gave the pack twins. Leia and Han, whom are both alphas had a slightly harder time providing an heir, but nevertheless, it was done while her own parents still sit upon the throne. And now there is talk that our leaders will be stepping down in a few months and that Leia and Han will take over. However, that leaves only one who can continue the bloodline. Ben Solo." Zeke waves a hand toward him. "Now the problem has become : will the bloodline be continued at all?"

"Let me stop you right there." Leia says. "Rey has been under the best of medical care since she came back to Theed. I assure you, she is fertile. Regularly."

"Mmm....yes." Zeke squints his eyes. "For a human. It's been a month and she has yet to have a heat. But there's another problem. Even is she eventually does go into heat, what kind of pup will she bear? Will it be like her? An omega that can give alpha commands? Or an alpha who is as compliant as an omega should be? Or even worse...what if she never goes into heat at all? Then what will the child be?"

_Oh god._

"Luckily, I believe I have found a compromise that we can all live with." Zeke's horrific smile makes an appearance. 

_Here it comes._

"If the...girl hasn't gone into heat, it means she has no mating glands. So, I suggest this," he smirks, "you can have the girl as your consort. But in turn, you must mate and marry a female omega that has already had at least one heat and is healthy enough to provide you with an heir. Naturally, any children you and the girl have will not be able to become future leaders of the pack."

Anakin leans forward, fury black and cold on his face. "So, let me make sure I understand you perfectly. You want all of us to agree to make my grandson mate your daughter eventhough he has already imprinted on Rey? And you want Rey to become his what...mistress?"

"Well, mistress and consort are essentially the same things, just different words." Zeke backpeddles a little.

"No, they are not!" Padme barks. "Especially when mating physically binds you to another shifter. And you want us to give permission to you that only a grandchild of your family line could ever rise to become a future leader? What does your daughter think of this idea? Of sharing her mate with another omega?"

"Bazine will do as she's told." Zeke waves away Padme's concerns.

"And just what exactly makes you so sure that Rey will not give me strong pups?" Ben steps down from the dias, his heavy footsteps reverberating across the floor. His eyes have gone black, filled with anger and there's a taste of imminent danger filling the air.

"Young prince," Zeke begins, acting like he's talking to a child. "The girl has not has a heat. She has no mating glands. Hells, she can't even shift! She's not exactly the jackpot as far as DNA is concerned." He rolls his eyes.

Ben's hands ball into fists. "No, she hasn't had a heat nor does she have mating glands and she can't shift. But she does have other qualities that you yourself have seen. Namely, she can give an alpha command."

"And therein lies the problem!" Zeke screams. "An omega that not only has the audacity to try to command an alpha but can actually _do it_! She's a freak! A monster! A complete waste of-"

Several things happen at once. Dad roars in anger, Padme and Anakin stand, Han and Leia make to move down the dias and the other Council members all (wisely) get the fuck out of the way. But everyone is too slow. Ben's massive hand wraps around Zeke's throat in an instant, lifting him off the floor and cutting off his oxygen. Zeke is flailing like a rag doll as Ben's voice booms throughout the room. "You have already been warned to take care with how you speak of my mate. If I _ever_ hear that one negative word about Rey slips past your lips again, I will tear out your tongue. Do you understand?"

Zeke makes a noise that sounds like a strangled yes.

My alpha tosses Zeke to the ground, not giving a shit about how he lands. Which he does. In a pile of whimpering shifter.

"You are on probation for a month, Zeke Netal." Padme's voice rings like a bell against the walls. "If you or any of your family dare to cross onto headquarters land before you are summoned, the guilty party will get the spike. Someone pick this piece of shit up off my clean floor." Jyn and Gwen kindly drag him out of the room, bouncing his head off the door, I'm sure accidently.

Well. I'm brave enough to glance at Anakin and...he looks terrified. He's giving his mate side looks and I realize he doesn't want to encure her wrath. So...that's how it is. I bite my lip to hide my smile. Who would have thought that big bad Anakin Skywalker is scared of his little wife? Smart man.

"We are here today for one thing and one thing only. Rey's decision to whether or not she finds me acceptable enough to Court her." Ben states simply, as if nothing happened. He looks at the remaining Council members and his family. "I'd really like to hear her answer."

"Yes." Padme quirks her lips as she retakes her seat. "Reyna, the question is put to you." There is a gathering of power I can taste in the air. A control like a leash. Soft yet final. This is the power of the omega leader. Not docile. It is patient, ever watching. A tight coil waiting to strike at the perfect moment. "Do you find this alpha worthy enough to allow him to Court you?"

Kira pushes herself to the forefront of my mind, the two of us occupying the same space and moment in time. And although I know she's not really there, like last night she materializes next to me, her snow white fur and jade eyes sparkling in their beauty. 

**It's time, Rey.**

We step forward together, the lines of what make Kira her and what makes me myself blurring into one complete being. Not unlike last night, our own power snaps and crackles around us but not with an alpha command. No, this isn't created from fear or anger. It's made from love, friendship and devotion. Of inside jokes and tears. Warm beds and cold ground. Trust and acceptance. 

"Yes." It's a mixture of Kira's and my voice.

Ben breathes a quiet sigh of relief next to me. I never expected that he would worry over this. But he did. He still had doubts about his worthiness. The dork. _My_ dork.

"Then let it be known." Padme smiles. "Let it be written that on this day Reyna Ellen Kanata-Bacca has given permission to Benjamin Charles Organa-Solo to officially Court her."

It's done. I'm so happy that I do the only thing a calm, cool and rational woman would do. I throw myself at Ben. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm hoping to have another chapter out in two weeks. Much love!


	36. Ghost Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picking up from where we left off last chapter. Ben and Rey have some smutty time and Rey is challenged for Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I'm sorry this took a while. It's been a physically painful couple of weeks for me. This chapter didn't turn out the way I was hoping, but I wanted to keep the momentum going while I can.

**Song: Ghost Song**

**Artist: Jim Morrison and the Doors**

**Album: An American Prayer**

The small lunch seems to be going very well. Shifters are more at ease (mostly) upon hearing the announcement that Ben and I are Courting now. Everyone's mingling, walking around, munching on the light dishes that have been served for lunch. I'm standing with my parents, Ben's parents and Ben as shifters come to offer us their congratulations. Ben, doing his duty, introduces me to everyone that approaches. I'm never going to remember everyone's names, but I'm doing my best to try. We stand side by side, his hand placed gently on my lower back. Whenever there's a break in the well wishers, Ben blatantly scent marks me. He even nuzzles and kisses at my neck and ears, earning a giggle or two from me.

"After what you did, I should be harsher with you." His deep voice teases me.

"I didn't hear any complaints from you." I whisper back.

Okay, I admit it. Perhaps throwing myself at the man I love wasn't the most classy move I've ever made. But hey, it's me.

Eventually the six of us break apart. Ben wants to talk to Lando and I see Leslie from the Tattooine pack that I'd like to say hello to.

An hour later I'm in a group of omegas that are chatting animatedly about some of the shifters here. It would seem that while no one is going into heat or rut, attraction has blossomed. I'm really trying to pay attention, to comment here or there throughout the conversation but reminders of what happened after the throne room keep playing in my mind.

_Ben catches me and immediately runs through the not-so-secret hallway that leads from the throne room to...where? I have no idea because in all honesty, I'm too busy clinging to him like a koala while kissing and biting his ear. Much to my Alpha's pleasure. I know we've slowed to a walk, I can tell by how the sounds of his footsteps have changed. Eventually I hear a door open before us and then close behind us. I don't care where he's taken us as long as it has a flat surface. I'm deposited on something and it isn't until he pulls away from me that I find we're in the laundry room and I'm sitting on the dryer. Well, this is new._

_"We're gonna have to be quick." He huffs as his hands go to his belt, the metal clinking. "They can only cover for us for so long." The leather slaps the concrete ofthe floor._

_Quick is good. I can work with quick. I know what he needs because I need it too. My hands shake in a combination of excitement and nervousness as I hike my skirt up to my waist. Ben's eyes grow wide as saucers when he sees my bare legs. His nimble fingers pluck the buttons of his vest open. It slides down to the floor. His tie ends up being added to the rapidly growing pile._

_"You okay with this?" He asks._

_I grab him by the shirt and haul him between my thighs. "Yes." My tongue shoves itself into his mouth._

_He thrusts hard. Once._

_"Oh god..."_

I mentally smack myself. There's a time and place for everything. And in the backyard surrounded by this many people is the worst place to be remembering _that._ I take a deep breath and try to calm down. I need to have actual conversations with people. Not to be a horny mess. Water. I just need a drink. Something to distract me from my smut filled thoughts of...

_Thump...thump...thump..._

_"Fuck Sunshine." Ben growls low in my ear. "Feels so good. You're finally mine."_

_My thighs desperately wrap around his waist. "Ben..." I pant heavily, "God love, don't stop."_

_Thump...thump...thump..._

_"Need to see you. Need to touch your skin." He grunts._

_"Zipper's in the back." I inform him as my hands start yanking his dress shirt out of his slacks. I begin unbuttoning his dress shirt, my fingertips positively itching to map out the marble expanse of chest, arms and back that belong to my alpha._

_My zipper is open and he's sliding my dress down to my waist, exposing my black lace bra. "Oh Sweetheart, look at you." He coos. "Your nipples are already hard for me." He runs_ gentle _hands over the lace cups. "But this simply won't do. I need to taste my omega's sweet tits." With great ease Ben simply slips the shoulder straps down along with the bra to my stomach. "So much better."_

_I help him out of his shirt. "I need to touch you, Alpha." Oh god, am I whining?_

_"My perfect girl. You can touch me whenever you want." His plush lips lay sweet kisses up my abdomen until he gets to my breasts. He kisses the swell of each, making sure no part goes unloved as he gently rocks his body against mine._

_"One of these days, we're going to break something." His voice rasps as his slacks covered cock thrusts against my lace hidden core._

_"Either that or we're going to get serious friction burn." I giggle as my hands travel down the muscles of his back._

_His lips latch on to my left nipple and suck seductively. "Mmm. You taste like honey."_

_Thump...thump...thump..._

I move to the refreshment table. I'm hungry but, if I'm going to be challenged, I'd rather not fight with food in my stomach. Or alcohol. Just water. It's fine. I can always eat later. As I drink, I look around at the shifters. Some of them have broken off into smaller groups, talking and smiling. I even see...couples? Maybe now, with the threat of the Selection being over, people are feeling more free to actually meet and speak to others outside of their own packs. Immense relief fills me. So far, the worst thing that's happened is to Ben and I and I'm grateful for that. Although, I am curious as to what happened to Damien's father. Or older brother? Whatever their familial relationship is. Was. Whatever! And what had Padme threatened to do to Zeke? That he'd get the stake? What the fuckity-fuck is that? Grr...I still have so much to learn.

And apparently, my first challenger has decided to make herself known. I can't even explain how I came to this information, I just _know_ it. To my utter surprise, it's Paige Tico. Since that Christmas, I haven't seen her all that much. A couple of times a month at most. Welp, here we go.

Her gaze latches onto mine as she approaches me. She looks pissed. That's fine. Shit, she's the older sister of one of my really good friends. I don't want to fight her. But then I think of Ben and I already know that if it comes down to it, I'll take on everyone here, for Ben. _He's mine._

"Rey." Paige stops before me.

"Paige."

"I'm here to challenge you for Ben Solo."

Ah. No beating around the bush then. Quick and clean. Sounds good. I give her a nod. "Fighting square, twenty minutes." Paige nods and walks away.

We both need to change. Ha! I've never had to change my clothes just to fight someone before. My life is ludicrous. 

"I can't believe she's doing this!" Rose hisses to me. "She knows how Ben feels about you."

I shrug. "Everyone who is unmated has the right to challenge me. That's just how it goes." Rose shakes her head in anger. I feel bad for her. She is going to be forced to watch her sister and I fight over a friend of hers that's already imprinted on me. But nothing can be done about it. "You should go with Paige, sweetie. You're her sister and she needs you at this time."

"What about you?" Her normally cheerful face is drawn in worry.

I stiffle a laugh of dark humor. "I grew up as a scavenger. I'm used to doing things on my own."

"You won't hate me?"

"Rose, no!" I give her a tight hug. "I could never hate you."

"Okay. See you soon?"

I give her my best reassuring smile. Rose turns to run after her older sister.

I make my way into the mansion and climb the stairs that lead to my bedroom. No reason to ruin a perfectly good dress.

* * *

_"That," Ben puffs, "was incredible."_

_He's sitting on the laundry room floor and I'm in his lap. His hair is messed and I'm almost sure my makeup has melted._

_"It was." I mumble into his neck as I lick his scent gland. "Think anyone will know what we've been up to?"_

_"Most definitely." He chuckles. "Although if they knew the truth some of them would be disappointed."_

_"Why?"_

_He raises an eyebrow at me._

_Oh god. "Because we didn't have sex?"_

_"Yeah." He sighs._

_Now I feel guilty. "Is...that what we were supposed to do?"_

_His soft mouth kisses mine. "I told you, I don't care what people think. Whatever happens or doesn't happen is between us. Everyone can mind their own fucking business."_

_"It doesn't bother you? I mean...we've had three chances..."_

_Ben's massive body shifts under mine so he can cup my face in his hands. "Rey, I'm going to say this and I want you to really listen, okay?" I nod, getting lost in his midnight gaze. "When I had my first rut, I swore to myself that I would wait for you...to come home. When we thought you died, I knew I would die a virgin. And when you came back, all I could hope for, at best, was to be your friend. Do I want to make love to you? Yes! But you need to be ready. I need to be ready. And one day, we'll be ready together. Only when those things happen will it be right. So take all the time you need. I'll be here waiting patiently." He kisses my forehead. "Besides, your enthusiastic consent in anything, even just kissing, is a major turn on."_

_"I'm not ready yet." I confess._

_He nods in understanding. Taking my hand in his he places it against his chest. "Feel that? It beats only for you._ Because _I'm in love with you."_

_We end up sneaking to our rooms to clean ourselves and change our underthings. Ben has to redo his hair and I retouch my makeup. Let the shifters believe what they want._

* * *

_**"You're anxious."** _

"Of course I am."

_**"I thought you were okay with this."** _

"I understand the logistics of it. If a person doesn't think another is worthy, they can challenge them. I get that."

_**"So what's the problem?"** _

"It would be one thing if it were Bazine. I'd gladly kick the crap out of her for everything she's done to Ben and I. But this is _Paige._ Sure, she's been a little snarky when we've seen each other but overall it hasn't been that bad. Plus, this isn't just about Paige and I. Other people could get hurt.

_**"So what are you going to do?"** _

"Whatever I have to."

* * *

I'm standing in the fighting square within ten minutes dressed in my more usual fare. Brown leggings and boots with extra grip soles for preventing a fall. An old T-shirt that fits me much better now as opposed to when I first bought it. The clothes were chosen for two purposes. One, they're old and I don't care if they get destroyed. Two, this is me as close to that feral girl I was back in Niima. When, in some ways, I was stronger. When I was in a state of survival.

Not even twenty-four hours have passed since Ben killed Damien in this exact spot. Since I gave an alpha command. I honestly believed I'd feel a little guilty about him being killed. But I don't. He was a monster. He deserved to die after what he's done. My thoughts stray to Paige. I kick at the rich soil beneath my feet. What has she done? I know so little about her. She helped to save my life once. She was kind to me that day.

A possibility crashes into my thoughts that stops me cold. Maybe...Paige is in love with Ben. If she is, I can't blame her. I also don't want to fight her because I'm sure that no matter who wins, Rose will be hurt by proxy. So maybe there's another way. When you don't like the path you're on, forge a new one. My decision is made.

If I'm wrong though, I will fight. I won't, I _can't_ give Ben up. The idea of walking away from him knowing he loves me is like tearing my heart from my chest.

But if I'm right...sometimes the people we love don't love us in return. It's a terrible truth that cuts at a person's soul. But that doesn't change the fact that affection isn't always a two way street. And besides, I can't be angry at Paige for something I'm guilty of as well. I may be a bitch but I'm not a hypocrite. 

A crowd has gathered around the fighting square. I don't see bets being made, but that doesn't mean it hasn't happened. Paige enters the square, looking determined. Rose stands next to Armie on the sidelines, grabbing his hand tightly. Her nervous eyes flick from her sister to me and back again. It shouldn't be like this.

Padme enters the square, standing between us. "Same rules as last night, ladies. No weapons, no shifting." She looks at me with sadness, perhaps only now thinking about the fact that I couldn't shift to save my life. "No alpha commands." I'd never even considered it. "Until someone yields." Paige and I nod our agreement and watch as Padme leaves and stands next to her family. My gaze lands on Ben. His face is a mask. He doesn't like what's happening. 

Paige and I back away from each other. I really don't want to fight her, yet I will not give Ben up. Time to try a new path.

Before she can take a step toward me, I blurt out my question. "Are you in love with Ben?" 

Her expression is one of confusion. "Are you serious?"

"Yes. I am. I'd rather know what the reason is that brought us to this place as opposed to what we have to do here. So I'll ask you again. Do you love Ben?"

"Does it matter?" She asks.

"Of course!" I shrug. "One step leads to another one and so on. How you feel is valid."

Paige squints at me. "If I were to tell you that yes, I love him, I want him, what is the next step?"

"If you love him, I can accept that. But you know that he imprinted on me. We are now Courting. And I love him." I take a step forward. "But your biggest concern should be telling Ben how you feel. If he feels the same for you then I will gladly submit. However, if he doesn't feel the same for you, then I will not give him up. But this effects the entire pack. If we fight, it would hurt Rose and I know how much you love your sister. She and I are friends. This is a terrible position to put her in. Whether you kick my ass or vice versa, the person that will get hurt either way is Rose."

"You're the one who left. During those years, we were the ones that were here. We knew we'd have to give him time so we did. But then you came back and all those years we've been waiting went out the window! Who the hell do you think you are?!"

I take a deep breath so I can remain calm. "In all the time I was gone, did you ever talk to Ben? Ask him out? Confess how you feel? If not, then that's not my fault. It's yours."

Paige growls. I'm making a point.

"So let's settle this. If you love him, tell him. Ask Ben out on a date. We can end the Courting. If _Ben_ chooses you over me, I can live with that. Because his happiness is more important to me than my own. However, if you're too chicken shit to do so, then I guess you and I can have it out."

"You're willing to give up your alpha?" She asks, looking perplexed.

"You're still not getting it. We all have choices to make. Tell him how you feel or don't. Your choice. From there, Ben will have a choice to make. Then so will I."

Paige deflates. "Only those who truly love someone would be willing to let them go if that person would be happier." A small smile peeks from her face. "I don't love him. I did have a small crush on him in tenth grade. I just wanted to know what you would do; fight me for him or walk away. I never thought that you'd come up with the option of Ben having the final say. I'm glad you did, though."

She offers me her hand. "I yield." Her voice rings out. I shake it. Throwing an arm over my shoulders she declares, "We need a shot of alcohol to help usher in a new era of love and peace."

"I could use some vodka." I agree. "Hey, wait! What about the others?"

"What others?" She asks.

"I figured I'd have more than one challenger."

Paige giggles. "I was never serious about fighting you, Rey. And as for the others...well, there aren't any. We just needed to see what you'd do. And I was chosen to challenge you."

"This was a test?!"

"Yep." She smiles.

"How did I do?" I whisper.

"Impeccably." She whispers back. "You put not only Ben's happiness, but what was best for the pack before your own feelings. The mark of a good leader. We should probably change before we rejoin the party and have those shots."

Padme passes us, smiling. 

Well, fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm hoping to have the next chapter out in two weeks. Much love!

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone who's been reading my other work, I just wanted to let you know it's still going. This is just where my flighty muse decided to go about two weeks ago and I have no choice but to follow the little shit. Hopefully she'll jump back to my first work soon. 🤣
> 
> My muse has now thought up two other stories and a couple of one shots. I'm trying to get through this first. But don't be surprised if I miss a week on this story and put up a one shot or begin another story instead.


End file.
